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FREELANCE COP
Your overtaking-lane slowhog manifests in three primary forms:
1. The ELDERLY CONFUSENIK. Why are all these people honking at me? I’m driving safely, aren’t I? There’s no sound of rending metal, is there? Why don’t my grandchildren ever call?
2. The PRE-PLANNER. He/she knows the exit they’re aiming for is some miles down the freeway, and they want to be in the lane - the overtaking lane - that will best assist this. Thirty minutes before the exit arrives.
3. The ABSOLUTE WAD WHO BLOCKS OTHER DRIVERS FOR REASONS OF MORAL SUPERIORITY. A decade or so back I found myself trapped - in Melbourne, Australia’s capital of overtaking-lane hoggery - behind a car that wouldn’t move out of the fast lane. Flashing lights caused the idiot driver to violently hit his brakes ... on a three-lane freeway.
So I overtook on the left. As I passed, the fellow pointed angrily at his speedometer; he apparently felt himself to be in the right due to speed-limit observance, regardless of laws requiring drivers to ditch the fast lane unless overtaking. Which brings us to lefty lawyer and ladykiller Jeremy Sear, who is inclined to blockery:
If I’m going at the speed limit emergency services vehicles are the only ones who have any right to be shirty at me for being in their way ... Notwithstanding the rule to keep left, a driver who’s speeding - the only way another driver at the speed limit could be in the way - has no right to be shirty.
Curious, isn’t it, that the people most concerned with rights have so little regard for manners. Florida Cracker has further traffic news.
Here in the states, we have another species of overtaking-lane hoggery: in 1995, the hated National Speed Law, which set the maximum at 55 mph, was recinded and the individual states were free to set their own speed limits. The limit on many freeways outside of major cities was raised, typically to 65, or 70 in some cases, but there are a few citizens who righteously disagree with this change and insist on traveling at 55 in the fast lane - because it’s for our own good…
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 05 13 at 02:57 PM • permalinkIn Washington state there is one further type of fast-lane hoggery: Volvo’s with Oregon plates. Why they do this I don’t know, as I don’t know any Volvo-owning Oregonians. Nor would I want to. (I say that based on the bumper stickers plastered on their shit-boxes.)
Posted by David Crawford on 2007 05 13 at 03:13 PM • permalinkNotwithstanding the rule to keep left, a driver who’s speeding - the only way another driver at the speed limit could be in the way - has no right to be shirty.
So this stupid f*** thinks it’s OK for him to break the law, but not OK for other “lawbreakers” (who may well be people who are not speeding, but attempting to pass a too-slow driver by using the designated passing lane that Sear is illegally blocking) to get pissed at him for breaking the law?
This moron is a lawyer?
I know someone who decided to be an absolute wad in Los Angeles while I was in the car. In my defense, I gave him grief about it, and still do.
Posted by Michael Levy on 2007 05 13 at 03:19 PM • permalinkThe law really should be, you must be going at least 5 Kph faster than the car to your left (right for us in the states). It might not be practical on 2 lane roads (without a middle turn lane or passing shoulder) though.
Other thing that pisses me off is people who slow down before entering the turn lane.
Another annoyance, the myth of 65/55 mph max efficient speed. It’s very outdated. This is an average efficient speed based on older cars and commercial trucks. Many newer cars don’t see drops in efficiency until after 75/80 mph, some even higher. (You get pretty good efficiency between 3000 and 4000 rpm in a car, 1500 and 2500 in a truck.)
And don’t forget this old conservation proposal: Save Gas: Avoid Brakes!
Other blood pressure boilers:
Swerving and blocking the road when turning a corner, usually after slowing down for the last 200 metres.
Putting the wrong blinker on at round-abouts. This is almost universal. I’m pretty good at guessing when a car’s turning off, despite their blinker indicating otherwise. I don’t care if I’m following the car, but it’s annoying when you’re the one trying to enter the round-about. Problem is, 5% of the time, they’re indicating correctly. Keeps you on your toes.
