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TRY CUTTING THE HEAD OFF STRETCH ARMSTRONG

We were warned that Bush would turn Iraq into a puppet regime, but none of us suspected that he’d use actual puppets.

Just as well the Mujahideen Squadrons (under-11 division) are rounding up these puppet soldiers before they can be bent into combat-ready positions and left lying around a bedroom somewhere. Instapundit has a complete roundup.

UPDATE. This is what you’re fighting for, America!

(Via Richard Robson)

Posted by Tim B. on 02/02/2005 at 06:59 AM

  1. This is the sort of thing that I could actually believe was a CIA operation to make the insurgents look desperate and foolish.  Or maybe make the AP look desperate and foolish.  Hell, both. 

    But would the CIA take the risk of letting something so obviously fake get into the media’s hands where it could never be disproved?

    Can you imagine if CBS had come out with that photo?  Months later there would still be people saying that no one proved it was a fake.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2005 02 02 at 08:45 AM • permalink

  2. Update: The terrorists have released their plastic hostage unharmed. President Bush is flying to Iraq to bring him a plastic turkey.

    Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2005 02 02 at 08:55 AM • permalink

  3. I have some breaking news in this hostage story....

    http://lawnrangers.blogspot.com/2005/02/breaking-news-on-kidnapped-soldier.html

    Posted by whinton on 2005 02 02 at 09:14 AM • permalink

  4. The turkey was made of plastic, the soldier was made of plastic, nightly news anchors look like they are made of plastic, plastic, plastic, plastic. . . and WHERE does plastic come from? That’s right: petroleum!!! See, it WAS Haliburton all along!

    Posted by Sergio on 2005 02 02 at 09:23 AM • permalink

  5. If the hostage was a female blow-up doll, Bill Clinton would already be in Iraq “negotiating” for her release.

    Posted by RACE BANNON on 2005 02 02 at 09:35 AM • permalink

  6. The picture was so fake that even the Daily Mirror might not have run it. 

    Great opportunity to mock the terrorists which is good for morale in the same way that songs about the Fuhrer’s testicular singularity were during the second world war.

    Posted by rexie on 2005 02 02 at 09:50 AM • permalink

  7. Sortelli sez: “This is the sort of thing that I could actually believe was a CIA operation to make the insurgents look desperate and foolish.  Or maybe make the AP look desperate and foolish.  Hell, both.”

    I know this is trotting into the conspiracy theory realm..but I agree.  Two birds killed with one stone.  Gotta admit if this was some sort of CIA/Psy Ops tactic it certainly was clever.

    Posted by Bucky Katt on 2005 02 02 at 09:58 AM • permalink

  8. From the interview I heard with Combat Carls widow, this guy is the AQ mastermind behind it. Rumor has it he has a SCUD also.

    Posted by Crusader on 2005 02 02 at 10:00 AM • permalink

  9. Sortelli, BK,
    As soon as I heard about this, I figured it was a CIA/Psyops thing, too.  If not, I bet they’re kicking themselves that they didn’t think of it first.
    SPY

    Posted by SPY on 2005 02 02 at 10:14 AM • permalink

  10. These days, the CIA would have used psyops to try to make BUSH look foolish.

    Posted by Attila on 2005 02 02 at 11:00 AM • permalink

  11. Check out jihadwatch.org and scroll down for a hilarious (and unexpected) take on the “kidnapping.”

    Posted by Patricia on 2005 02 02 at 11:53 AM • permalink

  12. Several times over the last couple of years I made a comment to the effect that Barbie dolls would be one of the great weapons we would use in this war. I guess I didn’t know how truthfully I spoke.

    Posted by Steven Den Beste on 2005 02 02 at 12:10 PM • permalink

  13. Considering all of the plastic surgery going on in Hollywood these days, maybe these terrorists were confused, and thought this doll was just the latest secret weapon in the war on terrorism.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 02 02 at 01:27 PM • permalink

  14. I laughed to myself when the midday ABC news 2/2 had this as one of their stories.  The missing soldier story that is, not the barbie hoax story.  I got the good oil from Tim about 3 hours earlier.  Does the ABC employ journalists who check and research stories (which includes maybe doing an internet search on the subject matter), or do they just do a cut and paste job from news services?  Slack ABC.

