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PSYCHO CHILLER

Mainstream media folk are slowly becoming aware of the terrible connection between Al Gore and global coldening:

Days after Al Gore went to New York City last month to deliver a speech blasting the Bush administration’s environmental policy and touting the dangers of global warming, the National Weather Service reported record low temperatures across the region.

Gore’s cooling effect has now been documented in NYC (twice), across Australia and England, in Sydney, Hollywood, Melbourne, Utah, and New York state. The Tennessee Chill isn’t done yet:

He’s announced plans for a major concert to promote global warming awareness on July 7 in London, Washington, Shanghai, Rio de Janeiro, Cape Town and, of course, Kyoto. Predictions peg the prospective worldwide audience at 2 billion people.

Two billion cold people. There’s money to be made here; if you’re a generous type, list your July 7 stock tips in comments.

Posted by Tim B. on 02/12/2007 at 10:12 AM
  1. And just where in Gaia’s name does he get the carbon credits to put on such a big show? Or are the rest of us going to have to spend the next six months getting to and from work via sled-dog in order to pay the carbon tax on this. 

    Note to PETA, sigh, yes we will be pulling the sleds, with the dogs lying comfortably on the sled

    Posted by rbj1 on 2007 02 12 at 10:20 AM • permalink

  2. No stock tips here, but street vendors at these awareness concerts should be prepared to peddle coats and hot drinks.

    Posted by Retread on 2007 02 12 at 10:25 AM • permalink

  3. I wasn’t sure about Gore’s coldening powers, but I bought 6,000 shares of Polar Arctic Coal Operations, and needless to say, I’m sitting pretty.

    Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 02 12 at 10:29 AM • permalink

  4. Perhaps one of these to relieve the boredom…as least for the distaff acolytes.

    Posted by trainer on 2007 02 12 at 10:31 AM • permalink

  5. Probably they should think about shifting this year’s ice sculpting festival from Sapporo to Kyoto.  After all, with Gore in the country, Sapporo is going to be under a glacier and Kyoto will be just right.  I’d be willing to invest a few yen.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 02 12 at 10:40 AM • permalink

  6. I had my own personal Gore Effect moment while in Blockbuster on Saturday—saw a copy of his idiot movie, realized that he might convince enough soft-skulled Gaiaheads to vote for him to make him President, and was chilled to the bone.

    BTW, I don’t know if Al made it up to Oswego, New York, when he was here, but they’re digging out from under six feet of snow.

    Posted by SoberHT on 2007 02 12 at 10:44 AM • permalink

  7. Thermal underwear sounds good.  There’s nothing like thermies to stay warm in the snow!

    And if you don’t like thermies, there’s always fur to stay warm AND look good!  (Safe for work.  Really!)

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 02 12 at 10:49 AM • permalink

  8. PS:  Wearing fur will PO PETA….in and of itself a noble effort.  Do it for the children!!!

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 02 12 at 10:49 AM • permalink

  9. TrimSpa Thinsulate, baby!

    Posted by Scott R on 2007 02 12 at 10:57 AM • permalink

  10. July 7?

    What a cunt.

    What an utterly transparent way to take the focus off the murder of 52 people by his goat-fucking mates.

    Posted by murph on 2007 02 12 at 11:13 AM • permalink

  11. A prospective audience of 2 billion people?  On the off chance that figure isn’t totally delusional, just what are they going to do to make that event carbon neutral?  Plant a rainforest?

    Posted by Randal Robinson on 2007 02 12 at 11:13 AM • permalink

  12. Short Coal, which is usually used to power Air Conditioners in the summer.

    Posted by aaron_ on 2007 02 12 at 11:20 AM • permalink

  13. July 7? Well, that’s the height of summer at most of the places on the list. If the Gore effect is powerful enough, it might be a good time to short air conditioning stocks.

    Posted by Billy Hollis on 2007 02 12 at 11:21 AM • permalink

  14. #1 rbj1

    And just where in Gaia’s name does he get the carbon credits to put on such a big show?

