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MONKEYS UNFISHED

Some two thousand days after the claims were made, and more than ten years since the alleged events were witnessed, one of the stupidest media hoaxes ever is finally put to rest. Further background here.

Posted by Tim B. on 02/08/2007 at 09:27 AM
  1. Tim, I think it’s time I confessed that the postcard I sent you of a jackalope was fake, too.

    Posted by Mike G on 2007 02 08 at 09:40 AM • permalink

  2. Oh, swell. They had to wait until I went out and spent some significant cash on a Zebco SW888 combo, with heavy-duty reel and 8-foot, 2-piece E-glass rod, before they finally established that the whole thing was a hoax. And what am I supposed to do with all these pineapple wedges? I suppose the next thing they’ll be saying is that global warming is a hoax, too.

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 08 at 09:59 AM • permalink

  3. Hehe. I see further down that Edwards is having trouble rationalizing the Crisco-fascist war on petrolio.

    Posted by aaron_ on 2007 02 08 at 10:10 AM • permalink

  4. Why would you use a two piece rod to fish for monkeys? Just sounds like you are asking for trouble. Squirrel monkeys, maybe.

    Posted by moptop on 2007 02 08 at 10:10 AM • permalink

  5. OT Somebody should tell Fisk that les neiges d’antan have been found. He can stop worrying about global warming.

    Posted by moptop on 2007 02 08 at 10:11 AM • permalink

  6. So the monkey fishing hoax is laid to rest. I would bet the deed to the ranch that it would still be going strong if there was a bash-Bush element to it.

    Posted by ErnieG on 2007 02 08 at 10:13 AM • permalink

  7. #4: It’s more of a challenge, to be sure, but if you set the drag properly, the two-piece rod works fine.

    #6: I would bet the deed to the ranch that it would still be going strong if there was a bash-Bush element to it.

    Prospective headline in NYT: “Lois Key: Florida’s Abu Ghraib”.

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 08 at 10:30 AM • permalink

  8. Aw thats nothin! I once caught a grizzly bear with a turkey feather, 6 inches of kite string and a Herb Alpert CD.

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2007 02 08 at 10:44 AM • permalink

  9. Didn’t the guy you tied then turkeyn feather tp complain about being used as bait?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 02 08 at 10:46 AM • permalink

  10. #9

    I agree.  The violence is way over the top here.  He should have used a Yanni album and the bear would have simply surrenderred.

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 10:59 AM • permalink

  11. surrenderred!  yikes!

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 11:01 AM • permalink

  12. #9 RM

    Remember, mate:


    PERVIEW IS MY FIEND

    geez

    Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 02 08 at 11:03 AM • permalink

  13. #9 No, Herb’s version of Taste of Honey had him stupified.

    #10 Come on yojimbo, that’s just plain silly. Everyone knows Yanni albums are for catching brown bears. And is that pronounced suren-deered or suren-dared?

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2007 02 08 at 11:06 AM • permalink

  14. My bad.

    I should have know it was a T J Brass Alpert.  What was I thinking?

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 11:14 AM • permalink

  15. Aren’t rubber turkeys the usual bait used when monkey fishing?

    Posted by andycanuck on 2007 02 08 at 11:16 AM • permalink

  16. know!  Yikes again!  I’m going back to my stock platform now!

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 11:19 AM • permalink

  17. Oh sure, and I guess when you drag home the monkey or bear, you toss ‘em on the table for the wife to clean.  Tsk!  Typical.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 02 08 at 11:24 AM • permalink

  18. Yanni = Brown bears
    Kenny G = Kodiak bears
    note, do not use Celine Dion albums on bears, it only enrages them

    And BTW, the Martians landing at Grovers Mill is true, there’s a real conspiracy to shut up those who . . .

