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ZOMBIE HOLLYWOOD
Hollywood wasn’t as influential as many expected during last year’s US election. Reduced expectations continue at the box office:
“Batman Begins” took in $26.8 million to remain the top movie for the second straight weekend, but it could not keep Hollywood from sinking to its longest modern box-office slump.
Overall business tumbled despite a rush of familiar new titles—“Bewitched,” a “Love Bug” update and the latest zombie tale from director George Romero.
Zombie tales just won’t do it for your jaded modern viewer. What they crave are reanimated zombie dogs:
Scientists have created eerie zombie dogs, reanimating the canines after several hours of clinical death in attempts to develop suspended animation for humans.
Those alive-yet-zombified hounds could be a metaphor for Hollywood itself. Besides Team America, what was the last good movie you’ve seen? Also, if you’re of a mind, suggest a plot for a modern-era war movie, perhaps following the style of favourite WWII epics.
Hint: it took in $26.8 million over the weekend.
Posted by Joe Geoghegan on 2005 06 27 at 11:29 AM • permalinkBesides Team America, what was the last good movie you’ve seen?
The Incredibles, which is not just the greatest cartoon ever made, but one of the straight-up best films I’ve ever seen.
Also, if you’re of a mind, suggest a plot for a modern-era war movie, . . . .
Flight 93, told in real time. We’ve already got the theme music.
Here’s an article about how things might be changing: The Right in Hollywood
Cinderella Man was pretty good, I thought. No lefty posturing, a genuinely inspiring come-back story, a mostly successful attempt at capturing the look and feel of the depression era.
A modern-era war movie that would take into account the delicate sensibilities of the American Left would probably feature an escape by heroic muslim “minutemen” from Guantanamo (along the lines of the “Great Escape”). I see Will Smith in the Steve McQueen role. Of course, it would be on DVD inside of, say, a month, because only MoveOn types would be interested, and very few of them are actually let out of their asylums for cinema outings.
I’m having a Boy George moment: they’ll tumble for me!
Posted by chinesearithmetic on 2005 06 27 at 12:15 PM • permalink“The Bridge Over The Tigris”
“30 Seconds Over Baghdad”
“Is Baghdad Burning?”
“The Sands Of The Middle East”
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 06 27 at 12:33 PM • permalinkI’ll second “The Incredibles.”
Hmm, how about a remake of “Sahara.” A Bradley IFV and its crew is making its way back to Baghdad through northern Iraq. Along the way they pick up: a Kurd (happy fellow, loves the Yanks); a Brit pilot (affable Pommie twit who thinks the crew is a bunch of cowboys but gradually comes to understand them); a lost Iraqi army patrol (will they fight when the shit hits the fan? Oh, yes, they will) and the lefty reporter who’s gone on patrol with them (do I even have to describe her? You know the template); and an insurgent scout (batshit-crazy Islamist who mellows out when he hears the other side of the story - or does he?) They stop at an abandoned village for the night, not knowing it’s a rendezvous point for an insurgent force hoping to pull a Tet and take advantage of the defeatism they sense in the American media.
Actually, the last good movie I saw in a theater was Batman Begins, but then bleeding heart liberal Hollywood is never better than when telling a story of vigilante fascism performed by the superrich on the underclass. That’s part of their charm. (If you take Ras al’Ghul, the dude who wants to destroy decadent Gotham, as an Osama standin, and Batman as basically taking a Giuliani-like approach to crime in a Dinkinsized city, Batman Begins is really a pretty solid rightwing take on the War on Terror and modern politics generally.)
That said, yeah, there’s been a whole lot to stay the hell away from at the movie theaters, eh? When I think what I’ve seen lately it’s been a whole lot of Asian imports (Howl’s Moving Castle, Infernal Affairs, Old Boy, etc.) and oddball independents (like Shaun of the Dead, which is a terrific movie about how to deal with your aging parents—a shotgun apparently is recommended highly). But you just look at interesting stuff like that on the one hand, and on the other hand… Bewitched. Oh yeah, save me a seat for that one, sure.
