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MONSTER DUCK ATTACKS FRANCE
An enormous bath toy invades alien territory:
At least it isn’t eating humans, unlike the giant badgers of Basra:
The Iraqi port city of Basra, already prey to a nasty turf war between rival militia factions, has now been gripped by a scary rumour – giant badgers are stalking the streets by night, eating humans.
The animals were allegedly released into the area by British forces.
Local farmers have caught and killed several of the beasts, but this has done nothing to dispel the rumour.
Even Vermont is subject to beast invasion:
When lawmakers return to the Statehouse today for a one-day meeting they will be greeted by an energy activist in a polar bear costume ...
If aynone needs to worry about beasts, Tim, it’s you. Ray Smuckles is on his way.
Posted by Matt in Denver on 2007 07 11 at 12:23 PM • permalinkO/T Katrina only the 3rd costliest US storm; coastal development, not warming oceans, is biggest threat.
Beachfront homes and resorts on barrier islands (all insured by the government, of course) inflate the economic impact of storms. Who knew? [/sarcasm]
``It seems that we have struck a nerve by challenging the notion that global warming is responsible for everything.’‘
(wronwright holds a clipboard, counting inventory)
... four, five, six. Six? What happened to the 7th Bird of Prey? It was here this morning.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 07 11 at 12:55 PM • permalinkGiant badgers are not a problem—just import giant Dachshunds.
By the locals’ descriptions though, it sounds much more like the Chupacabra, a much more serious problem.
Posted by Harry Bergeron on 2007 07 11 at 12:59 PM • permalinkThey are not badgers. They are polar bears in blackface who have been forced out of the arctic by global warming.
Posted by Mystery Meat on 2007 07 11 at 01:16 PM • permalink#8 Henry, My grandfather used to scare the crap out of us kids with his tales of the chupacabra in East Texas. I just new that any moment, one was going to pounce on and eat me when I was in the woods.
He said that he and his brother shot and killed one when they were boys. Then they ate it. He said it tasted a lot like snipe.I, for one, welcome our new badger overlords.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 07 11 at 02:36 PM • permalinkHave you guys seen the Cloverfield trailer? I think this is our first glimpse of the monster!
Posted by Jim Treacher on 2007 07 11 at 03:05 PM • permalinkWell shit me a tune. This is Karl’s personal flagship. The Klingons were supposed to paint it green with raptor wings and fangs. I know they didn’t want it to look too much like their own ships. But this is ridiculous.
Maybe Karl won’t notice.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 07 11 at 04:00 PM • permalink“And where are the white flags? Are you sure that is France?”
I haven’t seen one story on the mass surrender of the French Army. Obviously, it follows that stories of an invasion of France CANNOT be true.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 11 at 05:05 PM • permalink“The animals were allegedly released into the area by British forces.”
No surprise to those of us who saw “Braveheart”. Those Brits are nasty boys.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 11 at 05:15 PM • permalinkMy theory is is that the duck is a French warship, and if the Germans attack again, the French navy is planning on running for Tahiti disguised as inoffensive bath toys.
Wily strategists those Frenchies.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 11 at 05:23 PM • permalink“Even Vermont is subject to beast invasion:”
Yup. Every time a New York girl crosses the border.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 07 11 at 05:26 PM • permalinkWhite flags are victory. Francis Ponge writes on French housewives doing the laundry :
``The washing machine is so conceived that, having been filled with a heap of ignoble tissue, the inner emotion, the boiling indignation that it feels from this, when channelled to the upper part of its being, falls back down on the heap of ignoble tissue turning its stomach - more or less perpetually - it being a process that should end up with a purification.
``So here we are at the heart of the mystery. The sun is setting on this Monday evening. Oh housewives! And you, near the end of your study, how tired your backs are! But after grinding away all day long like this look at what clean and proper arms you have, your pure hands, worn by the most moving toil!
``Certainly the linen, once it went into the washing machine, had already been cleansed, roughly. The machine did not come into contact with filthiness as such, with snot, for example dried out, filthy, and clinging to the handkerchiefs.
``It is still a fact, however, that the machine experiences an idea or a diffuse feeling of filthiness about the things inside of itself, which, through emotions, boilings, and efforts, it manages to overcome - in separating the tissue : so much so that, when rinsed in a catastrophe of fresh water, these will come to seem extremely white.’‘
``And here, in effect, is the miracle :
``A thousand white flags are suddenly unfurled - attesting not to defeat, but to victory - and are not just, perhaps, the sign of corporal propriety among the inhabitants of the neighborhood.’‘
(excerpts from Derrida, Signsponge
Hah! France may have a giant duck, but Australia has one of these.
Say! You’re on to something there RebeccaH.
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Sing song time.
Rubber Ducky, you’re the one,
You make bathtime lots of fun,
Rubber Ducky, I’m awfully fond of you;Woo woo be doo
Rubber Ducky, joy of joys,
When I squeeze you, you make noise!
Rubber Ducky, you’re my very best friend, it’s true!Doo doo doo doo, doo doo
Every day when I
Make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who’s
Cute and yellow and chubbyRub-a-dub-a-dubby!
Rubber Ducky, you’re so fine
And I’m lucky that you’re mine
Rubber ducky, I’m awfully fond of you.Every day when I
Make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who’s
Cute and yellow and chubbyRubber Ducky, you’re so fine
And I’m lucky that you’re mine
Rubber ducky, I’m awfully fond of -
Rubber ducky, I’d like a whole pond of -
Rubber ducky I’m awfully fond of you!Sorry, I love bubble baths in candle light! I*
Imagine the amount of duck liver pate that this baby is going to produce….
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 07 11 at 08:07 PM • permalinkI remain far more concerned with beavers. In fact it’s all I ever think about.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 11 at 09:25 PM • permalinkSkeptic alert:
How would an Iraqi in Basra know what a badger is?
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 07 11 at 10:14 PM • permalink#58 - Same way a kiddie in Gaza knows what a giant, land stealing mouse is - TV.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 07 11 at 10:18 PM • permalinkI know France is crowded, but I didn’t realise just how small their house actually are.
Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 07 12 at 12:31 AM • permalink
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Right, now at night, me, Lancelot, and Robin will jump out of the duckie and take the castle while they are all unarmed and completely surprised!