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WALLABIES NO LONGER AFRAID
Terrible omens foretell the End of Australia, according to Nicholas Shakespeare:
Last night, coming out to watch a comet that had appeared from nowhere, I scattered ten wallabies cropping the grass. A year ago, these timid creatures never came near the house.
Comets from nowhere! Fearless wallabies! Why, it’s obvious where this is heading:
Within less than the span of a lifetime, Sydney could resemble a desert town like Alice Springs, or even the apocalyptic landscape from Cormac McCarthy’s new novel, The Road.
Still, our environment hasn’t degraded to the point where tilty Nick feels the need to quit flying from England to Tasmania every year.
(Via Dminor)
Nicholas Shakespeare wrote A Town Like Alice? Still, I think that Shakespeare is overrated—all he’s done is string together a bunch of famous, moonbat quotes.
Posted by andycanuck on 2007 03 18 at 11:53 AM • permalinkWithin less than the span of a lifetime, Sydney could resemble a desert town like Alice Springs, or even the apocalyptic landscape from Cormac McCarthy’s new novel, The Road.
Wallabies are that voracious? Like a Plague of Locusts?
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 03 18 at 11:57 AM • permalinkA wallaby ate my mom!!!
Didn’t they make a movie about that?
You’ve got to admit one thing. Everything used to be Bush’s fault. Now, it’s global warming’s fault. Or maybe both.
Posted by rightwingprof on 2007 03 18 at 01:09 PM • permalinkrightwingprof—<i>Night of the
LepusJoey…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 03 18 at 01:11 PM • permalink“Watch me wallabies feed, mate
Watch me wallabies feed,
They’re a dangerous breed, mate
So watch me wallabies feed”Posted by alien kiwi on 2007 03 18 at 01:44 PM • permalinkYou know we’d all be so much better off if the 20th century had never happened.
Posted by alien kiwi on 2007 03 18 at 02:28 PM • permalinkPeople, it’s eve worse than you thought. The wallabies are teaching themselves how to box. Be afraid Australians. Very, very afraid.
Posted by David Crawford on 2007 03 18 at 02:31 PM • permalinkAt any other time Concerned Environmentalists would have been thrilled to have wallabies in their back yards (or beavers back building dams in the cleaned-up Brooklyn River—scroll down to the bottom as to why this is a Bad Thing)—nature has returned to the lands men razed, praise Gaia!—but in today’s topsy-turvy envirocracked weirdoverse, animals in your back yard are the harbingers of doom. These people sound more and more like Objectivists every day.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 03 18 at 02:34 PM • permalink“Last night, coming out to watch a comet that had appeared from nowhere, I scattered ten wallabies cropping the grass. A year ago, these timid creatures never came near the house.”
No doubt they’re planning on invading your house and taking over your air conditioner to save themselves from the effects of gerbil worming.
Survival of the fittest in action.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 03 18 at 02:45 PM • permalinkDidn’t Rocko, of Rocko’s Modern Life, live in Orlando, Florida? Perhaps all the ex-pat. wallabies are returning home. A reversal of the “brain drain”?
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 03 18 at 03:03 PM • permalink#12 It’s coming right for us! Shoot! Shoot!
Posted by andycanuck on 2007 03 18 at 03:10 PM • permalinkWhat does one actually need to do be be a Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature? If it’s anything like the Royal Society of Arts, not much - any school-teacher with a BA can get in, As a matter of fact people who insist on using the post-nominals FRSA generally reveal themselves thereby to be a little ... er .. you know ... not quite ... quite ...
Even worse than wallabies chewing on your lawn and your toes: How long before they start stealing your babies and raising them as their own?
Within less than the span of a lifetime, Sydney could resemble a desert town like Alice Springs, or even the apocalyptic landscape from Cormac McCarthy’s new novel, The Road.
So? Won’t you all be living in Geothermia?
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 03 18 at 05:00 PM • permalinkIn news just to hand, we have this terrifying picure of a drought-crazed kangaroo bailing up a farmer.
My God. The way he wrote I assumed he had to have been born after 1987. His essay had that sense of everything being novel that you normally only get from children.
His wandering childhood seems to indicate the offspring of a diplomat. What is wrong with the diplomatic service in Britain and Australia when it spawns so many people like this. The first diplomat’s child I met, Jill, was a very active Lenin-Trotskyist who revelled in her exclusive upbringing. She never hesitated to remind people she grew up in a string of countries not unlike Nicko’s list, went to some of the world’s most prestigious schools and met lots of famous people.
Meeting Jill made me realise that only the wealthy could afford to be Lenin-Trotskyists. Sitting around smoking dope and plotting communist revolution all day was something that couldn’t be done if you neded to earn money for basics such as food. She did wonders for my cynicism.