Box Office stuff is down because going to see a film is an overpriced ripoff. Soon enough you’ll have the Extended Edition DVD (or in the case of Aliens vs Predator, most of the god damn film, idiot suits and their PG13) with a ton of extras, commentry and no idiots with mobile phones.
Last most recent good film I saw was Hellboy I think. Unbreakable was on TV a short while back, geek art film at its finest. Shaun of the Dead was a good as well. I look forward to Sin City on DVD.
As for a modern-era war film. Anything with A-10s. Never has something so ugly been so beautiful.
Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 06 27 at 12:58 PM • permalinkHmm, why do I not go to the movies…
Bewitched, The Bad News Bears, The Longest Yard, The Honeymooners, Flight of the Phoenix, Scooby-Doo,...
It’s either remakes of crap, which will yield crap, or remakes of gems, which will yield crap-by-comparison.
Then ya gotcher rip-offs of whatever vaguely original idea was successful, so that it’s one costumed-guy-on-horseback-raspily-shouting-inspirational-pre-battle-speech movie after another. And come to think of it, that’s just Henry V anyway, so it wasn’t even vaguely original in the first place.
All shown on a blurry screen with (in my ass-backwards area) a shitty sound system. No, thanks, I’ll just crank up my “Blade Runner” DVD on my subwoofer-equipped home system for the twentieth time. Far more satisfying.
Let’s face it, the theatrical release of a movie is just part of the ad campaign for the DVD now.
You know what movie would be a hit? One where smart American anti-terror folks team up with a canny Brit and a manly Aussie to defeat some nasty Islamofascists.
Seriously, I think any movie that was honest enough to show Islamic terrorists doing Islamic-terrorist stuff would be a hit. Instead we get movies that show us European/Christian/Western folks as either the bad guys or the victims who asked for it. And shockingly, we’re not paying eight bucks for the privilege of watching them. Go figure.
Hmmmm.
Last decent movie watched? Samurai Fiction.
Posted by memomachine on 2005 06 27 at 01:30 PM • permalinkStar Wars III—good, not great, good
H2G2—good, not great, good for fans
Team America—recommended, ‘specially for SP fans.
Those are the last three I’ve seen. It takes quite a bit to get me off my butt. Do regret having missed Shaun of the Dead, though.
As for what war movies I’d like to see, well for god’s sake anything of the type that they made in the old days when they weren’t ashamed of America would be good. Who is the John Wayne of today for crying out loud?
Posted by zeppenwolf on 2005 06 27 at 01:51 PM • permalinkHmmm. Sometime I felt like I was living “Kelly’s Heros” at Bagram. Except there was no gold. And only a few Germans. And they were on our side. Well, we had a guy who was like Telly Savalas…Ok, so it wasn’t really like that at all…
Posted by Major John on 2005 06 27 at 02:07 PM • permalinkI don’t go to movies. They come to me via DVD and cable. I stopped going to the cinema when I realized I could be jailed for slapping sense and common courtesy into gabby, bubble-headed teenagers and gabby, popcorn-crunching housewives.
As for the last good one I saw, hmmm… that depends on your definition of “good”. I’ve seen quite a few I liked for differing reasons, and some people might not agree with me that they were good. Too hard to choose. I’ve also seen a plethora of outright crap.
As for a war movie: “The Green Barettes”. A platoon of Charlie’s Angel-style commandos drop into the Sunni Triangle and end the insurgency with a few good leg-kicks, some excellent gunplay, and finally, baring their breasts, thus blinding the jihadi scum.
I’ll add my vote for “The Incredibles.” I think “Return of the King” was a great flick. “Matchstick Men” and “Neverland” were underrated, IMHO.
As for war movies, contemporary war movies haven’t been that bad (Pearl Harbor aside). For example, I really liked “Three Kings,” “Black Hawk Down” and “We Were Soldiers…”
Last good movie I saw was 12 Angry Men via Netflix. Which suggests a remake of that film as the trial of a Johhny Walker Lindh-type in his home of Marin County, CA. All but one of the jurors walk into the jury deliberation room ready to find him not guilty of treason, while our hero the lone conservative convinces them of their error.
