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RIGHTS RIGHTED
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5. Those who sneer at tabloid newspapers, because news printed on smaller pages is somehow inferior to news published on larger pages, shall retain the right to admit at any time that owners of massive plasma televisions receive higher-quality news than owners of smaller televisions.
Now that you mention it….the quality of my news has improved since I got my resource sucking bigscreen HDTV.
Well, the video quality has improved. The talking heads still suck!
8. The right of singers, actors, dancers, cartoonists, sculptors and other practitioners of the emotional arts to proclaim on serious social, scientific or military matters shall be balanced by the right of audiences to mock them to the point of breakdown.
I especially like this one, and in fact, we in the US should add it to our own Bill of Rights. Well done.
A superb column, Tim! One of your best, in my opinion.
I read this with some surprise: “Upon the death of any Australian listed among our National Living Treasures (especially Phillip Adams, Julian Burnside, Peter Garrett, Jennie George, Marcus Einfeld, Bob Brown, Tim Costello, Robyn Williams, Pat O’Shane and Michael Leunig), citizens may help themselves to all their stuff.”
Oh, I wasn’t surprised by your recommendation; that’s fine. Once the “treasure” has been buried, it seems only fair that any residual assets that originated as a result of taxpayer largesse should be up for grabs by those self-same taxpayers (moveables, clothes and knick-knacks could be placed in bins outside of some appropriate government building, and people could help themselves; real property could be sold for cash, and the PM could drive around throwing the money out of the window of his car).
No, what surprised me was the discovery that Phil Adams is a National Treasure. I regret that I’m not at all up to speed on cultural developments in the antipodes, but I think I know enough about Adams to legitimately question the wisdom of this decision. It’s rather as if one had gone on a tour of Ft. Knox and found out that the U.S. gold reserve was, in reality, just a room full of brass doorknobs.
An excellent column! But I think the title of this post should be “LEFTS RIGHTED”.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 08 31 at 02:46 PM • permalinkI hope all of you have a good weekend and a good week. I’m going to the beach, and I’ll be back September 10. I’ve taken the keys to the mead storage facility, and oh, wronwright, I changed the lock today.
Bye!
Elizabeth
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 08 31 at 02:50 PM • permalinkElizabeth,
That’s the key to the room that holds the large kegs of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. It was left over from the GET HAPPY OR YOU’RE FIRED YOU DAMN INGRATES morale boosting mandatory party the henchmen held for the low level minions and other low worth rabble. For some reason, we had a lot of it left over. (Cheese puffs too). Actually we haven’t even been locking that room. Doesn’t seem to be necessary. I’m sure you’ll put it to good use.
The mead was consumed by the henchmen as we glad handed and back slapped the minions, play acting like we cared. Cleverly, we placed the mead in the same type of cups that the minions used for their beer, so they didn’t even know.
(wronwright fingers the key to the mead stronghold, hanging on a chain suspended from his size 14 1/2 neck)
Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 31 at 03:16 PM • permalink#19
... and leave us be, in our tropical loveland
(another Oz-inspired track - who says you can’t drop a piano accordian into a pop song; nice bass track).Oh, I thought the “National Living Treasures” thingy was an inside Aussie joke, or something.
So, I googled, and it’s real, I take it?
But, Russell Crowe and Nicole Kidman?
No ONJ? What’s up with that?
Slim Dusty? Wasn’t he, like, a star of Hollywood B westerns in the fifties?
And Ted Mack! I remember his Amateur Hour from when I was just a kid. Didn’t know he’s an Aussie.
What about Nancy Bird-Walton? Is that John-Boy Walton’s older sister, that was never mentioned?Greg Norman, Rod Laver, Ken Rosewall? OK. Those guys are more like Living World Treasures, tho.
Hey, we need one of these Living National Treasure lists here in the US.
