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THIRD TEST, DAY THREE
Australia 300 runs in front with seven wickets remaining in the second innings. England not helped by poor umpiring and lame fielding. Monty Panesar is due any minute now to finish celebrating the wicket he took before lunch.
UPDATE. Global warming alert! Tony Greig just mentioned that extreme Perth temperatures were causing problems with Nine’s broadcast. Australia now leading by 329; Hussey on 78, Clarke 47. Century partnership only six runs away.
UPDATE II. A century—his fifth—to Mike Hussey, who now averages over 90 in Tests. Michael Clarke on 73. Partnership now worth 150.
UPDATE III. Monty strikes! Hussey out for 103.
UPDATE IV. Get some drinks in, friends, for soon we will witness the violent majesty of Andrew Symonds and Adam Gilchrist.
UPDATE V. No violence from Symonds; out for 2. Monty again! Lead now 401.
UPDATE VI. The warmening strikes: “Phone report just in from the WACA. About 40 Barmy Army members are being treated for heat exhaustion by ambos at the base of the Prindiville Stand.”
UPDATE VII. Century (off 130) to Clarke.
UPDATE VIII. Gilchrist 73 not out off 44. Lead 497. Three sixes off one Monty over. This is outstanding.
UPDATE IX. Gilchrist just hit Hoggard into deep space. Clarke now on 123; Gilchrist 81 off 47; lead 525. Last three overs: . 2 6 6 4 6 | . 1wd 2 1 1 4 1 | 4 4 1 6 1 2
UPDATE X. 150 partnership off 111 deliveries.
UPDATE XI. Gilchrist 98 not out off 56 deliveries; looks like he’ll score the second-fastest hundred in Test history.
UPDATE XII. Got it—100 in 57. Second 50 came in 17 deliveries.
UPDATE XIII. Ponting ends the slaughter: 5/527 declared.
UPDATE XIV. England 1/0 in the first over. Or 0/1 if you’re in the Land of Eng.
American footballer Barry Sanders used to advise young turks to play it cool: “when you get into the endzone, act like you’ve been there before.” Only, he played for the Detroit Lions, so a lot of his teammates really hadn’t ever been in the endzone before.
Let Panesar have his fun, I say. It’s not as if the English have anything else to celebrate. Australia should declare now and take the ten wickets before stumps, just so he can celebrate properly tonight.
About time we got back to the cricket. Too much politics and funny business has been infesting this blog lately.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 12 16 at 02:18 AM • permalinkcausing problems with Nine’s broadcast
Yeah, we can still hear Tony.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 12 16 at 02:37 AM • permalink#6: after channeling Mike’s thoughts I think it would be something like “You &!%%@$ Australians can take your #%*& cricket bat and shove it up a wallaby’s behind”... or similar. I may have left out a few epithets.
BTW, I don’t recommend trying to channel Mike, now my head hurts and I am feeling nauseated.
Hey, leave Mike alone. He served his country Goddammit. And we all know the Kiss Army took no prisoners.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 12 16 at 02:41 AM • permalinkLanger’s going to feel so left out
0
92
75
91
48And what is with Kerry O’Keefe’s laugh?
Posted by Matthew Lawrence on 2006 12 16 at 02:44 AM • permalinkAustralia are certain to win !!! The reason: Aussies have 12 on their team, while England have only 10.
Gerraint Jones, the English wicket-keeper, born and raised in Australia, has dropped 3 catches and missed one stumping. His last three innings have all been ducks.
Keep playing Jones England. Us Aussies love it.
Jones isn’t a wicketkeeper. He’s a back stop.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 12 16 at 03:11 AM • permalinkYou guys ripped him off too soon. Who caught Hussey?
Posted by Matthew Lawrence on 2006 12 16 at 03:13 AM • permalinkI stand by my earlier remarks. One swallow does not make a summer - makes a pretty good first date though.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 12 16 at 03:20 AM • permalinkPhone report just in from the WACA. About 40 Barmy Army members are being treated for heat exhaustion by ambos at the base of the Prindiville Stand.
Been drinking all day in 37C (ambient) heat, and no hats and singlets seems to be the required clothing standard.
It would have to 50C+ out in the sun.“Barmy” is right.
Hussey wuz robbed.
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 12 16 at 03:29 AM • permalinkPedro, I hope they’ve been drinking water all day.
Posted by Matthew Lawrence on 2006 12 16 at 03:34 AM • permalinkC,mon, Matthew, they are Poms.
They don’t even wash in water.
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 12 16 at 03:37 AM • permalinkIf it’s not bad enough that the poor bastards have flown half way around the world to watch the British Bulldog behave like a French Poodle, we then force the poor sods to stand in the baking sun drinking faux beer from plastic cups. Long after they’ve left the burns ward their mouths will retain the petro chemical taint from that vile drinking vessel.
In times of yore, when men drove V8’s and hair product was something that foreign guy down the street used, most cricket grounds were BYO. The limit was two cartons per patron. Imagine it! You were limited to 48 beers for a days play! Progress? I think not.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 12 16 at 03:49 AM • permalinkIT, as someone who doesn’t drink, I’m not eligible to comment on the quality of the local grog, but isn’t the main complaint at cricket grounds the price of the alcohol?
Posted by Matthew Lawrence on 2006 12 16 at 03:57 AM • permalink#23 - The convenience stands are run by loan sharks and rackiteers. The mafia have given up prostitution and drug running and moved into catering.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 12 16 at 04:05 AM • permalink$20 says “Stop Continental Drift” organised this masterly (Rove-like) plan.
Nooooooo. All credit to that cricket tragic, wronwright. Masterful! He protests that he hates cricket, but I’ve seen his touch amongst the Barmy Army, spreading false hope. But he occasionally blows his cover by calling them “goddam limeys”. It’s “Poms” cobber, “Poms”. Even the even more tradional epitath “Pommy bastards” was given the green light by the Australian courts earlier this year.
