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OPERATION SLASH ‘N’ BURN

Fairfax, publishers of the Sydney Morning Herald and the Melbourne Age, would appreciate your advice:

Fairfax’s new chief operating officer Brian Evans has given his management team until next Thursday to come up with ways to save the publisher $100 million.

Posted by Tim B. on 06/23/2005 at 09:30 PM
  1. Sack some ‘journalists’?

    Posted by kae on 2005 06 23 at 10:36 PM • permalink

  2. “Journalists could be made redundant” -Yippee! Mmm, let’s see, who can we start with? Well, maybe Alan Ramsey, David Marr (on permanent sabbatical anyway), Paul McGeough, Adel Horin; Brian just won’t know where to start.

    Posted by mr magoo on 2005 06 23 at 10:53 PM • permalink

  3. Fire Michael Leunig ... out of a cannon perhaps.

    Then randomly replay his old stuff. No one will be notice. The lefties will continue to applaud and the non-lefties will continue to ignore.

    Posted by lingus4 on 2005 06 23 at 11:12 PM • permalink

  4. I doubt that Leunig actually has a desk at the Age office: if not, give him one, then give him ten minutes to clear it.  Have him frogmarched off the premises by two balaclava’ed heavies.

    OT - Andrew McGahan, today’s winner of the Miles Franklin award (Top oz literary award) did not disappoint his ABC listeners with the following bit of lefty boilerplate:
    I think Australia is on the verge of something very dark socially and politically, and in response to that there has to be, and there always is in times of social oppression if you want to call it that, the arts always flourished under that oppression and react against it in outrage and protest.

    Funny how it’s this same oppressive government that is paying Mr. McGahan to write his novels.

    Posted by cuckoo on 2005 06 23 at 11:17 PM • permalink

  5. 1. Axe webdiary
    2. Give Scissorhands Ramsey a break
    3. Start reporting the news fairly and thereby not scare off advertisers
    4. Just close down The Age and SMH

    Posted by captain on 2005 06 23 at 11:19 PM • permalink

  6. Produce a paper people want to buy rather than writing about what people should think. Oh, and what Mr Magoo said as well.

    Posted by Nic on 2005 06 23 at 11:27 PM • permalink

  7. The primary use I make of newspapers nowadays is to start my fireplace, and to cover the floor of my pet’s cage.

    Perhaps Farifax could command a higher price if they simply sold their papers directly as either of the above products.  Also, they could cut down on production costs by not bothering to actually print anything on the pages.

    Posted by Carl in N.H. on 2005 06 23 at 11:50 PM • permalink

  8. Ditching ‘webdairy’ would save 50k a year straight up. (said in French accent)I know it’s not much but… hey! F&%k You!

    Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 06 23 at 11:51 PM • permalink

  9. The problem is that the people Magoo listed only pretend to be journalists

    Posted by murph on 2005 06 23 at 11:58 PM • permalink

  10. How about closing those two newspapers?
    Wouldn’t that save a substantial sum?

    JPB

    Posted by JPB on 2005 06 24 at 12:13 AM • permalink

  11. 1. Sack moonbat “journalists” as listed above.
    2. Install Page 3 girl, (with option of MORE page 3 girls on pages 5, 7, 9 etc)
    3. Feature stories about V8 supercars and the private lives of either English royals or Big Brother inmates.
    4. Full colour advertisements for massage parlours.
    5. Sack any employee who doesn’t brown bag their lunch.
    6. Conduct competitions with a pig hunting safari in North Queensland as the prize.
    7. Employ a Catholic Archbishop to write a weekly column about horse racing with Saturday tips included.
    8. Page 1 banner daily with the cheapest petrol and beer prices in town.
    9.  32 pages of football stories, (and none of that soccer nonsense, BTW)
    10. Hire Tim Blair as senior editor/ slavemaster.

    Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2005 06 24 at 12:35 AM • permalink

  12. Perhaps they should try making papers people want to read rather then papers they want people to read, then you don’t have to worry about cutting costs.

    The Unfairtacts press seems to be suffering in the circulation stakes more than others and that kinda speaks for itself.

    Posted by Looneyc on 2005 06 24 at 12:42 AM • permalink

  13. How to save a million bucks in 7 days. Wind up the company. Simple, and a definite crowd pleaser.

    Posted by CB on 2005 06 24 at 02:07 AM • permalink

  14. Sell Fairfax to PBL

    Posted by rog2 on 2005 06 24 at 02:11 AM • permalink

  15. Hey Pedro, don’t forget a Pet of The Week (animal,that is); stories on RL footballers’ sex lives, gambling addictions, how they found God, etc; some knitting patterns; and 25 different ways to cook tuna. Now you’ve got a paper worth reading!

