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THIS IS NOT A PARODY
The Sydney Morning Herald’s latest online promotion. Note the diversity!
UPDATE. Reader Geoff:
Don’t laugh. This is serious. We are in the presence of something so dark and unnatural it has no name.
SMH has really done it this time. They are breeding plastic people. Just to boost circulation. If they can’t make the paper suit the public, then they mean to make the public suit the paper.
UPDATE II. The SMH reports:
Goodbye - or should that be adieu - to James and Isobel from Turramurra and hello to Mifamwe from Kings Cross and to Barnaby from East Hills.
Hello.
Along with Noteboom, Persephone, Wilhemina and Finbaar, they represent the face of today’s Herald readers. They are also the stars of an unusual marketing campaign by Fairfax to change perceptions about the masthead’s readers.
Change? Try “confirm”.
They are, of course, not real but figments of the imagination of an ad agency, Host and The Glue Society, brought to life by the creative genius of the acclaimed illustrator Jon Burgerman.
Too bad readers hate them:
* “all the girl’s are the same and would drive me to giving them a slap in the face if i was forced into a conversation with them.”
* “If these characters define/represent the lifestyle & attitude of Sydney-siders I’m moving….”
* “Not one of them is in any representative of myself and frankly I wouldn’t give any of them the time of day.”
* “What were you thinking?”
* “Could you get any more vacuous, self-centred and bourgeois?”
* “Dear oh dear what have your marketing people come up with now.”
* “Nicely presented, but I hate it.”
* “A most vomitous and patronising campaign.”
* “Lame! Lame lame lame lamelame! Lamelamelame!”
* “How about those readers who live outside a 5km radius from Newtown? I’d say we’re more interesting- wouldn’t be hard.”
* “You guys found a good way to alienate anyone who isn’t a walking cliche.”
* “Is this for real???”
* “kind of pathetic”
* “As at least one of your terrible cliche characters would probably say: ‘Worst. Campaign. Ever.’”
* “I am an ex-Sydney, online SMH reader, and this campaign and the characters are the essence of why I left.”
UPDATE III. Reader Stewart emails: “Thanks for the link to the SMH campaign. What do you do now that Fairfax is parodying itself far more brutally than you’ll ever manage?” Good question. This is almost as big a crisis for me as the day Margo retired.
The diversity I noted was in their hair colors…....except that fluorescent colors appear to dominate. This may be telling, or simply coincidence.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 08 17 at 08:22 PM • permalinkDiversity? That is the full spectrum of fuckwits.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 08 17 at 08:50 PM • permalinkHow about some of the splenetic Howard haters who populate the SMH Letters page?
“Hi, I’m Margo and I hate the piece of dog vomit living in the Lodge at the taxpayers expense. I can’t even bring myself to say the name. Of it. I can’t believe the weaselly little worm hyena blood-sucking fiend was elected in the first place, let alone 4 times. I just know the world would be a better place if we could employ all my nebulous social engineering fantasies. My demographic fits advertisers seeking to sell jute.”
So “interesting” now means “possessing cookie-cutter opinions”?
Thanks for clearing that up, Sydney Morning Herald!
Posted by blandwagon on 2006 08 17 at 09:46 PM • permalinkAs it turns out, Wilhemina is self-employed.
In the last few years I’ve been building up my own business in Landscape Architecture.
Maybe this counts towards diversity, as they arent all government employees or on the public dole.
She’s kinda hot too…In a frizzy-haired-urban-organic-eatin sort of way.
Is that wrong of me to say?
So the cast of Play School read Fairfax- who’d a thunk it? I didn’t notice any chokkos among this diversity fest, just the usual whitebread middle class lefty inner-urban eejits, nary a mention of an interest in collecting other people’s Nissan Skylines or an occupation in the chemical supply industry; none seem to be clients of Centrelink either, with a booming sideline in the import trade, both designer label products and herbal concentrates from Burma, Laos and the Bekkaa valley.
BTW- anyone called the mobile numbers down the bottom of their pages? I’d love to find out what these critters sound like- I’m thinking Margo Kingston on helium.
She’s kinda hot too…In a frizzy-haired-urban-organic-eatin sort of way.
