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SMEAR ATTEMPTED
Is it possible to smear someone over the blameless matter of their replacement heart valve? Let’s give it a try!
UPDATE. Matt Price:
I learned this week that several months ago a senior media figure approached Rudd’s office with questions about the Labor leader’s heart condition. The information was not peddled by a government dirt unit but came during a capricious conversation with a Brisbane medico. Senior members of Rudd’s staff vehemently denied the information, which essentially mirrored what Oakes broadcast on Nine.
Of course, the original leaker was Rudd himself:
During his regular appearance on the Seven Network’s Sunrise program three years ago, Mr Rudd said he supported organ donations for transplant because he was the recipient of one.
“Private investigators trawling through private medical records to try to somehow smear the Opposition Leader. That’s about as low as politics can go,” Swan claimed, smearily.
No no…Mr. Swan. I can’t see a soul that has reached your level yet..and I’m across the bigger pond.
On THIS side of the pond, it’s Moveon.org and its followers by the ‘illions.
Start with Soros, a survivor of Nazism and Communism, but still adores ANY form of totalitarianism (except he really, really, really loves the money of capitalism) and go both directions of the English speakers, alphabet.
He had his erotic valve replaced?!?
His is a Slick Willy fan, ain’t he?
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 09 21 at 01:53 PM • permalinkWill this country tolerate being governed by a man assembled Frankenstein-like from the corpses of his fellow Australians? If Kevin Rudd is already prepared to greedily extend his life by harvesting the dead, to what extremes might he be driven as he grows older and ever more desperate?
You’re absolutely on fire, Tim! If Rudd does win, at least there’s the consolation afforded by the prospect of more of your comic gold.
“similar operations are also performed using valves from ... pigs”
Forget seeing eye dogs, this could be interesting if Rudd tries to hail a cab. And you know that dinner invites from the local Imam are definately out!
Posted by Bruce Rheinstein on 2007 09 21 at 02:35 PM • permalinkSoros, a survivor of Nazism and Communism
Not really. He was in Hungary, which was only briefly occupied by the Germans, and he has described that period as the best time of his life. Prior to the Germans, Hungary was a minor part of the Axis, but the wealthy Soros family was left alone. His brother Paul says the greatest hardship was the unavailability of British-made Dunlop tennis balls. By 1947 George Soros was in London, so his experience under communism was virtually nil, too.
Posted by Bruce Rheinstein on 2007 09 21 at 02:57 PM • permalinkYou FOOLS? Don’t you SEE? You’re missing the IMPORTANT question: did Rudd blow his gasket before visting the strip club, after visiting the strip club or *dah-dah-DAH*(*) DURING his visit to the strip club…
(*) Dramatic Hamster music…Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 09 21 at 03:09 PM • permalink“By 1947 George Soros was in London, so his experience under communism was virtually nil, too.”
He’s lived in America under liberal Democrat rule. That’s pretty close.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 09 21 at 05:34 PM • permalink“Private investigators trawling through private medical records to try to somehow smear the Opposition Leader.”
Like the song says…paranoia strikes deep.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 09 21 at 05:42 PM • permalink“What if Rudd has instead received a non-human component?”
Are you suggesting that the valve came from another ALP party member?
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 09 21 at 05:51 PM • permalinkInteresting google ads at the bottom of the column tim. Are you a secret operative for the Kruddster?
it was all a crock anyway. Costello had Rudd on the ropes over the tax thing, so the ALP hijacked Question Time by raising this furphy. The media will only report on this controversy. You just helped.
Why, it’d take a person of such low breeding that ice-addicted United Nations diplomats pimping orphaned toddlers to al-Qaeda goat rapists would turn away from him in disgust.
WOW, you said a mouthful there but hey, over here Dick Cheney has a pacemaker and all of a sudden he’s Darth Vader…..but then again, the left here would never stoop to the politics of personal destruction, would they?
Posted by Old Tanker on 2007 09 21 at 06:41 PM • permalinkbrilliant political satire, Tim.
Technically, a part-human-part-machine is a cyborg, not an android.
An android is a robot that closely resembles a human being.
Therefore, if elected, he would be the first cyborg prime minister. He might be the first cyborg leader in history!Posted by daddy dave on 2007 09 21 at 07:15 PM • permalinkSo Mr Blair accuses nice Mr Rudd of having had heart surgery.