    Posted by rbj1 on 2007 02 08 at 11:29 AM • permalink

  19. Reminds me of a story told by a South African mate who swears it’s true.

    Seems that the farmers always used to plant a couple of acres of pumpkins to protect their cash crops from the monkeys.  Apparently monkeys just love pumpkin seeds. When the pumpkins were ripe they would cut the stem out of the vegetable leaving about a 2” diameter hole in the top. That night the monkeys would swarm into the pumpkin patch, force their hands into them and grab a handful of seeds. The hole was too small to allow the monkey to remove his clenched fist and those little devils wouldn’t let go of their favourite snack for love nor money. They would hop around the patch with a 2 kilo pumpkin on each hand.

    The “Monkey Whack” would then begin.

    Lots of fun and food for the field hands and protection for the farmer.

    Anybody here ever participated?

    Posted by LaoHuLi on 2007 02 08 at 11:31 AM • permalink

  20. #19 LaoHuLi

    I am 100% certain that one’s a myth: I really do think the monkeys would let go of the pumpkins in an instant once they came under attack.

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 02 08 at 12:18 PM • permalink

  21. 17 My rule is, if you catch it, you clean it.  I’ll cook it, and then we’ll eat it. 

    Except for plastic turkeys.  Hell to get the melted goo out of the baking pan.

    Elizabeth
    Imperial Keeper

    Posted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 02 08 at 12:43 PM • permalink

  22. So, we can expect to wait at least 7 more years to see any admissions re: the Plastic Turkey?

    Posted by Major John on 2007 02 08 at 12:47 PM • permalink

  23. BTW - we used to drive off the HIG and Talib with Spryo Gira recordings…

    Posted by Major John on 2007 02 08 at 12:47 PM • permalink

  24. #19, #20 - I’ve heard several variations on that story involving boxes, gourds, and bottles.

    Posted by Achillea on 2007 02 08 at 12:50 PM • permalink

  25. Lao, that sure sounds like a South African version of a snipe hunt to me.  Seems like the monkeys would be smart enough to let go of the seeds, then using both hands to rip the pumpkin open.

    Posted by David Crawford on 2007 02 08 at 12:55 PM • permalink

  26. #23

    You could’ve used the Slim Whitman version of “Una Paloma Blanca”.  Would’ve worked twice as fast.

    (that song is the “official peace update theme” for the Rush Limbaugh Show.)

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 01:11 PM • permalink

  27. #8: Hilarious, T-Bob! You Texicans are a mighty enterprisin’ lot!

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 08 at 01:19 PM • permalink

  28. Paco!

    I’d like to say that Paco Jr updates are few and far between but that would be an upgrade.  Zero, zip and nada seem to be more on point.

    How is the infantry training coming?

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 02:11 PM • permalink

  29. Slate’s Jack Shafer reported that the story was in fact a hoax:

    This week, . . . Forman telephoned me. Student journalists writing a story about the incident had contacted Forman, and this had prompted him to call me and confess that the story was a complete lie. He never even visited the island.

    In a note to me, Forman apologized for betraying Slate’s trust and for taking so long to come clean.

    This will almost certainly be what claimants of global warming will do after it’s shown that it’s all a bowl of crapola.  Unfortunately by that time manufacturing and any other activity that generates significant tons of carbon would have already been transferred to China and India.

    If it’s any consolation, they will say they really really mean it.  They’re sorry.

    Posted by wronwright on 2007 02 08 at 02:24 PM • permalink

  30. #28: Interesting that you should ask, yojimbo. Private Paco called us last night with some rather startling news. He’s thinking of trying out for Marine Recon, which, for those not in the know (like myself, up until recently), is the Marine Corps’ Special Forces unit. I told him I’d support him in whatever he wanted to do, but that I hoped he knew that his folks were very proud of him for being any kind of Marine at all. It’s a highly selective process, and I don’t know if he can make it, and if he does, he might still decide that he’d rather just be a regular mud Marine, but we’ll see.

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 08 at 02:36 PM • permalink

  31. Global Warming puts an end to Monkey Fishing?

    Posted by aaron_ on 2007 02 08 at 02:57 PM • permalink

  32. Paco

    Thanks for the update.  Marine Recon would be great. I think you had better check because I think(whoa!) that Recon has recently been upgraded to Special Ops not Special Forces(there is a big difference).

