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OPEN THREAD II

Sports results, crime, inexplicable occurrences

Posted by Tim B. on 04/29/2005 at 01:19 AM
  1. Crime!

    “A NORWEGIAN court has sentenced a woman to nine months in jail for raping a man, the first such conviction in the Scandinavian country that prides itself for its egalitarianism.

    “The 31-year-old man fell asleep on a sofa at a party in January last year and told the court in the western city of Bergen he woke to find the 23-year-old woman was having oral sex with him.

    “The court sentenced the woman on Wednesday to nine months in jail and ordered her to pay 40,000 Norwegian crowns ($6355) in compensation.”

    Posted by Evil Pundit on 2005 04 29 at 02:26 AM • permalink

  2. Gaol is too hard harsh, why not community service…

    Posted by rog2 on 2005 04 29 at 02:30 AM • permalink

  3. Next time I wake up to find a 23 year old woman (or, would you believe, any woman) doing that to me, I promise not to tell!

    Posted by blogstrop on 2005 04 29 at 04:00 AM • permalink

  4. What if she lookes like Margo? Inexplicable experience- I was admitted to a thread at Webdiary- we’re talking through the looking glass, peole.

    Posted by Habib on 2005 04 29 at 04:19 AM • permalink

  5. Evil Pundit, I’ve heard of paying for sex, but being fined for sex, well, I didn’t know the Norwegians were so prudish…..

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 04 29 at 04:23 AM • permalink

  6. I thought it was an interesting story for a number of reasons.

    Link-whoring: I’ve discussed it a bit more on my blog and Mark Bahnisch’s blog.

    Posted by Evil Pundit on 2005 04 29 at 04:58 AM • permalink

  7. The modern European male:  Goes to the cops when a 23-year old woman jumps his bones.  What a sad, pathetic lot they have become.  Amazing, when you think about it.  It was 60 years they faced down Hitler and the Nazis.  And now?  They scream like little girls because some young babe roots them.

    Posted by David Crawford on 2005 04 29 at 05:16 AM • permalink

  8. Sorry, should be:

    “60 years ago they faced down Hitler ...

    Posted by David Crawford on 2005 04 29 at 05:20 AM • permalink

  9. You know, this guy could’ve gotten a two-fer if he’d demanded she bribe him not to call the cops. The fool!

    Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2005 04 29 at 05:44 AM • permalink

  10. i dont think the norwegians did to much facing down of hitler prior to his invasion. they only got interested when they realised the consequences of conquest. just like the belgians dutch etc. oh and the usa to wrt pearl harbour

    Posted by Astonished on 2005 04 29 at 05:54 AM • permalink

  11. Oh, dont! please! stop! you wicked woman..


    Men are lining the streets now, lead me to your wicked woman!

    Posted by rog2 on 2005 04 29 at 06:04 AM • permalink

  12. I was once set upon by a wicked woman.  What is the statute of limitations on this?  Maybe there is some compensation for me.  After all I have been traumatised for years.  Of wait! Maybe it was that blow to the head playing sport?

    Posted by allan on 2005 04 29 at 06:19 AM • permalink

  13. I’ve always found the local Sexaholics Anonymous group to be a great place for picking up girls.

    Posted by nofixedabode on 2005 04 29 at 07:20 AM • permalink

  14. From - News of the Weird

    In December, German inventor Juergen Broether introduced his “telephonic angel” syste (at about $2,000), which is a battery operated, underground loudspeaker that, buried at a gravesite, allows someone to speak into a microphone and have the messages amplified through the dirt to the departed for up to a year on a single battery charge.

    Insane or genius, you be the judge.

    Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2005 04 29 at 08:13 AM • permalink

  15. People like that guy don’t deserve to have sex.  Has Mark Steyn considered that maybe Europeans shouldn’t reproduce?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 04 29 at 10:06 AM • permalink

  16. Astonished — The Norwegians fought when the Germans invaded.  The troops, largely reservists, manning the harbor defenses in the fjords and in one case even aboard an ironclad warship built in the 19th century stood to their guns until overrun.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 04 29 at 10:08 AM • permalink

  17. What’s happened to The Professor ... not to be confused with this Professor ... I do mix them up after too many beers ... does anyone know? ... logged under inexplicable occurrences ...