Mind you, I’m a bit concerned. I reckon we need at least 500, preferably 550 lead. Bugger the precedents. With 2 days to get them, the Poms could do a “(Geoff) Boycott” and crawl towards the total for a day preserving wickets, then have a blast on the 5th day morning to get within reach.
And even if they don’t make it, winning by 300 runs is more memorable than winning by 150.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 16 at 04:25 AM • permalinkGilly. Legend.
Now that he is on fire, we claim him back as a proud Sandgroper.
(He was a no hoper Cockroach when was out for a duck 1st innings)Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 12 16 at 05:08 AM • permalinkGilly denied the world record for the fastest 100 by a deliberate wide by the bowler. HOGGARD - It’s English for ‘chickenshit’.
Posted by AlphaMikeFoxtrot on 2006 12 16 at 05:18 AM • permalinkGillie: Second fastest 100 in Test history. On his home ground. In an Ashes Test.
Legend.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 16 at 05:22 AM • permalinkNever mind AlphaMikeFoxtrot, he’ll have the fastest double century in the bag before stumps.
Posted by Captain Wacky on 2006 12 16 at 05:24 AM • permalinkNow Ponting’s the bastard for depriving him of it by declaring.
Posted by Captain Wacky on 2006 12 16 at 05:26 AM • permalinkSCD @ 26: I reckon we need at least 500, preferably 550 lead
OK! The Punter’s declared with a lead of 556. Good to see the Aussie Captain falling into line with my strategy.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 16 at 05:27 AM • permalinkI wouldn’t have minded them batting until around 20 minutes before lunch tomorrow, make them chase around 650. Oh well…
Posted by Matthew Lawrence on 2006 12 16 at 05:36 AM • permalinkYou know, its times like this that I feel sorry for you Americans. I’m not aware of any sport you play where you get the chance to crush, slowly but surely, slowly but surely# an “old enemy” (in sport, that is).
Our cricketing rivalry with the Poms goes back well over 100 years. We love grinding them into the dirt, especially when thousands of their supporters have flown all the way to Australia to witness it.
I know a quick result can be exciting, but think of the pleasure of humiliating your greatest sporting opposition - in any sport - over and over again over 5# days (wipes blood and foam from lips - sorry.)
# Poms lose first wicket in 4th ball with no score. Not so slow after all; maybe 4 days, not 5.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 16 at 05:43 AM • permalinkNo. 10: bwahahaha!
SCD: well, we have American Idol, but I gather that’s not the same thing.
When I think of cricket I always think of Lord Peter Wimsey running about with a mallet, solving crimes in between matches.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 12 16 at 06:45 AM • permalinkTwo days to play, Poms with 550+ runs to make, fate of the Ashes to be decided, Barmy Army struck down with heatstroke, Perth publicans discussing which private school they will send their children to on the proceeds of the beer sales, applications for Sainthood for Hussey, Gilley and Clarke being sent to the Vatican, Her Majesty planning to rescind the 2005 OBE’s for the English team, the master plan unfolds, and all is right with the world.
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 12 16 at 07:33 AM • permalinkJust one slight correction, Pedro:
Two days to play, Poms with 550+ runs tomakedream about.And Andrea: Lord Peter Wimsey running about with a mallet
That is, of course, croquet you’re talking about. And don’t think that’s a genteel game either! My Auntie used to play it and she was vicious! Vicious I tell you, with her tactics. Absolutely merciless (shudder).You think my picking the wings off the Pommy flies (above) was cruel? Nuttin compared to the old biddies planning out their croquet matches.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 16 at 07:47 AM • permalinkVery good day. I shall be whistling the theme to Dad’s Army with effortless gusto the next time I see one of our Pommy cousins.
Posted by Simon Darkshade on 2006 12 16 at 08:26 AM • permalinkI laughed. I cried. I hurled abuse at that gutless clown Hoggard for his efforts with Gillie. It’s the closest that piece of flotsam will get to getting in the record books, he may as well have done it. I believe the correct term is ‘arsehole’.
Monty now knows what the ball looks after re-entry from the upper atmosphere. Several times. Kept grinning, stiff upper lip and all that, what.
Tomorrows slaughter should be a scream.#23 i was somewhat conflicted on that- viv richards was something of a hero of mine when i was a kid , it would be great to see gillie take the record tho
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2006 12 16 at 08:40 AM • permalinkBowling that deliberate wide to Gillie should ensure the Aussies are righteously angry enough to do a lot of damage to the Pommies
He really stuffed up with that ball
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 16 at 09:33 AM • permalinkOops
I meant to write Hoggard stuffed up - red rag to a bull and many more cliches´
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 16 at 09:36 AM • permalinkOh come on, you Australians are playing right into the English hands. If there is one thing Englishmen love, and that is to be miserable. And you are making them miserable. Hence, they are loving it.
Look at what will happen over the next year or so until they play you again. They will, (through their newspapers, letters to the editors, television shows, and around the pub) tear down each and every member of their team. They will curse their own ineptness at a game they invented. They will slag anyone who says any tiny positive thing about any member of this team. And they will love doing all that.
Way to go Australia, you made the world’s biggest miserablists, well, miserable.
Posted by David Crawford on 2006 12 16 at 02:28 PM • permalinkThank-you wimpy. Only when it comes to playing the Poms at cricket, though.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 16 at 07:03 PM • permalink
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Yes, the novelty of dear old Monty is wearing a bit thin.
Highest ever fourth innings total England has reached to win is 332 I think. Currently they are chasing 300 with 7 Aussie wickets still in hand, so it will be a historic achivement if they do it.
On current form, this bunch aren’t record beaters.