Let’s see…Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan, Teddy Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi…
No, wait, that’s the Living National Garbage List.All you US folk rightfully
chucking sh*t at the pathetic living national treasures farce, be assured all decent Oz folk squirm with embarrassment each time the matter is raised.Next time you go to Ft Knox, Paco, don’t look….I’m told the place only contains a balance sheet with lots of red coloured noughts
I’m fine with all of that, Tim. Plain common sense and reasonable quid pro quo to my mind.
Except…
By the way, do you think Robbo’s author wife Kathy Lette speaks at home in the same pun-swamped manner we see in her books? If so, all mockery is withdrawn. The poor bloke has suffered enough.We all have our Des Gregor moments. I just think that pompous lefty lawyers should pay more for them.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 08 31 at 05:42 PM • permalinkThat’s an impressive column you have there, Tim. Scored high on the nyuk-ometer.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 08 31 at 06:06 PM • permalinkActually the plasma has improved my news. Ever since getting it i’ve only watched sport, movies and south park. Waste of time watching the news on those huge lovely colourful glowing screens.
As for Tim’s last para - having only read a few of Lettte’s columns in the paper, I can say she is probably the most painful writer operating in the english language. No content or wit, just these awful strained puns in virtually every sentence. And if she strikes one she thinks is good - she repeats it on every talk show she can get on.
Auntie is currently featuring Robertson reading excerpts of his autobiography, for anyone who wishes to stream/download his toffy accent.
Rod C
All you US folk rightfully
chucking sh*t at the pathetic living national treasures farce, be assured all decent Oz folk squirm with embarrassment each time the matter is raised.Rod C…We Yanks do not squirm with embarrassment at our pathetics.
OUR pathetics are real. They become a farce and an embarrassment onto themselves for the world to see. Those here that follow them, become the same and we have a ton of ‘em.
Next time you go to Ft Knox, Paco, don’t look….I’m told the place only contains a balance sheet with lots of red coloured noughts
Nope, sorry…filled to the brim with Gold bars. We may owe a lot that make it seem it contains red noughts, but even if it were to contain nothing…people come here legally and illegally (literally standing in line, or under a fence, take your choice) and prefer coming here versus damn near any other nation, on the face of this planet.
Damn fine column Tim !!! Of course, this redneck especially liked the armed homeowner who confronts a goblin in his castle . All bets are off , indeed.
Rod Laver is definitely a world treasure. Only man to win all four grand slam tournaments in the same year. Did it in 64 and 68 , I believe. That record will stand a long , long time. If memory serves,he is a long time resident of beautiful coastal S. Carolina. The great man resides about two hrs. away from greenes’ homestead.Re Robertson’s Plea for a Bill of Rights for Australia:
Bill of Rights leads to the usurpation of power by the Judiciary:LOOK AT CANADA!!!! Under the previous Liberal Government, the governing party requested the judiciary (High Court) to approve the draft Bill before it was presented to Parliament to ensure the Act ensuing from that Bill survived any legal challenge under the Provisions of the Bill of Rights. This must be the best example of putting the cart before the horse. The fact that a number of the members of the Court had a direct interest in the subject matter and should have recused themselves was of no import. The biggest enemy of Freedom of Thought, Speech, Press and of Religion in Canada has been the Bill of Rights as interpreted by members of the High Court, who have even disregarded the “nothwithstanding” clause in the Canadian Bill of Rights which was inserted in that Bill specifically to protect against any unintended consequences of the provisions of the Bill on rights, liberties of the individual or the public interest. The Bill of Rights itself is being abused to promote the politically correct agenda favoured by the members of the Court and of the political party who appointed them.
Posted by LaVallette on 2007 08 31 at 06:46 PM • permalinkA Bill of Rights! Isn’t that just job creation for lefty lawyers?
Mrs A
Posted by Apparatchik on 2007 08 31 at 07:16 PM • permalinkI did particularly enjoy #10
Except for one event per year, not to be indicated in advance, during which police may respond as they wish with absolutely no fear of prosecution.