I’d hit it.
Posted by eraserhead on 2006 08 17 at 10:25 PM • permalinkJust rang Persephone’s mobile. Got the answering machine at her gallery and left a nice message.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 08 17 at 10:40 PM • permalinkThe one in the middle with the three blue horns and no mouth is a cross between an orc and a troll.
There’s nothing sinister about that at all. One of their key demographics is people who were extras in Lord of the Rings.
Posted by daddy dave on 2006 08 17 at 10:49 PM • permalinkSo SMH readers are nothing more than stuffed puppets? Don’t remember seeing that category in last weeks census.
Posted by surfmaster on 2006 08 17 at 10:49 PM • permalink#30 that just shows how prejudiced the census is. Stuffed puppets are not even treated as real people.
Posted by daddy dave on 2006 08 17 at 10:51 PM • permalinkThat’s funny, every one of those characters made me think of Margo Kingston. Not really very diverse at all, are they?
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 08 17 at 11:15 PM • permalinkIn the last few years I’ve been building up my own business in Landscape Architecture.
I think you mean GARDENING, dear. Using big words where little ones would do is very bourgeois.
Is it wrong that I desperately want to strangle each and every one of these unholy little wankers?
Posted by blandwagon on 2006 08 17 at 11:34 PM • permalinkSo you get to leave a message if you call one of the mobile numbers ???
Posted by closeapproximation on 2006 08 17 at 11:43 PM • permalink#16
SMH has really done it this time. They are breeding plastic people. Just to boost circulation. If they can’t make the paper suit the public then they mean to make the public suit the paper.
Can you cancel newspaper subscriptions in the Sims’ city?
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 08 17 at 11:55 PM • permalinkNo, this is what the reality based community looks like.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 08 18 at 12:24 AM • permalink#36- I think you’ll find many Fairfax readers are quite dedicated and prolific uphill gardeners.
Fuckwitification n.
the process by which a person’s head expands and turns to foam as brought about by a combination of iron deficiency and excessive reading of the Sydney Morning Herald.Known ultimately to turn sufferers into fully fledged fuckwits, much prized by the advertising industry as both a demographic and as employees.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 08 18 at 01:05 AM • permalinkHere is a summary of their biogs…..
WILHEMINA
Lives: Curl Curl
Status: Married with 3 children
Occupation: Landscape ‘Architect’
Interests: Organic produce, especially the “healing properties of mushrooms”. “I’ve always been a keen believer in alternative health.”
Hobbies: Since my husband left me for another man, I’m often found with the fairies at bottom of my garden.For a great time call me now on: 0434 812 434
++
NOTEBOOM
Lives: Surry Hills
Status: Single
Occupation: Games Developer
Interests: Spending my time raising funds to preserve acid frogs unique to a single waste treatment facility in Byron.
Hobbies: Memorising every obscure band name in the world so I can show how quirky and interesting I am. Going to the ‘Splendour Up My Ass’ festival every year.In reality, I am 39-year old dole-bludging x-box stoner who still lives with my parents.
To vote for my eviction from my parent’s house call me now on: 0434 812 612
++
MIFAMWE
Lives: Kings Cross
Occupation: Public Relations
Status: unspecified
Interests: K.D. Lang, Martina Navratilova and Rosie O’Donnell
Hobbies: I’m in PR. That is my hobby!Men are always asking me why I have an African sounding name if I am white. I had it changed by deed poll so I could throw off the shackles of white enslavement of the black wymyn and embrace my new pre-slave identity.
For a stimulating time call me on: 0434 812 548 (No Men)
++
PERSEPHONE
Lives: Newtown
Status: I don’t believe in ownership
Occupation: Art Gallery curator
Interests: I am currently reading Danny Wallace’s ‘How to Start Your Own Country’. Being a Goddess is such hard work.
Hobbies: Furry Fandom conventions, anthropomorphic animal studies and tin-foil hat shaping.My two children, Justice and Independence, stood alongside me when I protested against John Howard’s despicable war in Iraq. We also attended a Free Hezbollah rally just last week. I am so proud of them.
