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RETURN OF THE NIAGARA SWAGGERER
Leading Niagara Falls journalist Mike Hudson - who claimed two years of military service but in fact served for only a few months - delivers his promised antipodean smackdown. Readers have already beat Mike around some in response, but he deserves a few more little jabs:
I described the big turkey our chickenhawk president used in a photo-op that day as “plastic,” and Blair pounced, accusing me of deliberately lying and mischaracterizing what even he called the “display turkey.”
Accused him of deliberately lying, did I? Well, maybe not then. But now, yes.
It was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard of. With the blood of 25,000 American dead and wounded soaking the sands of Iraq, here was Crocodile Dundee riding to Bush’s rescue over whether or not a prop turkey appearing in a 2003 propaganda photo was a real prop turkey or a plastic one.
Mike’s indignation over this might be more credible if his column hadn’t opened with more than 100 words about … a plastic turkey.
I’ve always thought of Australia as a country that produces dumb, talentless blondes like Kylie Minogue, Kiki Dee, Olivia Newton-John and Paul Hogan …
Kiki Dee is not Australian, nor is she blonde; I’m not sure any of these four could be classified as “dumb” or even “talentless”, although when you’re looking down on the world from the editorship of the Niagara Falls Reporter, all other achievements must seem stupid and worthless by comparison. This fellow has earned our continued attention.
UPDATE. Mike is in comments and, judging by those comments, into the sauce as well.
UPDATE II. Jack Marx: “It’s always kinda fun watching a turkey being decapitated and chased around the barnyard.”
UPDATE III. Les Enfant Terrible: “Funniest thread of the year.”
UPDATE IV. Stephen Dawson notes that Hogan’s IQ is reportedly 140, while John Hench points out Olivia Newton-John’s genetic brain advantage.
What an interesting thread!
Thanks to Murph for his score sheet - very clever
Thanks for the info about Sir John Monash too - many years ago I bought his biography for my Dad who was a war history buff - I’ve got the book here now so I’ll be reading it now
In 2004 we were in Canada at Niagara Falls and we wondered what the American Niagara Falls town looked like - we were going to head that way but instead decided to explore some wineries near Toronto having heard about the famous ice wine
Now I’m glad we didn’t go there - Walgett without the pubs - good one sbw!
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2006 12 19 at 11:07 AM • permalink#191 Grimmy
How did I know you were going to say that?
I see, so you didn’t have super sweet corn?
Thanks for the explanation.
Well, it looks as if Mikey has bugged out and frankly, it wasn’t even sporting anymore. I’ll wager though that he is still lurking in the shadows keeping an eye on the goings on here. This has probably been the biggest ego boost of his sad, pathetic life. He has been bitch-slapped by the best and brightest across three continents.
On the convict thing, I am currently reading “Fatal Shore” by Robert Hughes and was struck by the petty crimes that preceded transportation. A stolen hen. Stolen breeches. A lot of Irish for political reasons. Apparently, as Grimmy-I believe-has posted the British pursued the Australian continent to create a foothold against the French and it evolved into a penal colony after the Americans refused to take any more convicts. He makes the point that the culture of “matedom” comes from watching each others backs,etc. Interesting read.
I was compelled to read up on Australia after making a dumb comment about the population and being reminded that water is an issue on the continent.
See Mike (I know you’re still lurking!)? When you make a mistake you research your subject so you don’t continue to make ignorant comments!
Posted by Kathy from Austin on 2006 12 19 at 11:34 AM • permalinkI wonder if Mikey’s friends at the VFW would like to know about his claims of service and attitude towards the fighting men (and women) of one of our staunchest allies.
Posted by Some0Seppo on 2006 12 19 at 11:44 AM • permalink*sigh* Here we have the heart-warming story of an enduring, battle hardened disarmament-punk survivor.
Sadly, like so many other ageing anti-heroes, Mike turns out to be just another self-basting turkey. But he’s right about one thing. It is only 3000 miles from Niagara Falls to Australia. Start digging a hole and keep digging straight down… it’s a shortcut.
Treacher,
I hope Rich Hall is taking notes on how to be a tough guy.
LMAO! That is excellent.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 12 19 at 12:30 PM • permalink#6 egg_
No worries, 185, the man seems to have an obsession.
Hey, everyone needs a hobby; Ironed Mike’s is just a bit more masochistic than most.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 12 19 at 12:33 PM • permalinkDon’t bother writing Mikey, write his advertisers and explain why you are not going to visit Niagara falls anytime soon. Actually, I wonder if Mikey has even been to Canada. He claims to be 51 but has the personality of a 13 year old, 15 year old tops.
Disliking President Bush is ok, I have a friend FIGHTING (I can use caps two neanderthal boy) in Afghanistan who hates GW. I’ll just bet liar boy couldn’t understand a kid volunteering for a combat asignment even though he does not like the president.
I go to school at Canisius College, in Buffalo, NY, and have a friend who works as an intern at Mike Hudson’s paper, so I receive copies of it on a regular basis. I wonder if I wrote a letter to the editor about Mikey’s blatant, hateful stereotyping of Australians and his dodging of relevant questions, if it would make it onto the editorial page.
Bird-watching, whether plastic or genuine, seems to be all the rage in Niagara Falls. I enjoyed this statement: “Gull populations peak in Niagara Falls during November and December. The birds are attracted to the city because of an abundance of food in the Niagara River at large landfill sites on both sides of the Canada/U.S. border.” What a garden spot! Makes it sound like Niagara Falls is the great garbage disposal of the Northeast.