Not allowing traffic to merge. (“No, I’m closing up the space, doesn’t matter that you’ve matched speed with the general traffic flow and your merging lane is about to run out, I’m forcing you off the road.”)
Tailgating when I am overtaking and already well over the speed limit. Just back off, I’ll get into the slow lane when I’m done. (Corollary: anyone going faster than me is driving dangerously).
Drivers not letting you in when the traffic’s backed up. This is a courtesy gesture, and much appreciated when granted. Now I’m sorry girls, but I’m going to state here for the record that I’ve been keeping mental tabs on these drivers, and the majority are women under 50. My wife agrees. (For balance, I’ll note that nearly all tailgaters are men).
#10 aaron. Complete agreement. And one more: putting the blinker on when already changing lanes on the highway. Always keep an eye on the car you’re about to overtake. If they’re closing the gap between themselves and the one in front, chances are they’ll be changing lanes soon. But don’t expect much warning.
rebeccahH—If you get the belly skid plate for your SUV, you can just go over…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 13 at 03:52 PM • permalinkAre the pieces of blown-away lane hogs damaging your car after using your Precision Anti-Car Ordnance®? Then get a PACO2®, the Pieces of Automobile Collection Optimiser: PACO2® picks up the pieces of your sweet shattered dream to give you a carefree highway.
Posted by andycanuck on 2007 05 13 at 03:53 PM • permalinkI was recently driving in the mountains of Vermont in my Suburban, hauling a pair of snowmobiles uphill on a trailer, doing no more that 5mph over the posted speed of sixty five, when I came upon a speedbump driving a prius with, I shit you now, this Bumper Sticker. Now I know where she got it.
I pushed down on the accelerator as hard as I could while passing her in an effort to work up some carbon laden black smoke, but alas, my car is too well maintained for that trick to work. A single finger salute, while appropriate, would only strengthen the smugasm I am sure she was enjoying.
But these climate nazies are winning. Here is an interesting take with an interesting graphic.
Just “carefree”, aaron_, as PACO® does not condone the use of the Precision Anti-Car Ordnance® against vehicles in the proper lanes going an appropriate speed. At least, that’s what our lawyers have PACO International point out in all advertising.
Posted by andycanuck on 2007 05 13 at 04:27 PM • permalinkCaravans with South Australian rego plates. The ones you see on mountainous country highways pulling a train of 20 disgruntled cars. Arseholes!
Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2007 05 13 at 04:53 PM • permalink#25
That’s right, folks. Check the fine print in the manufacturer’s warranty on all Paco products. And if you can’t read Turkish, an English translation is available for a small fee.
That explains the slogan: “Think Turkey. Think PACO Products.”
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 05 13 at 05:10 PM • permalinkPaco— You’ll be glad to know your boy Albert will keep up the family tradition…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 13 at 05:12 PM • permalinkI love the smug disdain people like this have for other drivers. Could it have been a doctor on his way to the hospital for an emergency surgery? An undercover police officer on his way to support another officer? A husband rushing his pregnant wife about to deliver? Volunteer firefighter on his way to a call?
Nope, can’t move for ya, buddy, because I don’t think you should be going that fast.
Actually, I’d like to see staggered speed limits: left lane: 85mph, middle lane: 70mph, right lane: 55mph; and make it clear that being in the wrong lane at the wrong speed is a ticketable offense. That way, the 55mph morons have their own lane, and the rest of us only have to pass through momentarily while exiting or entering the highway.Note to ‘mericans and ‘anadians:
That’s on the INSIDE.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 05 13 at 08:04 PM • permalink#42 So I overtook on the left.
Dang, screwed up agen.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 05 13 at 08:07 PM • permalink#12 aaron_
And, Jeremy should realize that his odometer could easily be off +/- 8 mph.
That’s one strange odometer. A pet hate of mine is when I get a receipt for a petrol purchase to be asked what the speedometer says. Uh, zero?
Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 05 13 at 08:08 PM • permalinkHmmmm….I remember this one time when driving the work (uni:) car some greenie tosser (you can tell by the bumper stickers) was driving slowly. It was a suburban street but I nevertheless overtook and gave him a big, expressionless stare (LOVE doing that:) on the way past.
He gave me a two-fingered (WTF he was only like 35!!!!!) gesture and I returned the favour with my own single when in front. And wasn’t he pissed that I had subverted his little plan for domination! He tailgated me for a km or more.
I found out why a couple of weeks later when a cop phoned me at work (after getting my name from susie at the front desk who had to look at the log book:) and gave me a warning (it was in a school zone - which i didn’t know at the time lol) but he seemed oddly respectful. I don’t think cops like hippy douche bags (the first in true southpark style I have ever encountered!) either.
We concluded the conversation on good terms, with him apologising for taking up my time. Good on you Australian feds! :D - you job was done and i am now much more careful looking out for school zones
Posted by the-invigilator on 2007 05 13 at 08:16 PM • permalinkThere is a lead-foot variant of the #2 PRE-PLANNER:
They flank the left-exit lane from the centre and even right-hand lane passing as many of the exit lane cars as possible before veering rapidly across as many as three lanes to jump into the turn-off prior to the steel guard rail - now that’s what I call a nuisance/dangerous tear-arse!
I got stuck behind a tool on the way to Brisbane last year. Big chunks of the Pacific goat track are still one lane each way, with passing lanes plopped down now and again.
I was stuck behind a BMW for miles and miles. I had the cruise control set to 100, which was the speed limit, but I was constantly on the brakes as this dingbat slowed down to 70 or 80 for no reason other than his concentration had wandered. I couldn’t overtake as the road was too twisty, so I had to wait for the overtaking lanes.
When we reached an overtaking lane, I would floor it, and so would he. On one stretch, I had the old diesel 4WD would out to 150, and he still wouldn’t let me past. As soon as the overtaking lane petered out, he was back to his old tricks.
This went on until he had to stop for fuel. There really are times when you should be allowed to push other cars off the road.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 13 at 09:42 PM • permalinkOnly a few words regaurding long twisty roads and slow vehicles.
Pig truck.
Doing 70
110 kmph limit
35km behind him
If Id had a flamethrower it would have been BBQ pork for the next year. The pigs couldnt have been from to far away either as they were nice and “full”.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 05 13 at 10:04 PM • permalinkCould have been worse, Mole.
You might have been on a motorcycle.But then, you wouldn’t be stuck behind it for 35K’s either.
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2007 05 13 at 10:20 PM • permalinkcirby—my two personal favorites were my PU with linked AT’s front and a turetted RL, or my Luxury design with nothing but MG’s (Do you remember how many MG’s you could get firing forward with a turret? Some of our tournaments got a bit extreme…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 05 13 at 10:21 PM • permalinkQueenslanders also can’t merge and DON’T bloody indicate. And another beef, even the young hoons don’t go over 55kph. Not much funnier, than watching a young lad rev his engine at the traffic lights and race off to all of, oh say, 55kph! I had my Queenslander MIL hanging on for dear life once as I was driving 60kph in the 60kph zone.
Posted by Flat High C on 2007 05 13 at 11:10 PM • permalinkQueenslanders also can’t merge and DON’T bloody indicate.
Here in California, SUVs obviously don’t have indicators at all… at least I’ve never seen one used. Also, the rule for SUV and pickup drivers must be “whoever has the largest vehicle has the right-of-way.” If my two-door coupe weighs less than 3 tons, I’d best just get the hell outta their way.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 05 13 at 11:36 PM • permalinkDo Queenslanders let you in when lanes merge?
After all, the banana benders are “here to help”.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 05 14 at 12:02 AM • permalink55. That must be an adrenaline rush at roundabouts:)
56. Yes. Queenslanders will generally let me merge but I think that it is because they are so surprised by seeing an indicator that they mistake it for a hazard light and want to slow down to see the problem.
