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STUPID FOREIGNERS
An AAP headline repeated without correction in Melbourne’s Age :
Young Malthouse Magpies do job on Crows
Great news - except that Collingwood actually defeated the Fremantle Dockers, not the Adelaide Crows. The Age’s executive sports editor, appointed six months ago, is from Scotland; the Age’s editor-in-chief (known for his expertise in Australian sport) was a successful Mancunian candidate for the Victorian job. Via Big Footy, whose readers spot another Age headline blunder, this time supplied by Reuters:
Waikato Chiefs thrash Stormers 43-27
The Chiefs actually thrashed the Bulls.
UPDATE. MM has helpful advice for Age editors and other AFL newbies.
A bit of a tongue twister there. I accidently dug into this thread expecting stories of Malthusian magpies.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 03 23 at 05:52 PM • permalinkThey need a big poster on the office wall with all the football teams and their names.
Or alternatively, they could employ someone who follows football to check the headlines.Posted by daddy dave on 2008 03 23 at 06:13 PM • permalinkHey Beavis he he he he . . . his name’s Dick. He he he he he he.
Posted by Young and Free on 2008 03 23 at 06:47 PM • permalinkIt’s easy to be critical of these outsiders coming into a new city - but has anyone actually taken the time to tell them the things they need to know?
In the spirit of good international relations, here are a few tips about sport in Melbourne.
1. Melburnians do not take sport very seriously, and in particular, the raucous but silly past-time known in some quarters as AFL. Most Melburnians refer to it in a self-deprecating manner as Gay-FL, or in politer circles, Fumble-ball.
2. Melburnians love to have a laugh about their sport. One way to get in good with the locals, would be to approach a local bar in Collingwood soon after they have had a loss - check the results in the Herald Sun - and say something like, “I hear the wee sparrows lost at Gay-FL again - perhaps they are not quite gay enough!”
This should lead to a round of chuckles, if not a night of free beer, in which you will not be required to reciprocate.
Hope this helps.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2008 03 23 at 07:25 PM • permalinkFurther to Margos tips, your average Gay-FL supporter responds with rapturous enthusiasm to impromptu soccer chants being started at their local game. Try it, and your guaranteed to get several thousand other gleeful fans joining you in a stirring rendition of ‘Feed the Scousers’.
You should also light flares. Lots of flares. Especially at a Blues v Pies game.
We used to play a game just like this when we were toddlers. We called it ‘kick the ball around, but don’t touch it with your hands’. It was fun for a while, but by the time we turned seven, we grew out of it.
- Americans
;)
(sorry, but I can’t help but make fun of such a silly game. Don’t be angry with me. We have our silly games too. I’m thinking baseball, for example. But even baseball and cricket are 50% less gay than soccer.)
Could you at LEAST call them ‘the fighting crows’? It used to be funny, but now I’m starting to become embarrassed for you. The Crows?!?! Why not just name yourselves ‘The Hens’ or ‘The Pretty Flowers’?
Alternate names:
Crows of Destruction
Killer Crows
Crows of DecimationUN Sanctioned alternate names:
Olive Branch Crows
Crows that Hate Jews
The Huggable Crows
The Butterflies of Love, and Their Crow FriendsCan you imagine how many people buy The Age for the sport results?
The Age might get a rude shock if they started removing things like sport that ‘nobody reads.’
Posted by daddy dave on 2008 03 23 at 10:09 PM • permalink#11
We used to play a game just like this when we were toddlers. We called it ‘kick the ball around, but don’t touch it with your hands’. It was fun for a while, but by the time we turned seven, we grew out of it.
My problem with soccer is that the final score often seems to have no relation to who played the better game. One-nil, because some guy took a dive in front of the goal posts and got a free penalty kick.
Two nil, because some guy got sent off because some other guy pretended to trip on his leg, leaving one team short a player.