    Because he’s doing the Good Mother Gaia’s work, his carbon footprint is exempt. (And since Jack Frost follows him wherever he goes, there may be some carbon credits in it for his audience…)

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 02 12 at 11:33 AM • permalink

  15. Short the Fat Bastard himself at TradeSports in 08 US Presidential election. You’ll make 12 times your money

    Posted by paulris on 2007 02 12 at 11:36 AM • permalink

  16. Oh goodie, another “save the [insert cause here]” concert. Those always work. Concerts have saved the family farm and the continent of Africa, eliminated AIDS and poverty, and elected John Kerry president. Now gerbil worming. Why didn’t we think of it sooner?!

    Better watch out, Al; you’ve become so puffed up with your warmmongering bad self, you’re approaching explosion point.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 02 12 at 11:37 AM • permalink

  17. Trans Alaska Extreme Suit for attending global warmening rallies (though beware, this particular suit has hand-warming pockets exterior to its insulation, so your hands freeze with no way to get them to your body for warmth except through the fly.  Obviously designed by a Democrat

    Posted by rhhardin on 2007 02 12 at 11:50 AM • permalink

  18. Honeywell, makers of Prestone anti-freeze and thermostats for heating systems. Upgrade to ‘buy’.

    Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2007 02 12 at 11:52 AM • permalink

  19. To be fair to the people behind Live Aid, people really were starving in Africa.

    Murph: yes, it’s interesting that he chose that date. But I don’t think it was done deliberately—I think he truly has forgotten, or at least forgotten the date that terrorist attack happened. I doubt he thinks much about terrorist attacks: like all fanatics, he only remembers his own cause.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 02 12 at 12:30 PM • permalink

  20. Andrea:

    True and tragic—but did Live Aid help or promote disaster? I just remember watching it in a friend’s cat-ridden apartment with a vicious hangover….

    Anyway, at least all Live8 did was annoy people with real jobs, not prop up dictatorships.

    Posted by SoberHT on 2007 02 12 at 12:42 PM • permalink

  21. Shouldn’t we be talking up Global Warming :o so me can make out better in the summer.  We need to create some fear that this will be the hottest summer in a thousand years, that we need to ramp up coal production because the impending energy shortage.

    Posted by aaron_ on 2007 02 12 at 12:51 PM • permalink

  22. I’m not sure where the 2010 Winter Olympics will be held, but they should make sure Algore is in charge of the opening ceremonies.

    Posted by Merlin on 2007 02 12 at 01:15 PM • permalink

  23. What gets me royally pissed off is that the left helped sink one significant answer to greenhouse gasses.  Power utility companies is the prime generator of CO2.  Converting coal and natural gas burning power plants to nuclear plants eliminates those byproduct gasses.  Yet it was the left’s scare de jeur in the 1970’s (remember The China Syndrome?) that resulted in no nuclear power plants being built in the United States during the past 20 years.

    Where is the admission of culpability by the leftwing?

    So anyway, that’s my answer to global warming.  Build nuclear power plants.  Right after I buy stock in Westinghouse and the other construction contractors.

    Posted by wronwright on 2007 02 12 at 01:18 PM • permalink

  24. They are already predicting the hottest Summer in 1000 years. I am sure that Al believes earnestly in this prediction as well. I am sure that the people in the next room hear the bedsprings creaking as he fantasises about planet-scorching Summer to come and the impeccible timing of his concert.

    No doubt hotel chambermaids around the world have spent unexpectedly frosty mornings wondering why the pillowcase corners are wet and chewed, and the sheets are sticky after visits by an environmental saint of such purity as to bring the possibility of his actual physical existence into some doubt.