The tension is palpable as the film wears on, due to the lack of a Starbucks in the courthouse.
Posted by Some0Seppo on 2005 06 27 at 03:03 PM • permalinkI liked ” The life and death of Peter Sellers”. Not a great movie but interesting.
Do we have to intpret everything in terms of left/right messages?
OK I will.
The message of the movie is that Peter Seellers would have been happier if he had stayed with his first wife and children. Now right wing messages don’t get any more fundamental than that.
Bring back a “Commando” style movie with Arnie & his mini-gun. Sylvester Stallone & Chuck Norris could be his sidekicks. Their task…resuce 72 virgins kidnapped by Islamists.
The lefties would be able to hiss & boo the he-men, cheer the enemy. The neo-cons could count the dead baddies & the spent cartridges. Now what to do with the virgins???
I lurved Batman Begins. The Incredibles was brilliant.
Posted by David Gillies on 2005 06 27 at 06:09 PM • permalinkMovie plot: Fat American anti-war documentarian goes to Iraq to make a movie about his beloved Minutemen resistance fighters. His heroes stop blowing up innocent children long enough to kidnap the filmmaker. When the US Army receives a ransom note demanding payment for his release, they say, “Eh…keep him.”
“Cinderella Man” directed by Ron Howard. After watching how he handled the fight scenes, you realize how poor the last Star Wars movie fight scenes were. Ron Howard was even able to make the scenes of people listening to the boxing matches on radio exicting, as they flinch while the announcer gives the blow-by-blow action.
I liked The Aviator, but that F-11 recon plane prototype ... chills, just chills of aviation history geek joy.
Posted by John Nowak on 2005 06 27 at 07:24 PM • permalinkRob Read—Glen Cook and David Gerrold both did novels on that topic. In fact, Gerrold did his twice, once as a lefty little VietNam analogy back in the 70’s and then he rewrote the ending to make it a rousing standup Reaganesque story in the 80’s. Versatile little feller.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 06 27 at 07:44 PM • permalinkbesides Team America, what was the last good movie you’ve seen?
Batman Begins. Thing was a whole barrel of awesome.
For a war movie, I’d like to see one about going into Iran.
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2005 06 27 at 08:43 PM • permalink“Downfall” was excellent. Though going to see it on my birthday didn’t turn out to be the brightest of moves.
Speaking of bad ideas, I saw ‘Schindler’s List’ on a first date.
besides Team America, what was the last good movie you’ve seen?
‘Azumi’ - very cute Japanese chick with short skirt kills 200 bad guys with only a sword.
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2005 06 27 at 08:57 PM • permalink“If you take Ras al’Ghul, the dude who wants to destroy decadent Gotham, as an Osama standin, and Batman as basically taking a Giuliani-like approach to crime in a Dinkinsized city, Batman Begins is really a pretty solid rightwing take on the War on Terror and modern politics generally.”
And I thought I was the only one who noticed this. I may be stretching the analogy a bit here, but I think that would make the Scarecrow—an amoral parasite who fancies himself a brilliant academic but who is too stupid to realize he is working for Ra’s Al Ghul—the stand in for Noam Chomsky.
Oh well. Even if it was unintentional (and I suspect it was) it was a suprisingly good movie.
What about Three Dollars? TheOyster Farmer? Or any of the other turgid, repetitive, poorly written shite produced by the Australian film industry in the last ten years? If any of them last a week on limited release, they’re regarded as a success. I put a submission up to write a screenplay about Long Tan and/or the Kokoda track battle(s), but the Australian Film Commission has already issed grants etc for both- no sign of either being made, however. I reckon either or both would be a winner- nothing sells like a war movie at a time of war, particularly where the viewers are the same nationality as the victors.
