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TREES FEARED
The latest environmental catastrophe: trees might grow!
Trees could be growing in the Antarctic within a century because of global warming, an international scientific conference heard.
Trees vanish from the Amazon: bad news. Trees grow in the Antarctic: bad news. Why can’t trees get it right?
With carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere set to double in the next 100 years, the icy continent could revert to how it looked about 40 million years ago, said Professor Robert Dunbar of Stanford University.
So we’re returning that blasted wasteland to its previously verdant, unmolested-by-humankind state. If you’re not contributing to global warming, you’re part of the problem.
"It was warm and there were bushes and there were trees,” he told some 850 delegates in the Tasmanian capital Hobart ...
... who shuddered with terror.
Dunbar said climate experts were predicting a doubling of the levels of carbon dioxide by 2100, “but it actually looks like it’s going to come sooner unfortunately."
Tree-hating brutes. It’s all about the ice with these people.
If trees start growing in Antarctica, then next we’ll have developers moving in to clear them out.
“But look, you found the notice didn’t you?”“Yes,” said Arthur, “yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard Seal.”
Posted by The Sanity Inspector on 2006 07 13 at 11:23 AM • permalinkFrom the article linked by Bruce:
“As glaciers from Greenland to Kilimanjaro recede at record rates, the central ice cap of Antarctica has steadily grown for the past 11 years, partially offsetting rising seas due to the melt waters of global warming, researchers said yesterday.”
I remember a science quiz show that explained why a glass filled with water and ice would not overflow as the ice that stuck up above the rim melted. I can understand why there isn’t a direct correlation to rising seas/ice cap melt, but I’d bet global warming scare mongers are, well, trying to scare us with predictions of ocean front property in Arizona.
Of course there’s a problem with Antarctica losing ice!
How will we make a decent martini without any ice? Or do you think ice grows on trees?
Geez, people, get a clue!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 07 13 at 11:31 AM • permalinkDon’t let your guard down, people. It’s us or the trees. Us or the trees.
Posted by withcheese on 2006 07 13 at 11:40 AM • permalinkSince Polar bears do not exist in Antarctica, there are no land mammals living in Antarctica from what I’ve read, except for those that freeze their asses off doing scientific studies, of whatever nature.
I guess if this occurs Trees could grow in Antarctica within century , there would still be no bears that shit it the woods.
Antarctica. Covered with trees. Perhaps with American Chestnut trees. A vision that only a green could hate.
Antarctica will become the new Land of Opportunity. Condos, theme parks, golf courses, shopping malls. Psssst! El Cid. You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’? We really ought to cut rebecca in, though; it was her idea.
paco
Antarctica will become the new Land of Opportunity. Condos, theme parks, golf courses, shopping malls. Psssst! El Cid. You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’? We really ought to cut rebecca in, though; it was her idea.
Hell ya, just the thought makes me dizzy...Bears Don’t Shit In Our Woods Estates, Strap Your Ass In, Cause This Sumbitch Goes World, Sink This Asshole Golf And Country Club, Leave Your Money At Our
MaulMall Mall.WOW!
Well whatever, the names can be worked out.
Olrence. Silly idea re Antartic’s trees & Gunns (a large Tasmanian lumber company for o/s readers - Chief Hate Corporation for the tree huggers). We (Gunns) won’t be finished in Tasmania for ages, so no need to worry about Artartica. Too far from markets (hmmm, unless those condos need wooden frames. Ker-ching!!).
I think the “Gunns 12” look very appealing with their mouths taped over, don’t you? Especially Bob Brown. Why doesn’t brown-eye have the guts to keep his mouth taped all the time?
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 13 at 03:00 PM • permalinkAntartic Beech’s scientific name is Nothofagus gunii
Gunii - ROFL !
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 13 at 03:02 PM • permalinkDunbar said climate experts were predicting a doubling of the levels of carbon dioxide by 2100
I wear trifocals. When I looked at that sentence the first time, I though it said, “Dumfart said....”
Even when I’m wrong, I’m right. ;-p
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2006 07 13 at 03:20 PM • permalinkOh for heaven’s sake. Just when I think you people have sunk to the lowest level just to become rich ...
Um, might I remind everyone about the super secret neocon submarine base on the north shore of Antartica. I for one don’t want condos built beside our base. Wouldn’t remain secret would it?
Posted by wronwright on 2006 07 13 at 04:20 PM • permalinkIf a tree falls in Antartica and no-one is there to hear it…
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2006 07 13 at 04:45 PM • permalink#27: Um, might I remind everyone about the super secret neocon submarine base on the north shore of Antartica. I for one don’t want condos built beside our base. Wouldn’t remain secret would it?
Quite right. Ok, everybody, listen up! Proceed immediately to forget about the secret neocon base (and that inckudes any New York Times reporters out there).
wronwright
super secret neocon submarine base on the north shore of AntarticaROFL! I’ll credit you with the deliberate ill-definition.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 13 at 04:56 PM • permalink81Alpha: - fair dinkum? How on earth did it get there (let alone survive)?
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 13 at 04:57 PM • permalinkI have seashells from our property in Montana - about 20 miles south of the Alberta (Canada) border, way out on the prairie...I guess this climate change thing is cyclical, eh?
NOt far from there are the Cypress Hills, a small mountain range that rises suddenly out of the grasslands, which I was told occurred when a glacier split while moving through the area (hey, I was 15 when I was told this, it was a long time ago so details are hazy at best)
Don’t know that the gophers & rattlers will mind much…
Global Warming Horror - Latest
An entry from a very well known and universally accepted text says for Dunwich (England), that “it was one of the largest ports on the east coast, with a thriving fishing industry and around 3,000 residents. The .... tax it paid that year - 68,000 herrings - was more than that of any other Suffolk port. However, this entry also warns that Dunwich lost half of its farmland to erosion along the coast.”
