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PREDICTIONS PREDICTED
Anthony Cox noted on Saturday: “Every other day The Independent seems to lead with a story about the end of the world because of climate change ...” The very next edition of that sad, predictable rag:
The associated copy is hilarious:
2030: RIP The Arctic polar bear breathes its last
World turned on its head as last wild polar bear runs out of ice …
2040: Burned to death: How man reduced the mighty Amazon to ashes
Life-giving rainforests now a wasteland …
2050: The last drops of rain fall to earth
World hunt for food as India faces starvation after monsoon fails and harvests are doomed
2060: Tsunami horror hits Britain
Methane ‘bubble’ blamed for catastrophic seabed slide as wave wipes east coast off map
If The Independent believes its own predictions, why is it still recklessly producing newspapers?
(Via Garth Godsman)
I guess I’ll cancel my November 5, 2060 98th birthday trip to
the UKIslamaland then. But I will pre-set the DVD-R to get the news while I’m out dancing and romancing.Posted by andycanuck on 2006 11 05 at 11:31 PM • permalinkI thought the Amazon was supposed to have been an ashen wasteland already… at least according to the end-of-the-world predictions of 20 years ago.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2006 11 05 at 11:32 PM • permalinkMy fave: The last drops of rain fall to earth
So how’s that work? Global warming makes water ... uh ... disappear? Water no longer evaporates? Evaporates but it all just stays in the sky and doesn’t fall? No more storms? It—oh never mind. At least we’ll be rid of those bastard polar bears.
Posted by Shaky Barnes on 2006 11 05 at 11:37 PM • permalinkFound this when I opened the inbox at work this morning. Seeing as how the red-letter day has been and gone it’s not exactly an advance warning.
Not that a tsunami in the Pacific basin would especially endanger Perth.
I haven’t tried the link at the end. Didn’t seem wise.Warning - TSUNAMI BULLETIN NUMBER 002 PACIFIC TSUNAMI WARNING CENTER/NOAA/NWS ISSUED AT 2312Z 30 OCT 2006
THIS BULLETIN IS FOR ALL AREAS OF THE PACIFIC BASIN
.. TSUNAMI INFORMATION BULLETIN ...
THIS MESSAGE IS FOR INFORMATION ONLY.
AN EARTHQUAKE HAS OCCURRED WITH THESE PRELIMINARY PARAMETERS NOTE REVISED MAGNITUDE
ORIGIN TIME - 2139Z 30 OCT 2006
COORDINATES - 38.2 NORTH 144.8 EAST
LOCATION - OFF EAST COAST OF HONSHU JAPAN MAGNITUDE - 7.1MEASUREMENTS OR REPORTS OF TSUNAMI WAVE ACTIVITY
ALL DETAILS HERE http://www.oceanwide.com.au
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2006 11 05 at 11:39 PM • permalinkWorld turned on its head as last wild polar bear runs out of ice …
The polar bear parties just won’t be the same without decent martinis. Fortunately they have each other for hors d’oeuvres.
Life-giving rainforests now a wasteland …
But we need more wasteland conservation!
2050: The last drops of rain fall to earth
George Bush has stolen all the gravity to give to his pals in the gravity industry. Fascist.
World hunt for food as India faces starvation after monsoon fails and harvests are doomed
India out-sources food production back to western countries. All hail globalisation!
2060: Tsunami horror hits Britain
...via the iTsunami Store.
Methane ‘bubble’ blamed for catastrophic seabed slide as wave wipes east coast off map
So that’s what that smell was. And here I was thinking it was the smell of journalism’s rotting carcass coming from the Independent’s office.
Interesting to see that the comrades at our ABC are running the documentary series ‘Wild Europe’, about the geographical history of Europe as a landmass, in a prime Sunday night spot. It’s studded with jazzy CGI images of the Eiffel tower under water, or St. Paul’s Cathedral in the middle of a desert, and this is probably what sold the comrades on it. But when you actually watch the show, it rams home, again and again, without any cavil or apology, the message that climate change is always happening. Not exactly the Ultimo line.