I have seen both the Canadian and U.S. sides of the falls, but it was probably 30 years ago. The U.S. side looked like it consisted primarily of honeymoon hotels that had been condemned but not torn down yet. The Canadian side was definitely more attractive. The falls, themselves, are quite impressive. Upstate New York, in general, though, was a lovely place (I suppose it still is). Buffalo is actually one of my top five prospective destinations, but only because one of the last custom fedora makers in the U.S. is located there.
Guys, ease off. This is like pummeling the strangely dressed kid at the back of the class who eats his boogers. At some point, pity should be a factor.
Posted by Rittenhouse on 2006 12 19 at 01:41 PM • permalinkI cannot get over what a stunning piece of crap Hudson’s article is. Did he describe Tim Blair as “humorless” with a straight face? What the #$%&? Yeah, you guys know that Blair fellow. He wouldn’t crack a joke to comfort dying orphans with a laugh. And Hudson’s got a lot of nerve complaining about being threatened with physical assault, considering that this entire exchange was started by him offering to come to Australia to smack Tim upside the head.
Posted by EmilyJones on 2006 12 19 at 01:42 PM • permalinkFor a fascinating view of a genuine change of heart from a former Vietnam-era war protestor, read this article by author Pat Conroy. I love this line: “I have come to a conclusion about my country that I knew then in my bones but lacked the courage to act on: America is good enough to die for even when she is wrong.”
14: Guys, ease off. This is like pummeling the strangely dressed kid at the back of the class who eats his boogers.
Well put, Rittenhouse. Hilariously well put.
Gee whiz. I’m still disgruntled that Hudson decided to go postal during the Australia day shift. I mean to say, the Aussies were probably leaning back in their chairs, saying to themselves “Tim sure isn’t posting anything that’s vaguely intersting. Once, just once, I wish something would happen to get the old digger juices going”. And then Mike does his schtick. I can certainly see you antipoleans enjoyed yourselves.
Here’s a few quick comments to Mike:
- Tim Blair is an exquisite writer and blogger and one of the funniest men I’ve ever read
- This blog is unique. You won’t find any others quite like it. It’s set up so that Tim makes a funny comment and let’s the regulars here work on that comment. We try to out do each other with humor, parody, satire, poems, songs—whatever our artistic talents allow.
- The regulars here are an ecletic collection, coming from all professions, backgrounds, and geographical locations. We have lawyers, doctors, teachers, government officials, specialists from all fields. They all bring a special and unique flavor to the discussion.
- Don’t mess with Andrea. Ever.
- I used to read 10 blogs a day. That went down to 5, then 3. Now I only read Tim Blair. That’s all I have time for.
- I’m from Ohio and I grew up in the 70’s. But I’ve never heard of The Pagans. The Michael Stanley Band, yes. But never The Pagans.
- I think we should take it easy on Mike. I think he’s rather harmless. I have a hunch that he’s trying hard to be funny and it’s just not translating well on paper. Of course, if he practiced on this blog, he would get much better but quick.
- To get an understanding of how a good journalist should handle a hostile situation at Tim Blair’s place, he should read the comments by Jules Crittenden a few months ago. Class act, well done.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 19 at 02:04 PM • permalinkI am beginning to think this guy is a character from a Mike Russo novel. Except that there already is a novel about a low IQ loser who runs an alt-weekly in a God-forsaken corner of Northeast North America, “The Shipping News”. Though I think it’s kind of beneath Mike, Russo I mean, not Hudson, to steal material like that.
The_Real_Jeffs: Yes, but he’s still lurking around as recently as 20-minutes ago. Too funny!
Posted by Kathy from Austin on 2006 12 19 at 02:58 PM • permalinkWhoops: that should have been addressed to wronwright!
Posted by Kathy from Austin on 2006 12 19 at 03:01 PM • permalinkLooks like the Nattering Nabob of Niagara has set off a comment-storm!
Since we’re talking Niagara Falls here, shouldn’t that be a ‘cascading cataract of comments’?
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 12 19 at 03:42 PM • permalinkUpstate New York, in general, though, was a lovely place (I suppose it still is).
The Niagara Region on the Canadian side is absolutely gorgeous. And chock full o’ history, too. You can start at Lake Erie and see Fort Erie, then take a lovely drive along the river to Lake Ontario and Fort George. If you’ve got five hours and strong legs, you can bicycle it along a riverside path.
Do take a short side trip to Ridgeway to see where a bunch of Irish veterans of the American Civil War invaded from Buffalo and tried to conquer Canada. Kicked some ass, then ran out of supplies and got arrested on the return trip across the river.
There are some lovely spots on the US side as well (Youngstown, f’rinstance).
Buffalo is actually one of my top five prospective destinations, but only because one of the last custom fedora makers in the U.S. is located there.
Be sure you drop me a line before you go. I’ll give you some must-do’s.
#27 Stop Continental Drift! -
Oh, and who’s Kiki Dee?
Kiki Dee is a British singer who is best remembered singing a duet, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, in 1976 with Elton John. She made a video of it with him, best remembered for squirming away from his attempts for a sexy togetherness and generally trying to keep personal space between EJ and herself.
I can see why she would.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 19 at 04:53 PM • permalinkFrom one of Mike Hudson’s columns:
The truly bad “local historians” will continue to publish their pamphlets and pass them off to tourists looking for something to keep the children occupied on the way home. The kids will read tall tales about Stedman’s warm-and-fuzzy side—Goat Island was named by Stedman to celebrate the survival of a goat left alone there one winter —or the plucky drummer boy of Devil’s Hole, William Mathews, who jumped over the cliff in terror and was saved when his drum straps became caught on a tree.