I don;‘t know if I could watch the TV footage. I’m a little squeamish.Mrs A
Posted by Apparatchik on 2007 08 31 at 07:19 PM • permalinkApparatchik
A Bill of Rights! Isn’t that just job creation for lefty lawyers?
That is what it has turned into. There was once honest debate and love of country, here.
Now, regardless of a Bill of Rights or not, there is no longer honest debate…and there is a definite lack of love of country.
Leftitis, has indeed badly infected, not only the U.S. but the world.
For my part and a great many others like me…I’ll make sure OUR second amendment is defended.
#45 True those lefties do have a problem with the 2nd. All that defence of home and hearth! We should just open our arms and let the love in.
Mrs A
Posted by Apparatchik on 2007 08 31 at 07:37 PM • permalinkWhat about a bill of responsibilities.
a: I will not steal others property or i will go to jail.
b: I will not throw rocks at police then whine when my “peaceful” protest is baton charged.
c: If Im an obnoxious prick I will expect to be punched occasionally.
On the list of national treasures. Phatty Phill had a hand in its creation as did a couple of the others on the list. I think you are nominated for your services to the removal of funds from government coffers, by grant, employment, or legal fees.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 31 at 07:52 PM • permalinkA good column Tim. Another one could be the Leftist Bible for example:
Thou shalt not pontificate from abroad and tell Australians how to live their lives, unless you are G. Robertson or G. Greer.
Did anyone read of living treasure, Gough Whitlam’s antics yesterday, refusing to take off his shoes before boarding a flight? The man who normally booms ‘comrade’ at people also said ‘they normally know who I am’ (and let me through). Yes your majesty.
My final post is up at Crittenden’s. Be sure to click on that first link; if you don’t think that’s funny, I’ll post my baby picture.
#52 Hee hee hee, Nic. What’s the bet that the security guys were, ahem, not “Comrades” in political beliefs and knew exactly who he was, and were just messing with him?
I know that’s what I would do!
Next year is the Year of the Blues! Count on it!
50 Rod C
I believe you are correct sir…one it is misleading and two…I believe and as I’m to lazy, or tired, or ill, or dead, to look at what or who/m exactly “The Liberty Counsel” is or consists of. My best guess would be, center or right of.
Our Bill of Rights, should have an asterisk and that asterisk should include the term…‘Money for all of those with a degree in the science of words (Latin and English accepted) and how to use those words in a court of law’.
I probably should have stated so…but as dear as our first ten amendments are and I would never want any struck. (except for the billeting of troop thingy, but back then…I guess a different tale was to be had)..they can and do make money for those with Esquire (at least that is what is used here, for attorneys) following their names. Regardless which side of the aisle.
In that particular case, I though it to say…the young lady did “graduate”...the question of her actually receiving A “diploma”, is left unmentioned…I think…:)
Good night all…early T time the next two days. (yea yea…heard it all and up and personal)
From one of paco’s links at Crittenden’s (that MMORPG one was great, btw), found this - nothing particularly new, merely a very good example of the ridiculous rules and restrictions in that gentle and comforting religion known as Islam. Pity the women!
OT: This time it’s the Irish that we should listen to and not the French, according to scold, Adele Horin on a rant about welfare, yadda yadda.
She doesn’t mention the hordes of Romanians and others who, with a relaxing of EU laws, are flocking to Ireland to take advantage of the generous social security.
Nic
Horin is a nob“But it is the poverty measure most commonly used across the world - people on or below 50 per cent of the median income.”
This is a silly mesure of poverty. If Im over the 50% median income in a shithole like Zimbabwe Im not living 1/10th as well as a similar person in Australia.
Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 31 at 09:59 PM • permalinkWe in Australia don’t need a Bill of Rights. If Rudd and his associates get in, we will more than likely be ‘governed,’ at the behest of the UN. I remember past governments would do nothing domestically or internationally with a few exceptions, without first checking with that outfit. Besides, can anyone imagine the type of people who would draw up this ‘document.’ Political ideologues, craving for the old days, malcontents, self important know alls and wannabee ‘National Living Treasures.’ Hell, the way these things pan out in Australia sometimes, Mo Dawood would probably get a look in.
Oh the horror, the horror.Speaking of NLT* Phillip Adams, has anyone spotted his peurile and cowardly attck on Stan Zemanek in todays column in the Oz colour magazine?
Real classy, Phatboy, slagging off someone who’s well and truly unable to reply, and highly courageous as well. As to the claim that he gave Stan a touch-up in the studio at 2UE, I find it a little difficult to believe as Phatty would appear unable to go three rounds with a revolving door.
I’ve never been much of a fan of Zemanek- he reflected to me the less appealing side of conservatism (but used to give Mrs Peter Fitzsimons a regular serve on Beauty and the Beast), but if he managed to give the Phat Phuck the shits he’s gone up in my estimation.
The whole thing smacks of petulant, pouty jealousy of radio types who pull bigger ratings in an hour than Tub O’Guts has in his entire career, wedged on an unlistened slot on the widely ignored Radio National, but only to be expected- leftist lives are dominated by the politics of envy.
This of course makes the Phatster fully fair game when he eventually pops his Birkenstocks, whether through terminal sleep apnoea during the 234,860th performance of Dons Party (where he’s dreaming self-congratulation for the election of the truly appaling Whitlam government) or choking on a monolithic white truffle during a much needed nosebag between boring guests on his radio program- I reckon a day of national hilarity is called for.
*Noxious Leninist Turd.
#66. Habib.
Read that article. I suppose the Australian has to have its ‘token lefty’. What bloody annoys me, is this ‘has been ideologue’ whose use by date came and went along time ago, is still funded by the taxpayer. Stan Zemanek annoyed me sometimes, but at least he, to my knowledge, never received a taxpayer boost to supplement any lack of talent he may have had. Adams to me epitomises the spiteful thinking of most leftist commentators who one must note, seem to rely most on government handouts in some form, whether through employment (ABC a stepping stone to the ALP or SBS) or through ‘grants’. He is really just an old twat.#67 BJM: How right you are. At bottom, most commenters of Adams’ stripe don’t believe in anything except the primacy of their own potty little selves, and they spend their lives storing up bitterness over the unhappy phenomenon that the admiration they feel when looking in the mirror every morning isn’t shared by the ungrateful multitude.
The worst I heard Phatty do was a “shocked” sounding interview with himself how he had “just found out” (the same week the bloke died) an ex-Vietnam vet he was friends with had been a leader of a group called tiger force.
Apparently this group had done “shocking atrocities” and poor Phatty had only just found out.
The bloke he was referring to had been his guest a couple of times on his radio show as well.
It was at that exact moment that I decided Phill could get well and truly Phucked.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 08 31 at 11:36 PM • permalinkSlim Dusty
Ted Egan
Margaret Fulton
Rolf HarrisAre the only persons on that list who come near to deserving the title of “National Treasure”
The bulk of the list vary from “high achievers” to “National Disgrace”
Posted by Steve at the pub on 2007 08 31 at 11:37 PM • permalink“Australia is the only country without a Bill of Rights,” Robertson said this week, Britishly.
Um, maybe Gobertson needs to pay a bit more attention in his adopted country. From my reading of the English media, the UK is also bereft of such a Bill.
Does that mean he has removed the UK from the list of “liberal democracies”?