    Posted by mr magoo on 2005 06 24 at 02:17 AM • permalink

  16. I sent the editor a letter a while back telling them that by pandering to bitter inner city chardonnay socialists they had made the same mistake that Labor had made in the last election (ie, there aren’t enough of them to get elected and/or support a ‘newspaper’).

    I can’t believe they didn’t take my advice…or publish my letter for that matter.

    Posted by Art Vandelay on 2005 06 24 at 03:41 AM • permalink

  17. Its been said before and will be said again - start writing for the market rather than to impress their lefty mates.

    Its a tough choice, write for a job and keep getting paid, or write the sub hobbyist level crud they have been writing, and have to fund it themselves.

    The agony of choice…

    Posted by Harry Buttle on 2005 06 24 at 03:50 AM • permalink

  18. 2. Install Page 3 girl, (with option of MORE page 3 girls on pages 5, 7, 9 etc)

    Knowing them, they’d make Margo the Page 3 girl. <shudder>

    Posted by Craig Mc on 2005 06 24 at 05:44 AM • permalink

  19. By the way Pedro, I think I’d get Bob Hawke to write the racing tips. It’s one area where he’s expert(and about all the old duffer’s good for) - unlike today’s open letter to Peter Costello in The Australian, which is full of the usual BS about how great the Labor Party was/will be. Quite generous of Murdoch to publish it really - the sort of magnanimity you won’t find in the Fairfax papers.

    Posted by Arnie on 2005 06 24 at 06:09 AM • permalink

  20. Due to the market failure of Australisn customers to buy these wonderderful examples of balanced journalism, should we not extend the principle that funds the ABC etc. to newspapers?

    Posted by Rob Read on 2005 06 24 at 06:40 AM • permalink

  21. Sell your Kyoto carbon emission credits.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2005 06 24 at 07:06 AM • permalink

  22. Sack Ramsey and give the Bunyip a run. Turn around complete. Minimum of disruption, conflict assured( one bunyip=fairfax staff) , sounds like a newspaper to me. Profits to follow. Oh, and get rid of Jaspen.

    Posted by gubbaboy on 2005 06 24 at 07:34 AM • permalink

  23. ‘Brown bag their lunch’ Pedro - shades of Paul Keating.

    Does everyone recall when Keating advised Australians to take their lunch to work (in a brown paper bag, of course) instead of lunching in a restaurant.

    Saw him lunching at Catalina’s soon after. I wonder how many votes that comment cost him.

    Posted by dee on 2005 06 24 at 08:46 AM • permalink

  24. Close The Age, and The SMH. That outta do it.

    Posted by swassociates on 2005 06 24 at 09:50 AM • permalink

  25. A more interesting challenge would be to come up with ways to make $100 million? Aren’t those Fairfax guys capable of thinking outside their blocks the box?

    Posted by Arty on 2005 06 24 at 10:15 AM • permalink

  26. I wouldn’t like to see the Age etal go under because it would be preferable to have aternative media sources, so rather than thinking how to cut $100 million they should think about how to make that much.  For starters - get rid of Leunig.  Too much moral equivalence with head-choppers.  They need to get people with differing views that also have a concept of reality..Oh geez, that would mean getting rid of Andrew Jaspan

    Posted by Melanie on 2005 06 24 at 10:43 AM • permalink

  27. Arty- just read your comment above mine and I made a similar point about ways to make $100 million.

    Posted by Melanie on 2005 06 24 at 10:48 AM • permalink

  28. Due to the market failure of Australisn customers to buy these wonderderful examples of balanced journalism, should we not extend the principle that funds the ABC etc. to newspapers?


    Rob, that is frightening. Please keep those kind of thoughts to yourself. Oh, I forgot, Fairfax people are prohibited from accessing timblair.net aren’t they?

    Posted by Arty on 2005 06 24 at 11:26 AM • permalink

  29. Since the “journalists in Iraq” are basically huddled down in a hotel in Iraq (does that make them any better placed to get the news than Andrew Bolt?), just keep them in Australia.

    Better yet, just fire the whole lot and make up the news.  Would it be any worse than what they’re printing now?

    Posted by wronwright on 2005 06 24 at 02:02 PM • permalink

  30. Dare Zarqawi to “land” a plane on the building?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 06 24 at 07:54 PM • permalink

  31. Join the 21st century and embrace new technology (which necessarily entails getting rid of those fossils who still think in terms of paper, ink, and elitist opinion.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 06 24 at 08:26 PM • permalink

  32. 1 change the name of the paper to The Truth
    2 install Tim Blair as editor
    3 get Mick Molloy to write Heart Balm
    4 make up the rest of the paper too
    no wait… that’s been tried before…

    Posted by KK on 2005 06 25 at 02:10 AM • permalink

  33. Extend “Column 8” by about 50 pages.

    Posted by you bet on 2005 06 25 at 08:28 AM • permalink

  34. Page 1 of 1 pages

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