Friday, March 28, 2008
RUDDLERS NAMED
Kevin Rudd’s list of 2020 Summiteers is revealed, combining several fine choices with dozens of loudmouths, seat fillers and net losses, many of them known to readers of this site. Among the Cuddly Ruddly One Thousand:
• Robert Manne Academic. Doesn’t believe in dissent. Faulty football memory. Greater than normal capacity for caring.
• Andrew Jaspan Foreigner. Small and sensitive, just like his newspaper’s readership.
• Marieke “Nice flag, fuckhead” Hardy Granddaughter. Low-rating, critically-reviled TV writer. Paid by the government to entertain a small number of morning radio listeners. Unethical. Refuses to befriend anybody with whom she disagrees politically.
• Phillip Adams Broadcaster. Broad fancier. Remembers things that never happened. Assisted wife’s vanity political career. Not good with facts. No, not good with facts at all. Easily frightened.
• Tanya Ha Sustainable living advocate. Joke.
• David Marr Moralist. Silenced under the Howard regime. Believes Australians are innately racist. Outrageous sense of humour. Thinks all Christians are white.
• Professor Ross Garnaut Warmenist. Column generator.
• Barry Jones Senior citizen. Who could ever have imagined Barry would still be turning up at these sorts of things?
• Tim Flannery Geothermian. Spellcaster. Fridge magnate. Lofty disdainer. Idiot.
• Nicholas Gruen Paralysingly dull writer, even for an economist. Thinks we should be polite to terrorists. Wanted to send Malcolm Fraser to Camp X-Ray on a mission to free David Hicks - who was no longer there.
• Corinne Grant Comedienne. Star of The Glass House, John Howard’s crushing of which was a major election issue and caused children to be upset.
• Barrie Kosky Theatricalist. Hates Australia.
• Claudia Karvan Actress. Recycler.
UPDATE. Andrew Bolt rounds ‘em up.
UPDATE II. The summit’s best names:
• Indigo Willing
• Fiona Quality Wood
• Eric Ronald Wing-Fai Knight
I’m expecting a lot from these three.
UPDATE III. Want someone disinvited? Click.