I just scattered some Eastern Greys feeding on the new green pick out here. If I don’t learn to keep my head down, one of them will suffer from my low flying Titleist.
Funny thing is, they are more prevalent in drought time, because the feed is better on the fairway than in the bush. Who’da’thunk?
How the fuck is a coastal city located on a huge harbour going to look like Alice Springs? Particularly if the sea level is going to rise by anywhere from 20 to 100 metres, depending upon which moron’s predictions you select?
A few points:
* averages are just that. Hence if you have an average temperature, rainfall, whatever you will obviously have above and below average readings.
* Many natural phenomena are more noticable to these loons, and felt by more of the population, because there are more of us sharing the same space. More people living in the bush? More snake bites. I would suggest that the people are moving closer to the snakes rather than vice versa.
* Having the worst drought in recorded history (European history?), which is questionable anyway as they don’t seem too interested in the 1890’s drought, aint saying much when you consider that records can only have been kept in Oz for 200 years.I for one welcome our new wallaby overlords.
Posted by anonymous guest on 2007 03 18 at 07:03 PM • permalinkHa, latecomer. I have a kangaroo thet regularly visits the office area where I work. hes pretty laid back and you walk past about 2 meters away from him he doesnt care. He only started coming about 6 months ago, around the time I planted a small patch of lawn in the area.
Obviously I blame global warming…....
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 03 18 at 07:10 PM • permalinkFor the first three or four years of this drought, the city-dwelling majority of the population did not even know it was happening.
The drought did not affect their urban lifestyle.
Water flowed freely from its reliable sources; the taps around the house.
The TV weather experts were still calling sunny days ‘good’ and rainy days ‘bad’.But then the cities’ dams started to dry up and everything changed.
I slept in a cave at Connigham a while ago. I kept the fire going all night (because I’d been taught that fires keep animals away). Within half an our of going to sleep there were about a dozen wallabies in the cave with there noses in our stuff - I shouted “shoo” but it didn’t work - the little bastards would walk right up and stick their noses in your face while you were sleeping - I took to smaking them around the head with one of my thongs but not even that worked. I decided to stay up all night kicking the things if they got too close to the kids, so at least someone could get some sleep.
Timid my arse!
Posted by Pig Head Sucker on 2007 03 18 at 07:52 PM • permalink#37 Anything to do with the Giant Killer Swamp Rabbit that attacked Jimmuh Carter?
Arriving last week in Tasmania, I’m able to vouchsafe that this normally temperate state is enduring its most savage drought in living memory.
First, I thought, “Vouchsafe? Vouchsafe? When’s the last time a living human being used that word? And what does it mean anyway?” So I googled define: vouchsafe and got one result.
grant in a condescending manner
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwnSounds about right.
Arriving last week in Tasmania, I’m able to vouchsafe that this normally temperate state is enduring its most savage drought in living memory.
Second, I remembered watching the weather channel a fortnight or so ago, when we were waiting to see what that tropical low would do, and was very surprised to learn that the dam supplying Hobart was at 100% capacity whereas the one supplying Darwin (and this is latish in the Wet season) was only at 77% capacity. The words, “savage drought,” therefore sounded a little exaggerated to me so I checked with the BOM and it turns out that Mr Shakespeare is either doing that form of lying known as not telling the whole truth or he’s an alarmist dimwit.
There are deficiencies in rainfall in northern and eastern Tasmania but these are not relative to some absolute standard. They are relative to what normally falls in those regions.
If you select Area: Tasmania; Period: 12 months; Rainfall: Totals and compare that map to the one for Rainfall: Drought here you will see that most areas classified as suffering severe rainfall deficiency (in the lowest 5% of historical totals) or lowest rainfall on record (last 100 years) the actual rainfall total has been between 400 and 900 mm (about 15 to 35 inches) which is not so vastly different from the 30 year average of 500 to 1200mm.
#47 Good point, Janice.
The alarmists are already trying to weasel out of their errors by using climate change in place of warming.
We may find that they will soon have to drop global as well.
The SEQ water system moves to Level 5 restrictions on April 1. The restrictions will apply to the Gold Coast, even though its dam was at 74% at 9 am today. The restrictions are necessary because the three dams about 80 kms away on the other side of Brisbane are perilously low.
Hardly evidence of a global situation.So that’s where the rep players from the Qld and NSW Super 14 sides have been hiding, hanging out with Nikky Shakespeare and consuming grass- no wonder neither side can beat time with a bass drum this year.
I think there’ll be a few more scared wallabies hiding out at the Niksters come October this year.
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Vex me not with young Lackwit’s name, for I do swear upon Almighty God I did rest at home with my lady wife that weekend…
W. Shakespeare