    Posted by Dinsey on 2005 02 02 at 02:42 PM • permalink

  15. Looks like Team America was ahead of its time. So, the Team America Theme Song, Bummer Remix is rolling for John “Cody” Adam. But we all know that Team America is coming to save the mutha f****ng day, yeah!

    I knew Kim Jong Il was behind this dastardly evil plot!

    Posted by Eric Anondson on 2005 02 02 at 02:46 PM • permalink

  16. Top Ten Reason Terrorists in Iraq Attempted to Pass off a Toy Soldier as a Hostage.

    10) Got a great deal on a GI Cody action figure at Costco.

    9) Zarquawi got a photo of his doll collection mixed in with his hostage photos.

    8) Budget cuts.

    7) Made a bet with Ahmed that the Associated Press would put any photo a terrorist organization released on the AP website.

    6) Too much traffic from people going to vote to go out and kidnap someone for real.

    5) They’re still scrapping the last guy who tried to kidnap a U.S. soldier out of the treads of a M2 Bradley.

    4) Mattel doesn’t sell Malibu Ken in the Middle East.

    3) You don’t have to worry about getting the c**p beat out of you like when you try to kidnap a real soldier.

    2) Somebody put Baghdad Bob in charge of terrorist press releases.

    And the number one reason terrorists are kidnapping toys....

    1) What’s the point of putting a lot of effort into it when even the Western liberals are starting to figure out the terrorists can’t win.

    Posted by Jeremy on 2005 02 02 at 03:39 PM • permalink

  17. They’ve captured Cody!  Those bastards!

    Posted by Bud Norton on 2005 02 02 at 04:09 PM • permalink

  18. Channel Nine’s “Today Show” ran the “Kidnapped GI” story yesterday morning.  Of course, the story contained the obligatory sneer about the Pentagon “denying” having any missing soldiers (them dumb lying Yankee baby killers hey?).  I called their news room to inform them that they were as sharp as a bucket of wet hair.  The fellow I spoke to was very embarrassed - probably because he was made to look stupid not because of any silly little journalistic ethics thingys.  He sent me an email later on saying that GI Joe looks different from when he was a kid...do you reckon it’s a black thing?

    Posted by murph on 2005 02 02 at 06:35 PM • permalink

  19. Attila—You have a point about the CIA.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2005 02 02 at 07:18 PM • permalink

  20. the photo is fake but accurate.

    Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 02 02 at 07:58 PM • permalink

  21. My theory is that this is the result of a very bored army techie somewhere in the middle east.

    I believe though that civilian morale is an important factor and so I thikn it overall a good thing.

    Posted by Anthony on 2005 02 02 at 08:52 PM • permalink

  22. My god!  That Barbie doll has a higher forehead than a WB starlet!

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 02 02 at 11:17 PM • permalink

  23. I think the military should think about carpet-bombing the Middle East with Barbie dolls.  The Islamowankers will be so traumatized by a female figure that isn’t black, conical, and made out of goat’s wool, they won’t be able to think straight, let alone plan any more world takeovers.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 02 02 at 11:53 PM • permalink

  24. what the hell are rumsfeld and bush doing about this captured G.I? surely they could be doing something? cant they get chuck norris to bust him out?

    Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 02 03 at 04:16 AM • permalink

  25. This is on a par with the posters featuring Osama paired with Bert.

    Yeah, that Bert, the Muppet.  Okay, so these guys may not be the brightest bulbs on the string, but that doesn’t mean we should laugh at them… snrf, snck… mffff…

    BwahahahaHAHAHA!!!!!

    Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2005 02 03 at 05:31 AM • permalink

  26. So the headchoppers are playing with toys.  Now they’ve got the idea.

    Posted by Inurbanus on 2005 02 03 at 06:37 AM • permalink

  27. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf had taken over command of the terrorists.

    Posted by 2dogs on 2005 02 03 at 03:13 PM • permalink

  28. While Tim is away doing his day job:
    A US General has attracted some bad press by saying that shooting people can be fun.
    He got into trouble for this?
    I thought they would have this on all their recruiting material.

    Posted by blogstrop on 2005 02 03 at 06:38 PM • permalink

  29. Darn. He let the cat out of the bag. Now everyone will want to try. Oh wait--

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 02 03 at 11:56 PM • permalink

  30. Shooting people can’t be fun?  What the fuck are people playing Halo 2 doing it for, then?

    Posted by Sortelli on 2005 02 04 at 02:15 AM • permalink

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