    Posted by moptop on 2007 02 12 at 01:35 PM • permalink

  25. mark from monroe: my point wasn’t whether Live Aid helped anyone or not, but that at least the reason they gave those concerts was something was actually happening in real life and was really something harmful to people. Global warming may or may not be upon us (I rather think it is, only not because of mankind’s activities but of natural forces like solar activity), but the claim that its effects on earth will be disastrous are spurious at best. I personally happen to think that a slightly warmer earth will be good for the human race—longer growing periods and the retreat of glacial ice cover from places like Greenland just one of the benefits. Of course, we can always fuck up a good thing, but it won’t be the weather’s fault.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 02 12 at 01:36 PM • permalink

  26. Predictions peg the prospective worldwide audience at 2 billion people.

    And at the end of the broadcast, Gore will personally remind every single one of them that they need to “make up” for the CO2 they just wasted watching his concert.

    Posted by PW on 2007 02 12 at 01:51 PM • permalink

  27. I think the Climate Change fanatics greatly underestimate the CO2 contribution from breathing.  They claim that the CO2 produced by breathing is offest because the food we eat if from plants that remove and equal amount of CO2 from the air.  I call bullshit.  A good chunck of the carbon in food probably come form both the petrol based fertilizers and the ground.

    I think to offset the CO2 of the concert, the dumb fucking concert goes should have to hold their breath for a some year.

    Posted by aaron_ on 2007 02 12 at 02:03 PM • permalink

  28. Andrea:

    Good point.

    Posted by SoberHT on 2007 02 12 at 02:09 PM • permalink

  29. Global warming is caused by Al Gore’s inability to fly everywhere at once. Not for lack of trying.

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2007 02 12 at 03:43 PM • permalink

  30. I’ll contribute money towards any advertiser that places a Gerbil Worming ad in any TV coverage.

    Posted by Rob Read on 2007 02 12 at 04:10 PM • permalink

  31. Jim, that one took me a second to get, I have to admit.

    Posted by moptop on 2007 02 12 at 04:13 PM • permalink

  32. I’ve found my way to fight against this perfidious glowball coldening!

    Believe it or not, there’s much and many innernet sites that are chock-o-block full of pics designed to cause heavy breathing (among other physiological reactions). I now spend at least 2 hours a day increasing my CO2 output.

    It’s all for a good cause.

    Posted by Grimmy on 2007 02 12 at 04:57 PM • permalink

  33. Oh yeah, for you guys, one more benefit of global warming: more women wearing less clothing. Of course, there’s danger there too: not all the women wearing less clothing will be attractive.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 02 12 at 05:11 PM • permalink

  34. Moptop, I think certain types (particularly GW fanatics) are as keen on predictions as they are on actual outcomes. So of course they predict the hottest summer in a million billion years. Even if it doesnt occur they get the mileage out of the prediction for a few months beforehand and then can fudge by saying, “In a year when scientists could predict the hottest summer ever….etc”

    Posted by Francis H on 2007 02 12 at 05:21 PM • permalink

  35. re 33

    Don’t worry Tim Blair, I’ll still be gorgeous with less on. Andrea might not be too pretty.

    By the way, did you watch ABC with Private Kovco’s “home war videos”?

    What the? Showing “classified missions” to mummy and kiddies? Being paid by the taxpayers to video assignments? Any wonder he died, I’m thinking it was an accident by him and not a cover-up.

    I love last night Channel nine “the Code” top program..

    And tim tam, better get ready it’s V and shower day tomorrow… kisses…xxxxx

    Posted by 1.618 on 2007 02 12 at 05:22 PM • permalink

  36. Here at Perfect Al Cloning Operations, we are very close to perfecting our end product, of which astute readers from a previous thread are already aware. To re-iterate: this will multiply the Gore Coldening Effect and hence save the planet from Global Warming.

    Unfortunately, we keep producing a twisted, ranting monstrosity. Our scientists have poured over the technique, the data, every step of the procedure. What’s happening remains a complete mystery. According to all information, this should be the correct Al Gore.

    Posted by Dminor on 2007 02 12 at 05:23 PM • permalink

  37. Link to Andrew Bolt’s blog and some interesting comments from Czech president Vaclav Klaus.

    Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 02 12 at 05:34 PM • permalink

  38. Is Al the Antichrist?
    I mean he isn’t seductive in form, but freaky portents follow him like papparazzi to Paris.

    Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 02 12 at 05:41 PM • permalink

  39. the apocalype is nearly upon us. The computer models make this very clear.

    Latest modelling suggests that the ‘tipping point’ will occur when Gore rides in to San Fransisco on a donkey.

    Posted by JonathanH on 2007 02 12 at 06:15 PM • permalink

  40. apocalypse.

    PIMF

    Posted by JonathanH on 2007 02 12 at 06:16 PM • permalink

  41. He’s announced plans for a major concert to promote global warming awareness on July 7….

    A concert? I forget, what’s the name of his band?

    Are the Dixie Pricks the opening act?

    Posted by rinardman on 2007 02 12 at 06:21 PM • permalink

  42. The real end of time.

    Somebody call the UN!

    Posted by Thomas on 2007 02 12 at 06:29 PM • permalink

  43. I got into a heated argument with a perfectly reasonable couple at the weekend, who having just watched An Incovenient Truth, assured me that we’re all doomed.

    I am now convinced that the most ardent defenders of Climate Change are the least informed. 

    To see if your eco-aware friends actually have a clue, you might want to ask them take this little

    Test

    Posted by pommygranate on 2007 02 12 at 06:32 PM • permalink

  44. #43 pommygranate: Thanks for the link. Excellent.

    Posted by SandiM on 2007 02 12 at 07:10 PM • permalink

  45. PommyG
    Nice effort, but you neglected to include Models!, and Significant Graphs!, and pictures of Advancing Glaciers! Falling Sea Levels! Not convinced.

    Cheers

    Posted by J.M. Heinrichs on 2007 02 12 at 07:15 PM • permalink

  46. I have worked out who Algore reminds me of. It’s a cross between these guys.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 02 12 at 08:02 PM • permalink

  47. Global Warming Shovel Hot Item in New York Stores

    Posted by Cris on 2007 02 12 at 08:03 PM • permalink

  48. #43—it does not matter—it is now the new religion. 

    Everytime I get into a discussion about someone with this and I mention (i) the medivial warm period, (ii) the little ice age and (iii) the fact that 30 years ago global cooling was all the scientific rage, I get attacked as an evil corporate person.  As someone who is uninformed.  As a denier. 

    And I am one who thinks that while the general rise in temperature is natural, the extent maybe increased by man. I am one who thinks finding technology that works and is envirnomentally sound is a good idea.

    It is not about truth (no matter how inconvient).  It is about power—the same people who 25 years ago were population contol and limits to growth (the spiritual descendents of those advocating central planning 60 years ago) are the ones raising this to hysterical levels.

    Posted by Room 237 on 2007 02 12 at 08:07 PM • permalink

  49. For those prudent enough, here is a comprehensive snow blower review.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 02 12 at 08:08 PM • permalink

  50. On a serious note would you all type GORE AND ENRON into Google and read the results.This dickhead (Gorebull) is the supreme carpetbagger.I noticed during the movie about Enron that Clinton-Gorebull didn’t rate a mention but good old George did .Enron pushed Kyoto so that they could become emissions traders.

    Posted by Peter F on 2007 02 12 at 08:14 PM • permalink

  51. “I got into a heated argument with a perfectly reasonable couple at the weekend, who having just watched An Incovenient Truth, assured me that we’re all doomed.”

    Well, duh.  I could have told them that.

    Nobody’s getting out of here alive.

    Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 02 12 at 08:15 PM • permalink

  52. Al Gore is changing the way he travels. He has heard the hue and cry. This is just a test model. Can’t wait until he has perfected it.

