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USEFUL PARENTING ADVICE
Are your children going through that awkward phase when all they want to do is kill Jews and impose Muslim law? Yes? Then join Terry Hicks next weekend at the Mullumbimby Fatherhood Festival to hear him discuss “challenges in parenting”.
(Via Raffi)
Terry’s advice: “Hugs. Lots of hugs. Instruction on the Koran. Small arms training. Oh, and a passport under a false name.”
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 08 30 at 01:27 PM • permalinkwouldn’t you just love to be at the q&a session after his talk? tell me mr hicks, when exactly did you leave your family fatherless & when exactly did you begin to take a real interest in your son again? was it about the time you realised you could get paid for some media interviews, set up a fighting fund & maybe write a book? seeing as david abandoned his children, do you think you passed the bad parent gene on to your son?
Whats next, Michael Moore on dieting?
Posted by Not My Problem on 2007 08 30 at 02:29 PM • permalinkMullumbimby??? Wow, where do you Aussies come up with these names, fantastic.
And I love how the Fatherhood Festival is “a festival for everybody”. Maybe just call it “A Festival for Any Idiot Who Wants to Show Up”.
Oh, and I see they’re going for green-cred with the “this festival is climate neutral” tag. I guess I’m climate neutral as well. I like both hot and cold.
Posted by joeythelemur on 2007 08 30 at 02:50 PM • permalinkWell, at least it’s billed as “A Festival Fringe Event”.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 08 30 at 02:56 PM • permalinkWell, who would know more about the consequences of failing the parenting challenge than Terry Hicks?
Well, sure, Papa bin Laden, but he was booked that weekend.
Posted by tim maguire on 2007 08 30 at 03:25 PM • permalinkDamn! Can I edit that and take out the first “well”?
Posted by tim maguire on 2007 08 30 at 03:27 PM • permalinkWell, I don’t think you should, even if you could, but you can’t so you wont, tim maguire.
Well, it serves as a kind of a hook for those of us with nothing interesting to say to say something anyway.
Well, I’d like to say thank you, tim maguire, for offering me way of commenting on this thread, other than ranting something ugly about “taint of blood”.
Is that the Mullumbimby in the north of NSW, or D.H. Lawrence’s Mullumbimby?
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 08 30 at 04:13 PM • permalinkBest known for the Mullumbimby Madness.
This is street talk for a particular kind of a commodity readily available on the informal market in Northern NSW especially around Byron Bay. Gave its name to the signature pizza of the Earth ‘n’ Sea Pizza and Pasta restaurant chain back in the seventies.
5. MULLUMBIMBY MADNESS:
At last! A vegetarian pizza with taste! Fresh button mushrooms, slices of green capsicum, just enough onion, black olives, fresh garlic, fresh tomato slices and your choice of pineapple pieces or chilli sauce. The environmental pizza!Enough said.
Terry Hicks should never be let out in public unless he’s wearing this.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 08 30 at 05:54 PM • permalinkIt is things like this that make it so hard for satirists.
I hope the ferals aren’t too stoned to learn something.
Posted by Hump B Bare on 2007 08 30 at 06:09 PM • permalinkI can just imagine question time.
“Uh hi… Firstly, thanks for speaking to us and sharing your brave story. [polite applause]. Ummm, my son, he’s 16, keeps muttering something about shaheed. He’s always liked guns and we like to, you know, set no boundaries. Anyway, that’s not my question. My question is this: should I tell his Mum? She left ten years ago.”
Pol Pot on “bridging the gap between the classes?”
Mao on “Mass agricultural methods”
Stalin on “How to win friends and
purgeinfluence people?”Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 30 at 07:09 PM • permalinkGuess next year - seeing as he’ll be free and all - they could get Mohammed Dawood to come along and offer his words of wisdom on parenting. That is of course if he isn’t to busy with Mr Flannery.
Guess next year - seeing as he’ll be free and all - they could get Mohammed Dawood to come along and offer his words of wisdom on parenting. That is of course if he isn’t too busy with Mr Flannery. (Sorry for the stuffed links first time around).
Something is seriously wrong with a social group where this lead-pipe loser can show up and not be hounded out of the room.
Posted by Jeffersonian on 2007 08 30 at 08:56 PM • permalinkMC: Terry, what has been the biggest challenge of fatherhood?
TH: Finding my pants afterwards.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 30 at 08:57 PM • permalinkWhat a relief. The Mullumbimby Fatherhood Festival is sponsored by NSW Tourism Dept.‘s “Regional Flagship Events”.
That’s what I like to see. Taxpayers’ money spent on encouraging howling men to dance naked around campfires at night in search of their inner manhood. That’ll sure bring in the punters.
And you can buy a Baghdad Barbie from the ever creative (original! breathtaking! Hec, why didn’t I ever think of that?) Ms Priscilla Bracks.
Burqa sold separately.
#7 Mullumbimby??? Wow, where do you Aussies come up with these names, fantastic.
