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VICTORY URGED

Do enjoy this fine motivational speech from an Australian Rules football coach. Headphone use strongly advised.

Posted by Tim B. on 04/16/2007 at 12:11 AM

  1. Fuck me fucking sideways. That is one fucking eloquent mother fucking c*nt. I’d fucking get fucking in the fucking trenches with that fucker.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 16 at 12:16 AM • permalink

  2. As my sainted great-grandmother would often say (toff Brit accent), “It’s worse than wicked. It’s vulgah.”

    Posted by CraigC on 2007 04 16 at 12:20 AM • permalink

  3. That fucker is an absolute fucking champion. He’s fuckin motivational, that fucker. If his team didn’t fuckin win they weren’t fuckin trying.

    Posted by Ash_ on 2007 04 16 at 12:22 AM • permalink

  4. #2 - As my sainted great-grandmother would often say “Have a fucking red hot fucking go, you weak fucking c*nt”. She did love her Bridge games.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 16 at 12:24 AM • permalink

  5. For fucks sake did the fuckin c**ts fuckin win or fuckin what?

    Posted by haranton on 2007 04 16 at 12:42 AM • permalink

  6. Well it’s not quite Henry V St Crispin’s day but it has its charm.

    Posted by Francis H on 2007 04 16 at 12:43 AM • permalink

  7. Sorry, what is it that they are going to take to them?

    Posted by anthony_r on 2007 04 16 at 12:47 AM • permalink

  8. #6 Good call Francis H

    Posted by KevGillett on 2007 04 16 at 12:51 AM • permalink

  9. Taken from the Mark Latham Handbook of Motivational Speaking. Better used in the Party Room to gee up the troops, but just as effective on the footy field. Disappointed to see that the other team were not refered to a ‘conga line of suck holes’, but very motivational none the less. I also understand that the motivational speech did have a practice run with the under 12 reserve side, with great success I might add.

    Posted by Justin on 2007 04 16 at 12:53 AM • permalink

  10. For a second I thought it was KRudd giving some editorial advice to a member of the press gallery.

    Posted by Kami on 2007 04 16 at 01:17 AM • permalink

  11. Methinks that Anthony Robbins has some serious competition coming his way…

    Posted by Jack Lacton on 2007 04 16 at 01:18 AM • permalink

  12. “Somewhere in the 80’s there was this chick who did this fucking marathon, and fair enough she came fucking 10th or 20th or something like that…”

    Amazing that they managed to score Terry Lane’s research assistant as their coach.

    Posted by Behemoth on 2007 04 16 at 01:36 AM • permalink

  13. When World War IV starts I want that guy to be my Platoon Sgt.

    Posted by Rachel Corrie's Flatmate on 2007 04 16 at 01:38 AM • permalink

  14. I think most of that was a cut from KRudd’s “counselling” session with the miscreant in his office who fucked up the Sunrise emails.

    Posted by Bonmot on 2007 04 16 at 01:39 AM • permalink

  15. I think the woman he refers to was a Swiss marathon runner at, from memory, the Atlanta Olympics. She crawled over the fuckin’ line and was carted off to fuckin’ hospital on a fuckin’ saline drip.

    Posted by Bonmot on 2007 04 16 at 01:42 AM • permalink

  16. Mighty fuckin’ good, mighty fuckin’ awesome, fuckin’.

    Posted by Dan__W on 2007 04 16 at 01:47 AM • permalink

  17. A bit of quick googling and we have her.

    Her name is Gabi Andersen-Schiess, she is indeed a Swiss and came last in the women’s marathon in LA, 1984.

    Posted by Bonmot on 2007 04 16 at 01:48 AM • permalink

  18. #17 - Remember it well. I thought I was watching the motherfucking Paralympics.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 16 at 01:51 AM • permalink

  19. I reckon it was KRuddy and the team before Question Time.

    Posted by Gravelly on 2007 04 16 at 01:55 AM • permalink

  20. After that, I hope the team won!

    Does anyone know if they did?

    Posted by ann j on 2007 04 16 at 02:19 AM • permalink

  21. The clergy is stealing that guy’s material!

    “Does the name Gabi Andersen Schiess mean anything to you?...What made Gabi famous at that time was not that she won that marathon run, but that she finished it.  In one of the most gripping sports moments ever recorded in Olympic history, Gabi fumbled and stumbled her way into the Los Angeles Coliseum after running nearly 26 miles, and having only a quarter mile left to go.”

    Sermon for Lent from the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Christ the Lord.

    Posted by Villeurbanne on 2007 04 16 at 02:31 AM • permalink

  22. Vid of Miss Scheiss.

    Must be a real kick in the ring to know she could have sat on the couch smoking durries and sinking piss and finished in the same position.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 16 at 02:39 AM • permalink

  23. Vid of Miss Scheiss.

    Must be a real kick in the ring to know she did all that training and she could have sat on the couch smoking durries, sinking piss, eating pizza and finished in the same position.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 16 at 02:41 AM • permalink

  24. Whoops. Fucking internet.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 16 at 02:44 AM • permalink

  25. #20
    Nah.  Went down to Mary Immaculate U14s, 11.4.70 to 10.9.69. The little fucken’ micks just wouldn’t give it up.

