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OSAMA HEARTS WHITNEY
As if we needed any further evidence of Osama bin Laden’s evil:
The world’s most wanted terrorist is obsessed with Whitney Houston, so much so that he’s even mulled a hit on her hubby, Bobby Brown.
Kola Boof, 37, the Sudanese poet and novelist who claims to have once been bin Laden’s sex slave, writes in her autobiography, “Diary of a Lost Girl,” which is excerpted in the September Harper’s: “He told me Whitney Houston was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.”
Boof - who wrote for the soap opera “The Days of Our Lives” until she was axed last month - continues, “He said that he had a paramount desire for [Houston] and although he claimed music was evil, he spoke of someday spending vast amounts of money to go to America and try to arrange a meeting.”
Given the ongoing aversion to profiling, he’d probably get through. Unless Osama was caught by the sexism police:
“In his briefcase, I would come across photographs of the Star [magazine], as well as copies of Playboy. It would soon come to the point where I was sick of hearing Whitney Houston’s name,” Boof writes.
Most of us reached that point in 1985.
(Note: Is Ms. Boof a totally reliable source? She’s a former Days of Our Lives writer selling a book. Make up your own mind.)
“... he’s even mulled a hit on her hubby, Bobby Brown.”
And, in an Edna Krabople voice, I can hear myself say “No, no, think of the children.”
Posted by David Crawford on 2006 08 21 at 09:35 AM • permalinkMy god, could you imagine Whitney Ululating?
Blood would run from my ears.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 08 21 at 09:58 AM • permalink#3 - Junia
Try Googling images of Whitney Houston and check out what she looks like today. It is truly scary stuff…
Posted by Jack Lacton on 2006 08 21 at 10:05 AM • permalinkWe should launch an airstrike on Whitney Houston right now just on the off-chance that Osama is stalking nearby.
Posted by Shaky Barnes on 2006 08 21 at 10:12 AM • permalinkIs Ms. Boof a totally reliable source?
All right, Iowahawk, it’s time to own up.
Posted by Jim Geones on 2006 08 21 at 10:57 AM • permalinkSomewhat on topic—
The best looking drag queen I ever saw was about twenty years ago in Chicago. I was walking down Clark Street when this fellow stepped out of a neighborhood gay bar to catch a cab.
He was the spitting image of Whitney Houston (could have been twin sisters) although sadly for him, he was about 6 foot 7 inches tall in heels. Still, it would have been cool to see Whitney slam dunk a basketball.
Holy shades of John Hinckley!
And this might explain OBL’s attraction.
Here’s an interview with Rita Cosby in which Boof describes bin Laden as a combination of Ike Turner and Hitler (top that, George Bush).
I enjoyed the next Page Six piece, too:
IT’S not exactly Bob Hope on a USO tour, but gay porn star Michael Lucas says he’s going to Israel with other male performers to entertain gay soldiers at a Tel Aviv club with live sex shows. “During times of war, outlets for sexual energy and expression are bleak,” said Lucas, whose hard-core hits include “Fire Island Cruising” and “Hunt & Plunge.” “I look forward to bringing gay men together, and I will work hard to put on the greatest show for them.”.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 08 21 at 12:44 PM • permalink(Note: Is Ms. Boof a totally reliable source? She’s a former Days of Our Lives writer selling a book. Make up your own mind.)
I asked a friend of mine, said friend being a soap opera fanatic, who offered the advice that Boof would be more reliable if she had written for General Hospital or All My Children.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 08 21 at 03:41 PM • permalinkPW, having seen her photo (thanks, Kyda, but not for much!), I have to wonder if Osama axed Boof.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 08 21 at 03:43 PM • permalinkIsn’t Osama a big English Premier League fan too?
I seem to recall the team Chelsea being named as his favourite.
Figures.
Posted by Quentin George on 2006 08 21 at 05:03 PM • permalink‘Hunt and plunge?’ lol!!
Posted by Islam/cancer-Chuck Norris/answer on 2006 08 21 at 06:50 PM • permalinkThink of the opportunity!
What we need right now is a full battalion of high quality Whitney Houston clones. Each of them surgically implanted with GPS trackers and position-orientation indicators.
Turn them loose in the areas there Ohmoosemama Binge Leaden is suspected of hiding.
Every time one of the position-orientation indicators points to a clone being in a supine position, drop an orbital MOAB on its coordinates!
The world’s most wanted terrorist is obsessed with Whitney Houston…
O God, don’t let them breed. That’s all we’d need, bomb-crack babies with the shakes…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 08 21 at 08:03 PM • permalinkOsama’s ode to Whitney (sung to the tune of The Greatest Love of All)
I believe that jihad is our future
Teach it well and blow them all away
Showing all the beauty of infidel’s insides
Gives me a sense of pride, to make it easier
Let the jihad slaughter, remind us how we used to beI decided long ago, not to eat pork (coz pig is real bad –oh)
If I fail, if I succeed, at least I kill as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take my love of Whit–en-ey
Because the greatest war of all
Is happening finally
I found the greatest war of all
Inside of me
The greatest war of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to kill the West
Is the greatest war of all.And if by chance that special place
That you’ve been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely cave
Find your strength in war#37 if all you have is Osamas head, thats not frightening. Its worth $25 Million…
So I guess that makes Whitney worse…
Posted by The_Wizard_of_WOZ on 2006 08 21 at 11:25 PM • permalinkI’m sorry, but I can’t take seriously anything written by a person called Kola Boof.