Of a goat left alone there one winter? Stoop Davy Dave? Did I somehow leave you there?
paco! MarkL! Warm up the Tardis. We’re going back to get goat boy.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 19 at 05:05 PM • permalink#24 Dave S.,
You’re referring of course to the Fenians who, as Civil War vets, attacked British soldiers in Canada.
That bit of history cropped up again after 9/11 when Leftards balked at W giving the Taliban in Afghanistan an ultimatum: turn over bin Laden or get smooshed.
I reminded my Leftard acquaintances that the US very responsibly and in the spirit of civilized nations turned over the Fenians of 1869 who were then hung by the Brits.
That’s how grown ups behave. That’s why Canada and the US regard each other as responsible friends and neighbors.
#25 about EJ.
Heard a good one yesterday.
EJ, Robbie Williams and Olivia
Neutron BombNewton John are walking across a bridge when suddenly ONJ trips and falls, trapping her head between the bars of the bridge.
Suddenly Robbie W jumps on her and gives her a good…
Robbie then says to EJ, “It’s your turn now.”
EJ begins to cry.
“What’s wrong?” asks Robbie.
“My head won’t fit between the bars.”For what it’s worth, Kiki Dee is a lass from Yorkshire (that’s in England, Mike) so talentless that she was the first white UK act to be signed to Motown. Her lack of musical skill plumbs such depths that she’s managed to remain in the business for forty years. Don’t Go Breaking My Heart was Elton John’s first UK number one, Mike. Elton John, Mikey. You know, one of the most successful recording artists in history.
Christ, what a fucking chump.
Posted by David Gillies on 2006 12 19 at 05:45 PM • permalinkLate to the whack-a-troll party as usual.
I was telling a gay friend about the “how to be gay” courses one of our California universities was offering. He thought it was a wonderful idea and wanted to sign up his partner (it’s true—the guy doesn’t have a clue about “being gay”). See, Richard grew up and spent many of his adult years in Lackawanna (or, as some call it, Lackalotta), NY, just a hop, skip, jump from Niagara Falls. He had spent most of his life acting as straight as possible as a matter of self-preservation. I mention this only because it might provide some insight into our new little friend Mikey. And, btw, both those men made it all the way through their stints in the Army in spite of all the yelling.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 12 19 at 05:52 PM • permalinkpaco! MarkL! Warm up the Tardis.
Ok, folks, you’re all witnesses. It was a direct order!
I’m riding shotgun this time, MarkL. Here . . . let me just rub the fuzzy dice once, for luck. I suppose the thermonuclear cigarette lighter still isn’t working. Dang! Let’s see . . . Stedman . . . Revolutionary War . . . that would be . . . 18th century. Got it. Gotta check our wardrobe for the right costumes . . . three-cornered hats, knee breeches, buckled shoes, powdered wigs - not that one, Mark, that’s a Bozo the Clown wig; I don’t know what wronwright needs that for - silk waistcoats, snuff boxes. All set, guys. It’s time to rock and roll!!!
Wow, paco, we must have hit the preview button at the exact same time because I got your previewed comment instead of mine. What did you get?? Weird.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 12 19 at 05:56 PM • permalinkHello all! This is my first post. I have spent the last 45mins in a perpetual fit of roaring laughter. All you people are just names to me but I do feel like I know you all quite well.
I actually find this Hudson bloke quite funny! Though of course, the comments gang has me clutching at my sides.
Posted by Lucky Luciano on 2006 12 19 at 06:01 PM • permalink#244
i’d love to take credit fot calumnist- its such a perfect word for the hudsons of this world.
it was cb in the ironed mike thread -just making a correction (gee mike that was painless) so the dictionary writers can attribute this long needed noun correctly.
def:
(1) a journalist who uses lies and distortions to bolster arguments based on little but their own delusions and wishful thinking;(2) a black propagandist (3) a comfort to the enemy (any enemy)(4) one who swallows plastic turkey
examples of usage:
despite an education comprised soley of a few KGB funded study trips to the USSR, Philip Adams is Australia’s biggest calumnist
Mike Hudson lacked the talent to be a calumnist at a real newspaper
(coll.noun) a column of calumnists
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2006 12 19 at 06:19 PM • permalinkMike Hudson is no stranger to foot-in-mouth disease with “ummm…errr…uhhh…” complications, as demonstrated in this article at NewsMax.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 12 19 at 06:27 PM • permalinkwronwright
@ #17:- The regulars here are an ecletic collection, coming from all professions, backgrounds, and geographical locations. We have lawyers, doctors, teachers, government officials, specialists from all fields
You forgot the telephone sanitisers. But don’t go readiong anything about me in that comment.
@ #25 - It was a factitous (?sp) question for Huddo.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 19 at 06:27 PM • permalink#40 ...and if you want to hear what sufferers of this disease sound like, have a listen…
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 12 19 at 06:32 PM • permalinkDavid A @ #29: Hey, Stop Continental Drift, do you have your required Reunite Gondwana bupper sticker? Which, as things go, is where Australia come from.
I’m actually from the splinter group that doesn’t want Gondwanaland reunited. We are pretty happy with the way things are now, and we don’t want any further drift.
Australia is nicely situated with our own separate continent and no land borders. Keeps the riff-raff out you know (or most of them).