In Queensland’s defense (me being from Melbourne ‘n all) I will say that their bus drivers are more courteous and their cyclists far less militant than Melbourne’s.Posted by Flat High C on 2007 05 14 at 12:47 AM • permalinkCurious, isn’t it, that the people most concerned with rights have so little regard for manners.
Spot on Tim. Years ago I had a leftwing flatmate who was obsessed with ‘social justice’ and other fashionable leftie causes who liked to listen to incredibly loud classical music constantly throughout the day. He refused to modify his behaviour even after a neighbour who was a shiftworker and needed to sleep during the day politely asked him to be a little quieter.
My flatmate’s response was to argue that “it’s not illegal to play loud music before 10pm so I will continue to do so”.
I took some time to explain concepts like common decency and manners to him but, judging from the baffled look on his face, he didn’t grasp any of it.
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2007 05 14 at 01:18 AM • permalink#27 Abu Chowdah;
Caravans with South Australian rego plates. The ones you see on mountainous country highways pulling a train of 20 disgruntled cars. Arseholes!
It used to be that if an RV/Caravan had more than (5?) a few vehicles stuck behind, not pulling off at the next opportunity to let them pass was a guaranteed ticket. That’s here, in California.
I’ve not seen it happen lately, but only because I don’t get let out much these days.
I have a good mate who is a Highway Patrol Cop and the only people he ALWAYS books, without ever giving a warning are:
1. Parnets who don’t buckle up their kids with seat belts; and
2. Overtaking lane hoggers.
And I am in 100% agreement with that policy.
Posted by Apparatchik on 2007 05 14 at 03:20 AM • permalinkUp here in Washington, you’ll frequently see “Delay of more than 5 cars prohibited” signs on 2-lane highways. If you’ve got more than 5 cars behind you, you’re supposed to pull over and let them by. I don’t drive on those types of roads often enough to know how well this is enforced around here, but when I took my recent roadtrip through Southern Utah and Arizona, I got plenty of practice at passing slowpokes on a 2-lane highway in a rental car (read: gutless econobox.)
mr creosote et al,
what you do is get in front of them and slow down even more.
*nods head*
Posted by the-invigilator on 2007 05 14 at 04:27 AM • permalinkOh man, I just read Miss Politics’ response to JF Beck’s post and it’s a scream. Is she getting legal advice from Jeremy? These lines would suggest so:
“The Barrister Bewitched version however was rather below any acceptable standards of net manners and this person clearly needs to see a shrink fast. Their obsession with my orgasms, sexual activity, politics and spirituality is rather sad really. Its just a nasty, conceited piece of bullshit that should be taken down. Perhaps its one for the Privacy Commissioner ...”
The Privacy Commissioner? Oh FFS. For the “invasion” of privacy that occurred when you freely published information regarding your orgasms, sexual activity, politics and spirituality on the internet, then someone else read it? I implore you to do it, Vicky. Would love to see the results.
#18, Oh Andy that’s beautiful.
*Sigh*.
Beautiful.
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 05 14 at 09:10 AM • permalinkEgg at #47, the pre-lanners are all clogging up the middle lane of Sydney’s M4 which is then the slowest as well. They are stacked tighter than 747s waiting for take-off clearance at Mascot. You just can’t break through that cordon to reach the exit lane if you travel in the right/fast lane. A couple of times I had to drive to the next exit and double-back home.
‘Elderly Confusenik’. Shame on you, Tim, you have been corrupted by the serial ageism committed by The Simpsons producers.
In Adelaide we only have the Elderly Refuseniks. It is useless to complain when passing them on the inside because they can’t see over the steering wheel.
You can always tell them if the car ahead appears to have no driver.. Adelaide has an army of these..The Germans are strict about keeping to the right on the Autobahn. Speed limits are unnecessary. Just remember to look in your mirror before pulling out to pass.
That would never work here, where every clown has the right to talk on a cell phone and use a lane and a half, instead of paying attention to his/her driving. Buick drivers are the worst.
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