Well to you Mr Blair, have you not had influenza many times? And yet you aspire to being a member of the media! Hah!
BTW Is it just my fevered imagination or has Tim’s column gotten bigger?
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 09 21 at 07:20 PM • permalinkOn the subject of columns, Alan Ramsey’s effort today appears to have been written by a satirist.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 09 21 at 07:32 PM • permalinkInteresting bit about Trioli and the footy, like they even watch the footy. They just want the right to express umbrage about the right to watch free footy had they wanted to. From the Life of Brian:
REG:
Why don’t you shut up about women, Stan. You’re putting us off.
STAN:
Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
FRANCIS:
Why are you always on about women, Stan?
STAN:
I want to be one.
REG:
What?
STAN:
I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me ‘Loretta’.
REG:
What?!
LORETTA:
It’s my right as a man.
JUDITH:
Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
LORETTA:
I want to have babies.
REG:
You want to have babies?!
LORETTA:
It’s every man’s right to have babies if he wants them.
REG:
But… you can’t have babies.
LORETTA:
Don’t you oppress me.
REG:
I’m not oppressing you, Stan. You haven’t got a womb! Where’s the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!Is there a crappier radio or TV presenter than Virginia Trioli? The whiny voice. The unmatched vapidity. And who does her wardrobe? The Wicked Witch of the West? The word hag was invented for women like her.
Posted by Jack Lacton on 2007 09 21 at 07:55 PM • permalinkIf any of his parts ain’t yoomin, is Rudd eligible for Australian citizenship? I hear they’re pretty strict on the medical down there…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 09 21 at 08:04 PM • permalinkGiven KRudd’s capacity for interviewing himself, can you imagine what international negotiations would be like?
KRUDD: Am I concerned about a nuclear North Korea? Yes, I am. Do I think a missile defence shield is the answer? No, I don’t.SHINZO ABE: I ...
KRUDD: Would I like closer relations with Japan? Yes, I would. Do I think that Japan needs to review its trade tariffs? Yes, I do.
SHINZO ABE: Would ...
KRUDD: Am I concerned about Japan’s whaling practices? Yes, I am. Do I think that needs to cloud the rest of our relationship with Japan? No, I don’t.
SHINZO ABE (to aide): Please arrange a straightjacket for this man.
I think this is called transparent gotcha politics. It is a classic straw man play in that an accusation is made of a reprehensible attack that didn’t exist. This is what happens when PR takes over from brain.
Or, maybe, the lady really is stupid.
Either way, I expect the populace subtracted from the Rudd column for this cheap rhetoric.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 09 21 at 08:48 PM • permalink!3 I see many Carp diving up here in teh ol’ frsh, warm, visible St. Lawrence River.
Let me leave it in the public record that I have never even dreamt or thought of kissing a Carp.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 09 21 at 08:57 PM • permalinkThe counterspin on this for Rudd is to point out that he’s partly recycled human. That’ll win him the watermelon vote.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 09 21 at 09:24 PM • permalinkProof that the surgical team did a good job - after fourteen years, Kevni only has to be dragged out of strip clubs because he’s drunk off his ass, not because his repair job has failed.
Next up, he’ll be getting one of these bad boys:
RoboCock (I have no clue whether it’s work-safe or not - depends on where you work)
Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 09 21 at 09:42 PM • permalinkSorry to be OT but is this the next “plastic turkey”?
Any money this takes off on the Left sid eof the blogosphere
Posted by the nailgun on 2007 09 21 at 09:55 PM • permalinkThe heart valve story is a doozy, but wait until the truth about Kev’s pooper valve hits the streets.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 09 21 at 10:18 PM • permalinkThe communicative repertoire of a competent language user such as our Mr. Blair includes an array of tools that involve deliberate violations of conventional rationality—as evidenced in this his most recent column.
Tim’s humor, irony, metaphor, metonym, hyperbole, and simple nonsense, to name but a few examples of the tools of his trade, allow him to achieve complex cognitive and social effects in the minds of his readers in ways that are difficult or impossible to paraphrase as propositions with identifiable truth conditions.Him funny man.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2007 09 21 at 10:20 PM • permalinkIt’s Friday, so that means it’s time for more cartoon riots!