And reuniting Gondwanaland would ruin the beaches, spoil the views and reduce property values. Not to be encouraged.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 19 at 06:34 PM • permalink#41 You’re a telephone sanitiser?
Must…resist…envy…
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 12 19 at 06:38 PM • permalinkHudson also ran afoul of his “fellow travellers” in 2002:
“...police are also investigating allegations that three men associated with Local 91 attacked and broke the nose of Michael Hudson, the editor of a weekly Niagara Falls newspaper that has been extremely critical of the local. Hudson said the alleged assault took place in a men’s room at the Niagara Falls Convention Center on Oct. 9, 2001. Hudson said the men who attacked him had been criticizing him earlier in the evening about the Niagara Falls Reporter’s coverage of Local 91. He said he is sure that at least one of the men is a member of Local 91. [Buffalo News 3/18/02]”
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 12 19 at 06:38 PM • permalink#40 thanks for the link mentalfloss,
i was wondering about mikes ‘well-documented battles with American right wingers such as Rush Limbaugh’
some battle
is local 91 a vfw branch or what?
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2006 12 19 at 06:49 PM • permalinkI guess Mimi’s comment from a previous post didn’t take hold much. Mike’s character and utternaces are problem here, not Niagara Falls or it’s people.
And as for you AnnNY, you show yourself (#238) to be as blithely ignorant as Mike Hudson, when it comes to geography and demographics, or newspaper circulation. Let me get some of your “plastic turkeys” real:
“Circulation” of NF Reporter: 22,000
Pop. Alice Springs—28,000 (per website)
Pop. NF (2003 est)—53,000 (per Census)NYS (per 2000 Census):
Above Putnam-Orange Cnty—10M+/-
Below and incl P-O—9.8M +/-As for the snarky bit about waiting for it to be deserted, well, maybe you could support a huge federal bailout to stem the city’s decline. It’s worked before, hasn’t it? Or do you forget?
Remember, this is about Mike Hudson, who by the way, is not a native Niagaran. Leave NF and it’s residents out of it.
mike hudson refers to other men as girls
he has a tendency to accuse others of latent homosexuality
he certainly likes the colour pink
notable australians he is familiar with include kylie minogue,helen reddy and olivia newton john
and now it seems he has encounters with men in rest rooms
a malicious soul might draw conclusions
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2006 12 19 at 06:55 PM • permalinkYa know, there’s a lot of “Americans” that I really wish weren’t. Micheal Moore, Mother Cindy, Chappy Teddy, and many others. I can now safely say that Mike Hudson makes the list in a big way! I know you Aussies are smart enough to figure out Hudson has made a few too many trips over the Falls, but still, I apologize. He obviously suffers from the “big fish in a small pond” syndrome.
BTW, he really crosses the line when he picks on Olivia Newton John! ONJ has more talent in one of the blonde hairs on her head, than he has ever dreamed of having.
Oh….and if any of you guys down there know her….tell her I said that. And that I’m single and available.**shuffles off**
is local 91 a vfw branch or what?
eeniemeenie, it’s probably a union….
yes, a laborer union (link to Google search, SFW).Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 12 19 at 07:25 PM • permalinkSeems we have another left wing wanker who is an expert on subjects he clearly knows nothing about and hasn’t bothered to do any research whatsoever on. I am guessing another Michael Moore wannabe.
My guess for his next article will be “Dangerous radiation emissions from black holes - Its all George Bush’s fault.”
Posted by curious george on 2006 12 19 at 07:27 PM • permalink# 52 interesting, he probably isn’t though, he just slept with a bloke that is. That’s how the stories started.
Posted by surfmaster on 2006 12 19 at 07:27 PM • permalinkI’m originally from Niagara Falls and judging by his claimed service, he’s almost a contemporary of mine. The kid grew up in a city with a population of about 100,000 and it’s now half that. Most of the industry is gone. It’s not Sarajevo, but it’s not exactly thriving either.
So his idea of building himself up is tearing others down. That qualifies him to be a politician in my eyes, and about as useless.
Mike, I think Deb Frisch is looking for someone to hook up with.
A trip to Sydney would make a man of him.
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 12 19 at 07:41 PM • permalinkFor all those new readers from Niagara Falls, NY, welcome.
Pull up a seat, enjoy the show.
With luck you will get to see a cluebat walloping that will linger in the memory for years.
I promise to leave my old bats at home. The new ones work just fine, really, although I’m sure the Minionmeister will look the other way if I do cave in and sneak one in
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 12 19 at 07:49 PM • permalinkOver 500 comments on this blog attributable to one Mike Hudson!
Mike, if you don’t get a Tim Blair tattoo, you’re crazy!
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 12 19 at 08:21 PM • permalink#3, kae:
#191 Grimmy
How did I know you were going to say that?
I see, so you didn’t have super sweet corn?
Thanks for the explanation.
super sweet corn is a new one on me, but we do have dent corn which is partly why our livestock grow up so tastily.
There’s also the traditional creamed corn
and of course corn bread
I’m particular to the bread form of corn, myself.Hi Grimmy
Yes, we have creamed corn.Super sweet corn is tender and ver sweet. You don’t need to have butter on it (but what IS corn on the cob without butter?). In fact, you don’t really need to cook it. It grows up the valley from where I live. (WEll, some of it does.)
PS I reckon you are much too ‘blokey’ to be a Queen. Latent or not.
Psychotic, perhaps, but gay, nope.
Actually, I am rather glad I aint gay. I’ve never been one to bash em since that whole “life style” seems from my outsider’s perspective, to be a total pain in the arse (meant in every way that can be meant).