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 03:04 PM • permalink

  33. #32: Recon went through some kind of reorganization several years ago. What exactly is the difference between Special Ops and Special Forces, yojimbo? Like any half-ignorant layman, I always assumed they were the same thing. Here’s the position description, incidentally.

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 08 at 03:12 PM • permalink

  34. Paco

    You’re asking the wrong person.  Grimmy would know.  Recon now fall under the SOCOM banner WITH Army Special Forces, Navy and Air Force etc.  Go to specialoperations.military.com for description, training and qualifications for Recon.
    <as always,real men don’t linky>

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 03:25 PM • permalink

  35. #34: thanks, yojimbo; I’ll check it out.

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 08 at 03:45 PM • permalink

  36. #2: Paco—I have always had a weakness for the Mitchell.

    Frank

    Posted by Franklin on 2007 02 08 at 04:09 PM • permalink

  37. Paco

    And the link works(unlike some of my previous ah, endeavors!).

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 04:13 PM • permalink

  38. #34 Grimmy would know?  Oh partuckle. 

    He has yet to return to me my Zulu spear or Norman shield.  In fact, now that I think about it, I haven’t heard a peep from him.  I sure hope he was able to penetrate Andrea’s perimeter defenses.

    Posted by wronwright on 2007 02 08 at 04:15 PM • permalink

  39. #36 Frank: I think that’s better suited for when you want to troll for orangutangs.

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 08 at 04:42 PM • permalink

  40. #38: I sure hope he was able to penetrate Andrea’s perimeter defenses.

    Hey, where is Grimmy these days, anyway?

    Posted by paco on 2007 02 08 at 04:43 PM • permalink

  41. #38

    You’re partuckle could cause a kerfuffle!  Fair warning!

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 04:49 PM • permalink

  42. If you return your gear to the Primate Angling Co-Operative where you bought it,  I’m sure they’ll refund your money as cheerfully and swiftly as any branch of PACO industries.  Until then you can still skeet shoot flying pigs. Love that aerial bacon!

    Posted by kiwinews on 2007 02 08 at 04:49 PM • permalink

  43. #40

    He’s been busy devouring speicaloperations.miltary.com

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 04:52 PM • permalink

  44. You’re!  Sheesh!  That’s the problem with thinking too much about the market when I post here during the day.  Sorry, just ever so sorry!

    Posted by yojimbo on 2007 02 08 at 05:05 PM • permalink

  45. #29 Great point, wronwright. I’m sure they’ll come up with some similar excuse the 10 years from now, or so. (And a point made so noticeable.)

    P.S. I’m glad to see that the PACO that you bought is working so well:
    http://tinyurl.com/2uqwkq

    Posted by andycanuck on 2007 02 08 at 06:02 PM • permalink

  46. We used to go dog fishing when I was a kid- we’d tie a long dog biscuit onto some monofiliment, then cast it into the backyard where our loopy white boxer was lurking; he’d latch onto the tasty bait and take off like you’d squeezed tiger Balm up his bum- a smart dog fisherman would then gradually apply the star drag and bring him to a halt, where he’d fight the line harder than a 30kg spanish mackerel. A single biccy could be played for 15-20 minutes, until it softened enough to come off the line. Season was closed when the old girl found the dog had gained 10 pounds and we were out of biscuits.

    Posted by Habib on 2007 02 08 at 10:23 PM • permalink

  47. #46 used to go trawling for kahawai off the coast of NZ with my grandfather….once in a while a black-backed gull would swoop down and take the lure. These gulls are very large and very strong….only hope of saving them was to wind them in without making them struggle too much. A real art.

    Used to save more than I lost. Gulls that is. My grandad would just cut the line.

    Posted by JonathanH on 2007 02 09 at 01:42 AM • permalink

  48. This news comes as something of a disappointment.  Meat-eating, Gaia-killing, Rethuglikkkan that I am, I kind of liked the thought of screaming monkeys being hooked by their palms and dragged across sharp coral rock through the shallows of Florida Bay.

    Posted by SWLiP on 2007 02 10 at 01:05 AM • permalink

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