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Thursday, October 26, 2006


Sheik Sheik Sheik!
Sheik Sheik Sheik!
Sheik Hilali!
Shiek HiLAli!

KC & The Sunshine Band of Decadent Western Dancing Unpeople Who Must Die

IS IT possible to Sheik and spin at the same time? It is if you’re Keysar Trad, senior context-explainer for Australian mufti Sheik Catmeat Hilali:

He said Sheik Hilali had attracted unfair criticism from media and politicians over the comments and insisted the cleric had long been a supporter of women’s rights ... Mr Trad said the mufti’s words must be taken in context ...

He said the speech did not translate well to English “so all I can say is, he was trying to say to men and women, don’t provoke sexual attention”.

“Obviously, there is a severe penalty for rape and there should be. He’s saying, ‘If you do this, if you behave in a sexual way, see how much trouble you can get into’,” Mr Trad said.

Two points: if the Sheik’s meat-themed speeches don’t translate well to English, perhaps he should learn the language; and Trad’s linkage of rape to merely behaving “in a sexual way” is stunning. So, let’s work through the Sheik’s speech, as translated by SBS:

Those atheists, people of the book (Christians and Jews), where will they end up? In Surfers Paradise? On the Gold Coast? Where will they end up? In hell and not part-time, for eternity. They are the worst in God’s creation.

Nick and Nora Charles, Christians, seem to have ended up on the Gold Coast. Word on the street is they’ve invented a new cocktail called “People of the Book.” Even atheists like it!

When it comes to adultery, it’s 90 percent the woman’s responsibility. Why? Because a woman owns the weapon of seduction. It’s she who takes off her clothes, shortens them, flirts, puts on make-up and powder and takes to the streets, God protect us, dallying. It’s she who shortens, raises and lowers.

What with all the shortening, raising, and lowering, Hilali sounds eerily like Futurama’s evil Brain Balls: “The elders tell of a young ball much like you. He bounced three metres in the air. Then he bounced 1.8 metres in the air. Then he bounced four metres in the air. Do I make myself clear?” Also, just like the Sheik, those balls “cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety.”

Then, it’s a look, a smile, a conversation, a greeting, a talk, a date, a meeting, a crime, then Long Bay jail. Then you get a judge, who has no mercy, and he gives you 65 years.

Sheik Hilali is referencing a notorious gang-rape case—all sparked, he claims, by rampant “raising and lowering”.

But when it comes to this disaster, who started it? In his literature, writer al-Rafee says, if I came across a rape crime, I would discipline the man and order that the woman be jailed for life. Why would you do this, Rafee? He said because if she had not left the meat uncovered, the cat wouldn’t have snatched it.

In the previous paragraph, Hilali slams a judge who jailed a rapist for 65 years. Next, he approvingly cites a ”writer” who would have rape victims jailed for life.

If you get a kilo of meat, and you don’t put it in the fridge or in the pot or in the kitchen but you leave it on a plate in the backyard, and then you have a fight with the neighbour because his cats eat the meat, you’re crazy. Isn’t this true?

I don’t know. I guess none of us will, until someone at Democratic Underground performs a scientific demonstration of the Cat-Plate Theory.

If you take uncovered meat and put it on the street, on the pavement, in a garden, in a park, or in the backyard, without a cover and the cats eat it, then whose fault will it be, the cat’s, or the uncovered meat’s? The uncovered meat is the disaster. If the meat was covered the cats wouldn’t roam around it. If the meat is inside the fridge, they won’t get it.

But if the meat is outside the fridge, and the cats are inside the fridge, they won’t get it either. For a long, long, time. Trust me on this.

If the woman is in her boudoir, in her house and if she’s wearing the veil and if she shows modesty, disasters don’t happen.

Except the disaster of someone being made a prisoner in her own house.

Satan sees women as half his soldiers. You’re my messenger in necessity, Satan tells women you‘re my weapon to bring down any stubborn man. There are men that I fail with. But you’re the best of my weapons.

Women—Satan’s minions!

The woman was behind Satan playing a role when she disobeyed God and went out all dolled up and unveiled and made of herself palatable food that rakes and perverts would race for. She was the reason behind this sin taking place.

“Rakes.” Haven’t heard that one for a few centuries. Next: the Sheik denounces “bounders” and “cads”. Helpfully, Australian Federal Police Commissioner Mick Keelty identifies the major crucial issue arising from this whole controversy:

“if we are not careful, I think we risk raising a generation of Australians who will have a bias against Islam.”

UPDATE. A terrible punishment for Meatboy:

Sheik Taj el-Din al Hilaly, the Muslim leader at the centre of a storm over comments blaming women for rape, will be giving no more sermons for several months at Lakemba mosque, senior Muslims say.

But no further action is to be taken against Australia’s top Muslim cleric for likening scantily dressed women to uncovered meat and saying they’re responsible for sexual attacks ...

The board of the Lebanese Muslim Association decided that Sheik Hilaly had been misinterpreted.

UPDATE II. In 1998, Detective John Doran visited the Sheik in his office:

I noted that the sheik had a Stars and Stripes Uncle Sam recruiting poster on the wall behind his desk, with a caption, ‘I want to murder your women and children’.

UPDATE III. The Toronto Daily News: “Muslim Cleric Is a Sick Man, Says Daughter.”

UPDATE IV. A view from the United Arab Emirates: “We predict a riot.”

Posted by Tim B. on 10/26/2006 at 02:13 PM
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