FAT BEARS

Philip Gailey of the St. Petersburg Times—in fact, the newspaper’s Editor of Editorials—reviews Al Gore’s An Unwatchable Movie:

Gore’s horror show gives his view of what we can look forward to on Planet Earth if we don’t embrace environmental sanity before it is too late – melting glaciers, drowning polar bears, the spread of disease, rising ocean levels and freaky weather patterns. It’s enough to give children under 12 nightmares.

Older and smarter viewers—people of voting age—won’t be so disturbed. Speaking of polar bears, columnist Bill Press recommends a diet:

Polar bears are falling through the ice and drowning.

Try the lo-cal seal pups, chubsters!

Posted by Tim B. on 05/29/2006 at 10:32 AM
    1. These must be the stupidest damn bears, if they forgot that they’re natural swimmers.  Let ‘em eat cake and drown!

      Posted by ushie on 2006 05 29 at 10:44 AM • permalink

 

    1. Yes, that ice is melting even faster than the world froze in that stupid disaster movie.  The bears can’t run away from the edge faster than it melts under them!  Meanwhile, in New York, thousands drown on Jones Beach as the tide rises faster than they can run!

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 29 at 11:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. Al Gore, is an idiot. Bill Press is a drooling idiot.

      Having grown up in St. Petersburg, Florida, I know that if it weren’t deleterious to fish the St. Pete. Times was, is and always will be, a good fish wrap….:).

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 29 at 11:00 AM • permalink

 

    1. From Gailey’s article: “Why does the possibility of Gore’s political resurrection have such a hold on so many people?” I think that’s known as the “deer in the headlight” phenomenon, or the tendency for the mind and body to completely freeze up when suddenly faced with a calamitous event. I believe it’s mostly Democrats on whom Gore’s “political resurrection” has a “hold”.

      Posted by paco on 2006 05 29 at 11:08 AM • permalink

 

    1. If Algore has a political resurrection, he can no longer be called Gorezilla….he will become Gorekenstein.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 29 at 11:12 AM • permalink

 

    1. #3: El, I second the motion: Bill Press is an idiot. Motion carried by acclamation.

      In re: Philip Gailey’s title – Editor of Editorials – I suppose that makes him an editorialissimo?

      Posted by paco on 2006 05 29 at 11:13 AM • permalink

 

    1. 5 TRJ
      It looks like your “d” and “g” keys are transposed.  I’d see the keyboard repair guy about that.

      Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 05 29 at 11:35 AM • permalink

 

    1. Gore? Is THAT the best they can come up with besides Hillary?  That lame ass couldn’t find his way out of a nutsack.

      Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 05 29 at 11:35 AM • permalink

 

    1. Paco…

      You know where it says on Bill ‘the drooling idiot’ Press website “Email this column to a friend”…well surely this person is NOT a friend…but I emailed it anyhow…LOL.

      I figure if AhmadinejIHad doesn’t have the courage to answer MY emails, maybe he will respond to a leftist drooling idiot…LOL.

      And catch this headline…Bush Bans Protests at Military Funerals as if by edict since he now OWNS the U.S. the Pres’ can do this.

      Only toward the end of this BDS article does it say…In an interview at the time the House passed the bill that Bush signed Monday….

      AP

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 29 at 12:02 PM • permalink

 

    1. Polar bears are falling through the ice and drowning.

      They say idiotic things like that and wonder why they’re made objects of ridicule.

      Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 05 29 at 12:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. I’m sure Gore and his Secret Service boys now ride in *electric* up-armored SUV’s, to do their part in combating this new threat.

      I think not.

      Posted by Secundus on 2006 05 29 at 12:53 PM • permalink

 

    1. “…The Arctic and Antarctic ice caps are melting. Polar bears are falling through the ice and drowning…”

      The real problem is that we have a nuclear fusion reactor operating only 93 million miles away. Why do we need a nuke plant so close to the Earth?

      I’ll become alarmed when I hear about Polar Bears shaving themselves to gain relief from the heat.

      It’s sad to note that we might still have Mastodons today if only people like Gore and Press got involved 12,000 years ago.

      Posted by Dorian on 2006 05 29 at 01:09 PM • permalink

 

    1. #9 El Cid: I look forward to watching the friendship between Bill Press and “Mini-Jihad” blossom over the coming days. I wonder if Bill will favor his public with snippets from his correspondence with his new pen pal?

      Posted by paco on 2006 05 29 at 01:25 PM • permalink

 

    1. Paco

      I wonder if Bill will favor his public with snippets from his correspondence with his new pen pal?

      We or more correct HE shall see. I doubt it though, I mean…Mamhood is, well, nuts….But ya’ never know.

      From Billy’s ‘Thanks Friend’ page….