Three nil, because the game ended in a nil-nil draw and they had to have a penalty shootout isntead.Posted by daddy dave on 2008 03 23 at 10:14 PM • permalink#16 Mehaul: I can’t help it. Soccer is just too funny :).
Let me apologize for all of the references I’m about to make about gayness. Everyone should be gay if that’s their thing. I have no problem with it. But it is a little girlie, no? Can’t we admit that?
Which brings me to Beckham. He was very good at ‘kick the ball around’. But 1 - he’s English. And 2 - he plays soccer for a living. 3 - just look at him, with his scrawny arms and legs! If he didn’t have posh spice by his side, everyone would know he’s…
I’m just sayin’. If that’s the cream of the soccer crop, perhaps you should be watching some less gay sports, like synchronized swimming. Or some kind of sport where they determine who hugs the best.
Soccer. Heh.
Other good names for soccer (some have the audacity to call it football! As if!) teams:
The Sydney Mollusks
The Melbourne Impatiens
The Singapore Fighting Termites
The Bombay Flowering Grasses
The Bangcok Minnows
The NSW Bajingoes
The Tasmanian Vajay-jays
The Australian WomenMy favorite is the last one. Don’t get me wrong. I love Australia and Australians and am in solidarity in all things military. But that WOULD be a funny name :).
#22 Barrie: “Why pick on the Crows, blogalog? The crow is the most intelligent of all birds. “
It’s still a bird though. And not even a fighting bird like a hawk or an eagle. It’s more like a weak vulture. A weak, yet evil beast (they eat my corn, so are evil in my book).
Mice are smarter than crows. Would you be a fan of the Sydney Mice? If they played ‘kick the ball around but don’t touch it with your hands’?
Malthouse apologises to AFL for “stupid” comment
Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 03 23 at 11:43 PM • permalink“The crow is the most intelligent of all birds. “
ksnksnksnksnksnksnk!!
Dandelions are the most intelligent of weeds.
Wallpaper is the most intelligent of wall-coverings.
snurk snurk snurkity snurkPosted by formerly Huck Foley on 2008 03 24 at 12:42 AM • permalink#3. Hmm. Do you know my Aged acquaintances, then?
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2008 03 24 at 03:03 AM • permalink#27 Actually, I don’t know any Age readers. We get the SMH, Australian, Telegraph, Herald-Sun and Age in our office. The Age file is always the one on the bottom because no one reads it.
#20 Hear hear!!. There are way too many sports teams named Tigers or Dogs or Lions but none named after molluscs. Hre’s my idea. There should be one team in each country named Sharks or Magpies (the Wangaratta Magpies would be an ideal choice here) and all the lesser teams with that name should find an alternative. The Collingwood Slugs, something like that.
Son: I’m thinking about becoming a soccer player.
Father: You know I love you and support you no matter what you choose to achieve. How long have you been gay?
Son: What!?! I only said that I wanted to play soccer. I never said I was gay. But on a totally unrelated subject, I am gay.
Father: Yes yes, I understood that when you said you liked soccer.
Australian crows are smart — too damn smart, if you ask me. If you approach them while carrying a rifle or shotgun they always fly away, but they’ll stay put if you’re empty handed or carrying a stick. (Been there, done
that, don’t know how they can tell.)Australian farmers hate crows because they kill livestock. They’re no danger to healthy sheep or cows, but they often fatally wound a beast that would otherwise have recovered by [gruesome fact alert] eating one or both eyeballs.
Posted by Chris Chittleborough on 2008 03 24 at 09:53 AM • permalinkIt’s not just Australia, Chris. They are evil as hell the world round. They take flight when you have a weapon no matter WHERE in the world you are.
Howerver! If you can manage to wound one, yet not kill it, it will keep cawing, which somehow keeps the other crows in the vicinity, flying overhead trying to help it. You can easily pick off a whole group of those evil scumbags this way. But you have to wound and not kill one to start off the culling.
That’s ONE group of crows that won’t be eating my corn seedlings. Man, I hate crows.
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