And I thought I was the only one who noticed this. I may be stretching the analogy a bit here, but I think that would make the Scarecrow—an amoral parasite who fancies himself a brilliant academic but who is too stupid to realize he is working for Ra’s Al Ghul—the stand in for Noam Chomsky.
I don’t think it was unintentional, I just think it was such a cleverly done allegory for good vs. evil that we all saw what we wanted to see in it. When I watched it, I saw frightening parallels to corruption in Chicago, but that’s probably because it’s something I follow closely.
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2005 06 27 at 09:23 PM • permalinkTim. You love Team America? I love YOU!!!
The ‘dicks/assholes’ speech at the end had me laughing so hard the first time I watched it I seriously thought I was going to do myself an injury.
I saw Mr & Mrs Smith last weekend, and apart from being disappointed that I didn’t get to see Ms Jolie in the buff, I loved it. They did an excellent job of turning the act of a husband and wife beating the living crap out of each other a comic event.
That can’t be a bad thing ;)
Dear colleagues, I’m so pleased to report that the Menzies Foundation has agreed to fund my new movie Return of the Zombie Dog. The story concerns Loner, a sad mangy cur,riddled with pancreatitis and other unmentionable diseases, who has been thrown on the scrapheap of history, betrayed by Labor mates and rejected as useless and irelevant by the Australian public. The RSPCA is about to put him down, but Loner will not die. He springs back to life, snarling and vicious, to maul friend and foe alike, in a gory AO-rated climax. The final scene where Loner tears off Kim Beazley’s head, will have you gasping in horror.
Stephen Spielberg tells me I’m onto a winner here.
Habib,
The last good Australian film I saw was Undead. No government funding whatsoever, interesting story, kick arse special effects and piss poor acting which suits zombie flicks.
As for a story I’d like to see, it would be the story behind Kokoda Frontline, probably the best allied propoganda movie/documentary made in the second war. Reading about the hardships Damien Parer suffered through to make what turned out to be an oscar winning film, and then realising that the poor bloody diggers were doing it even tougher, is an inspiring story.
Certainly- I’d have Loner shit down Kim’s neck after he’d ripped off his head- he’d need to have something like ebola to generate the amount of explosive diahorrea to make full use of Kimbo’s voluminous grub tunnel. BTW- I’d probably re-name him Loser, it’s more appropriate, particularly when it comes to testicles- how’d the vet miss one? Undead was a hoot- as well made as any of the low-budget zombie jobs from the likes of Sam Raimi etc. Funny how the only half-decent movies made here recently (Undead and Gettin’ Square) dipped out on funding from state and federal governments?
Despite being blockbusters: Batman Begins and Revenge of the Sith (possibly the best of the six Star Wars flicks)
Posted by Big Johnny on 2005 06 27 at 11:58 PM • permalinkI’m running hot today- how about a remake of Hogan’s Heroes, set in Abu Ghraib-Adam Sandler could play the dopey Commondant, the fat idiot from Cheers could be Sergeant Schultz. The wily inmates could scuttle out and carry out vicious acts of terrorism, right under the noses of the moronic and lazy guards; they could be led by a swarthy devil (definately not gay) like Omar Sharif- working title Habibs Heroes.
Speaking of Team America, has anyone seen the “uncensored” version (on Region 1 DVD)?
Posted by Big Johnny on 2005 06 28 at 12:00 AM • permalinkWhy would any adult want to see a Batman film? Grow up people!!
Reminds me of the “cool” teens who refuse to play Pokemon because it’s too “kiddie” for them and miss out on the best portable gaming has to offer because of it.
As everyone else ends up telling them, Pokemon/Batman has nothing to do with the fact you’ve never gotten laid.
Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 06 28 at 12:01 AM • permalinkGet Josh Whedon to write the story of Malmuckta, ex-Jihad, six years after the Iraqi insurgency was crushed by the al-alliance.
He could be the captain of a tramp steamer running shady cargo and farm animals from mideast port to mideast port, surrounded by his wacky crew of ex-jihadi, mullahs, and burqa clad (possibly) women.