      Thanks for sending my column to other readers.
      New columns are added every Thursday, so check the site regularly for new content. 

      Thanks Friend.

      OH…Hey Bill, you are certainly welcome, anyway I can help ya’ out…just let me know…LOL.

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 29 at 01:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. Drowning polar bears, plastic turkeys – quite a menagerie of stupidity on the Left these days.

      The reality-based community, folks.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2006 05 29 at 02:08 PM • permalink

 

    1. #15: How much do you suppose I could stick Greenpeace for by selling them life jackets for polar bears? I could even offer related products (inflatable plastic ice floes, life preservers for arctic foxes, etc.). Just because Greenpeace is a non-profit doesn’t mean that I have to be.

      Posted by paco on 2006 05 29 at 02:23 PM • permalink

 

    1. I suppose, since we are a year and a half away from the US presidential election, we’re going to be subjected to the breathless pronouncements of the losers, has-beens, and never-wases.  We might as well get used to it.  Personally, since there is already a roadkill cookbook out there, someone should come up with a cookbook for drowned polar bears.  Don’t forget the starved walruses and seals, either.  The Inuit might be a good resource, except that they’re probably going to fall off the ice and drown too.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 05 29 at 02:23 PM • permalink

 

    1. Personally, I should have added “I think” to that previous post.  But I think I’m right about the cookbook.  It could be called the Global Disaster Cookbook.  Or, maybe, you could call it To Serve Man, since I’m sure when the Apocalypse comes (probably next month), we’ll turn to cannibalism.

      Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 05 29 at 02:28 PM • permalink

 

    1. All that and some mug in Melbourne has just paid A$14M.for Reg Ansett’s old waterfront place.

      Posted by chrisgo on 2006 05 29 at 02:34 PM • permalink

 

    1. Al Gore, The Unwatchable Candidate

      Posted by stats on 2006 05 29 at 03:13 PM • permalink

 

    1. Thanks for the tip El Cid. It feels great to email the President of the islamic Republic of Iran and call him a clown.

      I love the internet!!

      Posted by Go Canucks on 2006 05 29 at 03:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. Go Canucks

      You are welcome…lol. Hey, ya’ gotta get wild and crazy, at times huh? I mean after all Mahmoud is…:).

      Hey Bill…oh yeah you too, Al…have NO fear, THIS….

      Observation/Field Cameras

      This 2006 initiative will consist of locating noninvasive cameras at a key migratory intersection of the Western Hudson Bay polar bear population. This will give scientists a better understanding of how polar bears behave when humans are not present. Six teams of high school students from around the world will assist Dr. Jane Waterman and Dr. Jim Roth with observation and data-collection work during a nine-week window in the fall. These 300-plus students will actively participate in polar bear research.

      The set-up will allow them to operate cameras from computers at remote work stations. Two sophisticated software systems will be employed: one that can give estimates of height and weight and one that will help the team identify individual bears via whisker patterns. The closed-circuit high definition images will be relayed back to Wapusk National Park Headquarters in Churchill, where over 4,000 visitors will have the opportunity to experience this wildlife phenomenon while gaining a better understanding of the researchers’ work.

      Living a 6 Iron (use to be a 7 Iron, but I’m a year older) shot away from the Great Smoky Mountain National Park and seeing on a daily basis the trash that is left by over 10,000,000 visitors, half of which I swear are slobs, these Polar Bears will fatten up.

      The half eaten donuts/doughnuts, (take your preferred spelling) sandwiches, fried chicken, Snicker’s Bar wrappers and on and on, will make sure these Polar Bears will not only fatten up…but when dumpsters are empty, will look to those “over 4000 visitors” for more food…including a “visitor” or two.

      This Al and Bill is a far more serious threat to the Polar Bears, then any “global warming” that quite a few very presitgious people say…is NOT happening.

      Polar Bears International

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 29 at 03:46 PM • permalink

 

    1. Paco International, when will there be a public float (sorry) of shares in your enterprise?

      Your entrepreneurial spirit, as demonstrated here and in other threads, is an inspiration to us all.

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 29 at 04:11 PM • permalink

 

    1. MentalFloss

      There will be an IPO, offered soon…Initial Paco Offering…:). I’m in for several shares, that is if the Paco Kid, doesn’t let this give him a big head and start the offer out of reach of the common folk.

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 29 at 04:28 PM • permalink

 

    1. #16 Paco, you missed the obvious.

      Since the ice caps are melting….they will need freezers. Preferably big, expensive ones that will hold a polar bear and his family.

      Oh, and really long extension cords!