    Posted by lotocoti on 2007 04 16 at 02:49 AM • permalink

  26. Well at least I know what Latham is doing now

    Posted by Looneyc on 2007 04 16 at 02:52 AM • permalink

  27. Such a shame.

    It would be so much more ‘poetic’, with much more richily complex literary construction if the coach’s sermon were given in Arabic.

    I wonder if Keysar Trad works in reverse…

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2007 04 16 at 02:52 AM • permalink

  28. #22, 23.  IT, that is quite a funny typo you’ve made with Miss Schiess’ name by swapping the ‘e’ and ‘i’.  You’ve called her Miss Shit.

    Posted by craigo on 2007 04 16 at 02:58 AM • permalink

  29. #27 I fear we may be taking the coach out of context.

    Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 04 16 at 03:00 AM • permalink

  30. I don’t think he used the word ‘fucking’ nearly enough. I fear they may have lost as a direct result.

    Posted by Orinoco on 2007 04 16 at 03:08 AM • permalink

  31. We shall fucking defend our fucking island, whatever the fucking cost may be, we shall fucking fight on the fucking beaches, we shall fucking fight on the fucking landing grounds, we shall fucking fight in the fucking fields and in the fucking streets, we shall fucking fight in the fucking hills; we shall never fucking surrender.
    Winston fucking Churchill

    If hed been a coach.

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 16 at 03:10 AM • permalink

  32. #28 - My German is nearly as poor as my English.

    #30 - It’s refreshing to hear a public speaker who doesn’t ‘um’ and ‘ah’.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 04 16 at 03:10 AM • permalink

  33. Mind you he wasnt too far off it to judge from this quote.

    My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them
    Winston Churchill

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 16 at 03:33 AM • permalink

  34. O/T

    Bloody hell. Slow news tonight. Today Tonight reports:

    The RAN is dumping rubbish in the ocean. It’s illegal.

    The most interesting aspect of the report is that Ian Kiernan (Clean Up Australia) is having apoplexy; Brendan Nelson doesn’t give a rat’s.

    ***

    Oh, Seal Attacks Child. (Can’t find a link.)
    How unusual. It’s a wild animal.

    Posted by kae on 2007 04 16 at 04:44 AM • permalink

  35. “... stick it up their fuckin’ arses!” 

    Am I the only one who has long suspected that men who play team sports are closet cases?

    Posted by ellen on 2007 04 16 at 04:53 AM • permalink

  36. Even Chopper Read from the The Ronnie Johns Good Times Campfire Jamboree Half Hour Show (Now on Television) couldn’t muster more than fifteen fucks ...

    Posted by Stevo on 2007 04 16 at 05:07 AM • permalink

  37. Didn’t he write for Latham?

    Posted by kae on 2007 04 16 at 05:24 AM • permalink

  38. #35

    ... stick it up their fuckin’ arses!

    That’s called a url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Hopoate]Hopoate [/url](pronounced hoppo-arty)[

    Posted by kae on 2007 04 16 at 05:28 AM • permalink

  39. Well, did they fuckin stick it up the fuckers’ arses, or did they just fuckin take it lying down?

    Posted by Big Arnie on 2007 04 16 at 05:37 AM • permalink

  40. Let’s get out there and win one for the fucker!

    Posted by Lonetown on 2007 04 16 at 05:52 AM • permalink

  41. no arnie, disappointingly our fuckers took it up the fuckin arses fuckin lying fuckin down, the fuckin fucks. oh well, there’s always fuckin next fuckin week - bet the fuckers really fuck ‘em then

    Posted by hooligan on 2007 04 16 at 05:52 AM • permalink

  42. Carlin was right, it really is THE multi-purpose word.
    It really was a motivating speech, but it did leave me a little confused. I’m unsure whether I’m motivated to kick ass, become a homosexual, have crazed monkey sex with a marathon runner or perhaps all three. Oye, and its only Monday…

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2007 04 16 at 06:15 AM • permalink

  43. First of all, I haven’t laughed so hard in a while. Fuckin funniest fucking post and fuckin comments in a long time.

    Next, Kae I saw that idiot on TT, and all I thought was: what a tosser. He spent 6 years in the navy, they were the best years of his life and the worst years (sounds like bloody Charles Dickens) and the worst part was throwing some rubbish overboard.

    Maybe I’m hard-hearted, but if you’re in the navy, surely there are more important things on your mind than spending your free time over a couple of years on ship filming your crewmates.

    I’d be leaving the country or at least declining any reunion invitations.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 04 16 at 06:16 AM • permalink

  44. We fuckers, we happy fuckers, we band of cunning stunts;
      For he to-day that sheds his fuckin blood with me
      Shall be my fuckin brother; be he ne’er such a prick,
      This fuckin day shall gentle his condition;
      And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
      Shall think themselves cunts they were not here,
      And hold their fuckin manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
      That fought with us upon fuckin Saint Crispin’s day.