It’s actually Mullumbloodybimby. Just like Oodnabloodydatta, Cunnabloodymulla etc. We just have to shorten some of these town names so you foreigners won’t be confused.
Mullumbimby is just a short stroll up the road from Nimbin which I guess is where the Fatherhood will shack up for the night. The grass is…err…browner in that region.
I’m sorry ... but all of you here are under the impression that the ad is NOT a parody?
...
... later ...
... oh, my goodness! It IS a real ad!!
Posted by Michael Sheehan on 2007 08 30 at 09:46 PM • permalinkIs poetry allowed here?
Anyway, as there seems to be a lull in the proceedings, here is a poem on feral fatherhood.
(Sorry, don’t know who wrote the poem, so can’t attribute).Susie-Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ‘bout it all,
She told her pappy so.Pappy told her,
“Susie gal, you’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother.”So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will,
But after telling pappy this,
He said, “There’s trouble still.“You can’t marry Will, my gal,
And please don’t tell yo mother,
But Will and Joe, and several mo’
I know is yo’ half brother.”But mama knew and said,
“My child, just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe.
You ain’t no kin to pappy.”#8, perhaps for the Hicks men, fatherhood is a Fringe event ;).
Cheap shot? Well, I need the practice.
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 08 30 at 11:23 PM • permalinkJust above Hicks’ little advertisement, it says it is a ‘Festival Fringe Event’.
What a particularly apt title.
Posted by The Best Infidel on 2007 08 30 at 11:26 PM • permalink#7, Mullumbimby is a lovely place and as you can see their sense of haute comedie is a feature, topped only by its relative nearness to Tropical Fruit World, just across the road from Avocadoland.
Excellent places to visit.
If you go there, watch out for the several months that the sugar cane (?) harvesting covers the town in dust - apparently.
When I last visited there about ten years ago, they were wondering how to attract more tourists - I guess Hicks is the way of the future.
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 08 30 at 11:37 PM • permalinkThe factors that ‘spook’ Australians
The results of a poll released today by the respected [by who?] Lowy Institute has climate change and unfriendly nuclear proliferation heading the list.What climate change?
Which unfriendly nuclear proliferation?
Also on the list:The Cold War-era ANZUS alliance the military bond between the US and Australia is also showing signs of fading relevance.
Greens leader Bob Brown says the Lowy findings come as no surprise to him.
Closet queen Bob again. Always out.
Given widespread public sympathy [what widespread public sympathy?] for the plight of Dr Mohamed Haneef, a strong case can also be made for growing public scepticism about official claims of home grown Islamist terror at least when they concern Indian doctors.
The Cold War-era has not ended, only the enemy has changed.
Lowy seems to be lost in a mall.
Posted by stackja1945 on 2007 08 30 at 11:37 PM • permalinkSpeaking of Byron bay, heres a selection of its finest moonbats on display.
Notice how many of them seem to be in some sort of Government gran supported “theatre” groups.Look!! Giant paper mache skeletons!!!(bottom of the page)
Another 2 dicked man, couldnt get that silly just playing with one, “Climate change threatens us all, but APEC will be advocating big business as usual, more unrestrained corporate greed, more resource piracy, more corruption of government and more devastation of the Earth, its waters, its creatures and its native peoples.
The true consequence of APEC advocacy is dispossession of the poor, deepening poverty, violence within nations, war between nations, environmental catastrophe, famine, pestilence and death!”
Cats and dogs living together, paluges of frogs, blood falling from the sky, chuthulu, nyarlothep, aiee, airr.
Drugs are bad Mmmmmkay??
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 30 at 11:38 PM • permalinkWhy is everything in italics all of a sudden?
Posted by The Best Infidel on 2007 08 30 at 11:47 PM • permalinkThe Nurses Union has been labelled hypocritical for sacking one of its members from an ad campaign, because her child was sick.
First the pope and horses flu now nurses and chickenpox.
Now if father Hicks comes down with some bug.Posted by stackja1945 on 2007 08 31 at 12:08 AM • permalink#45 - Terry Hicks contracted a sexually transmitted disease called David.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 31 at 12:09 AM • permalinkEgg and Skeeter
Some of us wear the feral tag with pride. Seems Ma and I go around gathering ferals and turning them out better. Not all winners, but nothing like Mo.
In fact, I had 2 at kinder last night and for dinner there were 2 piles of sausages. Normal and halal. It was good to see RWDB fathers eating the halal sausages - they tasted better. Not sure what the Presbyterians ate.
Dear Mr Terry Hicks,
Let me open this letter by saying that even before you took up the offer to speak at the Fatherhood Festival, I had always admired the example you had set as a parent. The minimalist, hands off - “don’t lay your rules on me man” - approach has rightfully been the epitome of parenting since the late 1960’s.
I write to you with a vexing problem for which I seek your guidance. As parents, my wife Moonbeam and I have always been progressive in style. Not for us the stifling, paternalistic and archaic notions of discipline and respect for authority.
After all, every enlightened person knows that those ideas are nothing but binds on the creativity and true freedom that will realise John Lennon’s dream.
