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“THE FIELD OF JIHAD CAN SATISFY YOUR SCIENTIFIC AMBITIONS”

Faced with the loss of several thousand loyal idiots, Al Qaida’s Abu Ayyub al-Masri reaches out to the scientific community:

He said experts in the fields of “chemistry, physics, electronics, media and all other sciences, especially nuclear scientists and explosives experts” should join his group’s jihad, or holy war, against the West.

“We are in dire need of you,” said the speaker, who identified himself as Abu Hamza al-Muhajir—also known as Abu Ayyub al-Masri.

“The field of jihad can satisfy your scientific ambitions and the large American bases (in Iraq) are good places to test your unconventional weapons, whether biological or dirty, as they call them.”

Abu sounds a little desperate.

Posted by Tim B. on 09/29/2006 at 03:18 PM
  1. The former head of Pakistan’s nuclear program, Bashiruddin Mahmood, was an islamist supporter of the Taleban. His belief in the Koran arguably hampered his scientific prowess, he once wrote a book suggesting that genies (which feature in the Koran) be used to solve the world’s energy crisis.

    Posted by Ross on 2006 09 29 at 03:32 PM • permalink

  2. Well, science in the Muslim world did hit a wall about the 14th century.  If not for Western technology jihadists would still be using siege engines.

    Posted by Randal Robinson on 2006 09 29 at 03:33 PM • permalink

  3. biological or dirty, as they call them
    or biologically dirty, as the goat fornicators call them.

    Posted by stats on 2006 09 29 at 03:48 PM • permalink

  4. I wonder if they’ve run out of bomb-makers. Perhaps the shortage is making them consider actually fighting troops and policemen instead of using IED’s. Besides, they only use engineers for flying planes into buildings, so what’s the point of joining up?

    Posted by joeschmo1of3 on 2006 09 29 at 04:03 PM • permalink

  5. He said more than 4000 foreign militants had been killed in Iraq since the US-led invasion in 2003—the first known statement from the insurgents about their death toll.

    It was unclear why Masri would advertise the loss of the group’s foreign fighters, but martyrdom is revered among some Islamic fundamentalists and could be used as a recruitment tool. Analysts said the announcement was probably a boast aimed at drumming up support.

    So the promise of death is a recruiting tool?  Can you imagine how bad life in this culture must be for this to be true?  I don’t care how much someone thinks that dying is what God requires, man is not naturally suicidal, but must reach a certain psychological state to go that route, whatever the cause. 

    Nothing shows the poverty of this culture like using the promise of death as a recruiting tool does.

    Posted by saltydog on 2006 09 29 at 04:32 PM • permalink

  6. I guess after 12 grueling years in post-graduate work, scientists are rejecting cannon fodder as a career choice.

    Posted by Patricia on 2006 09 29 at 05:02 PM • permalink

  7. I dunno, might be a lot of Democrat-voting American college perfessors with Bush Derangedment Syndrome who’ll be all over this.

    Posted by Supercat on 2006 09 29 at 05:07 PM • permalink

  8. Wonder how long it will be before the Nobel committee picks a jihadist for the Nobel Prize for Physics.

    Posted by rinardman on 2006 09 29 at 05:11 PM • permalink

  9. And here I thought he already had the media all wrapped up.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 09 29 at 05:48 PM • permalink

  10. One wonders what sort of scientists such a culture can produce. I recall reading a paper by a Pakistani physicist who lamented that in some places, a teacher is forbidden tell a class that hydrogen and oxygen react, yielding water as a product. That would be blasphemy. He must say that when hydrogen and oxygen are brought together, by the will of Allah, water is created.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 09 29 at 06:18 PM • permalink

  11. My mate Johnno can clear a room with a fart, in fact one poor guy had a seizure in the ghastly vaporous footprint.  He can be a real weapon of mass distraction, but he does not fuck goats so he may not be eligible.

    Posted by Howzat on 2006 09 29 at 06:56 PM • permalink

  12. Gentlemen, don’t you realise we could win the war if all our lady shoppers from westfield were issued CHARGE cards. We’d have them running at them if we held sale signs behind the enemy.

    Ladies “charge away” get the Lamb-bots!

    Posted by 1.618 on 2006 09 29 at 07:09 PM • permalink

  13. Next week he’ll be at the Yale job fair.
    Note that they can promise great fringe benefits, since they don’t expect to pay them for very long.

    Posted by Merlin on 2006 09 29 at 07:11 PM • permalink

  14. Sounds like Webdiary’s call for experts to help create their Peoples Inquiry.  Or whatever it was called.  I wonder how that is going?

    Posted by anthony_r on 2006 09 29 at 07:35 PM • permalink

  15. I dunno, might be a lot of Democrat-voting American college perfessors with Bush Derangedment Syndrome who’ll be all over this

    Supercat—Not sure an English Lit or PolySci teacher is qualified for the openings…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 09 29 at 08:07 PM • permalink

  16. Let’s break this down:

    Job duty - a single specific task, namely the murder of infidels in vast numbers.

    Knowledge - a body of information applied directly to the performance of a duty, that is, anything relating to deadly diseases, explosive ordnance, nuclear holocaust, etc.

    Skill - a present, observable competence to perform a learned activity, that is, murder of other human beings, preferably in large numbers, see above.

    Ability - a present competence to perform an observable behavior or a behavior that results in an observable product.  Also, ability to accept one’s own inevitable death in the process.

    Physical characteristic - the physical attributes employees must have in order to perform job duties; unaided or with the assistance of a reasonable accommodation.  A minimum requirement, ambulatory, preferably not high IQ.

    Credentials and Experience - the minimal acceptable level of education, experience, and certifications necessary for employment, that is, extreme gullibility in matters of religion, lack of assertive personality, and low IQ, see above.