    Posted by El Cid on 2007 02 12 at 08:35 PM • permalink

  53. Oh and please take notice of the fuel Mr. Kerry Heinz donated.

    Posted by El Cid on 2007 02 12 at 08:39 PM • permalink

  54. As for stock tips—maybe Scot Ott is onto something.  Who makes “Gore-Tex”?

    Posted by Room 237 on 2007 02 12 at 09:02 PM • permalink

  55. Have Rio and Shanghai ever actually SEEN blizzards?  This could get ugly early.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 02 12 at 09:12 PM • permalink

  56. Happy birthday 1.618. :) 12 months today!

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2007 02 12 at 09:36 PM • permalink

  57. #43

    thanks Pommygranate, great link.

    Seems to me that many educated (or semi-educated) people feel pessimistic and purposeless. Somehow it’s just not enough to love your wife/husband, raise kids, work hard, help others when you can, and enjoy life. Something is missing at the core of their existence.  For all their blessings, they have never learned how to be happy. For me, Climate Change doom-mongering is the new religion for this breed of educated pessimist. They project their own sense of failed entitlement and poor-me victimhood onto a vision of a failed species ruining the planet.

    Posted by JonathanH on 2007 02 12 at 10:23 PM • permalink

  58. Someone please send him to New Hampshire.  The ski areas are suffering for a lack of snow, and one of my favorites, Ragged Mountain, is in severe financial difficulty.

    Posted by Mitch on 2007 02 12 at 10:25 PM • permalink

  59. Tim, where are your head-righting skills?

    It should be Psycho Cooler

    En voyons donc!

    Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 02 12 at 10:52 PM • permalink

  60. End global warming: Clone Al Gore.

    Posted by chauvelin01 on 2007 02 12 at 11:15 PM • permalink

  61. #60 - but then we’ll be faced with
          (shudder)
          GLOBAL BORING!!!

    Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 02 13 at 12:13 AM • permalink

  62. Gore leaves me cold

    Posted by Contrail on 2007 02 13 at 01:20 AM • permalink

  63. #33 Andrea: OMG!!  Suddenly it all becomes clear.  BigWoodenAl is onto the Islamo-fascists, and he’s taking the long view. 

    1.  Wherever it is hottest on average (i.e. the equatorial regions) there are lotsa Muslims. 

    2. Islamo-fascists insist that their women wear burqas.

    3.  The rising temperature on the globe will be worst in the equatorial regions.

    4.  BigWoodenAl is creating a backlash by his crazed pushing of Goregall Wormening.

    5.  Sane people will ignore BigWoodenAl and continue to pump CO2 into the atmosphere (as will ManBearPig with his flying willy-nilly allover the globe [see treacher above]).

    6. Gerbil Wormening will get worse, much worse.

    7.  Women in burqas will begin dropping from heat prostration all across the equatorial regions.

    8.  Muslim birthrates (which are highest in the equatorial regions) will plummet.

    9. The worst death rate and consequent birthrate will be highest where women are forced to wear the burqa.  (i.e. in places like the ‘dreaded Iraqi summer’)

    10. Eventual end of Islam-fascist groups.

    BigWoodenAl is a Machiavellian fiend!! Boy, am I glad he’s on our side.  Even Moriarty and Fu Manchu weren’t this devious and evil.


    (hmmmmmm. P.S. for wronwright.  Are you totally, absolutely serial sure that BigWoodenAl isn’t in the pay of the Dark Lord?)

    Oh, and #8 t_R_JS, shouldn’t that be for the chillin’?  Jes’ askin’ is all.

    Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 02 13 at 02:20 AM • permalink

  64. Don’t worry mitch, snow is on the way. Those bastards in Oswego have been hogging it all.

    I think that their mention in the movie “Duck Soup” has gone to their heads.

    Posted by moptop on 2007 02 13 at 09:19 AM • permalink

  65. The level of solar activity during the past 70 years is exceptional - the last period of similar magnitude occurred over 8,000 years ago. The Sun was at a similarly high level of magnetic activity for only ~10% of the past 11,400 years, and almost all of the earlier high-activity periods were shorter than the present episode.