Darren Lehmann should sue her/it.
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 08 22 at 01:00 AM • permalinkBorn on the Nile River in Omdurman, Sudan…Naima Bint Harith(Kola Boof) came to the United States after her parents, Egyptian archeologist Harith Bin Farouk and his only wife, Jiddi, (a charcoal Gisi-Waaq of Somalia’s Oromo nomads), were murdered in Kola’s presence for having spoken out against slavery and the oppression of Black Africans under the rule of Sudan’s Arab-Islamic political factions. Kola Boof, who was born on March 3, 1972 at 2:14 in the afternoon, (according to the Government of Sudan birth records), was put up for adoption by her Egyptian grandmother, Najet Kolbookek, because the grandmother felt that Kola’s skin color was too dark for inclusion in her father’s Arabic family. Boof was sent to England to live with an Ethiopian family, but they soon rejected the child as well…because they feared she might be “a witch.” They complained that Naima was just “too smart, too talkative” for a girl child. She was let for adoption again…and placed this time with an African-American family in Washington, D.C.‘s lower class neighborhood, Anacostia Park.
But hey, she looks funny!
OK, anyone who writes scripts for Days of Our Lives deserves everything they get.
Except to be called “it”. And to have your parents murdered by Islamofascist scum.
Bin Laden contacted Boof in 1998 regarding her controversial book and told her: “If I had the time to waste. ..I would come and slit your throat myself.”
...
a sharia court in Khartoum, Sudan had found Kola Boof guilty of treason and blasphemy and had issued a “FATWA” death sentence against her life…ordering that she be beheaded for the books she wrote and for her public condemnation of slavery, misogyny and terrorism in North Africa.Remember though, she looks funny! Might even have a hormone imbalance! So she’s therefore a fit object of scorn and derision, right?
Oops, one of my buttons just got pushed.
OK, OK, time of the month, New Moon, PMT etc.
Pretty darned ironic, given my xy chromosomes and female endocrine system. The hormone therapy helps, but doesn’t stop the cycles. Just have to live with it, as all other women do. I look “a little funny” too, as do many Intersexed people.
It could be worse, better that than having a brain like Michael Moore’s, or John Pilger’s, or Robert Fisk’s.
Meanwhile have a read of this intereview, it might help you understand Kola a bit more. Chip on her shoulder, yes, but Nutcase, no.
Yes, “Boof” is a funny name too. Almost as funny as “Brain”.
Now I’m going to engage in some serious chocolate consumption. For medicinal purposes only, of course.
Say there Zoe, this might be a bad time to ask, but what exactly does “intersexed” mean?. I’m genuinely curious.
Posted by Daniel San on 2006 08 22 at 05:29 AM • permalink#44 Well, I must say I am impressed. Quite an interview indeed.
Are there any other South-Sudanese “luminaries” that can do or have done anything to help their people’s struggle against Khartoum and the Janjiweed?
A little research is in order. Thanks for the link.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 08 22 at 10:04 PM • permalinkDaniel : Re #46,
The best definition is “someone whose body is neither wholly male nor wholly female”.
There’s dozens of different Intersex conditions. Most don’t cause a problem, and those with that condition may never know it. It can come as a horrid shock though when a girl goes into a fertility clinic to find out why she’s late getting her periods, has a karyotype (chromosome test) done, and is told she’s genetically male.
Useful Reading : Intersex Society of North America FAQ. Wikipedia has quite a good article on the subject.
I’m wishing that he does take Shitme (*oops* I meant “Whitney”) - I can just imagine him standing there (picture sitcom atmosphere…) going:
(cue: W.H. in background doing the finger-waving ranting-thing that black women on TV are supposed to do)
“Ai Yi Yi! I slave all day in that cave - I preach violent Jihad - I work my fingers to the bone - and yet, she just doesn’t appreciate me!”
(OBL turns quickly to leave the room whereupon some dust is flung from his robe and slowly drifts to the floor in a slow-motion sequence where WH stops mid-diatribe of her husband and launches herself through the room with used McDonald’s straw stuck in nose ready to siphon dust-like substance from the air….)
(OBL turns and realises how to control this infidel woman and remembering a line from his favourite Eddie Murphy movie (name of which escapes his mind temporarily) where Eddie is dressed like an old Jewish man in a barber shop saying: “Ah Ha!!”)
(Canned laughter to fade….)Posted by Jai Normosone on 2006 08 24 at 11:39 PM • permalink
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I hope you’re not trying to silence her Tim. You know what that does to book sales…