    Other Characteristics - duties, knowledge, skills, and abilities that do not have a logical place in the job description, that is, susceptibility to religious fairy tales about virgins, and low IQ, see above.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 09 29 at 08:10 PM • permalink

  17. RebeccaH:

    Good job description. Maybe Abu Ayyub al-Masri could post it at Monster.com. That job interview would be a HOOT!

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 09 29 at 10:19 PM • permalink

  18. Has it occurred to this cretin that the USA has lots of small nukes?  You know those terrorist training camps in remote places, like Somalia?  One cruise missile or SRAM on each one.  Will they run out of terrorist bases before we run out of nukes?  Tune in next week for another episode of The Gang that couldn’t think straight.  Brought to you by our sponsor, Mecca Cola.  Drink halal, not haram.

    Posted by Michael Lonie on 2006 09 29 at 10:28 PM • permalink

  19. This sounds like a bad movie villian putting out an ad.

    Posted by chrisbg99 on 2006 09 29 at 10:58 PM • permalink

  20. Truth be told, he probably just needs help getting his flashlight to work again.  That cave sure can get dark.  With Islamists, such complicated tasks call for a full blown scientist.  Er, maybe I shouldn’t say full blown.

    Posted by wronwright on 2006 09 29 at 11:00 PM • permalink

  21. Re Al Qaeda:

    chemistry, physics, electronics, media and all other sciences

    Ummmm…. MSM…. you do realise that you’re helping the other side, don’t you?

    I wouldn’t complain if there was anything like balance, but there isn’t. There’s the “Flushing Koran” story, the rusty “Joo-targeted ambulance” story, the various Fauxtographic stories, all the other stuff “too good to check”.

    Don’t take our word for it, have a look at what the Enemy says are important weapons to them. Then go and do a bit of self-examination.

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2006 09 29 at 11:14 PM • permalink

  22. O/T but could be important.

    The UK Telegraph is reporting that Israel is on war alert following intelligence reports that Syria is seriously considering a military attack.

    Posted by geoff on 2006 09 30 at 12:04 AM • permalink

  23. Good to see the psychotic fuckheads are suffering and dying in great numbers - just goes to show what happens to thugs when they have to face real soldiers. I hope another 4000 or so die real soon.

    Posted by EliotNess on 2006 09 30 at 12:31 AM • permalink

  24. Why give them knowledge of such importance to mankind?

    Obviously, the Tree of Knowledge went wrong with Islam. Mo gave them terrorists,virgins jihadists halal butchers and farmers for their uni studies…

    Tree of Knowledge may refer to:

    The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil mentioned in the Book of Genesis
    The Bodhi tree under which the Buddha received enlightenment according to Buddhism
    The metaphysical Tree of Jiva and Atman in Vedic mythology
    The Axis mundi, or world axis, which takes the form of a tree in Christian mythology

    Posted by 1.618 on 2006 09 30 at 01:23 AM • permalink

  25. The Muslim version of ‘brain drain’.

    Posted by walterplinge on 2006 09 30 at 02:07 AM • permalink

  26. In that case they better do a quick check on the numerous al queda boys infiltrating the chem depts aroound town

    Posted by Pericles on 2006 09 30 at 03:22 AM • permalink

  27. Goeff, nothing in Ha Aretz, Yedioth Acharanot (Y-Net) or FrontPageMag on any heightened Alert Levels —how reliable is the Telegraph?

    Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 09 30 at 04:29 AM • permalink

  28. #27 MentalFloss

    “how reliable is the Telegraph?”

    Let me put it this way. It’s a damn sight more reliable than
    The Guardian

    Admittedly that’s not saying an awful lot.

    You’re right. I haven’t seen it anywhere else either.

    Posted by geoff on 2006 09 30 at 06:25 AM • permalink

  29. Hmmm.

    Someone edited out the last bit:

    ” ... and if all else fails you can put some dog poop in a paper bag, set it front of a US military base gate and set it on fire.  Then the infidel will come to stamp the fire out and his shoes will be all covered in dog poop!

    Glory to Allah!!”

    Though I’m not at all certain if they weren’t right to edit it out.

    Posted by memomachine on 2006 09 30 at 11:12 AM • permalink

  30. Dogs are haram, one of the few islamic tenets I support, so the dog poop is probably out. From my uni experience, while there are some muslims capable of tying their shoelaces or even writing an uncribbed scientific paper, many, perhaps even most,  get by primarily by cheating. Nevetheless there appear to be a disturbing number of Muhammeds and Alis writing papers on cyber-security.

    Posted by Jim Geones on 2006 10 01 at 02:16 AM • permalink

  31. Yeah not just at the Australian unis mind you, but even at metropolitan schools high proportions are are studying applied chemistry and physics. Possibly encouraged by fathers and mothers. Meanwhile Australian girls are studying bullshit arts at university. Respectfully overlining key liberal texts (dogmas) with yellow highlight pen.

    Posted by Pericles on 2006 10 01 at 03:59 AM • permalink

  32. Sort of reminds me of the “Job Fair” in Blazing Saddles.

    Posted by Bruce Lagasse on 2006 10 01 at 10:52 PM • permalink

  33. It’s nice to see how the minds of these guys work - use your university education to kill people in nasty ways.

    So much for using your education to better your people, by doing things like researching better crops, working out new ways to extract oil and gas or inventing a new hi-tech gadget that every teenager will want. 

    With views like these, Islamic societies aren’t going to become tiger economies anytime soon.  China has nothing to worry about regarding competition from the middle east.

    Posted by mr creosote on 2006 10 02 at 01:29 AM • permalink

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