    Posted by Nic on 2007 04 16 at 06:31 AM • permalink

  45. Droll. But all you fuckers have overlooked the fucking obvious. What the other fucking coach was saying to his fucking bunch of cunts.

    Posted by geoff on 2007 04 16 at 06:54 AM • permalink

  46. (Quietly discards idea of adding her experience running Tim’s blog to her resume.)

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 04 16 at 06:57 AM • permalink

  47. Imagine David Marr giving a motivational speech like that. Somehow, ‘stick it up their fucking arses’ would take on a completely new meaning.

    Posted by Nic on 2007 04 16 at 07:23 AM • permalink

  48. What a fuckin’ way to start the fuckin’ day! Now I’ll have to fuckin’ watch my fuckin’ mouth all the rest of the fuckin’ day.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2007 04 16 at 07:47 AM • permalink

  49. Andrea, go ahead and leave it in. If they don’t like it, tell them to go fuck themselves.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2007 04 16 at 07:49 AM • permalink

  50. Did they win?

    Posted by murph on 2007 04 16 at 07:52 AM • permalink

  51. C’mon Andrea. Get into the fucking spirit!

    Posted by Hank Reardon on 2007 04 16 at 07:53 AM • permalink

  52. Andrea, I’d leave it in. If I was scanning resumes of potential candidates for jobs, and I saw “Administrator for TimBlair.net”, I would stick yours right on top of the pile.

    Posted by Ash_ on 2007 04 16 at 07:55 AM • permalink

  53. #52 I should clarify. The “I really should hire this person, and if they’re not right for this particular job, I’ll make a new job for them because they seem cool”, not the “Unemployable pile”.

    Posted by Ash_ on 2007 04 16 at 07:58 AM • permalink

  54. Andrea Harris

    You can claim to be fluent in Vulgarian.

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 04 16 at 07:59 AM • permalink

  55. LOVE the complete lack of any specific tactics. Oh and the touching tone of voice when talking about the “f*cking sheila” or whatever, man..

    Posted by mark on 2007 04 16 at 08:02 AM • permalink

  56. #28 craigo, that’s appropriate because I believe she also shat herself prior to the finish line.

    Posted by anthony_r on 2007 04 16 at 08:18 AM • permalink

  57. #31 mole - fucking brilliant, mate.

    My fucking Vietnamese colleagues were fucking asonished to see me collapsing on the fucking ground holding my fucking ribs and shrieking with fucking laughter.

    Extremely fucking difficult to ex-fucking-plain

    Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 04 16 at 08:25 AM • permalink

  58. That coach should teach sunday school.

    Posted by Penguin on 2007 04 16 at 08:36 AM • permalink

  59. Michael Braun’s $5,000 footy fuck.

    Posted by J F Beck on 2007 04 16 at 08:37 AM • permalink

  60. Those fucking pricks reckon they will snap are fucking necks like so many fucking chickens.

    Some fucking neck.

    Some fucking chicken.

    [Churchill again]

    Posted by geoff on 2007 04 16 at 09:22 AM • permalink

  61. I dunno.  Seems like fucking overkill to me.  The team looked fucking tired by the time the fucking speech was over.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 04 16 at 09:26 AM • permalink

  62. At least he didn’t call the other team nappy-headed ho’s.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 04 16 at 09:46 AM • permalink

  63. Ah, Lord Byron reborn.

    Posted by andycanuck on 2007 04 16 at 10:14 AM • permalink

  64. It’s the all-purpose word! It’s a noun, it’s a verb, it’s an adverb!

    Posted by mojo on 2007 04 16 at 10:19 AM • permalink

  65. #46

    (Quietly discards idea of adding her experience running Tim’s blog to her resume.)

    Well, Andrea, do you remember that survey that discovered that “fuck” was 41 times more likely to appear on a leftist web forum than on a right-wing one? Well, I think we’ve done our part to even the score.

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 04 16 at 10:21 AM • permalink

  66. Quote from a RCAF aircraft technician, WW2 era:

    Fuck it, the fucking fucker’s fucking fucked.

    Note the reduction in non-essential words or phrases.

    Cheers

    Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 04 16 at 11:44 AM • permalink

  67. #38

    Oh, bugger. Sorry about the linky thing.

    Posted by kae on 2007 04 16 at 05:37 PM • permalink

  68. #66 J.M.

    Fuck it, the fucking fucker’s fucking fucked.

    I belive that military technical parlance is still used.

    Posted by kae on 2007 04 16 at 05:39 PM • permalink

  69. An australian Vince Lombardi if I’ve ever seen one.

    Posted by Hank Reardon on 2007 04 16 at 09:08 PM • permalink

  70. #46 Andrea,
    Yours’ was the funniest comment of all.

    #44 Nic,
    That’s probably what King Hal actually said, before Will Shakspeare bowdlerized it.

    Posted by Michael Lonie on 2007 04 16 at 11:42 PM • permalink

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