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PHIFTIES PHLAG PHACT PHOOLS PHIL

Phillip Adams identifies another evil US plot:


Let’s see the Oscars for what they are – symbols of US hegemony and, as such, about as desirable, attractive and threatening as that other US critter, the cane toad.

The cane toad was introduced to Australia from Hawaii in 1935. Hawaii didn’t become the 50th star on the US flag until 1959.

UPDATE. Category: Ignorance. Professor Bunyip weighs in.

Posted by Tim B. on 03/25/2005 at 01:01 PM
  1. Now wait a second!  What about this issue? Doesn’t Phil know about the plight of those poor frogs/toads?!!?!?!  All those frogs denied decent medical care, and he lowers them to the level of the Oscars? 

    This degrading of a deprived and oppressed species must cease!  Phil has gone too far.  I demand that the UN send a High Commissioner For Toadies to Australia immediately!!!

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 03 25 at 02:28 PM • permalink

  2. What was that spectacularly entertaining cane toad documentary?  That wasn’t Hollywood but an oz filmmaker, and a splendid film it was.

    Mark Lewis, Cane Toads: An Unnatural History (1987) I bet, if the DVD listings are to be believed.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2005 03 25 at 03:01 PM • permalink

  3. We’ll take back the cane toad if you’ll take the Oscars.

    Posted by Retread on 2005 03 25 at 03:51 PM • permalink

  4. In fairness, Hawaii was a US territory in 1935.

    Posted by sjens on 2005 03 25 at 04:45 PM • permalink

  5. Does this sentence make sense at all? I mean, what meaning is he trying to convey?
    One of the adjectives is the exact opposite of the other two (threatening vs attractive and desirable).
    So if the response is yes to his “let’s see what they are” call, the cane toads are attractive (apart from threatening).
    Well, you have to be a very PC Leftie to find them attractive.
    If the respose is no, ie. they are not threatening (and not attractive), he is ignorant of how destructive these critters are.
    Phil, time to take that “Semantics for pompous, ignorant parasites” course.

    Posted by Honkie Hammer on 2005 03 25 at 04:50 PM • permalink

  6. Yeah, we stamped out the last vestiges of Hawaiian self-rule back in 1898, scooping it up while taking Cuba, Guam, the Phillipines, and Puerto Rico away from the Spanish.

    Posted by Warmongering Lunatic on 2005 03 25 at 05:58 PM • permalink

  7. Leafing through the local TV guide, checking out holiday movies, and came across the “Road to Nhill”, playing at 12 noon, Easter Monday on Prime TV, and starring, wait for it, Phillip Adams!
    Nah, couldn’t be, thinks I, but checked it out on the IMDB anyway.
    There it was, yup, Phil doesn’t actually star but he has a bit part. He plays, GOD.
    Hehe, sounds about right.

    Posted by Boss Hog on 2005 03 25 at 06:13 PM • permalink

  8. The Oscars© are really scary!

    Posted by Wallace-Midland Texas on 2005 03 25 at 06:18 PM • permalink

  9. Is this like the time the CIA overthrew the Aussie government?

    No, really. Honest. Some idiot (literally, not figuratively) told me that happened. He read it in a book, so nevermind that nobody else thinks it happened, it’s true.

    Posted by Sigivald on 2005 03 25 at 06:18 PM • permalink

  10. (Well, okay, it isn’t. Given that there really ARE cane toads and they really DID come from a US territory. But it still weren’t no dang-ol’ plot.)

    Posted by Sigivald on 2005 03 25 at 06:18 PM • permalink

  11. I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that cane toads aren’t native to Hawaii either???
    By far the largest, ugliest and most noxious toad native to Australia is Adams himself!
    Isn’t it funny that if broadcasters Alan Jones or John Laws were constantly spewing this bile and vilification against a group of people, say Moslems rather than Americans, they’d be toast!? However the ABC peers of taxpayer funded, one-man hate group, fatty Phil Adams, who are always quick to condemn Jones and Laws, let Adams escape scot-free! It’s worse than hypocrisy, it’s complicity and total corruption!

    Posted by Brian on 2005 03 25 at 06:42 PM • permalink

  12. If Phil Adams made that assertion to most Americans, the American wouldn’t know what the hell he’s even talking about. We’ve never seen em, never heard of em.
    When I was in Oz last year we were told that the cane toad was brought into the sugar producing region to control some dreaded cane beetle, which, apparently, they were quite successful at.
    The locals hate them because they aren’t afraid of anything and they wind up in all kinds of strange places and they are quite ugly and poisonous to boot.
    Makes me kinda wish they were an American invention.......

    Posted by Wass on 2005 03 25 at 06:55 PM • permalink

  13. Thus, through a combination of human folly and ecological incompatibility, the cane toad unwittingly played the penultimate trick on the residents of Queensland and took its first hops towards an unlikely dominance of the local environment.

    Queenslanders beware: those toads have one more trick left up their sleeve.

    Posted by Donnah on 2005 03 25 at 07:18 PM • permalink

  14. It seems only yesterday that Bruce Beresford and I were told by a US distributor that if we remade Barry McKenzie “with Jerry Lewis, you’ve got yourself a deal�.