The ones I bash are the weak pieces of fecklessness that let themselves get played into that behavior because they either want to appear trendy, or are wanting to curry favor from predators.
#4—On the convict thing, I am currently reading “Fatal Shore” by Robert Hughes and was struck by the petty crimes that preceded transportation. A stolen hen. Stolen breeches. A lot of Irish for political reasons.
If you’re ever in Wicklow, don’t miss the Wicklow Historic Gaol (I asked the ladies in the gift shop how to pronounce “gaol”. They laughed and said “jail”. Don’t you guys also spell it “gaol”? So how come “hail” isn’t spelled “haol”?) The stories told there about transportation will frizzle your hair.
#11—I go to school at Canisius College, in Buffalo, NY, and have a friend who works as an intern at Mike Hudson’s paper, so I receive copies of it on a regular basis.
So how many pages of Men/Women Seeking Men/Women ads does it typically run?
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 12 19 at 09:21 PM • permalink#28, JDB:
#24 Dave S.,
You’re referring of course to the Fenians who, as Civil War vets, attacked British soldiers in Canada.
That bit of history cropped up again after 9/11 when Leftards balked at W giving the Taliban in Afghanistan an ultimatum: turn over bin Laden or get smooshed.
I reminded my Leftard acquaintances that the US very responsibly and in the spirit of civilized nations turned over the Fenians of 1869 who were then hung by the Brits.
That’s how grown ups behave. That’s why Canada and the US regard each other as responsible friends and neighbors.
But, on the other hand, the Canadians played host to the copperheads, gave safe haven and succor and had a policy of “catch and release”. Canada has also played refuge to all and sundry of the US citizenry that decide to hate their own and run away, beginning with the migration of the “loyalists” during and immediately after our War of Independence.
This is why many Americans continue to view their “neighbors to the north” with a cautious and suspicious eye.
By the way, considering how badly the VFW treated real Nam vets, Mike should be ashamed to be a member.
And of course, a crusading journalist sucking up to a major civic organization couldn’t possibly be considered compromised, now, could he?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 12 19 at 09:34 PM • permalink- beginning with the migration of the “loyalists” during and immediately after our War of Independence.
australia also got quite a few uel’s (united empire loyalists) in the beginning
ive always thought of the us revolution as something more akin to a civil war- with honourable people on both sides, families divided etc- NYC was a loyalist stronghold- boston a revolutionary one.
without the us revolution there would have been no durham report into colonial self government (1839) and australian history might have been very different and much more bloody
so thank you america- another thing we have to be grateful to you for
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2006 12 19 at 10:00 PM • permalinkamericans are a patriotic bunch (which i admire greatly) and i hope i haven’t offended you with my take on us history
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2006 12 19 at 10:02 PM • permalinkKathy from Austin
On the convict thing, I am currently reading “Fatal Shore” by Robert Hughes and was struck by the petty crimes that preceded transportation.Apologies if we’ve had this conversation before. I have never read ‘The Fatal Shore’, mainly due to the fact that Robert Hughes is a monumental dick head - a true lefty latte snob who holds his fellow countrymen & women in thinly disguised contempt. I hope the book is a good read, but I’d be skeptical about its balance. If you ever want more Aussie history, try Geoffrey Blainey but NEVER Manning Clark (who many years ago he covertly received the Order of Lennin (I think) from Moscow!)
Re the country’s early history, its probably more precise to say that Australia was explored from the 1750s as a hedge against French settlement and possible French settlement.
But the first settlement - at Sydney in 1788 - was unmistakably a penal colony from day 1 (and also served to keep the French out). The next few settlelemts were also penal settlements; it wasn’t until about the 1830s that settlements began forming without a convict purpose. It was in the 1830s that the anti-convict movement began to get traction in England and in Australia and ‘transportation’ was finished in the 1850s.
My own convicts were : an agitator against the industrial revolution, an umbrella thief in London (!), a sly grogger from rural Berkshire and a counterfitter. With that skill set in the background, I reckon I’m pretty well set for anything!
Is PACO industries hiring at the moment?
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 12 19 at 10:15 PM • permalinkThe Fruit Belt is in Buffalo, an area of streets named after various fruits. Easily one of the most terrify places me and my friends have accidentally driven through while blazin in our RA’s car freshman year.
There’s one in Lackawanna, too. There might be one in B-lo. Sure you weren’t in Lackawanna? It’s right on the Buffalo city line, and yes, it’s terrifying.
There’s a fruit belt in Sydney that forms a lovely ring around the city.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 12 19 at 10:53 PM • permalinkWell, I’ll be darned. Google says there is a Fruit Belt in B-lo. And yeah, that’s a scary-ass neighborhood.
I grew up a couple miles from the Lackawanna one, so I always assumed that was the Fruit Belt.
I guess a good rule of thumb is to avoid Fruit Belts. And any street named “Grant Street.” I dunno, seems Grant Streets are always rough.
paco,
Ok, good, you’ve obtained our clothing. Oh, for crying out loud. Why do I have a red wig? Oh it’s too late to get a different one.
Ok, we’re going to get hold of some money and since the paper money situation was something of a mess on the par of Argentina monetary policy, I suggest we get some commodities and sell them. So go to the supermarket and pick up a case of black pepper, maybe some other spices, the cheap ones. Don’t buy any saffron! And buy a 80 lb bag of sidewalk salt. Get the store brand, not the name brand. Same stuff anyway. We can sell all that for gold coins.