Knobhead.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 09 01 at 12:17 AM • permalinkHey, I’ve got a proposal. It reads like this:
That the pretended power of suspending the laws or the execution of laws by regal authority without consent of Parliament is illegal;
That the pretended power of dispensing with laws or the execution of laws by regal authority, as it hath been assumed and exercised of late, is illegal;
That the commission for erecting the late Court of Commissioners for Ecclesiastical Causes, and all other commissions and courts of like nature, are illegal and pernicious;
That levying money for or to the use of the Crown by pretence of prerogative, without grant of Parliament, for longer time, or in other manner than the same is or shall be granted, is illegal;
That it is the right of the subjects to petition the king, and all commitments and prosecutions for such petitioning are illegal;
That the raising or keeping a standing army within the kingdom in time of peace, unless it be with consent of Parliament, is against law;
That the subjects which are Protestants may have arms for their defence suitable to their conditions and as allowed by law;
That election of members of Parliament ought to be free;
That the freedom of speech and debates or proceedings in Parliament ought not to be impeached or questioned in any court or place out of Parliament;
That excessive bail ought not to be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted;
That jurors ought to be duly impanelled and returned, and jurors which pass upon men in trials for high treason ought to be freeholders;
That all grants and promises of fines and forfeitures of particular persons before conviction are illegal and void;
And that for redress of all grievances, and for the amending, strengthening and preserving of the laws, Parliaments ought to be held frequently.
Posted by Warmongering Lunatic on 2007 09 01 at 12:20 AM • permalinkMr. Creosote, the argument is that the UK has a bill of rights in that it is a party to the European Convention on Human Rights, adherence to which is a condition for membership in the EU, and which created a European Court of Human Rights whose decisions are binding on party states.
Posted by Warmongering Lunatic on 2007 09 01 at 12:23 AM • permalinkThe overwhelmingly important thing about rights and freedoms is to have a live tradition of justice and fair play, and integrity in public service [on that topic wait and see if Kevin Rudd can avoid responsibility for the great shredded documents scandal in Qld of a few years back]. Those traditions have to live in hearts and minds, not on bits of paper. The USSR had a fantastic constitution on paper and every little pocket tyranny on the planet has voted to endorse a laundry list of rights at the UN.
Protect the moral framework from the coercive utopians who think that they are entitled re-engineer society with legalistic and bureaucratic schemes that do more harm than good. [See affirmative action in the US and the anti-hate lego in Victoria.]
right #14… It would be funnier if it weren’t so true. Everytime I am at the airport and I hear “Paging all passengers travelling to Adelaide on QANTAS flight QF737…” I wish it would finish with “...please return to the ticketing counter and find somewhere better to go than this bogan infested shithole”
Posted by CanberraNeoCon on 2007 09 01 at 01:41 AM • permalink#42
a Bill of Rights combined with Labor’s plans to change the way high court appointments are made
(ie take them away from ministers and put them in the hands of a self perpetuating socialist elite to ensure only ‘progressive’ justices get chosen), makes for worrying times ahead.Is judocracy a word?
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 09 01 at 05:41 AM • permalinkI really enjoyed Robertson’s Hypotheticals.
Given the nature of polemics these days, however, perhaps he should do a series entitled “Hypocriticals”.
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 09 01 at 07:33 AM • permalink#75 - thanks for clearing that up warmongering.
I guess if they are signed up to the European convention, then they are fucked.
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 09 01 at 07:45 AM • permalinkEvan Sayet on YouTube - long, like a sermon in church, but worth the effort.
“How Modern Liberals Think - They really Do Hate America”.
Puts post-modernism & liberalism in a very creepy, convincing context.
Check it out.I like #8, too. I suggest we start with these turds: Bill Maher Can’t Get NYT Baghdad Correspondent to Bash Bu; Tim Robbins: “If You F**k Things Up You Can No Longer Be An Expert” [VIDEO]; Brian de Palma’s Redacted shocks Venice; Hollywood Hates the Troops
Speaking of Phil Adams, has he gotten around to quoting this guy yet: A STATEMENT FROM SCOTT THOMAS BEAUCHAMP
Great column, Tim.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 09 01 at 11:17 AM • permalink
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