He aims to misbehave.
Why would any adult want to see a Batman film? Grow up people!!
Because it is entertaining. But you are welcome to your agonizingly dull—excuse me, deep, insightful, and profound—Ingmar Bergman films, or whatever it is you grown ups watch.
I wonder what Tory thinks are proper films for grown ups to watch. Enlighten us, O Sage.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 06 28 at 12:33 AM • permalink#22 Rob: “Das Boot” in a spacecraft? Gotcher story right here: Glenn Cook’s Passage at Arms:
“A intense, hard sci-fi novel of warfare in the equivalent of a submarine corps. The story follows one Climber crew on a single combat mission. Cook writes an incredibly realistic and believable story of claustrophobia, terror, confusion and faith. The narrator, a war correspondent and eternal outsider, struggles to understand the motivations of the men with whom he is serving.”
Posted by Old Grouch on 2005 06 28 at 12:38 AM • permalinkOld Grouch — That’s the one I was referring to. The Gerrold one is Star Wolf (Star Hunt? Been awhile).
Trainer — Been Done. China Seas, 1935, Clark Gable. Kick ass.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 06 28 at 12:49 AM • permalinkMohammed’s Navy
Mohammed’s relaxed nature and his terror cells ignorance of the Koran clashes with their spoilsport commanding officer, cleric Imam Osama lin Baden. As a result, they are in a continuous struggle not only against the Americans, but also trying to outwit Imam Osama whose ultimate goal in life is to send Mohammed’s entire cell on car bombing mission to Baghdad.
I wrote about this in March and said this would be my idea of a movie and it ends with the ability to make part II.
Part I: Back to Baghdad
One part I forgot was the crazy guy, baghdad bob, insisting that there are no Americans in Baghdad and they are all dead with the tank behind him. good comic relief.
The follow up movie would be “Fire Base Baghdad” and would be based on current efforts to build Iraq and the terrorism and criminals there, include some political side deals with Iraqis themselves, sectarian rhetoric, Muqty in Najaf and then the Marines in Fallujah. Make sure we get in some head cutters screaming allahu akbar, mortar guys screaming allahu akbar, a cleric that talks about the degredation of his religion, Iraqis working with the coalition, maybe personal arguments among Iraqi family members about the current situation, who is to blame, who is the bad guy, throw in a speech about freedom and democracy from the Iraqi guy, cut into a scene with an American soldier saying something similar in a letter or to friends.
Make sure you show “prisoners” being freed from their Islamist torturers and the dead bodies.
The end of this movie would simply be a group of soldiers rotating out, talking to their friends the Iraqis, thinking their job is still not done and those that are happy to simply be going home, giving information and support to the unit rotating in and then include one or several soldiers who are re-enlisting. Their job isn’t done.
Last scene would be the unit flying over Iraq as they go to Kuwait, pictures of Iraq from the air.
Posted by kat-missouri on 2005 06 28 at 01:06 AM • permalink(Well, I should have known Richard would beat me to it with a pointer to the Cook book.)
Best movies seen recently (besides The Incredibles):
The Band Wagon (Astaire, Charisse, Buchanan, Fabray, Levant, script by Comden & Green, Minnelli directed, premiered song “That’s Entertainment,” brand new DVD transfer, enough?)
Captain Blood (NOBODY buckles a swash like…)
Nothing I’ve seen recently in theaters compares…
Posted by Old Grouch on 2005 06 28 at 01:06 AM • permalinkguinsPen said;
“Where Eagles Dare…
With the entire staff of “The New York Times” starring as Colonel Turner.”
...This is such a good idea, I can’t resist running with it… here’s how I’d film it:
1). Russell Crowe would take Richard Burton’s role as Major Smith.
2). Matthew McConaughy could be the Clint Eastwood character.
3). Set it in modern day north Korea.
4). Michael Moore could replace the Nazi running the modern day Schloss Adler.
