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OSCAR TIME

Direct your own Bollywood film! Here’s a feature I auteured earlier; and here’s a noir masterpiece composed by enigmatic cineaste Simon R.

Posted by Tim B. on 01/29/2006 at 10:16 AM
  1. Wonderful cinema, Tim! A combination of Preston Sturges and Stanley Kubrick.

    Posted by paco on 2006 01 29 at 11:31 AM • permalink

  2. Good fun.

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 01 29 at 11:59 AM • permalink

  3. Tim, what comes after “...hard for a goat to do…”? The film can’t make it past there with my computer, at least. It is hard for a goat and no doubt many two-toed ungulates and other hoofed ruminants to pinch. But I wanted to see what happened to Cindy Sheehan.

    Posted by ekw on 2006 01 29 at 12:34 PM • permalink

  4. Bah, that’s a cow, you idiot! A goat never laughs that hard.

    Posted by James Waterton on 2006 01 29 at 12:42 PM • permalink

  5. Backstroke Mountain

    Posted by Dave in Chicago on 2006 01 29 at 01:02 PM • permalink

  6. I’m quite fascinated by the “Muslim Singles - Meet Tens of Thousands of Muslim Singles for Love or Friendship” ad that appeared on the first page. Don’t tell me dating services aren’t haraam!

    Posted by PW on 2006 01 29 at 01:07 PM • permalink

  7. Similar.

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 01 29 at 01:07 PM • permalink

  8. That site is an absolute hoot! Hint: Try changing the URL number of a movie, like the last few digits, to a random number.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 01 29 at 01:20 PM • permalink

  9. In my browser, Mozilla Firefox, only about the first 20 letters of the first line of text shows. Bummer.

    Posted by Dave in Chicago on 2006 01 29 at 01:21 PM • permalink

  10. Fear & Loathing in Cronulla

    another toy for insomniacs - ta muchly tim

    Posted by KK on 2006 01 29 at 01:30 PM • permalink

  11. Devil Weed

    Posted by Dave in Chicago on 2006 01 29 at 01:36 PM • permalink

  12. A Tech Support story.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 01 29 at 01:45 PM • permalink

  13. The Gunslingers’ Revenge

    Posted by KK on 2006 01 29 at 01:56 PM • permalink

  14. The power of the RWDB

    Posted by lewisinnyc on 2006 01 29 at 02:19 PM • permalink

  15. this one’s for victorians - lame but ya gotta try

    Viva Victoria

    Posted by KK on 2006 01 29 at 02:32 PM • permalink

  16. I hope this works; I’ve never done this code stuff before.

    http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/play.php?id=627631/

    Posted by paco on 2006 01 29 at 02:36 PM • permalink

  17. Oh my goodness.  I am keen to be making a movie now.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 01 29 at 02:36 PM • permalink

  18. #17 ok RebeccaH, you can be executive producer.  i’m going to bed now, but when i get back i expect a consortium to be assembled to make Tim Blair vs Magrok.  i’ll leave you $5, a wind-up bolex & some stock footage of the cronulla riots to start the kitty off

    Posted by KK on 2006 01 29 at 02:45 PM • permalink

  19. For your viewing enjoyment
    “Splash Gash”

    Posted by ekw on 2006 01 29 at 03:02 PM • permalink

  20. Casanova Cabbie

    Posted by JAFA on 2006 01 29 at 03:30 PM • permalink

  21. A truly incompetent dance routine.

    Posted by Dr Alice on 2006 01 29 at 04:14 PM • permalink

  22. Michael Jackson in Bahrain.

    http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=628664/

    Posted by paco on 2006 01 29 at 04:45 PM • permalink

  23. A tense domestic drama.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 01 29 at 04:54 PM • permalink

  24. Hello?

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 05:21 PM • permalink

  25. A timeless holiday classic.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 05:30 PM • permalink

  26. Geez, my bad.  Link here:

    http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=629030

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 05:32 PM • permalink

  27. Another domestic drama. Gee, this is fun.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 01 29 at 05:41 PM • permalink

  28. Puce just sent me this one.

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 01 29 at 06:08 PM • permalink

  29. Is Modo really necessary?

    http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=629272/

    Posted by paco on 2006 01 29 at 06:10 PM • permalink

  30. #28 He’s interested in girls now? They grow up so fast.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 06:12 PM • permalink

  31. I’m supposed to be catching up on my charts, but this is a hell of a lot more fun.

    Doctor’s Revenge

    Posted by Dr Alice on 2006 01 29 at 06:16 PM • permalink


  32. This is titled Peels spinning grave.

    http://www.sirhumphreys.com/node/4311

    Posted by Rob Read on 2006 01 29 at 06:22 PM • permalink

  33. Pillow Talk

    Posted by Simon R on 2006 01 29 at 06:27 PM • permalink

  34. An expensive lunch

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 06:29 PM • permalink

  35. A battle of wills!

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 01 29 at 06:30 PM • permalink