To join us in the struggle against imperialist oppression call me now on: 0434 812 546
++
FINBAAR
Lives: Rooty Hill RSL Change Room
Occupation: Merchant Wanker
Status: ‘very’ Single
Interests: Sport
Hobbies: SportI am fascinated how three guys manage to push two guys up one guy’s ass.
My mates describe me as a narcissistic closet dweller that lives my life vicariously through the – usually sporting - achievements of others.
To pop my man cherry call me now on: 0434 812 516
++
BARNABY
Lives: East Hills
Status: not stated
Occupation: Professor of molecular biology & genetics
Interests: Tennis
Hobbies: I love dressing up like Mr. Incredible and hitting all the groovy bars in the Cross.Being Welsh I suffer from a bit of an identity crisis. Through therapy I have come to terms with not being a superhero, although I still like to have a bit of fun now and again – if you know what I mean ;-)
If you want to see my collection of stuffed pit ponies and Tom Jones chest hair combs call me now on: 0434 812 547
Posted by Jay Santos on 2006 08 18 at 01:23 AM • permalinkIf they can’t make the paper suit the public then they mean to make the public suit the paper.
Well, they’ve been trying to make the ‘facts’ fit their prejudices for years and that obviously hasn’t been winning them readers so this seems to be the logical next step.
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2006 08 18 at 01:25 AM • permalink#49 Jay Santos - The most accurate decoding of moonbat ever! Does it hurt getting yourself into that mental state?
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 08 18 at 02:24 AM • permalink#49 Jay
Don’t forget to wash your hands after typing that.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 08 18 at 03:24 AM • permalinkI’ve met slime mold with more personality.
“We are the thorazine generation.”
Posted by mythusmage on 2006 08 18 at 03:29 AM • permalinkWhat the fuck? These cartoon tools actually have mobile phones! Hrm. I’m calling one now. I think I’ll call Barnaby. He sounds the most obnoxious. 0434 812 547. Hrm. Someone answered. This must be *the* most bizarre media campaign ever.
Posted by James Waterton on 2006 08 18 at 06:43 AM • permalinkBloody HELL, those comments are freaking HILARIOUS! This is my personal favourite - so far!
I know the print media is increasingly becoming more visual but these bulbous headed, horribly contorted sock puppets just gave me weird acid flashbacks.
SMH probably should have kept these things hidden under the bed where you found them. Those devil-possessed toys are scary.
What a wanky bunch of hogwash!They are fast achieving their goal of alienating 100 per cent of their audience!
I was planning my next vacation in Australia, but now thanks to SMH, I’ve changed my mind since Australia is obviously filled with freaky people. Er….or freaky people-like things. I can’t bear the thought of possibly getting drunk and waking up in a hotel next to one of those.
I’m going to Mallorca instead.Persephone say: “Wherever you find me, that’s where I am”
Wherever I find you, love, I’m in the wrong place.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2006 08 18 at 09:00 AM • permalink#63
Don’t listen to the SMH, Australia is a perfectly nice place with perfectly nice, non-lefty, stalwart people.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2006 08 18 at 09:01 AM • permalinkId rather this finbar
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finbarr_Saunders
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 08 18 at 09:14 AM • permalinkFWIW, there’s exactly one non-SMH Google hit for “Mifamwe”, and it’s almost sounds like it’s describing the SMH Mifamwe:
A girl I used to hang out with in high-school came in today, her name is Mifamwe Dennis, but I like to refer to her as Myffy-the-drug-taking-fornicating-Mormon, ok, she’s not a mormon anymore so it’s not strictly true but it has a nice ring to it, she’s also a sign-writer and a very butch lesbian ...
The rape of Persephone was the school play from hell in Flirting. It’s come to this.
Posted by chinesearithmetic on 2006 08 18 at 12:12 PM • permalinkMifamwe? Shouldn’t it be spelled Myfanwy?
Posted by Sonetka's Mom on 2006 08 18 at 02:54 PM • permalinkI thought that “Mifamwe” was a confused Elmer Fudd trying to sing “We Are Family”?
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 08 18 at 10:17 PM • permalink
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I think the one on the right is Polish. How much more diverse can they get?