2070: Rolling Stones announce world tour
The “when hell freezes over” comment returns to haunt them.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 11 06 at 12:00 AM • permalinkJumpin Jihadis. The more disturbing part of that paper is the frontpage call to donate sperm. Are you man enough?
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 11 06 at 12:05 AM • permalinkAwright, when did the National Enquirer buy the Independent?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 11 06 at 12:06 AM • permalinkHmph-it seems to me that the real disaster news in the paper for our antipodean friends is that they tied Wales in rugby.
I know that New Zealand has the Haka. Perhaps the Welsh began the match by singing Men of Harlech.
# 15 stuff that, I am going straight to the lotto results.
Posted by surfmaster on 2006 11 06 at 12:23 AM • permalink#17 - No, just two hours of Bread of Heaven.
They also sent us into a stupour by having the best looking national anthem singer ever. Katherine Jenkins
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 11 06 at 12:27 AM • permalink2070: Scientists fear global/cooling warming will either melt solar icecaps or bring on an iceage.
Posted by jonnyswell on 2006 11 06 at 12:39 AM • permalinkThe tsunami is not as unlikely as it sounds, although bugger all to do with global warming.
About 6,000 years ago the southern North Sea then dry land and called by archeologists Doggerland was struck by a massive tsunami. We don’t know the cause, but the funnel shape of the sea would have concentrate the tsunami.
World turned on its head as last wild polar bear runs out of ice ...
Well, hopefully they’ll stop going psychotic and sexually abusing rabbits.
Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2006 11 06 at 03:17 AM • permalinkWhy the heck do people associate “warmer climate” with “dry”.
If Earth’s history is any guide, warmer periods are also wetter.
‘Course, I guess that doesn’t fit the “WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!’ theme.
PS Anyone notice Britain survives 10 freakin years after the “last drops of rain fall to earth”.
That’s pretty impressive.
Posted by Quentin George on 2006 11 06 at 03:30 AM • permalink27. Isumbras
#17 ... Not entirely 91B30… The All blacks gave England a jolly good belting at Twickenham to keep the antipodean end up!
Petty, I know, but a real dislike of mine is how some Australians and NZers refer to the area as the antipodes - don’t understand why you’d want to define your location from the point of view of people on the other side of the planet. Perhaps we should start calling ourselves colonials…
Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2006 11 06 at 03:31 AM • permalinkowls001, you forget that Gaia is angry!
Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2006 11 06 at 05:35 AM • permalinkA methane bubble with the power to trigger a tsunami - man, that’s a lot of reverberating pizzas.
Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2006 11 06 at 06:40 AM • permalink2060!, who cares I will be 6 feet under by then.
Posted by Torontosteve on 2006 11 06 at 07:36 AM • permalinkPS Anyone notice Britain survives 10 freakin years after the “last drops of rain fall to earth”.
That’s because people have been surviving by drinking mildew.
Posted by rick mcginnis on 2006 11 06 at 10:09 AM • permalinkGod. When future historians look back on our era, you know they’re going to be reading stuff like this--this and photos of Howard Dean screaming and Kos screenshots and 9/11 conspiracy theory books--and they’re going to think we were all insane. We’ll be the early 21st century equivalent of medieval villagers, accusing neighbors of being werewolves and fretting about being visited by succubi, only we won’t even have the excuse of being whacked out on ergot.
I’m more interested in the box feature at the bottom right…
MEN OF BRITAIN: Are you man enough to donate sperm?
I would suggest that the Editor of the Indie was doing exactly that (and a bit of one-handed typing) when he wrote this lame-brain story.
Posted by Apparatchik on 2006 11 06 at 07:19 PM • permalink
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I think the real coming catastrophe is displayed above the wave picture. Teenagers - ::shudder::