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Maureen Dowd’s Great Australian Manhunt continues:

“When I was 20, I fell in love with an Australian hotel manager in Dublin called Rowan. After that, I wanted to emigrate to Australia but my parents made me go home instead.

“Now I’m here at last. And if they can take a strong, sassy, saucy woman, Australian men should please apply.”

Among the applicants:

If she can answer this question I’ll let her have me. How many blokes does it take to open a beer can? None. Maureen should of had it opened when she brought it to me. She better be able to cook and clean also.

Posted by Tim B. on 02/28/2006 at 11:22 PM
  1. Watching Insight the other night, for all the mouthing off she was doing, she couldn’t even answer the damn simple question of what she was looking for in a man…. 

    now she just seems to have narrowed it down to maybe an Aussie male has she…  all becoz of one she met 20-30 years ago????  in Ireland???  i think a bit like Germaine Greer, aussie blokes would be well advised to give this sassy, saucy fruitcake a wide berth….

    Posted by casanova on 2006 02 28 at 11:31 PM • permalink

  2. You know what would make Dowd even saucier? A fall from a great height.

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 02 28 at 11:32 PM • permalink

  3. thats a shocking photo of her - look at the age wrinkes.. the arms….

    Times up Mozza ! - forget men and keep some cats

    Posted by knuckleheadwatch on 2006 02 28 at 11:35 PM • permalink

  4. #3 Yeah, you can drink ‘em pretty, but you can’t drink ‘em young!

    Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 02 28 at 11:41 PM • permalink

  5. On further reading some of those replies from Aussie “men” it sounds like she’d probably be doing us all a big favour if she first swept one of them off their feet, then swept them off overseas and removed them from the damn Aussie gene pool…. 

    Talk about a bunch that sound a wee bit p*ssy whipped from their upbringings in feminist households blah, blah, blah!!!!!

    Posted by casanova on 2006 02 28 at 11:41 PM • permalink

  6. very true Cas - you can see by the look on her face what shes really after is a good thwacking

    Posted by knuckleheadwatch on 2006 02 28 at 11:42 PM • permalink

  7. ” . . .a strong, sassy, saucy woman . . .”

    Right. Who wouldn’t want to be married to the columnist version of Bea Arthur.

    I think she’s got some kind of Crocodile Dundee fantasy goin’ here. Maybe that other guy in the movie is more her speed. What was his name? The big palooka with six teeth. Donk?

    Posted by paco on 2006 02 28 at 11:44 PM • permalink

  8. very very true Vanguard ! I’ll use that one!~

    Posted by knuckleheadwatch on 2006 02 28 at 11:44 PM • permalink

  9. she couldn’t even answer the damn simple question of what she was looking for in a man

    A pulse?

    Posted by guinsPen on 2006 02 28 at 11:47 PM • permalink

  10. Mind u i could probably handle what those aussie expats had going up in Singas on that insight program….  maid looking after the kids and cooking the meals, the wife off earning all the dosh, and u just left to drink, play sports and hang out with mates….

    it might get a bit dull after a bit, but i could think of worse things to have to put up with….

    Posted by casanova on 2006 02 28 at 11:52 PM • permalink

  11. Andrea Dworkin’s former husband is available.

    Posted by Mystery Meat on 2006 02 28 at 11:52 PM • permalink

  12. To help with that nagging sauciness problem, maybe she should a long sit in bathtub of dry sawdust.

    Then, off to the taxidermist for a facelift.

    Posted by iowahawk on 2006 02 28 at 11:53 PM • permalink

  13. also vanguard, what u can’t achieve by drinking, u can always rectify with a paper bag i suppose….

    but there is no guarantee that the rest of the body is in any better shape than whats above the neck….

    Posted by casanova on 2006 02 28 at 11:54 PM • permalink

  14. #11, Now there’s a guy who has seen action beyond the call of duty.

    By the way, what would Chris Shiel’s Ad look like?

    Leftist/onanist seeks feminist domination and warm fluffy towels? Must like rugby.

    Posted by Nic on 2006 02 28 at 11:55 PM • permalink

  15. “she’s single-handedly responsible for raising feminism from the dead”

    This is a joke, right?  Did women suddenly become downtrodden again only to be rescued by her and I missed it?

    Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2006 02 28 at 11:56 PM • permalink

  16. Tell her she can have Bob Ellis.
    With Margo Kingston - in lieu of the steak knives.

    Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2006 03 01 at 12:02 AM • permalink

  17. #14

    Dworkin’s husband/widower/widow/whatever is gay. As you would be under those circumstances.

    Posted by Good Face on 2006 03 01 at 12:05 AM • permalink

  18. Thank you Maureen’s parents for making her go home instead. We are in your debt.

    Posted by Tempo on 2006 03 01 at 12:06 AM • permalink

  19. Any “union” that happens here will be a case of mutually assured desperation.

    Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 03 01 at 12:07 AM • permalink

  20. “Now I’m here at last. And if they can take a strong, sassy, saucy woman, Australian men should please apply.”

    Ok, Wronwright, it’s time for you to take one for the team. Repeat after me: “The rine in spine sties minely in the pline”.

    Posted by paco on 2006 03 01 at 12:08 AM • permalink

  21. Well, I reckon she’s right about feminism feminazism being dead.

    Germaine Greer. (she just refuses to stay in the crypt, Dotty old bat)

    I rest my case.

    Posted by kae on 2006 03 01 at 12:08 AM • permalink

  22. #15

    The thing is Mike there are women in country towns in Aust with little or no access to birth control, family planning services etc.

    There are also young women in Australia who are send back to the old country and married at 16 (wanna take a guess at their religion?)

    There are also young women in Australia who are trafficed / conned into working as Prostitutes under debt servitude.

    There are ALOT of real issues for Feminism to fix, but Modo is still fixated on the Monica Lewisky scandal of what 8 - 10 years ago???? Hello!!!

    Posted by knuckleheadwatch on 2006 03 01 at 12:09 AM • permalink

  23. Coulda sworn I saw her picture on alt.com…

    Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 03 01 at 12:17 AM • permalink

  24. I’m willing to bet she was only talking about American feminism.  She (and many others who should know better) seems to have a very large blind spot when it comes to the treatment of women in Islam.

    Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2006 03 01 at 12:23 AM • permalink

  25. She does have a kind face… the kind you’d like to slap!

    Talk about playing “hard to want”.

    Posted by Gibbo on 2006 03 01 at 12:26 AM • permalink

  26. I like strong saucy animals. Will I need to boil first?

    Posted by Henry boy on 2006 03 01 at 12:31 AM • permalink

  27. Applicants wanted, eh? Well, Maureen, I normally find batshit-insane activist types a complete turn-off, but send me some naked pics and wait by the phone…you might get lucky.

    Posted by Mr Snuffalupagus on 2006 03 01 at 12:35 AM • permalink

  28. Thom Lyons is the ONLY man for MoDo!  A Green AND a war hero…?

    ” . . .a strong, sassy, saucy woman . . .”

    Then watch “Las Vegas”.  MoDo is just an ugly divorce waiting to happen…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 03 01 at 12:40 AM • permalink

  29. Hmmm- Well to do Americano woman = nice weekly allowance and a Green card for me.
    It’s a dirty job but I’m puttin’ up me hand.

    Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2006 03 01 at 12:42 AM • permalink

  30. How about matching up David meeting up with MoDo?  They’re about on the same level intellectually. 

    I’d suggest Bryla, but he’s already married.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 03 01 at 12:54 AM • permalink

  31. Whoops!  I meant “David HEIDELBERG”.  Sorry!

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 03 01 at 12:55 AM • permalink

  32. I got 2 words for the guy who takes MoDo out on a date: Dirty Sanchez.

    Posted by lingus4 on 2006 03 01 at 12:56 AM • permalink

  33. You know if some guy, any guy, came around to a decent ocuntry like Oz openly trolling for ass like MoDo is, based on some unfulfilled wet dream he had 30 years ago, he’d be rightly rounded up as a serial pervert.  What say you Oz?  She’s not so bad that a set of handcuffs wouldn’t help!