From the earliest opportunity we took every opportunity to indicate to our son the obvious truth that the western world into which he has unfortunately been born was the real source of evil and unhappiness in the world.
Initially, things went well. In his early teenage years, he agreed that the so called freedoms he enjoyed were deceptions laid by hidden fascists. He embraced multiculturalism and began lessons in Arabic. Wonderful, we thought, it is an exapmle that he has identified with the struggle of a minority oppressed by today’s establishment and also his ancestors. How wonderfully vibrant.
Yet lately, we have seen some troubling signs now that he is in the full throes of puberty. He has been spending long periods of time in the bathroom with the door firmly locked. He is moody and uncommunicative, demanding that we speak to him only in Arabic. The usual teen struggle for identity has seen him also insist that we call him ‘Mo’. Wy wife has insightfully guessed that this must be short for Mohandas.
He also spends hours locked in his bedroom, doing Gaia knows what and we hear mumbling and moaning coming from within regularly during the day. We often hear the floor sqeak in a rythmic way that is slightly embarrassing if guests are over. He has books in a brown paper bag that he adamantly refuses to let us touch. If that weren’t enough, he is aparently so embarrassed about the changes in his body that he is acutely nervous around any female visitors that come into the house. He simply won’t look at them or speak with them - poor thing!
Now, like all men, I too went through puberty and explored my sexuality so I know what he is up to and how embarrassing it would be for me to broach the subject of onanism.
Perhaps you have some advice on how I can explain to him that the changes he is undergoing are good, natural and appropriate and that he shouldn’t lose sight of the need to focus on revolutionary change.
Yours in hope,
Mr Windchime
#60
Dear Arsechime,
Let’s get this fuckin straight, pal. I didn’t give a fat rats clacker about my son and I couldn’t give a gold coated continental about your dead shit son. My drop kick of a son, David, Dawood, or dickhead as I used to call him (when I could be arsed seeing him) was spawned from the arse of a jackal. Until the bloody leech got all hopped up on koranic crack he was as useful as a hip pocket on a g-string.
My only advice to you, you patchouli soaked, rainbow chaser is to hope like buggery that your dead shit son is jumping for jihad, too. Then get yourself a good agent and latch on like a pilotfish to the panty waisted, arse sperlunking, lap dogs that pander to these scum soaked, blow rags. There’s a bloody good earn it!
Now send me a cheque or piss off.
Terry.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 31 at 04:18 AM • permalink#62 - Root my boot. I was replying to the very funny, Penguin
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 31 at 04:19 AM • permalinkOh boy, a thread that refers to place names. Means I can say that where I come from “is somewhere between Ugley and Nasty”
Check it out. Two villages on the Essex Hertfordshire border (UK) about 4 miles apart.
And I swear there used to be a sign on the Ugley village hall that said,
Ugley Womens Institute
Said’s Awkward Phase
From a review at VDH.Warraq then turns to Said’s misrepresentation of the West as a xenophobic culture, fearful of the “Other” and cultural difference. Warraq explodes this canard by identifying what he calls the “three golden threads” woven through Western culture since the time of the Greeks: rationalism, universalism, and self-criticism. As Warraq argues, Western intellectual curiosity has driven an interest in other cultures and peoples and created a magnificent edifice of scholarship formalizing that interest. The Western notion of a universal human nature reinforced this intellectual openness to other cultures. And self-criticism has been the engine of the West’s improvement, leading to the rejection of traditional practices that were unjust or inefficient, as Warraq shows with his discussion of the British Empire’s war on slavery. In fact, the West’s most trenchant critics, Said included, have always been Westerners
Challenges in Parenting?
This can apply to whole regions:
It is the absence of these golden threads, Warraq believes, not Western crimes abetted by “Orientalism,” that accounts for the backwardness and stagnation of the Muslim Middle East — a region that with few exceptions lacks interest in other peoples, adheres unthinkingly to fossilized traditions, and is unable to look critically at its failures. These characteristics have fostered a paranoid cult of victimhood that blames the West for the failures of Middle Eastern regimes. Said’s work encourages such thinking: “In cultures already immune to self-criticism,” Warraq writes, “Said helped Muslims and particularly Arabs, perfect their already well-developed sense of self-pity.”
VDHMullumbimby??? Wow, where do you Aussies come up with these names, fantastic.
Same place you ‘merikans got all them funky injun names fer yer towns. Guilt ridden self loathers who think renaming a town with an Indigenous name somehow contributes to reconcilliation and healing. Or maybe they were too lazy to think of a new name so they asked the locals when they first showed up…
mullumbimby in the local Indigenous dialect roughly translates to “collective of white stoners and welfare cheats” which also is the same word they use for “parasites”.
Posted by CanberraNeoCon on 2007 08 31 at 09:32 AM • permalinkIs poetry allowed here?
Skeeter—no. But don’t worry, you appear to be safe.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 08 31 at 02:43 PM • permalink
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So that’s Terry Hicks. Hmp. Well, that explains David.