      Posted by rinardman on 2006 05 29 at 04:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. #23: Paco Enterprises makes investing easy! Just send in ten dollars and two boxtops from your favorite cereal brand, and you get a beautiful stock certificate for 100 shares, featuring a traditional financial instrument engraving of a lovely maiden decked out in a revealing toga-like outfit, standing in front of a factory with vigorously puffing smokestacks. Due to technical restrictions currently in force by the Securities and Exchange Commission, the New York Stock Exchange, and Interpol, publicly-traded shares are presently only available on the Bosnian, Macedonian and Estonian stock exchanges. But you, MentalFloss, are only an envelope, a stamp and ten bucks away from the first step on the road to financial security.

      Posted by paco on 2006 05 29 at 05:07 PM • permalink

 

    1. Run, Paco!

      The Australian Federal Police are after you! We had a GOVERNMENT like that once, and people are on the alert.

      If you get nabbed by a bunch of burley strangers, pray it is the police, for God help you if it is… gulp … I can barely stand to utter words of such horror <sotto voice> the bankers.

      MarkL
      Canberra

      Posted by MarkL on 2006 05 29 at 05:34 PM • permalink

 

    1. global warming will be great for canada, it will open up the far north for settlement.

      i wanna buy a condo right on the arctic circle…….and watch stupid polar bears drowning.

      Posted by vinny on 2006 05 29 at 05:54 PM • permalink

 

    1. Re #7. Stoop Davy Dave, my keyboard works fine, but either spelling will work nicely!!!

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 29 at 05:56 PM • permalink

 

    1. Sotto voice?

      Illiud Latine dici non potest. Heu! Tintinnuntius meus sonat!

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 29 at 05:57 PM • permalink

 

    1. Gore missed the poison ivy crisis Study: Global Warming Boosts Poison Ivy

      It’s reported about as well as the MSM covers aviation.  That is to say, everything reported is impossibly wrong.

      Posted by rhhardin on 2006 05 29 at 05:59 PM • permalink

 

    1. #28 Then have I got a deal for you: Luxury Bunkers, all mod. cons., lead-lined, 6’ reinforced concrete, set into (deep into) the beatiful hills overlooking Megiddo and the Plain of Esdralon.

      Bid now and secure your seat for the Final Battle!

      Armageddon Real Estate (a division of Paco Enterprises)

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 29 at 06:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. gore’s message is “to save the earth” ,which means the people dont matter

      Posted by embutler on 2006 05 29 at 06:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. 32

      Luxury Bunkers

      Make ‘em timeshares…folks ain’t gonna be around that long anywho.

      Oh yeah and I can do timeshares. Mental you are a geniusPURE genius.

      Ummmm, who is this person Sotto voice, didn’t see him/her/it post?…:).

      Oh, Statute requires that I inform and disclose to you that I am a Real Estate Broker and that I will make M-O-N-E-Y, when you buy “Luxury Bunkers” Timeshare Periods…a Division of Paco Enterprises.

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 29 at 06:48 PM • permalink

 

    1. In a book about Eskimos (’Last Kings of Thule’) I learned that the low entrances to igloos are functional.

      It’s to keep out bears.

      So now the Eskimos will be able to walk into their houses standing up straight. Cool.

      Or warm, as the case may be.

      Posted by Harry Eagar on 2006 05 29 at 06:55 PM • permalink

 

    1. under President Al Gore…We wouldn’t be held hostage by big oil companies, with no alternative energy options on the table

      What about these options on the table?

      I think the problem is known and is being acted upon.

      Posted by Zoidberg on 2006 05 29 at 07:04 PM • permalink

 

    1. #34: Cid, quick; secure options on every piece of available real estate on Baffin Bay (the Baffin Bay between Canada and Greenland, mind you, not the one in Texas; nobody cares whether rattlesnakes drown).

      I know that Stoop Davy and I are going to get all the land eventually, anyway (“the meek shall inherit the earth”), but we’re ready to cut you and a few others in for cash up front now. MarkL and Mental Floss might be interested in the polar bear rescue boat concession.

      Posted by paco on 2006 05 29 at 07:06 PM • permalink

 

    1. I appologise if this is considered spam but seeing as how it’s Veterans Day in the US and alot of blogs are posting tributes I think this might be appropriate.

      There’s word of a myspace page that is made up to look like a tribute to the USMC and Marines but the links load virus’ and worms. The links also do lead to other USMC and Marine specific sites and spread the infections.

      I found the info posted here:  http://grimbeorn.blogspot.com/

      So for those that might be “out and about” reading tributes or visiting milblogs and military sites… be careful, if this is a real deal, no telling how far it might spread before being cleaned up.

      Posted by Grimmy on 2006 05 29 at 07:07 PM • permalink

 

    1. #27
      Ayoh, saya orang yang paling bodoh, lah! ‘O’ dan ‘i’ dekat papan kekunci deratan punat dan saya lemak jari.