    Posted by Stevo on 2005 04 29 at 10:18 AM • permalink

  18. hmmm, it could be that when Sven awoke she wasn’t…how to phrase this delicately…using her mouth but maybe forcing him to use his?

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 04 29 at 11:04 AM • permalink

  19. I’m trying to envision a situation, any situation, where I would be passed out on a couch, wake up to find some woman performing oral sex on me, and be so upset as to file rape charges against her.

    Let’s see, hmm.

    Girlfriend?  Hell no, please do it.

    Girfriend looks like Rover?  Heck, I don’t care.  Do it.

    Girlfriend does it while wearing her best church clothes?  The black dress with high heals and sheer panty hose?  That’s fine.

    Girfriend’s best friend?  Nope.  I’m Ok with it.

    Girlfriend does it with her best friend assisting?  Uh, that’s fine, really, more than fine.

    Girlfriend does it with her sorority sisters helping?  Hey, I’m only one guy but I’m still OK with it.  I’m not bringing charges.

    Girlfriend’s mother?  Uh, no, I’d be surprised, but, uh, not opposed to it.

    Girlfriend’s grandmother?  Uh, well, probably not as long as I didn’t have to look.  She might be in her late 40’s anyway.

    Girlfriend’s aunt?  Nope, that’s fine.

    Girlfriend’s 16 year younger sister?  Nope, I’m the victim here.

    Girlfriend’s 35 year old art teacher?  Nope, fine.

    Girlfriend’s 35 year old art teacher who is a nun at a convent who has given her vows of chastity?  Nope, I didn’t give any vows and I didn’t make the moves on her.

    OK, I’m GAY and I have a girlfriend to act as a cover so that I can join the College Republicans but I hate having sex with girls and it wasn’t just that my girlfriend’s grandmother blew me, she looks just like my favorite aunt Betty, the one I like to do flower arrangements with, and she says she intends to violate me over and over again because I bring out the woman in her?  Ok, I’m bringing charges!

    And Achillea, don’t get all scared on me.  This is merely an academic exercise.

    Posted by wronwright on 2005 04 29 at 11:20 AM • permalink

  20. Pussies like that just ruin things for the rest of us.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 04 29 at 12:19 PM • permalink

  21. “From - News of the Weird

    In December, German inventor Juergen Broether…”

    There’s an awesome radio call-in show called Loveline, hosted by Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew, and they have a little game they play called “Germany or Florida.” It’s based on the premise that a disproportionate number of macabre, bizarre, weird stories originate in either Germany or Florida. A caller will tell a story from the news, and the hosts guess whether it’s Germany or Florida.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 04 29 at 12:25 PM • permalink

  22. Was she humming Norwegian Wood during the “attack”?

    Posted by Some0Seppo on 2005 04 29 at 12:38 PM • permalink

  23. And when I awoke
    I was alone
    Some crone on my bone


    Thanks, somoOSeppo!

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 04 29 at 12:52 PM • permalink

  24. I once knew a girl,
    shocking to say,
    she once blew me.

    As I slept alone,
    she smoked it good,
    my morning wood.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 04 29 at 01:05 PM • permalink

  25. She asked me to sit so I cast a glance around her place
    She poured me a shot and I joked that, hell, how ‘bout my face?

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 04 29 at 01:10 PM • permalink

  26. Bingley:

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Y’know, I’m sure these are the kinds of erudite responses Tim expected when he posted open threads.

    I, for one, am proud of all of you.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 04 29 at 01:48 PM • permalink

  27. Morning wood was a good turn!

    I’m amazed it went so many posts before the “Norwegian wood” reference; embarassed, really! Thankfully someO saved us.

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2005 04 29 at 01:55 PM • permalink

  28. Insane or genius, you be the judge.

    Depends ... did anyone buy it?

    And Achillea, don’t get all scared on me.  This is merely an academic exercise.

    Yeah, that’s what they all say.