  36. Cobra, the musical

    Posted by Henry boy on 2006 01 29 at 06:36 PM • permalink

  37. A Hand In Marriage?

    Posted by Simon R on 2006 01 29 at 06:41 PM • permalink

  38. Nerds

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 06:45 PM • permalink

  39. National Triage Hotline

    Posted by Simon R on 2006 01 29 at 06:51 PM • permalink

  40. Within the colorful halls of the Republican cabal, dissention strikes!

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 06:51 PM • permalink

  41. 41 - Dangit.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 06:53 PM • permalink

  42. Wh(e)at Deal?

    Posted by Simon R on 2006 01 29 at 07:01 PM • permalink

  43. Behind the scenes of Bollywood CSI.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 07:02 PM • permalink

  44. Very well.  Tim Blair vs Margo Kingston.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 01 29 at 07:04 PM • permalink

  45. National Triage Hotline (second attempt!)

    Posted by Simon R on 2006 01 29 at 07:08 PM • permalink

  46. Preselection Battle

    Posted by Simon R on 2006 01 29 at 07:22 PM • permalink

  47. Another clinic scene. I found this one searching at random.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 01 29 at 07:25 PM • permalink

  48. Could people please include some form of synopsis with their attempts? It will take all day to click through all of these links otherwise.

    I have no sound right now, but look forward to the Loewenstein Chronicles.

    And yes… I closed the tags.

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2006 01 29 at 07:29 PM • permalink

  49. Synopsis: Two people are talking.

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 01 29 at 07:44 PM • permalink

  50. Old friends remember the Dismissal

    Posted by Simon R on 2006 01 29 at 07:57 PM • permalink

  51. 49: I guess the synopsis for my first offering (#16) should be “Apologies to Wronwright and McEnroe”. Hey, just a joke, guys. Heh, heh . . . heh . . . guys?

    Posted by paco on 2006 01 29 at 08:42 PM • permalink

  52. Bugger you, Blair, more time wasted. And I’m on a day off. National productivity will go through the cellar once this little toy sweeps the offices of Oz.

    Posted by slatts on 2006 01 29 at 09:14 PM • permalink

  53. Hat of Lincoln.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 01 29 at 09:18 PM • permalink

  54. Dancing with the Bollywood stars.

    Posted by HC44 on 2006 01 29 at 09:28 PM • permalink

  55. Well, you’ve done it, Tim. You’ve basically ruined a lot of good people, productive people (not talking about myself as I’m a professional layabout), people who would otherwise be engaged in meaningful worrr… eh, it’s Sunday? Oh. All the same to me, you see, as I don’t work anywhere, ever.

    So it’s Sunday. Welll, that’s different. Sorry. I’m going back to bed. I’ve already done my film and sold it to Oliver Stone. I hope he doesn’t f*ck it up. Hell with it, I got seven figures so he can do whatever, even cast Colin Farrell if he likes. Wake me when it’s Wednesday, will you?

    Posted by ekw on 2006 01 29 at 09:31 PM • permalink

  56. Ingmar Bergman does Bollywood.

    Posted by Mike G on 2006 01 29 at 09:35 PM • permalink

  57. Economic policy

    Posted by Seneca on 2006 01 29 at 09:52 PM • permalink

  58. Harsh truths over cards.

    Posted by Mike G on 2006 01 29 at 09:52 PM • permalink

  59. Paco — I hadn’t clicked that one yet.  I suspect this is gonna cost ya.  Back in a minute…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 29 at 10:04 PM • permalink

  60. Paco - Aw man, Paco, I had no idea you’d already beat me to the wronwright/mcenroe connection.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 29 at 10:11 PM • permalink

  61. Another dialog at the card table.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 01 29 at 10:12 PM • permalink

  62. Paco, Paco, Paco… *tch*... remember Tom Hagen in The Godfather…?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 29 at 10:14 PM • permalink


  63. Thrilling Political Intrigue…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 29 at 10:56 PM • permalink

  64. My friend at work came up with these two, quite good.

    Posted by HC44 on 2006 01 29 at 11:01 PM • permalink

  65. Paco. Paco.  Paco…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 29 at 11:12 PM • permalink

  66. #67: Richard - I’d type “touche”, except I don’t know how to do those little accent thingies (your film still has me doubled over with laughter, incidentally).

    Posted by paco on 2006 01 29 at 11:19 PM • permalink

  67. And of course, concern for nature…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 29 at 11:21 PM • permalink

  68. The movie “Munich” should have been:

    A new dawn in Palestine

    Posted by Danzo on 2006 01 29 at 11:27 PM • permalink

  69. These cards are marked!

    http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/php?id=630919/

    Posted by paco on 2006 01 29 at 11:49 PM • permalink

  70. Davindra Does Delhi

    Posted by Habib on 2006 01 29 at 11:51 PM • permalink

  71. Dang! These cards are marked! (take two)

    http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=630919/

    Posted by paco on 2006 01 29 at 11:52 PM • permalink

  72. Oops

    Posted by Habib on 2006 01 30 at 12:01 AM • permalink

  73. 61: That’s ok, Sortelli; yours counts as the highly rated sequel.