      Saya meminta maaf seseorang bercakap bahasa Latin,lah. Voce tak Voice.

      MarkL
      Canberra

      Posted by MarkL on 2006 05 29 at 07:17 PM • permalink

 

    1. Personally global warming can’t come soon enough.  As an Ozzy who visits Canada regularly during winters, it would make this place at least inhabitable the other 6 months of the year.

      Posted by Addamo on 2006 05 29 at 07:20 PM • permalink

 

    1. #37

      Nope, but I am interested in polar bear-skin rug concessions.

      Anyone know what smoked polar beat meat tastes like? Much of a market for that?

      Also, that means sea levels rising, yeah? And of course, all the whales will die (Greenpeace says ANYTHING humans do will kill those little suckers). So Japanese whale-catchers will be going cheap. Hmm. So lots of people swimming about and no whales?

      Yippee! I bags the ‘harpooning Greenpeace members’ concession!

      MarkL
      canberra

      Posted by MarkL on 2006 05 29 at 07:22 PM • permalink

 

    1. In Costa Rica, several species offrogs, unable to adapt to climate change, have become extinct.

      what’s an offrog?

      And her book is only 164 pages long.

      Gee, couldn’t she find any more “examples”?

      What are we going to do? The temperature has been a constant… er, arrr, what’s it been again for the past several hundered years?

      Posted by kae on 2006 05 29 at 07:32 PM • permalink

 

    1. maybe I shoulda said “past several hundred THOUSAND years”.

      Posted by kae on 2006 05 29 at 07:32 PM • permalink

 

    1. Mark L

      Fat fingers aside, you are far from the “stupidest” (my Indo is rusty). It is I, pedantic and annoying, who should apologise for “bercakap”ing the language.

      Besides, quid quid latine dictum sit, altum videtur, even when mis-spelled.

      Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 05 29 at 07:45 PM • permalink

 

    1. Al Gore gives the fake but true defence to his work of fiction apparently.

      Posted by quillpen on 2006 05 29 at 08:03 PM • permalink

 

    1. Grimmy

      Bob On The FOB

      I left him a message, but it does take a while to post…guess these heroes in forward bases have other things they consider, beside their Blogs in Iraq.

      Hmmmm, wonder if this is Texas Bob?

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 29 at 08:05 PM • permalink

 

    1. Paco

      My initial downstroke. Plenty where THAT came from, I’ll keep abreast (phew, where was I…kinda got dizzy) of the situation.

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 29 at 08:12 PM • permalink

 

    1. …it would make this place at least inhabitable the other 6 months of the year.

      Canada is not too bad in British Columbia, along the coast.  But I take your meaning for the rest of the place.

      Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 29 at 08:16 PM • permalink

 

    1. As the Sun sets on this Memorial Day, in the U.S. may we reflect on ALL heroes lost in battle (including those on planes crashed into buildings, fields, or anywhere, regardless of country, in defense of freedoms.

      If you choose, read MEMORIAL DAY written by Mark Steyn.

      One final playing of Taps

      Day is done, gone the sun,
      From the hills, from the lake,
      From the sky.
      All is well, safely rest,
      God is nigh.

      Fades the light; And afar
      Goeth day, And the stars
      Shineth bright,
      Fare thee well; Day has gone,
      Night is on.

      Thanks and praise, For our days,
      ‘Neath the sun, Neath the stars,
      ‘Neath the sky,
      As we go, This we know,
      God is nigh.

      Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 29 at 09:35 PM • permalink

 

    1. #40.WTF is an “Ozzy”? Do you have some connection with Ozzy Osbourne?

      Posted by Lew on 2006 05 29 at 10:24 PM • permalink

 

    1. #40 – very good, Addamo! There’s hope for you yet.

      Posted by Dave S. on 2006 05 29 at 10:52 PM • permalink

 

    1. Paco, you and Stoop might want to reread your Deed of Gift a little more closely.  Particularly which side of the beach your land will be on.

      “How long can you tread water, hah-hah-hah…” The Lord, viz. B. Cosby

      Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 29 at 11:18 PM • permalink

 

    1. #52: Hmmmm. You might be onto something there. The Lord didn’t actually say we’d be inheriting dry land.

      Posted by paco on 2006 05 30 at 09:08 AM • permalink

 

    1. #50 re #40 : Yes, what’s an “Ozzy”?  Sounds like a non-native construct to me.

      Methinks should have been: “As a Canadian who visits Australia regularly…”

      Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 05 30 at 06:21 PM • permalink

 

    1. I know when I need some knotty scientific question answered, self-absorbed prettyboy thespians are my first recourse.

      /sarcasm

      Posted by Achillea on 2006 05 30 at 09:38 PM • permalink

 

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