    Posted by Achillea on 2005 04 29 at 03:45 PM • permalink

  29. Does this count as a “sport result”?
    Matzo-eating contest

    Posted by m on 2005 04 29 at 09:24 PM • permalink

  30. The Norwegian blow-jobber could have looked like this! That’s enough to make me want to press charges.

    Posted by steve68 on 2005 04 30 at 02:34 AM • permalink

  31. She could rightfully with reference to Clinton’s arguments claim that blowjobs are not *sex* and that it therefore was not rape (“My lord, I was just cleaning it”).

    Posted by jorgen on 2005 04 30 at 04:16 AM • permalink

  32. Steve68, if I had that on my happy stick, I would not only press charges, but also sue for therapy, pain and suffering and v14gra.

    Posted by Mr. Blue on 2005 04 30 at 04:46 AM • permalink

  33. Jeez steve68, if I saw that beast tongue-polishing my knob, I would be afraid.  Very, very afraid.

    Posted by David Crawford on 2005 04 30 at 05:28 AM • permalink

  34. Inexplicable occurences:

    The new Burger King ad campaign.

    How do they figure that 6 parts Old Navy, 3 parts John Waters, and 1 part David Lynch is going to get me to eat there? When I see a Burger King now, I just get vaguely creeped out.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2005 04 30 at 08:28 AM • permalink

  35. Well let’s add that to the analysis.  I wake up and I see the Margoyle taking oral advantage of me.  Would I bring charges?  I don’t think so.  I would start locking my door is what I would do.  And maybe get a big dog, something bigger than Yippie.  And a burglar alarm.  And maybe an armed guard.  But I wouldn’t bring charges.

    OK, what would make me bring charges?  Well, the only scenario I could come up with—and yes, I think about these type of things since no one seems to care what plans I might have to give the neocons world domination—is if I was engaged to a beautiful young woman who is the sole heiress of the billion dollar “urinol ice” fortune.  And she walked in while another woman, preferably attractive, was taking advantage of me.  And I woke up and tried to explain that I had no involvement in this.  Absolutely none.  At all. Except for Little Wron being in another woman’s mouth.  Which yes, might be construed as involvement, but it isn’t really.

    And my excuses and pleadings didn’t seem to be working.

    Would I cry rape and scream for the police?  Hell yes I would.

    Posted by wronwright on 2005 04 30 at 11:00 AM • permalink

  36. Dave S — Hey, listen, if there’s a breakfast food out there that can make me uncomfortable with my sexual identity, I think I would want warning… and those commercials did send me straight back to Jack in the Box, so I guess they did their job.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 04 30 at 11:07 AM • permalink

  37. wronwright:

    I would start locking my door is what I would do.  And maybe get a big dog, something bigger than Yippie.  And a burglar alarm.  And maybe an armed guard.

    And, but, first, you’d make Margo leave.

    Posted by m on 2005 04 30 at 09:21 PM • permalink

  38. Good lord yes.  Even if she had dolled herself up at Glamour Shots, I still would insist she’d leave.  Please remove myself from yourself, if you please, I would say.  Then I might throw a dog biscuit out the door, “go get it, Ruffie”.

    I wouldn’t think it would be hard.  She’d probably want to go bay at the moon some.

    (note to Tim Lambert:  this is just parody Tim, an academic exercise, we mean none of it, tell Mr. Hyphen Boy too)

    Posted by wronwright on 2005 04 30 at 10:53 PM • permalink

  39. The again, she could have been .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

    Posted by steve68 on 2005 04 30 at 11:03 PM • permalink

  40. Scrub last post - then again, she could have been this gal.

    Posted by steve68 on 2005 04 30 at 11:06 PM • permalink

  41. What if she was MoDope?

    Posted by guinsPen on 2005 05 01 at 12:41 AM • permalink

  42. “Scrub last post - then again, she could have been this gal.”

    She looks like she’s been garotted.

    Posted by amortiser on 2005 05 01 at 08:32 AM • permalink

  43. Yeah, it does look kinda creepy . . .

    Posted by steve68 on 2005 05 01 at 09:07 AM • permalink

  44. The worst part is that a Google Image search for Ann Kristel Fure will not result in any Norwegian Wood.

    Posted by Some0Seppo on 2005 05 01 at 11:53 AM • permalink

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