Lost half its farmland due to erosion! Gotta be due to
global warmingclimate change, right? Is there no end to the horrors that AlGoreIthm can screech at us?Um, well, that quote is from the Doomsday Book and the erosion occurred between between 1066 and 1086.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 13 at 06:33 PM • permalinkKatrina predicted by the Doomsday Book!
In the next century, Dunwich became one of the most important towns in England. Its yearly payment to the Crown rose to £120 13s 4d and 24,000 herrings. By the 13th century, its international status as a trading centre was fading a bit. In the 14th century, the old port had to be abandoned. Over 400 houses were swept away in a single storm. In the 17th century, the sea washed out the high street and reached the market place.
I blame Bush - actually George W Bushe III, Earl of Northumberland - who, in 1350 encouraged the peasants to chop down trees and burn the wood for heating and cooking thus contributing to greenhouse gasses and who also ruthlessly increased the chain mail budget to invade neighbouring Dorset. The dark Prince Algernon Goremless II preached against the ruination of the forests and the environment but when no-one listened, went back to burning environmentally-friendly witches.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 13 at 06:40 PM • permalinkNone of us will be here to collect, however, I would be willing to bet $10,000 that this will not happen. None of the things that the climate changemongers are warning about will happen. The earth has compensated for all this continuously for tens of millions of years. Suddenly humans are going to change that? Yeah. Famous bridge, me, you, sell…
Antarctica—will be the new California! Sunny beaches and skiing a quick bus trip inland! Paco, I’m surprised you haven’t got your development company incorporated yet…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 13 at 06:53 PM • permalinkAh, the foresight of our Aussie forebears who
grabbedclaimed over 1/3 of Antartica for Australia.I knew it wasn’t for the fucking penguins.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 13 at 07:14 PM • permalinkSCD, the Qld Nothofagus (moorei) are ancient remnants of when Oz and the Antarctic were part of Gondwanaland. That is before continental drift stole them away!
There is a walking track from O’Reilly’s Guesthouse that takes you to the Antarctic Beech. They are so old, gnarled, moss and lichen laden that they make Treebeard look young.LOL.I believe there are also a handful of these living fossils scattered over the border in the jungles of Nth NSW. Damn tectonic plates!
None of us will be here to collect, however, I would be willing to bet $10,000 that this will not happen. None of the things that the climate changemongers are warning about will happen.
Hell, global warming’s been allegedly going on for 30 years, right? And rising sea levels are one of the things they’re warning us about, right? Sooooooo - in the past 30 years, sea levels must have risen.
Now, I don’t know about the rest of you near-the-ocean dwellers, but the shoreline here in Maine hasn’t moved. So there’s really no need to wait, since the rising-seas bullshit is already demonstrably false.
Dave S.—The water is secretly gathering its forces offshore, waiting for the right moment to strike. It’s like Gaia’s Tet!
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 13 at 07:52 PM • permalinkwronwright—I for one find the idea of condos next to our sub base rather appealing. Just imagine the looks on the yuppie scums’ faces when the Tridents launch up through their hot tubs…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 13 at 07:54 PM • permalinkThe sea is higher here in Maui, Dave, but that’s because the new lava on the Big Island is weighing us down.
On the other hand, the descent of the Big Island is levering up Oahu and, especially, Kauai, so Waikiki is safe.
Posted by Harry Eagar on 2006 07 13 at 11:20 PM • permalink81Alpha. Hmmm Queenslad didn’t actually separate from Antartica in the Gondwana break-up - it was a long way away (and the eastern bits of Queensland and NSW came a bit later, if I recall.)
But no doubt it is a remnant enclave of the gondwana forests. Can you let me know where they are exactly? Gunns Forest Products are always looking for new sources for woodchips.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 13 at 11:26 PM • permalinkNot to dredge up ancient history, or add insilt to injury, but leave us not forget the fate of Bruges, once the international financial and trading center of the Hanseatic League.
Its fate came not from the sea, but was water-borne nonetheless.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 07 14 at 05:07 AM • permalinkThe sea is higher here in Maui, Dave, but that’s because the new lava on the Big Island is weighing us down.
Forgive me if you were being serious Harry E, but that’s exactly what does happen on volcanic islands - and its the reason why those nice coral reefs grow there.
Volcanic island sitting in middle of ocean. Coral - which can mostly only grow in very shallow water - springs up in the shallows.
Volcano erupts, bringing rock to surface and possibly a bit of a void below (which will get re-filled over time). Island sinks a bit (over time), taking coral reef with it. New coral grows on top of old coral, keeping in the shallows.
Repeat. Constant impression of rising sea levels, with coral getting higher & higher off the sea floor - now forming a fringing reef.
Sometimes the void of the empty magma chamber below causes the island to sink altogether, leaving just a circular reef with a shallow lagoon.
Again, sorry if I’m telling you how to suck eggs!
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 14 at 12:01 PM • permalink#53 Not to dredge up ancient history, or add insilt to injury, but leave us not forget the fate of Bruges, once the international financial and trading center of the Hanseatic League.
Its fate came not from the sea, but was water-borne nonetheless.
-- Posted by MentalFloss
It’s hard to forget something one hasn’t a clue what it is. Of course, I’m talking about other people who comment here. Not me. Burgers. Hanselgretel League. Yes. Point well taken.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 07 14 at 01:10 PM • permalinkwronwright — I think he’s referring either to Vikings or British package tours with their Watney’s bleeeeeeding Red Barrel…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 15 at 01:24 AM • permalink
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I know it’s just a small detail, but isn’t the central ice cap in Antarctica growing?