5). The famous triple cross scene in the dining room, so well played out by Burton in the original, would consist of Crowe swapping prints of Michael Moore’s latest film… before Moore wakes up to what is going on, Crowe swaps the print for a copy of “Michael Moore hates America” which lands in the cinemas on premiere night instead. Crowe finds the swap easy to perform, because Moore is so busy in the dining room, eating.
6). The famous fight in the ski cars ends early; Moore tries to battle it out with Crowe and McConaughy, but the ski car cable snaps with him in it due to the excess weight.
7). The scene at the end where the Ju52 transport plane picks up the commandos sees Crowe square off against his MI6 controller, played by Bob Ellis. Crowe has worked out Ellis is the double agent; he doesn’t need to sneakily remove the firing pin from Ellis’ submachine gun because Ellis has forgotten to load it.
8). end of the movie sees Crowe talking Ellis into jumping from the plane without a parachute, as per the original. But in this case Crowe tricks Ellis into it by throwing his latest book out the door at 10,000 feet. A self important Ellis takes a grab at the book and swoosh… gone!Anthony la Paglia slagged a lot of Aussies on denton last night. He bagged Crowe who IS a very good actor(The Insider,A Beautiful Mind etc) whatever he is in real life.
Funny coincidence Lateline.Justice Marcus Einfeld,a retired judge who defends and supports refugees,suggests that the returning lady from the Phillipines wrongfully deported, should rate an Enqiry headed by a retired judge.What a script.The Incredibles may be the best film I’ve seen in years. The people who made the live-action Fantastic Four movie must’ve been tearing their hair out when they saw that one.
Recently I rented Ringu, the Japanese film remade by Hollywood as The Ring, and I was pleasantly surprised. I saw that thing at 11 o’clock on a bright Spring morning, and it still gave me goosebumps. There were several deliciously creepy moments, and almost none of the “huh?” factor that often strikes me when I watch Japanese films. I also rented
Ju-on, remade here as The Grudge. More horror elements than Ringu, and more “huh?”, but still quite good in a low-budget sort of way.Posted by Mister Falcon on 2005 06 28 at 02:51 AM • permalinkNot really a film as a collection of mini-cartoons, but I just got the Star Wars: Clone Wars Volume 1 DVD and holy shit, it’s incredible, utterly incredible. It actually excuses Ep1 and Ep2 for me.
Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 06 28 at 03:12 AM • permalinkMy youth betrays me as that went right over my head.
Uh… look! Puppies!
Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 06 28 at 04:13 AM • permalinkYou know what movie would be a hit? One where smart American anti-terror folks team up with a canny Brit and a manly Aussie to defeat some nasty Islamofascists.
What about a film where a smart Russian anti-terror guy teams up with a whiney, skinny Guardianista Brit and (under duress) a Chechen to defeat some nasty head-chopping Islamofascists, only to be stabbed in the back by the Guardianista Brit and his own hypocritical Russian government? It’s been done, but of course not in Hollywood.
Posted by Jim Geones on 2005 06 28 at 04:59 AM • permalinkI second both Team America and The Incredibles. Why is it that animated movies are so much better than non-animated ones these days? The Star Wars Clone Wars animated series (which were shown on Toonami) were very well done.
Posted by Andrew Ian Dodge on 2005 06 28 at 07:45 AM • permalink#52, I’ve seen it. A good flick, although SOME of the puppet sex was a trifle too, er, ummmm, different for my tastes.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 06 28 at 07:52 AM • permalinki’m ronry
so ronry
so ronry and sadry arone…Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 06 28 at 08:11 AM • permalinkGood films I’ve seen lately: Gilda (with the Rita Hayworth hair flick); Star Wars Ep.3; Batman Begins; Closer; To Live And Die In LA; They Drive By Night; Downfall; L’Emploi Du Temps (oh, I’m so metro); DOA (the original thanks); To Have And To Hold; Million Dollar Baby; Thief; Touching The Void; The Incredibles…
Oh, and if you haven’t already seen it, give “Napoleon Dynamite” a try.