Paco, I’m inventing a newspaper, you’re a writer now in it.
http://colmilquetoast.blogspot.com/
You get a free Paco t-shirt. Whoever, is the resident cartoonist (colonel) should be careful they don’t get executed.
#44
The Bush thinks Mandela’s dead train has already left the station, mr nailgun.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 09 21 at 11:38 PM • permalink#60 Status same save “Sister M” suppressed sesquipedalianism somehow simmers still…sorry.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2007 09 21 at 11:59 PM • permalinkthe Kruddomatic self-smearing leaderette, yours for just 1 vote*
*(higher tax and interest rate penalties apply and will be paid by the buyer at regular intervals.Colours and details of product may vary from those on the adverts. Kruddomatic corporation will not be held responsible)
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 09 22 at 12:06 AM • permalinkKevin 07: Deliverance
Featuring such classic lines as:
“You got a real purty valve.”
and
“I want you to squeal like a prigg!”
Posted by Abu Chowdah on 2007 09 22 at 12:45 AM • permalink#25 The 1.618 Weekly - great work! Can’t wait to see my page. Is it a 1.618/Milquetoast collaboration? You work very well together, might I say. I can see the gossip columns firing up.
TIM B. - REJECTED. NEW MYSTERY MAN STEPS IN. MILITARY CREDS.
Do I have to say something about Rudd? It’s a weekend.
O/T but I think Grimmy chose the wrong section of the armed services to enrol in.
Everyone saw the boobs for the navy story, but I missed this bit.Sodomy brings a tear to the eyes.
Hes missed out on his chance to make the donkey cry…Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 09 22 at 02:30 AM • permalinkWill Ms G have to replace KRudd before the election and not after?
Posted by stackja1945 on 2007 09 22 at 03:06 AM • permalinkO/T, but did anyone else see the picture of Donald Horne on the cover of the Weekend Australian’s colour mag and immediately think, “smug motherfucker”?
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 09 22 at 03:37 AM • permalinkI don’t want to spoil your appetites this close to dinnertime but Kate Hudson’s bizarre piece in the Age is too yeuuuch to pass without comment
OK, THIS IS KIND OF embarrassing. I woke up this morning smiling from a wonderful dream. It was a kissing dream. I was kissing a sexy man: charismatic, intelligent, powerful (and a very good kisser, as people are in dreams). I woke, remnants of kissing-daze evaporating sweetly in my mind. Then I tried to recollect who the man might have been. It was someone I knew, though transformed, but the kiss had been a surprise, out of character . . . Picture me sitting bolt upright in bed cackling my head off. Who was the man, this sexy god? Readers, it was Kevin Rudd.
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 09 22 at 04:14 AM • permalinkI don’t know many famous people 1.6, except for Gina Elise.
I did once get a letter from a psychology teacher at Princeton University. Does that count?Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 09 22 at 04:24 AM • permalinkKate Holden, eeniemeenie, not Kate Hudson. Actresses are screwy, I’ll grant you, but only an Age journalist could be that fucked in the head.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 09 22 at 04:28 AM • permalinkWould some kindly Blairite, resident in Melbourne, please drop by the Age ofice and throw a bucket of water over Kate Holden?
Grown men are heaving their guts over here.
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2007 09 22 at 06:57 AM • permalink#86
OK, THIS IS KIND OF embarrassing. I woke up this morning smiling from a wonderful dream. It was a kissing dream. I was kissing a sexy man: charismatic, intelligent, powerful (and a very good kisser, as people are in dreams). I woke, remnants of kissing-daze evaporating ...quickly as I awakened kissing the Rudd’sbot?
The fragility and rudderlessness of the very devious Rudderless Kev is finally being exposed.
Whether his heart is OK or not is of course very important should he become Prime Minister. Remember, if he collapses and cannot continue in the top job - we will end up with Red Julia as Prime Minister, with all her union mates running things.
It may well be time to liquidate and move few assets overseas before Whitlamesque policies once again destroy Australia, just as occurred in 1972.
#84 TIM B. - REJECTED. NEW MYSTERY MAN STEPS IN. MILITARY CREDS. ???
No, he doesn’t like me.
Hey! I do! I do like you!
What? Oh… -sigh- ...sometimes I hate pronouns.
Posted by Col. Milquetoast on 2007 09 22 at 12:47 PM • permalink
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Just you wait until they find out about all those pedicures and that little pump implanted in his nether regions!