    That pretty well sums up the whole problem with Phillip Adams.

    Posted by Henry boy on 2005 03 25 at 07:44 PM • permalink

  15. You gave us Olivia Newton-John, so we’re even.

    Posted by Mystery Meat on 2005 03 25 at 07:46 PM • permalink

  16. Sigivald –

    But we did.  Surely you don’t think Prime Minister Harold Holt disappeared in December 1967 without CIA involvment?

    Posted by Warmongering Lunatic on 2005 03 25 at 08:15 PM • permalink

  17. The Oscars are symbols of US hegemony?  Is he saying that when political expediency dictates that we can’t shoot our enemies, we will bore them to death?

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 03 25 at 08:30 PM • permalink

  18. Uh oh. Phat Phil has found out (phound out?) our plan to take over Australia by infiltrating it with cane toads and Oscar broadcasts. I’m afraid he will have to be eliminated.

    I know that will leave some of you broken-hearted at the loss of a major Australian figure of fun. To make up for it I’ll try to get Michael Moore installed as a columnist on one of our propaganda broadsheets once Australia has been absorbed into the American Christian Theo-Capitalist Hegemony.

    Oh wait—I was saving Moore as punishment for those Australians who defied the reprogramming. Never mind.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 03 25 at 08:39 PM • permalink

  19. You must understand, the evil that is America transcends time and space. 

    Cain was probably a Karl Rove agent…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 03 25 at 09:31 PM • permalink

  20. Harold Holt

    Posted by zefal on 2005 03 25 at 09:55 PM • permalink

  21. Consider yourself lucky.  My dream one day is to go to France and be known as Johnny PoisonIvySeed.

    Posted by John Bono on 2005 03 25 at 10:09 PM • permalink

  22. Didn’t The Simpsons already blow the lid off that particular conspiracy?

    Posted by technicolorwestern on 2005 03 25 at 10:42 PM • permalink

  23. Somebody ought to tell Phil that the cane toad is native to south america.

    Of course, they might first have to let him in on the fact that SA is not part of the US.

    Carefully, depending on how he dealt with the shock…

    Posted by steveH on 2005 03 25 at 11:26 PM • permalink

  24. steveH: The Bunyip has informed him

    Posted by Phranger on 2005 03 25 at 11:31 PM • permalink

  25. This is typical.

    America gets blamed for all the world’s poverty, conflict and corruption, and now they are being lumped with the consequences of some bright idea made by some fucking lab-coated genius in the thirties.

    But what’s his problem with the Oscars? Were it not for the Oscars, there would be no self-flagellating hate-America celebrity stump speeches. What would Phil do then? He seems to have a problem with actors ‘mimicking’ people. They’re actors, Phil, it’s their job for crying out loud.

    Posted by lmbrjk on 2005 03 25 at 11:32 PM • permalink

  26. Um, Russell Crowe has two, Cate Blanchett has one, Nicole Kidman has one, Peter Jackson and WETA have enough to field a baseball team-- and the Oscars are an AMERICAN plot?

    Posted by Mike G on 2005 03 26 at 12:31 AM • permalink

  27. Bufo Marinus originates from Central and South America, and like the last feature film promoting other exports from that region ("The Motorcycle Diaries"), it is loathed, avoided like the plague and attacked viciously by everyone except phans of Phatty- I think there’s something in that. Has anyone got a photo of Phil catching insects, birds and small mammals with his tongue?

    Posted by Habib on 2005 03 26 at 01:01 AM • permalink

  28. Holt was eaten by giant aquatic cane toads.  Film at 11.

    Posted by Mystery Meat on 2005 03 26 at 01:58 AM • permalink

  29. let’s see the oscar ceremony for what it is - a B-O-R-I-N-G unwatchable sludge of phony sentiment & even phonier “values”

    but the little statues are kinda cool & would make a handy bludgeon for phatty’s addled nut

    Posted by KK on 2005 03 26 at 02:11 AM • permalink

  30. I suggest a compromise. Let the Academy Awards continue, but hand out toads to the winners instead of statuettes. Hell, free toads for everybody! We’ve got to get rid of them.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2005 03 26 at 04:13 PM • permalink

  31. The Cane toad is also know as the Marine toadm Giant toad, Marine toad, Giant marine toad, Dominican toad, and spring chicken in Belize.  In Bermuda they’re road toads.  As in roadkill.  Originally from Latin America they’ve been introduced, both accidentally and deliberately throught much of the world. In Florida, they’re notorious for eating dog food from the pooch’s bowls and many a retaliating canine has been killed bu their toxins.

    Posted by JAWolf on 2005 03 26 at 06:49 PM • permalink

  32. KK — So it’s a question of whether the toads can reproduce fast enough to keep up with the increasing number of awards shows?  Could be a close race…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 03 26 at 08:32 PM • permalink

  33. Heh. Until Fat Fill can actually explain hegemony I think we can take this with a pinch of cane toad. And by the way, what does the Left have with Italians writing indecipherable prose in prison?

    Posted by Hanyu on 2005 03 27 at 08:44 AM • permalink

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