Now this is important. Under no circumstances should you let anyone know we’re going back in the Tardis. Remember last time MarkL mentioned to Michael Lonie that we were going back to get some mead from the Sumerian storerooms? When I walked into the Tardis, I found we had 184 people joining us. For a top secret mead raid. How can anyone expect to conduct a top secret mead raid with 186 people? Fortunately I was able to lose most of them beforehand (the ladies at the bazaars, the guys at the tavern with the dancing girls).
Say nothing. Especially to Andrea Harris. Remember that time we were chased across the Sythian steppes by those Amazons on horses? I don’t think they were Amazons. One of them was carrying a eskie on the back of her saddle and the head one was carrying a Zulu spear.
Now get snapping.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 12 19 at 11:47 PM • permalink#78 SCD: Dear fellow! Why, with that background you could be a member of the inner circle at Paco Industries, a veritable member of the family. The Pacos came to the United States in the very early 18th century at the, er, invitation, not to say, the insistence, of the English Crown. Indentured servitude, alas. That’s as far as I got in reading a geneological history, commissioned, at great expense, by my Great Aunt Murdie. After she got the final report (a hefty volume, nearly three inches thick), she read it and locked it away so nobody could see it. I managed to get hold of it, once, just long enough to quickly thumb through it, when I was spotted and the thing was snatched out of my hands.
#73 Grimmy,
You’re correct that Canada has often taken ‘problematic’ folks off our hands, from Copperheads to grifters to Doug Flutie (LOL) and in return we were able to ‘import’ potable hooch during the ‘Noble Experiment’ that was Prohibition.
At least, my grandfather did with frequent visits during the ‘20’s from Upstate NY to a ‘beloved’ aunt in Coburg, Ontario.
On a more serious note, the US compensated Loyalists who lost US property after the Revolution. The US has in turn tried to get Cuba to do the same thing for Cuban ex-pats in Florida with little or no help from Canada in the O.A.S..
Naughty Canucks! We oughta send Mike Hudson with a hockey stick…
#85: All set, my captain! But please, wron,
whenif we get lost, don’t be so macho and refuse to ask for directions. Just stop at the first tavern we come to and ask which way to Goat Island.And speaking of Andrea, I’ve got that uneasy feeling. Seems like she hasn’t made an appearance here for a day or two. You suppose she’s, y’know, up to something?
Underscore, you don’t understand.
We assassinated King Donald at age 14. (King who? Well, that’s the point, ain’t it?) And, yeah, we got democracy and all that good stuff. But no flying cars. I miss my flying car. I had an ‘86 Vanderbilt Meteor, with black-chromed dynodes and dragon-leather upholstery, so soft and durable…
Frivolous uses only. Mead hunts and stealing Scythian shields, and trying to keep Andrea from spoiling the fun. Once you’ve screwed up and allowed Jimmy Carter, the serious shit gets put strictly off limits.
Regards,
Ricdammit dammit dammit dammit
I go without a computer for two days and I miss out on this thread.
Never again.
Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2006 12 20 at 01:05 AM • permalink#52: Hate to sound spot on, but my money says the guy is into Barbara Streisand. brrrrr….
Posted by Kathy from Austin on 2006 12 20 at 01:13 AM • permalinkHe’s still lurkingggg! He’s on the one hour look-see. Sheesh. What a loser (wanker for you down under). I tell ‘ya. This is his 15 minutes of fame. Or, infamy if you prefer.
Posted by Kathy from Austin on 2006 12 20 at 01:17 AM • permalink“He’s still lurkingggg!”
Is he?
Maybe Mike would like to explain the editorial that appeared in his rag in the week following the September 11 terrorist attacks in which he (?...no byline on the editorial, but, after all, it is his paper) wrote the following:
“This paper didn’t support President George W. Bush when he ran for office but we support him now…”
“It’s not going to be pretty. More Americans are going to die, and with them tens of thousands of people in those nations that support, harbor and fund the fanatics who would do us harm. It’s unfortunate, but people living in Afghanistan, Iraq and other rogue nations led by those who consider America to be “The Great Satan” need to know we’ve had enough. People who danced jubilantly on the streets of many Middle Eastern cities following the massacre here must now receive a taste of their own bitter medicine…”
“Following Pearl Harbor, the mastermind of the attack—Japanese Admiral Yamamoto—told his subordinates he feared the bombing had “awakened the sleeping giant” that is America. By the time it was over, Yamamoto was dead and his entire country was devastated. Similar measures are called for today.”
“We must now launch our own reign of terror, one that dwarves anything put against us. There is no turning back. This is war.”
Guess the Sleeping Giants at the Niagra Falls Reporter dozed back off sometime between 2001 and 2006.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2006 12 20 at 03:03 AM • permalinkI’m so sorry Nick and I are late to the Blair Cabaret and Nightclub.
Does anyone know if that comedian, you know the American one who was here last night will be making a second appearance.
What was his name Knudson? Hanson? No, no, Hudson, that’s it.
Well, while we wait, Nick and I are happy to shout all the patrons a cocktail:
Niagra Falls
2 parts vodka
2 parts Cointreau
1 part lemon juice
1/2 part sugar syrup
1 splash ginger ale (Canada Dry - tee, hee)—Nora
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2006 12 20 at 03:07 AM • permalinkOK, she’s all good and ready to go. Tardis checklist is complete.