    Posted by Vanguard of the Commentariat on 2006 03 01 at 01:09 AM • permalink

  34. Hmmm.

    Speaking as an American I must simply say:

    Thank GOD she’s down your way!

    Would one of you blokes mind taking her off our hands?

    Posted by memomachine on 2006 03 01 at 01:22 AM • permalink

  35. The thing is Mike there are women in country towns in Aust with little or no access to birth control, family planning services etc.

    You mean they have no access to the word “no”? Heck, this is a problem. They’re the best birth control device in existence, and they’re free. I’ll ship a crate of “noes” down there pronto. Until then, advise the young ladies to use the aspirin treatment (take one aspirin, place between knees, hold knees firmly together to keep the aspirin in place).

    PS: you might want to check the closets of your local progressive “feminist” group for the various noes and spines they’ve removed from young women throughout the years in their campaign to make every woman on earth available to any passing male (under pain of being considered “frigid,” “virgins,” etc.), despite the fact that studies have shown that women who don’t have sex are not, in fact, in danger of dying from some painful disease or going mad. We let this campaign of theft go on for too long in the US and we still have a huge problem with bevies of young spineless women who can’t say “no.” Don’t let it happen to your country!

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 03 01 at 01:23 AM • permalink

  36. Or else you can simply take Ms. Dowd on a tour of these remote towns. She’s like the anti-sex at this point.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 03 01 at 01:25 AM • permalink

  37. she couldn’t even answer the damn simple question of what she was looking for in a man

    Low standards?

    Posted by nofixedabode on 2006 03 01 at 01:44 AM • permalink

  38. Right. Who wouldn’t want to be married to the columnist version of Bea Arthur.

    And then there’s Mo! (and then there’s Mo!)
    And then there’s Mo! (and then there’s Mo!)
    And then there’s Mo! (and then there’s Mo!)

    Tresses flippin’, pussy whippin’
    ‘bout three years from broken hippin’
    Right on, Mo!

    Posted by Dave S. on 2006 03 01 at 01:48 AM • permalink

  39. And if they can take a strong, sassy, saucy woman

    Translation: “Pain in the ass.”

    Posted by Dave S. on 2006 03 01 at 01:54 AM • permalink

  40. Rowan? I’ll bet that’s what the poor bastard started doing across the Irish Sea when he twigged the Modo wanted to play hide sausage.

    Posted by Habib on 2006 03 01 at 01:55 AM • permalink

  41. Bloody hell- just clocked the photo; Mandy Vanstone’s got smaller bingo wings than that, and her dial’s got more wrinkles than a one hundred year old prune.

    This is the left’s idea of a hornbag? No wonder so many of them choose androgyny.

    (BTW should have read hide THE sausage).

    Posted by Habib on 2006 03 01 at 02:00 AM • permalink

  42. Has anyone let her know that this spunkrat is on the market, and he’s got a really big clock.

    Posted by Habib on 2006 03 01 at 02:09 AM • permalink

  43. Is this some schtick she’s doing to sell books or is she really that desparate? For cripes sakes, can’t you guys at least get her laid while she’s down there?

    she’s single-handedly responsible for raising feminism from the dead No, I’m afraid what you’re seeing is the pale ghost of feminism past, Murray.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 03 01 at 02:13 AM • permalink

  44. Maybe somebody named Bruce.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2006 03 01 at 02:14 AM • permalink

  45. I thought Maureen was dead chic, sophisticated and contained. Everything that Australian feminists are not, of course. I agreed with some of the things she said on Insiders (eg about “slut” culture). I don’t read her work and I only might buy her book, so I don’t know what she generally writes about. I think it’s impossible to make a list of the things you look for in a bloke or you end up sounding like a contestant on Perfect Match. “I like intelligent men who like to go to the disco and also have a sense of humour, especially at the disco.” Habib, I think I’m losing my eyesight because I thought you said he has got a big dock.

    Posted by Major Anya on 2006 03 01 at 02:15 AM • permalink

  46. By the way, Maussie might go back to the USA and tell everybody that all Aussie men are like Peter Fitzsimmons.

    God help ya.

    Posted by Major Anya on 2006 03 01 at 02:19 AM • permalink

  47. Sorry, it was Insight not Insiders.

    Sorry, can’t get Glenn Milne’s hairdo off my brain.