    Posted by paco on 2006 01 30 at 12:03 AM • permalink

  74. What Not to Wear: the Lost Episode

    Posted by Baby M on 2006 01 30 at 12:55 AM • permalink

  75. Well, here’s my puny effort.

    I need to practise a bit more, I think.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 01 30 at 01:00 AM • permalink

  76. The Swimming Pool II

    Posted by ekw on 2006 01 30 at 01:01 AM • permalink

  77. Well, here’s my take on General Hospital.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 01 30 at 01:23 AM • permalink

  78. Brokeback Mountain 2: Cutting to the chase

    Posted by Danzo on 2006 01 30 at 01:30 AM • permalink

  79. Mister Sortelli…. I will have to peruse your offering on a high-speed line tomorrow.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 30 at 01:37 AM • permalink

  80. Well, I didn’t actually put your name in it, richard, but it is implied that you’re there with wronwright.

    I’ve been out of the loop here so long… do long lunches with expensive wine still make up part of the Tim Blair mythos or is that so 2003?

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 30 at 02:38 AM • permalink

  81. FYI: The films on offer change every day…

    Posted by Simon R on 2006 01 30 at 03:27 AM • permalink

  82. #45 i see you used my investment wisely

    Posted by KK on 2006 01 30 at 04:59 AM • permalink

  83. Classic 1970s music video

    Posted by Baby M on 2006 01 30 at 06:59 AM • permalink

  84. Looking for colonic irrigation in all the wrong places?

    Posted by CB on 2006 01 30 at 08:53 AM • permalink

  85. MM film-Steven Soderburgh and George Clooney set to torpedo the Hollywood scene by releasing “Bubbles” a film and the dvd simultaneously.They are deliberately setting a precedent,calling it an exciting “challenge” for the film industry and all the associated trades and hangers on.Hollywood doesn’t see it that way but as a serious threat to their viability.
    They need the delay in release of films to make the money back on them.Trust the bleeding hearts and lefties to turn on each other without scruples.

    Posted by crash on 2006 01 30 at 09:01 AM • permalink

  86. Talk about your oedipal complexes.

    Posted by CB on 2006 01 30 at 09:02 AM • permalink

  87. ekw 3

    ? The film can’t make it past there with my computer, at least.

    Doesn’t even get that far on mine.  Bah.

    It is hard for a goat and no doubt many two-toed ungulates and other hoofed ruminants to pinch. But I wanted to see what happened to Cindy Sheehan.

    Ooooo you’re just doing this to torture me, whatever “this” is.  If this is some kind of interspecies romance, with pinching and stuff, between CS and one or more goats, I herewith protest on behalf of all goats everywhere that this is an outrage!  And we’re offended!

    James Waterton 4

    Bah,

    He said Bah.

    that’s a cow, you idiot! A goat never laughs that hard.

    Okay, now I’m taking this personally ...

    Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 01 30 at 09:58 AM • permalink

  88. sortelli — These days, it’s “long lunches fighting Tim Blair for the bottle.”  Update your PDA.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 30 at 11:03 AM • permalink

  89. Two guys fighting in a room.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 01 30 at 11:11 AM • permalink

  90. First I stopped by Kos to see how the Kids are taking the cloture vote (not well) and then I came here. Hard to say which thread is more laughs, but either way, life is good.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 01 30 at 09:07 PM • permalink

  91. Does all of India look like a motel in the 70s?

    Posted by Mike G on 2006 01 30 at 09:44 PM • permalink

  92. Kyda—Ain’t that cherce?  They’re like a steer that doesn’t understand what the man with the hammer is there for…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 30 at 09:44 PM • permalink

  93. Scenes from the DailyKOS

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 30 at 09:48 PM • permalink


  94. #95- that goober in the towel sure looks like Sirhan Sirhan.

    Posted by Habib on 2006 01 30 at 10:38 PM • permalink

  95. And now a word from our sponsor . . .

    Posted by Baby M on 2006 01 31 at 12:12 AM • permalink

  96. 96 - If there had been room for the fourth line, it totally would have been YEEEAAAARGH!

    98 - Excellent.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 01 31 at 02:35 AM • permalink

  97. I did some more here.

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 01 31 at 03:06 PM • permalink

  98. After a hard day of filibustering, the senior Senator from Massachusetts unwinds in his office.

    Posted by Baby M on 2006 01 31 at 08:38 PM • permalink

  99. Ok, I just looked at some of these so called movies.  I counted five movies in which one character is named wronwright. And in all five movies, he appears as some blubbering idiot.

    This is slander and won’t be tolerated.  If I hadn’t misplaced the key to the orbital space station, I’d zip up there and activate the laser cannons.  Oh yes I would.

    Posted by wronwright on 2006 01 31 at 11:19 PM • permalink

  100. Or you could, you know, make a movie?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 01 31 at 11:53 PM • permalink

  101. Make that six.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 02 01 at 12:08 AM • permalink

  102. A blast from the past.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2006 02 01 at 12:21 AM • permalink

  103. Major funding for Behind the Scenes With “Barney & Friends” is provided by the Pew Charitable Trusts, the John D. & Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

    Posted by Baby M on 2006 02 01 at 08:06 AM • permalink

  104. Page 1 of 1 pages

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