Hey, if you’re thinking about spending $20 on War of the Worlds, here’s what the screenwriter himself had to say…
“And now, as we see American adventure abroad,” he [David Koepp] continues “in my mind it’s certainly back to it’s original meaning, which is that the Martians in our movie represent American military forces invading the Iraqis, and the futility of the occupation of a faraway land is again the subtext.”
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 06 28 at 10:22 AM • permalinkYou know, because we were invading Iraq in the 19th century…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 06 28 at 10:23 AM • permalinkWhy would any adult want to leave hectoring, exclamation-point-laden comments on a weblog?
“Speaking of Team America, has anyone seen the ‘uncensored’ version (on Region 1 DVD)?”
Yes, and I found myself wondering what that substance was…
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2005 06 28 at 10:30 AM • permalinkLucky I was already avoiding War of the Worlds because of Tom Cruise then.
Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 06 28 at 11:00 AM • permalink“And now, as we see American adventure abroad,” he [David Koepp] continues “in my mind it’s certainly back to it’s original meaning, which is that the Martians in our movie represent American military forces invading the Iraqis, and the futility of the occupation of a faraway land is again the subtext.”
Statements like that make me wonder if certifiable insanity is a prerequisite for working in Hollywood…
I don’t think I was going to go see WotW anyway…the combination of Cruise’s Scientology membership and his milquetoast acting rarely compell me to watch any of his movies, even if I’m not actively avoiding them for those reasons.
I’m waitng for the remake of “Mother, Jugs and Speed”.
Err… did I just say that out loud?
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2005 06 28 at 11:26 AM • permalinkMy Idea for a movie:
Dr. Strangerove, Or: How I learned To Stop Worrying And Worship Satan
Karl Rove .... Group Captain (G/C) Lionel Mandrake/President Merkin Muffley/Dr. Strangerove (let’s face it, Satan is everywhere)
Donald Rumsfeld .... Gen. ‘Buck’ Turgidson
Dick Cheney .... Brig. Gen. Jack D. Ripper
Chimpy McBushitler .... Maj. T.J. ‘King’ Kong
Condoleeza Rice .... Miss Foreign Affairs
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 06 28 at 11:51 AM • permalinkOh, and at this point, the only way Tom Cruise is going to bring the public back on his side is to get Russell Crowe to hit him with a phone.
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2005 06 28 at 12:03 PM • permalinkHow about “The Flying Nun Goes to Afghanistan?” She swoops down on Osama’s cave and pulls a minigun from under her habit, just as the wacky, fun-loving “freedom fighters” are praying to Mecca. The religious symbolism would especially twist the left’s panties in this perfect comeback vehicle for Sally Field.
Posted by Tommy Shanks on 2005 06 28 at 12:06 PM • permalinkActually Jim I think most of us would thank Russell for an international service to humanity.
Posted by Aging Gamer on 2005 06 28 at 12:34 PM • permalinkAfter Mr. Crowe apologizes to the phone.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 06 28 at 12:38 PM • permalinkJoe bagadonuts—in a pinch we can do without Mother and Speed…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 06 28 at 07:44 PM • permalinkWhat about a re-make of Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp starring Timothy Bottoms reprising his George W. Bush role, revealing Chimpy MacHalliburton bushitler’s former secret role with the CIA during the ‘70s when he was supposed to be going broke in the oil business. Go over gangbusters with the Mike Moore/idiot crowd, who seem to be the only losers who still go to the movies, not being able to afford a home cinema and beer.
Habib—I’m still waiting for Zapped! 3—the College Years…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 06 28 at 08:52 PM • permalinkAnd Tim, I think you missed the point: Hollywood was VERY influential in the last election. They turned millions of voters off the Democrats.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 06 29 at 10:41 AM • permalink
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I loved Phantom of the Opera and Open Water!
Here’s my pitch for a new movie: Private Benjamoore, a remake of Goldie Hawn’s Private Benjamin. Michael Moore gets drafted an eventually become a svelte, dignified human being, whipped into shape by the United States Army, who he now calls “the greatest force for good in the world.”