    Posted by Major Anya on 2006 03 01 at 02:22 AM • permalink

  48. If she can’t find a man, there’s this alternative. She seems to have all the qualifications.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 03 01 at 02:24 AM • permalink

  49. Seriously, Oz, please keep MoDo down there.

    What will it take?  Money?  Guns ‘n’ ammo?  A nuclear aircraft carrier?  A tanker of Kentucky bourbon?  Your very own NFL franchise, complete with cheerleaders?  Just the cheerleaders?  PLEASE TELL US YOUR PRICE!!!! 

    For God’s sake, you’re our allies, ain’tcha?

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 03 01 at 02:43 AM • permalink

  50. With a couple of big, dangly weights.

    Needs regular winding.

    Due to breakup, also needs a new face and a couple of hands.

    Posted by Habib on 2006 03 01 at 02:52 AM • permalink

  51. The answer is Clooney.

    Posted by PW on 2006 03 01 at 03:05 AM • permalink

  52. #51 PW:

    To paraphrase the old saying, if Clooney is the answer then it must be a bloody stupid question. The answer is in fact Chuck Norris.  :-D

    Posted by Mr Snuffalupagus on 2006 03 01 at 03:29 AM • permalink

  53. if Clooney is the answer then it must be a bloody stupid question.

    Well, we are talking about MoDo…

    Posted by PW on 2006 03 01 at 04:23 AM • permalink

  54. When I was 20


    That’s the key point Maureen…......you aren’t 20 any more so you can’t trade on the same prospectus….....sorry

    Posted by Voyager on 2006 03 01 at 04:47 AM • permalink

  55.   And if they can take a strong, sassy, saucy woman

    Translation: “Pain in the ass.”

    Or simply F. A. T.

    Posted by Voyager on 2006 03 01 at 04:49 AM • permalink

  56. the elusive Australian male.


    onder which part of Crocodile Dundee she liked ? When I saw it in Texas they liked the Outback; when I watched it is new York they liked the urban cowboy scenes

    Posted by Voyager on 2006 03 01 at 04:50 AM • permalink

  57. #49 The_Real_Jeffs

    As it happens, we DO have a vacancy for a mindless, ugly, leftist relic of the 1870s 1970s. 

    Germain Greer has gone (horrors!) MONARCHIST after slobbering over QE2’s feet at the Palace last week.

    Hmmmmm…. lets see….

    Guns ‘n’ ammo, a nuclear aircraft carrier,  a tanker of Kentucky bourbon?  Tick (as long as all for the military)

    NFL franchise. - ya gotta be kidding.  Haven’t you heard that “Aussie Rules”?

    Cheerleaders.  Tick

    Look, throw in Rummy on loan and we’ve got a deal.  Of course, to replace GG we’ll have to trans-ship MoDo off to the UK, but you shouldn’t have a problem with that, right?

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 03 01 at 05:08 AM • permalink

  58. Hi, my name is Mohammed.  I am looking for a anti Western red haired woman who is sexy, saucy and sassy….under the fetching blue Burqaa I have just bought.  P.S.  While you think men are unnecessary I think clitorises are unnecessary.  Don’t worry if you have one I will organise for it to be removed before you enter the married bliss with a real man as is haf person bride property.

    P.S. To prove my sincerity I have a dowry of $500 I can pay to your brother or uncle - surely your father is no longer alive.  What offended by $500 I thought it generous given your age?

    Yours Mohammed.

    Posted by platey mates on 2006 03 01 at 05:58 AM • permalink

  59. Umm, Paaaaco…

    We might have a little problem with Wronwright. Minion-net reporting indicates that he saw your post No.20 and ran screaming for the time machine with his fangs out and hair on fire.

    Random time coordinates were punched and we have not seen him since.

    You might have broken him. Again.

    Should we check out the bronze age mead factory upriver from Ur of the Chaldees??


    Oh, and Habib (No.42), that suggestion is just wrong in so many ways…...

    Anyhoo, I checked out MoDo’s picture. Urk.
    I just found out where hard-ons go to die!

