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TERROR BIRD BELIEVED EXECUTED
The jihad rooster that yesterday attacked a four-year-old girl—causing serious injuries, by the way; she’s been airlifted to hospital with a collapsed lung—has been smashed, according to the girl’s uncle:
“I don’t think the rooster’s alive. Knowing my brother, he would’ve smashed it.”
In other Australian animal news, a crocodile has been stolen and traded for drugs:
“The original plan was to steal a koala - that’s what they were going to use to swap [for] the drugs,” [zookeeper Wil] Kemp said.
”[But] apparently [the koala] scratched the shit out of them.”
The thieves then decided to take a crocodile instead.
“I don’t know what makes someone go, ‘Oh we tried to steal a koala and that didn’t work so lets go and steal a croc.’”
UPDATE. Why can’t roosters be more like horses?
I was concerned for that girl. That’s why I didn’t attempt any pithy remark when the news was first posted. I do hope she recovers completely.
The Cock is the national symbol of the French. Nasty dirty animals, both of ‘em.
There was a US theft of a koala a few years ago. Some gang member stole it from a zoo to give to his sweetie on Valentine’s Day. The koala was recovered.
Croc’s mouths are nasty with bacteria. All that decaying meat between their teeth. A broken skin nip from even a little one…
Okay, I’ll shut up now.
This reminds me of the story of a man from Rockhampton who was up before the courts for killing and eating a wombat.
Through his barrister, the man explained that he was terribly sorry but he had recently lost his job, and was starving, and killed the wombat purely out of desperation to help to feed himself and his family.
Being an understanding man, the judge let him off with a warning. After passing sentence, the judge asked the man, just out of curiosity what the wombat tasted like, to which the man replied:
“Kind of a cross between koala and platypus.”
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 03 29 at 12:33 AM • permalinkThe koala didn’t scratch them, it thought they were politicians and simply pissed on them. Didn’t one do that some time ago? I can’t find the link though
Posted by Whale Spinor on 2006 03 29 at 12:49 AM • permalinkHabib — They shoulda tried for one’a them nice friendly saltwater crocs…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 03 29 at 01:01 AM • permalinkPlenty of them in the Fitzroy river, especially near the meatworks. We used to go fishing near the outlet for the power station in a flimsy plastic boat, and those bloody mobile handbags used to swipe an awful lot of hooked up barramundi from our lines; just as well they were too dumb to realise there was about 200lbs of fresh meat bobbing around straight above them.
One got into the school rowing shen during a flood, and demolished the eight; Yeppen lagoon had a big bastard living in it next to the golf course- I think he had a sideline in used golf balls, as no-one would jump the fence to retrieve a fly hook shot- it was also a major incentive to keep your landings short at the airport, as the strip ran straight into the lagoon.Habib — omigod — you’ve got koalas in your river?!
Cuidado!
Cuidado!
Cuidado!
Cuidado!
Se koalas!Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 03 29 at 01:30 AM • permalinkWe’re seeing the emergence of a new form of currency here.
In the Northern Territory, you can swap cane toads for beer. In Queensland, it’s koalas and crocodiles for drugs.
Mark my words, trading animals for intoxicants is the Next Big Thing.
Posted by Evil Pundit on 2006 03 29 at 02:08 AM • permalinkI was referring to these scaly chaps, who are known in that neck of the woods as “geckos”.
#16 David
Drugs, well, yes that’s possible. I was thinking of a more congenital affliction - total raving stupidity, to be precise - but I will concede the validity of your hypothesis.Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2006 03 29 at 06:40 AM • permalinkThe koala didn’t scratch them, it thought they were politicians and simply pissed on them. Didn’t one do that some time ago? I can’t find the link though.
You probably won’t - it was back in the days when ‘the internet’ meant a BB or, luxury, a dial-up Linux shell account and Pine was considered start-of-the-art. It was the tourism minister in the Hawke government as I recall.
Posted by walterplinge on 2006 03 29 at 07:15 AM • permalinkAh yes, tourism Minister Brown. The koala showed very good taste.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 03 29 at 07:32 AM • permalinkSmashed rooster, bashed crab, dropped pie.
Superb cuisine in Oz.
(spooky reminders there of the beautiful visages of the Margoyle and Kerry Nettles)
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 03 29 at 07:36 AM • permalinkSmashed rooster, bashed crab, dropped pie.
Superb cuisine in Oz.
In Missouri, it’s throwed rolls.
Posted by Some0Seppo on 2006 03 29 at 10:31 AM • permalinkSo what exactly does your typical Australian drug dealer do with a crocodile?
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 03 29 at 12:45 PM • permalinkExcellent, now that the chicken has been executed, have it sent over, pronto. It’s lunch time here.
Posted by Major John on 2006 03 29 at 01:46 PM • permalinkwhen is the candlelight vigil for the oppressed rooster?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 03 29 at 09:57 PM • permalink
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Wait, they failed at stealing the koala and succeeded at stealing a crocodile?
Koalas are meaner than I thought. And I though they were pretty mean before.