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WARMING PREDICTED
The world is ending! No, really:
In its 4.5 billion years, Earth has evolved from its hot, violent birth to the celebrated watery blue planet that stands out in pictures from space. But in a new book, two noted University of Washington astrobiologists say the planet already has begun the long process of devolving into a burned-out cinder, eventually to be swallowed by the sun.
By their reckoning, Earth’s “day in the sun” has reached 4:30 a.m., corresponding to its 4.5 billion-year age. By 5 a.m., the 1 billion-year reign of animals and plants will come to an end. At 8 a.m. the oceans will vaporize. At noon – after 12 billion years – the ever-expanding sun, transformed into a red giant, will engulf the planet, melting away any evidence it ever existed and sending molecules and atoms that once were Earth floating off into space.
Better sign that Kyoto Protocol.
Whose day ends at noon? And how light is it at 4:30 AM in Washington? In New York it’s pretty dark.
Posted by tim maguire on 2006 01 27 at 12:41 PM • permalinkOur time might be even shorter than that. Every part of the universe is rapidly moving away from us, and it may not be long before the distance between habitable planets, or even stars, is just far too great to cross using all the energy remaining in our solar system.
Posted by Tatterdemalian on 2006 01 27 at 01:08 PM • permalinkHmmmm.
“astrobiologist”?
WTF is an “astrobiologist”? Have they actually found life in space or another planet? Well. NO. So WTF are these two dweebs supposedly studying with such detail that they could possibly be called “astrobiologist”?
Posted by memomachine on 2006 01 27 at 02:53 PM • permalinkAs I’m driven into the ocean by the scorching heat of the numbing ice ages I’ll want to know whom to blame: Bush or the Jews?
Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2006 01 27 at 03:09 PM • permalinkGoerge W. Bushitlerburtonplasticturkeypretzchoking BASTARD!!!!! NOW WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dcvhbDncb45vrfszx
Whoa, sorry; Daily Kos took over my keyboard for a sec.
Posted by Monroe Doctrine on 2006 01 27 at 03:16 PM • permalinkThis reminds me of an old joke.
Guy like this makes a speech like this and someone in the back of the room stands up in a panic and says, “Excuse me, did you say 12 million years???”
The speaker says, “No, no, 12 BILLION.”
Phew! What a relief!
Posted by sarah rolph on 2006 01 27 at 03:33 PM • permalinkGood one, Sarah. (And I’d never heard that one before.)
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 01 27 at 04:10 PM • permalinkBetter sign that Kyoto Protocol.
You betcha. That Kyoto clock at junkscience.com has Kyoto reducing temperatures by a whopping 0.0015 degrees Celsius until 2050. If we extrapolate that out 7.5 billion years until the engulfing of Earth by the Sun-turned-Red-Giant alleged happens, we find that Kyoto will have reduced temperatures by approximately 250,000 degrees, easily enabling us to survive this minor cosmic incident.
I’m watching this situation closely. If it starts to warm up dramatically around here, come May or June, it will doubtless be a bad sign…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 27 at 09:01 PM • permalinkThe Wheel of Time junkies are doomed. Jordan shows no signs of being able to wrap things up by then.
Oh god, I cackled out loud at that one. LOL.
No, I don’t have any friends who are totally into the inexplicably still-published Jordan, why do you ask? (Rinses brain an extra five minutes.)
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 01 27 at 10:55 PM • permalinkThe Wheel of Time junkies are doomed. Jordan shows no signs of being able to wrap things up by then.
I saw book 11 at the book store recently, and found myself wondering if he managed to wrap up any plot points in it.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 01 27 at 11:30 PM • permalinkRob Crawford — I understand Stephen Donaldson and the ghost of Tolkien both visited Jordan and said, “For god’s sake, can’t you pick it up a LITTLE bit…?”
And an astrobiologist is what you stuff in the capsule when you run out of dogs and monkeys…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 28 at 12:20 AM • permalinkMEMO
To: Richard McEnroe, Master Member Tier V
cc: Inner Circle
bcc: Space Team members
Subject: Space Phase of Master PlanYou
demanded in a fairly harsh mannerrequested an update as to our organization’s plan of space exploitation.As you know, the neocons currently have the space spation, equipped with laser cannons. (note to Dave S: when are you bringing the photon torpedo upgrade, Karl is browbeating me over that).
We also have the Alpha I moonbase. A Walmart has recently been added, although we regret it was not a Superstore version. We hope to change that in the next plan.
The terraforming of Mars is on track. Global warming there is proceeding nicely. The oxygen levels are increasing a bit ahead of schedule.
We are also staying on budget. The addition of billions from the “Iraq invasion budget” (snicker, snicker) is helping a great deal. It was a brilliant idea of Karl to trump up an invasion as a means to fund the space phase of the neocon conquest.
So, all in all, everything is working according to plan. Commendations should be issued to:
Stoop Davy Dave, Michael Lonie, PW, blogstrop, Dave S, wronwright.Posted by wronwright on 2006 01 28 at 11:30 AM • permalinkwronwright — you were in charge of rigging the lunar nuclear waste dump to detonate and drive the moon out of the solar system when the time came. Where is the earth-shattering kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 28 at 09:55 PM • permalink
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Well that’s it then. Nothing we can do. Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 4:59 am.