    MarkL
    Canberra

    Posted by MarkL on 2006 03 01 at 07:05 AM • permalink

  60. #35
    We might all love you andrea, but there is no way us oz blokes want you to come down here and start planting nasty ideas like that in the heads of the sheilas.

    No indeed!

    Posted by entropy on 2006 03 01 at 07:57 AM • permalink

  61. #58 Mohammed. MoDo is not 9 years old. Looks more like 90.

    Posted by stats on 2006 03 01 at 08:23 AM • permalink

  62. this delightful bloke is available

    Posted by KK on 2006 03 01 at 08:37 AM • permalink

  63. #38: Absolutely inspired lyrics, Dave S.

    #59: If I know my man, he’s out there right now, stiffening that upper lip, trying on one of those neat hats with one side of the brim turned up, pulling on those desert boots, and just generally girding his loins (twice would be advisable, considering the assignment), with the same grim resolution of those soldiers who charged at Gallipoli (although, admittedly, with poorer prospects for survival). Wronwright - a Real American Hero.

    Posted by paco on 2006 03 01 at 09:44 AM • permalink

  64. Gaaah. Make fresh clawr.

    Posted by bovious on 2006 03 01 at 10:08 AM • permalink

  65. Two things you need to know about Maureen Dowd: first, she’s single-handedly responsible for raising feminism from the dead.

    What’s her second trick? Journalism?

    Posted by chinesearithmetic on 2006 03 01 at 11:59 AM • permalink

  66. Lucky Rowan!

    Posted by stats on 2006 03 01 at 12:35 PM • permalink

  67. #58, Mo!  You might have something there.  MoDo is definitely fishing in the wrong country.  She should go to Saudi Arabia or some other shithole like that and advertise.  Why, she could get dragged off to an alley and have all the action she can handle in no time!  After all, they don’t know what their women look like, so they have no standards.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 03 01 at 01:32 PM • permalink

  68. a strong, sassy, saucy woman

    I think most guys would call her that other word, the one that rhymes with witch.

    Posted by Patricia on 2006 03 01 at 02:04 PM • permalink

  69. Memo to:  Paco
    Subject:  MoDo

    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    Posted by wronwright on 2006 03 01 at 02:11 PM • permalink

  70. #69: Pssst! Wronwright! Over here, behind the bullet-proof glass.

    Stop pounding on it, you’re going to hurt yourself. Listen. This gig will absolutely make your career. Karl will completely forget about those little episodes involving helicopters and time machines (including that time you went back to assassinate Adolph Hitler and killed Rudolph Hitler by mistake; true, it was a crushing blow to the production of German bassoons, but of somewhat dubious military value). No matter. You will be The. Man.

    Here’s all you need to do. Put on the Aussie gear, give her the famous Wronwright grin (you know the thing; that come-hither Errol Flynn leer), take her out to a likely-looking swamp, first making sure that this woman is nowhere in sight, then introduce her to the biggest crocodile you can find. A cake walk. And Medal of Freedom? In the bag.

    Posted by paco on 2006 03 01 at 02:34 PM • permalink

  71. I thought that article was funny—you know, about her being among the most-feared journalists in the US.  Feared because why?  She’ll stamp her widdle feet and write about high school again?

    She’s a bit long in the tooth to be described as sassy or saucy, although I like Treacher’s suggestion.

    Posted by ushie on 2006 03 01 at 03:23 PM • permalink

  72. Are we sure she’s even into men??

    On Insight the other night she was making so many insulting generalisations, it was hard to keep track. Her claim about American women’s shallow obsession with their looks and plastic surgery, with which she obviously disapproved, was a generalisation of particular interest, considering she once dated actor Michael Douglas and has he had, like, tonnes of plastic surgery!

    Posted by Brian on 2006 03 02 at 09:25 AM • permalink

  73. #26 Unzud Hamish?

    Posted by crash on 2006 03 02 at 10:13 AM • permalink

  74. Maureen,


    I luuuuuuuuuv you.


    Meet me at

    http://spaces.msn.com/marshalldarvall/


    Luuuuuuv forever

    Posted by MarshallD on 2006 03 02 at 06:01 PM • permalink

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