Umm, there is a slight fault, y’know how it’s bigger inside than out? Well, we never quite caught that Cave Bear from Lord Rove’s last Ice Age
hunting expeditionscientific research activity toget new rugs for his officecheck out the megafauna of the Texas plains.So I’m down a couple of minions. Don’t worry, they were junior ones.
Wronwright, you ASKED for the red wig, dammit. Bugger, hang on, that was for your last tour of LKondon’s brothels with Bill Shakespeare. There’s a dozen otehrs ones in the cupboard in the flamethrower armoury. Oh, I topped up the napalm tank.
Money: You wanted:
1. a case of black pepper (Check, whole peppercorns)
2. maybe some other spices, the cheap ones (Check! cloves, some mace and 40lb of whole nutmegs. I got 80 but Howard the Enceladan likes them. Oh, he also ate the dude at the checkout. Can’t take him/she/it anywhere
3. Don’t buy any saffron!OK, OK! I remember that incident in the caliph’s harem!!
4. And buy a 80 lb bag of sidewalk salt. Get the store brand, not the name brand. Same stuff anyway. Check!Nobody knows about this trip, OK? Well, except Howard and he/she/it does not count. I/m bringing Howard along so that if anyone gets aboard who you don’t like, he can eat them.
Now this I take exception to!
“Remember last time MarkL mentioned to Michael Lonie that we were going back to get some mead from the Sumerian storerooms? When I walked into the Tardis, I found we had 184 people joining us. For a top secret mead raid. How can anyone expect to conduct a top secret mead raid with 186 people?”You know VERY WELL that we were short of cash that trip! You advertised for moonbats so we could sell them into slavery in the Hittite Empire to finance the mead buy! The only VRWC freeloaders were that lot from the bloody audit office and you were very nervous of the red hot pokers, thumbscrews, spiked chains and other normal auditing tools they brought with ‘em!
I know you were able to lose most of them beforehand (the ladies at the bazaars, the guys at the tavern with the dancing girls). Hehehehehe, we still dig up tablets from King Nebuchadnezzar thanking us for that, those bastards tripled his take take in six months flat. Pity about the conquests that financed but you can’t have everything.
“Say nothing. Especially to Andrea Harris.” Check. I had Howard tear the legs off two of Andreas stoolies. No leaks!
Oh. Some clown has delivered a package. It’s wriggling a bit. <sounds of tearing carpet>
Hmm. It’s from The Dark Master of the Dismal Science, Lord Costello of the Feral Abacus. Some airheaded bimbo called ‘Pink’ or ‘Ponk’ or something. He wants us to sell her on the Babylon market. HEY!! He says we can keep the change so long as he gets one amphorae of mead!
Sweet.
MarkL
Minionmeister to teh VRWCYou Limey’s still dont get it do you.
The ‘Turkey’ that King George held up at Abu Graib was a ‘display turkey’. Yeah. It was fake. ‘Display’ means fake.
Look it up on the ‘Internet’ you Wallaby humping Pacific Islanders (yeah- I know where Y’all are now).
Dont make me so mad that I have to come down there and whack you upside the head with a dried up dead Dingo’s donger sport.And we Aussies all know what Niagara Falls is rhyming slang for, right? Looks like we’ve got Mike by the Niagaras!
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2006 12 20 at 05:10 AM • permalinkI promise to leave my old bats at home. The new ones work just fine, really, although I’m sure the Minionmeister will look the other way if I do cave in and sneak one in
Erm, Nilk?
After seeing the grin on your dial, how could anyone complain?
Of course, it was a bit hard to spot through the gore, but y’get that during a good cluebatting.
MarkL
Minionmeister to the VRWC<Yes, Wron, I KNOW!! Just shuppup about the damned rules! Have a look at the video. There, see the manic glint in the eye? The well practised style? See there, clonk off teh head neatly removes the ear, then just LOOK at that reverse backswing to the troll’s groin! Nilk’s a natural to win the troll cluebatting in this year’s VRWC annual games!>
#99 -
It’s unfortunate, but people living in Afghanistan, Iraq and other rogue nations led by those who consider America to be “The Great Satan” need to know we’ve had enough.”
So he was for invading Iraq before he was against it?
“Following Pearl Harbor, the mastermind of the attack—Japanese Admiral Yamamoto—told his subordinates he feared the bombing had “awakened the sleeping giant” that is America.”
Yamamoto never said this. It was written by the screenwriter of Tora! Tora! Tora!. This is the plastic turkey of quotes - it just will not die.
Awesome find, Dave Surls. Hopefully Tim sees it. It not only deserves an “update”, it deserves a separate post.
#113. Looks like a little blogenvy if you ask me.
And all those big words just annoy me - talking about looking down on your readership. I’ve got a nice vocabulary (nowhere near MentalFloss’ of course) but even I don’t use that many big words if I don’t need to.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 12 20 at 04:33 PM • permalink#114: I’m with you, “Nilknarf”. Check this out: “It is also a coagulant for orthodoxies.” I don’t even think the author really knows what he means by that. Sounds like a product from Paco Labs, come to think of it: “Are you suffering from intellectual irregularity? Is your cognition constipated? Try Doctor Paco’s ‘Purified Asafetida for Coagulating Orthodoxies’ (now available in lemon-flavored syrup)”.
Letter to the editor sent this evening:
To the editor:
As an American and fellow journalist, I was appalled to read Mike Hudson’s column last week, in which he insulted the memories of thousands of Australian soldiers. I also find it of grave concern that Hudson would portray himself dishonestly as a member of the American military for two years and insinuate that he was a veteran of a foreign war.
