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TINFOIL HOUSE
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A home in Sacramento’s south Natomas neighborhood is surrounded by sheet metal, and neighbors are calling it an eyesore.
The D’Souza family lives in the home on Timberwood Court, and claims the aluminium pieces are necessary to protect them from unknown neighbors who have been bombarding them with radio waves and making them sick.
”(It’s) a shield to protect against radiation, because microwave radiation is reflected off of aluminium, so it’s a protective measure,” resident Sarah D’Souza said.
The D’Souzas said the bombardment began after the first anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, and that the radio waves have caused them health problems ranging from headaches to lupus.
Damn. I thought they’d never block those lupus-rays.
Jeez. No wonder Tree Hugging Sis calls you a bastard.
Posted by Ken Summers on 2005 05 23 at 02:22 PM • permalinkAnd, just as a small aside, you could probably use a copy of this book, Bingster.
Posted by Ken Summers on 2005 05 23 at 02:24 PM • permalinkAs a native speaker of english it is my duty to screw it up; that’s the only way it will grow and evolve.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 05 23 at 02:30 PM • permalinkYojimbo, I suspect our self-esteemed colleague has given up on the “whole language” approach in favor of a “partial language” approach.
Posted by Ken Summers on 2005 05 23 at 02:43 PM • permalink“Self-esteamed”? Is that what you call it when you take a really hot shower?
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 05 23 at 02:47 PM • permalinkradio waves have caused them health problems ranging from headaches to lupus
Oh, I think they’ve got health problems, all right, but not of the headache or lupus variety, if you get my drift…. ;-)
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2005 05 23 at 02:55 PM • permalinkNot to fear, good people! Help is on the way!
Posted by Ken Summers on 2005 05 23 at 03:09 PM • permalinkBrushed aluminum is the in color this season too!
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 05 23 at 03:18 PM • permalinkThis is not my fault. The radio ray gun they issued to me evidently has a problem with aluminum. My handlers told me only lead was a problem. Of course, they also told me it was “only a little pond in Russia” that I had to move.
Dang. Now I have to put on the kryptonite ray accessory. I just bet I don’t have the right allen wrenches for it. Which means I’ll probably have to make do with a fork and a spoon. What an absolute aggravation.
Dang it, once I ascend to master status in the Death Cult and am issued my impala skin Masonic apron and kuola bear hat, I’m getting me a Pussywillow (read: flunky) to order around and assign thankless impossible tasks.
Posted by wronwright on 2005 05 23 at 03:32 PM • permalinkGod, what a boon this is to aluminum-siding salesmen. Not only does the stuff weatherproof your home: it will protect you against Karl Rove’s Evil Neocon Mind Rays!
Quick, someone call Barry Levinson: Tin Men II: Defending America cries out to be written!
Posted by Urbs in Horto on 2005 05 23 at 03:57 PM • permalinkI wonder if someone has done a study on the voting patterns of folks in aluminum-sided houses versus others? There’s got to be government grant money in here somewhere…
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 05 23 at 04:03 PM • permalinkCool - These are my neighbors.
If you like, I’ll post a followup keeping you apprized of the D’Gauzing of the D’Sousa household.I rarely get the chance to play on the spot reporter. Yay
Are there any follow up questions you would like me to ask, just in case I see Mr. D’Sousa out watering the lawn or something?Posted by papertiger on 2005 05 23 at 05:31 PM • permalinkpapertiger, I recommend keeping a safe distance. If you must talk to them, be calm and don’t make any sudden movements.
Posted by Ken Summers on 2005 05 23 at 06:06 PM • permalinkHm. The family that goes insane together, stays together, I guess.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 05 23 at 07:06 PM • permalinkYou know, if you hit sheet metal with cosmic radiation, it produces a spray of secondary radiation through the sheet metal that’s even worse, heh heh heh… That’s part of the reason we never tried to armor the Apollo capsules too heavily against radiation…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 23 at 07:58 PM • permalinkDave S.—Think we should tell wronwright he needs the metric allen wrenches or should we just leave the webcam running for the Xmas party highlight reel…?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 23 at 08:33 PM • permalinkInteresting that in our postmodern, politically correct world, where all truth is relative, at no point does the article say “Of course, these people are simply barking mad.”
I wonder if the matter-of-fact tone encourages other, fractionally less barking mad people to take up the same delusion? After all, if the local TV news seems to be taking it seriously…
Posted by blandwagon on 2005 05 23 at 08:41 PM • permalinkWouldn’t that block Art Bell’s “Coast-to-Coast AM” signal? Or do they listen on shortwave and it’s not affected?
The (unintentionally) funniest radio program ever.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2005 05 23 at 09:15 PM • permalinkWhat did paranoid schizophrenics worry about before radio waves were discovered?
The Jews.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2005 05 23 at 11:12 PM • permalinkwronwright — When installing the adapter, make sure you lay the wrench across the battery contacts to verify the polarity of the neutron flow…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 24 at 12:16 AM • permalinkOddly enough, Goldsmith, it seems that some people felt the same way about electricity.
Who knows what those electrons might be up to when the lights are off?
Posted by John Nowak on 2005 05 24 at 09:24 AM • permalinkYou can see them ‘lectrons scatter into the walls if you sneak in the room before you hit the lights.
yep. I call ‘em (BASTARD !!!) as I see ‘em, Mr. Summers. I call Bingley quite often. Imagine that.
Posted by tree hugging sister on 2005 05 24 at 02:48 PM • permalinkBaillie, even if we assume these are John Kerry voting nuts as opposed to George Bush voting nuts—there’s nuts everywhere—they didn’t cancel out your vote, because their vote didn’t affect North Carolina’s electoral votes.
They cancelled out my vote, because I last lived in California before doing the expat thing.
One more week and I go home…*sigh*
Posted by John Nowak on 2005 05 24 at 03:20 PM • permalinkI once lived in a completely aluminium clad house ... I think it was called Permulam ... if I rubbed it back to the bare metal, it might’ve looked like an overgrown corrugated iron outback dunny, although a tad shiny ... I never thought about the protection it gave me against microwaves ... the things you learn at Tim’s are amazing! Off to work early today, cheers ...
What did paranoid schizophrenics worry about before radio waves were discovered?
The Jews.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 05/23 at 10:12 PM • #
snort
Glad I swallowed the diet coke before I read that line, Spiny. All too trueSpiny Norman and goldsmith: They are still worried about the Jews. They’re just diversifying.
CITIZENS OF SACRAMENTO! Don’t make the mistake the Israelis made! If they’re already walled in, start on the roof.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 24 at 08:39 PM • permalinkCaptain! They’ve got tinfoil!
Mr. Worf, set phasers on “Republican!”
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 05 24 at 11:49 PM • permalink
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Actually Tim, that’s Ken Summer’s house.