    OK, has does variation in solar radiation compare to plantery radiation emmisions?  I’m guessing that planetry emmisions vary much less. And more importantly, how does size of total planetary emmisions compare to the variance of solar radiation?

    Link

    Posted by aaron_ on 2007 02 13 at 09:22 AM • permalink

  66. I made a goof on cosmic rays last week, by writing about something I remembered without checking it out. But increases in solar magnetic activity shield the atmosphere from cosmic rays. This leads to warming by reducing cloud formation.

    Solar physicists also say that after these peaks in solar activity, there is a tendency for activity to collapse, in the same way that happened in the “little ice age.”

    I don’t pretend to know the future, but I say it is imperitive that we ban beano.

    Posted by moptop on 2007 02 13 at 09:40 AM • permalink

  67. Defintion of irony:

    As I was waiting for the bus in the wind and snow (during a warming trend now that the temperature is up to 20 F) a person next to me had a magazine—front page “IS IT TOO LATE TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING?”

    Posted by Room 237 on 2007 02 13 at 11:50 AM • permalink

  68. And more, from Flannery: We’re at WAR!

    Posted by Dminor on 2007 02 13 at 07:27 PM • permalink

  69. How tedious. This site just makes me tired these days. Enjoy your tom-wankery. You suck all the joy out of life. Actually, you just plain suck. If I return here to comment soon it will be out of sheer utter boredom.

    Posted by Miranda Divide on 2007 02 13 at 08:33 PM • permalink

  70. Just you and me on this thread, Miranda. I won’t tell them you’re here if you don’t.

    In all sincerity, can I ask you how much you’ve considered the other side of the climate change argument? There are some fairly serious rebuttals from various professionals. Putting aside any prejudice, have you honestly taken a good hard look at what they have to say? Why is it so unreasonable, in light of all the facts, to suppose that climate change is happening, has always happened, but at this stage does not look likely to turn Earth into the charnel house blokes such as Gore and Flannery trumpet it to do?

    Everyone on this side of the debate is quite prepared to change their opinion should more compelling facts arrive. This isn’t hypocritical - it’s critical thinking. Why are you so dogmatic?

    Posted by Dminor on 2007 02 13 at 08:51 PM • permalink

  71. Dminor,
    Miranda is dogmatic because she’s on the left.  Lefties put ideology ahead of facts.  “Don’t bother me with a mass of petty istinas.” V. I. Lenin.

    I’m waiting for someone to try planting wine grape vines in England.  A thousand years ago they grew at Ely, 70 miles northeast of London.  That’s about 112 kilometers for those of you using the benighted SI measurements.  When they grow there again you’ll know that global warming is happening for real.  Then the Ozzies can laugh at English table wines.

    Posted by Michael Lonie on 2007 02 13 at 10:01 PM • permalink

  72. If I return here to comment soon it will be out of sheer utter boredom.

    Well, I’m gonna bust out crying.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2007 02 13 at 10:16 PM • permalink

  73. If I return here to comment soon it will be out of sheer utter boredom.

    Crap. This is only place where you get even a smidgen of the attention you think you deserve, Miranda. If anyone’s bored, it’s us. With you.

    Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 02 13 at 10:35 PM • permalink

  74. You suck all the joy out of life

    Wow, projection anyone?

    Not you personally Miranda, but your side in general.

    Stop flying, stop driving, stop smoking, stop heating, stop cooling, stop building, stop breeding, stop succeading, stop earning, and stop bieng so happy, when there is so much misery in the world.

    Tedious indeed.

    Posted by Thomas on 2007 02 14 at 03:16 AM • permalink

  75. Please, please, please, Miranda, come back and rebut our arguments. Please, I am begging! How boring could it be to intellectually eviscertate us? Don’t just brag, do it! I am sure you could do it without even using the ‘e’ key, just to make it interesting for you. You could even invite your friends over at Deltoid to review the carnage when you are done.

    Or is it just possible that you have no idea about the issues under discussion?

    Posted by moptop on 2007 02 14 at 09:57 AM • permalink

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