According to his own words, he apparently was discharged after only a short time in the military and, after exposure on this falsehood, revealed that he was only a “social” member of the VFW, whatever that means.
In a time when America has fewer and fewer allies with the spine for what needs to be done, I treasure the friendship of Australians and the sacrifices they are making in Iraq. Apparently, Mr. Hudson is of the opinion we should do everything in our power to alienate the few true friends we have left in this world.
Mr, Hudson reported the lie of the plastic turkey two weeks ago. Tim Blair called him on it. Hudson responded not by saying “you got me” but with vile insults and lies that continue to this day. Is it any wonder the American people have such low regard for the media?#113, paco:
The baseline mis-comprehension of that articles author is that everyone is approaching these ‘devisive issues’ from a possition of honesty and integrity.
There are no divisivepositiondivisive issues, there are those that have allowed themselves to become useful idiots for the enemy and those that oppose them.
What is going on on the web in forums is not an attempt as mutual understanding because both sides do understand the other. There is no difference in interpretation, only differences in loyalty and honor to their own during a time of war global war.
What is going on is that sides are being chosen, alliances formed and the underlying rhetoric for civil war is being developed.
I recently (last week) finished a unique and quite massive narrative of WW1 called `The Great War’. It is written from the Australian perspective by an ex-journalist named Les Carlyon who also wrote the much acclaimed `Gallipoli’.
In `The Great War’ Carlyon exposes the attempted interference of several journalists in strategy, tactics and even the appointment of senior officers – as a class they haven’t changed!
Interestingly Carlyon describes the first actions involving US forces in 1918. Two brigades of the recently arrived US expeditionary force had been placed under the command of General Sir John Monash, the Australian Corps Commander.
Monash’s Corps was wearing thin with many of his troops having been in constant action for three years from Gallipoli through, Fromelle, Pozieres, Bullecourt, Paschendale, Ypres, Hamel and Villers-Bretonneux.
Letters written by Australian soldiers who watched the US troops march through the torn countryside to their line of departure describe the `yanks’ as looking like we did three years ago, all keen for the `adventure’ of battle.
Patton was one of the US officers under Monash’s command who witnessed the Australian Corps attack the Germans at Hamel in the first successful combined arms attack with tanks, pre-planned artillery and rushing infantry.
Instead of the usual advance of 200 to 300 yards, Monash’s attack crushed the German divisions in front of him and penetrated 35 miles through the German lines into open country – the beginning of the end for the Kaiser.
History tells us Patton thought the use of armour in this way had a future!
I was filled with sadness at the waste documented in `The Great War’.
In a diversionary attack at Fromelle we lost over 5000 men in an hour or so from two brigades attacking across open ground with enfilading machine guns on both flanks.
At Pozieres the Australian 1st, 2nd and 4th Divisions suffered the loss of more than 23,000 men in five weeks.
In total from a volunteer force of 331,000 who served in Europe and the Middle East WW1 cost Australia over 60,000 killed in action with more than 166,000 battle casualties of which an additional 62,000 died during or on their return to Australia as a result of their injuries.
The Divisions of both the Australian and Canadian Corps were considered to be the most competent `shock troops’ in Haig’s Armies and Haig had over 120 Divisions to compare them with.
Australia’s population at the time was 5 million.
I know it’s been posted before, but I never get tired of reading the reader response from the NF Reporter:
Thank you for your kind e-mail regarding our editorial. As you can imagine, we received so many positive e-mails regarding our editorial that we cannot possibly answer them all. But once again, thank you for your kind remarks regarding our editorial.
What’s weird about it is that the letter to the editor wasn’t submitted via a “letter to the editor” link or the like.
It is generated by sending mail using the “e-mail” tab at the top of the home page. Does that mean that everyone who sends anything to the NFR gets that creepy e-mail?
Talk about disdain for your own customers.
I prefer to think of Iron Mike sitting at his Apple IIc long into the night and personally responding to each one. Copy - paste- send, copy - paste - send.
#117 Grimmy: What I find most fatuous in this fellow’s article are the sweeping statements, the completely unsupported generalizations. Try this one on for size: “Journalism requires journalists, who are at least fitfully confronting the digital age. The bloggers, for their part, produce minimal reportage. Instead, they ride along with the MSM like remora fish on the bellies of sharks, picking at the scraps.” Oh, really? Like in that little matter of Dan Rather and the forged documents? That catch was exclusively a blog coup. And what about the disgraceful propagandizing of Reuters and AP? Did that make the front page of any major newspapers? And even if it did, who broke the story? Blogs, again. And who’s keeping the official tally on the growth of the plastic turkey myth? Our own Tim Blair.
But Paco, journalists are professionals, they have ethics, and they know things! And Tim Blair may have a job with a newspaper somewhere, but since he identifies with bloggers, he is probably not a real journalist despite his claimed job title.
Good day to you, Sir!
Cheers
Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2006 12 21 at 12:06 AM • permalinkMore acutely, they promote intellectual disingenuousness, with every constituency hostage to its assumptions and the party line.
All hail the journalists. Promoting intellectual genuousness through the freeing of hostages of stripe.
What never fails to amaze me is how afraid journalists are of blogs. It’s all derision all the time. But has there ever been a better vehicle of free advertising for the written word than blogs? If any other industry had this free vehicle for attention, they would kiss it’s digital ass every morning before breakfast.
Instead print media spits in its eye, all the while enjoying profoundly it’s new found relevance.
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Dedicated troll threads are kind of fun, especially if we can play in it as an open thread when the troll is away.