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ME FOR A DAY

“To write like Blair, first I must think like Blair.”

Posted by Tim B. on 01/06/2008 at 11:43 AM
  1. Spread that bitterness, Tim!

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2008 01 06 at 12:12 PM • permalink

  2. 2. Add some snide commentary about progressive voices.

    Something is in the progressive voice when the government does it.

    It’s neither exactly active voice nor passive voice ; think of the Bureau of Motor Vehicles.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2008 01 06 at 12:18 PM • permalink

  3. Hey, I’m an

    illiterate angry redneck misfit

    Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 01 06 at 12:19 PM • permalink

  4. As usual, a lefty assumes they possess the higher intelligence, wisdom and humanity.

    Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2008 01 06 at 12:21 PM • permalink

  5. I’m toying with the idea of being a lefty blogger for a day. But to write like a lefty, first I must think like a lefty.

    Oh…wait.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 06 at 12:29 PM • permalink

  6. The dummy left the comments open to people who wanted to imitate Tim Blair commenters. This is my contribution:

    “Nice distraction, Blogfuhrer. Why don’t you and your blogsheep talk about the massacre of 100 billion Iraqi children yesterday by a company of crazed United States Delta Force Marine SEALS firing depleted-uranium MRE’s that I read about on a progressive website today. But no, the Bloghead would rather make cheap and easy points by using actual quotes from progressives and real facts and data. I can’t believe your master Rupert pays you $35,000 a day to run this so-called news service.”

    - Miranda Divide

    Posted by Dave S. on 2008 01 06 at 12:29 PM • permalink

  7. #6: Well done, Dave! Better than the original!

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 06 at 12:32 PM • permalink

  8. Dear Broken Left Leg Blog,

    Would you like your (excuse the reference) right leg broken, as well?

    Posted by El Cid on 2008 01 06 at 12:33 PM • permalink

  9. #4 Wimpy Canadian

    That bit of self-delusion is something they share with the fascist far right, and in both cases, the “humanity” bit is only applied toward certain preferred groups.

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 01 06 at 12:34 PM • permalink

  10. #5 paco,

    Ordinary logical thought processes interfere with that exercize, don’t they?

    =^0

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 01 06 at 12:37 PM • permalink

  11. To think like Blair, Grasshopper, you must first possess intelligence.

    Posted by Latino on 2008 01 06 at 12:37 PM • permalink

  12. #10: They sure do, Spiny. I may have to make some mental adjustments, first. Some bad pot brownies, washed down with a rum-ecstasy-methamphetamine cocktail ought to do it.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 06 at 12:44 PM • permalink

  13. I guess this British bishop is just a crazy Blairite, too.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 06 at 12:54 PM • permalink

  14. Good job Dave, I thought about doing some HaliburtNaziMitlitaryIndustrialcomplex stuff but I think you covered it better than I could.

    Posted by greene on 2008 01 06 at 01:03 PM • permalink

  15. #13 paco

    Bishop Nazir-Ali has MPACUK seething, so he must be.

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2008 01 06 at 01:03 PM • permalink

  16. BrokenLeftLeg’s privileged and oppressive attitude towards the working class (“bogans”, in his words) is noted. He’ll be the first up against the wall come the revolution.

    Posted by Ernst Blofeld on 2008 01 06 at 01:04 PM • permalink

  17. I dunno.  Reading the guy’s post was like sitting through a tribute band show; it also reminded me of why I usually don’t bother with tribute bands.

    Posted by Apostic on 2008 01 06 at 01:07 PM • permalink

  18. And just “Broken Left Leg” ain’t disappointed with the denizens of Blairistan…...

    Hey, Busted Left (brain) Lobe has been “fighting mindless conservatism since 1971”. 

    Apparently he’s a member of the follow on generation of hippies, else he would have claimed 1968 as his start. 

    PS: BUAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  Nice job with those comments, Dave!  Keep up the good work, please.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 01 06 at 01:17 PM • permalink

  19. Another disappointed non-Blairblog member gnashing his teeth in the outer darkness. Too bad for him.

    Posted by Dr Alice on 2008 01 06 at 01:20 PM • permalink

  20. BLLB needed some editing, so I obliged:

    1. In the morning you just scan left wing web sites and then link some “interesting” articles (and lunatic rantings) that support your narrow view of the world.

    2. Add some snide commentary about conservative/libertarian voices.

    3. Let the nutroots go nuts on the site.

    4. Pick up the paycheque paycheck (sorry, but I can’t pronounce that other thing) and then spend it at the nearest Starbucks with all the other jobless progressive wankers. Hopefully professional students.

    5. Go to bed at night knowing you make some good cash spreading bitterness (and selling doobies to your roommate’s friends).

    But to write like Kos, first I must think like Kos.

    *Close eyes* and say “I’m an insecure, immature mommy’s boy who doesn’t make my own living, but passes the time by writing a blog for my very small circle of angry delusional misfit ‘friends’.”

    There.  All fixed fisked.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 01 06 at 02:28 PM • permalink

  21. #20. ”...passes the time by writing a blog for my very small circle of angry delusional misfit ‘friends’.”

    Ha, I thought, wonder how small that circle really is.

    Hit BLLB link; scroll down Sidebar; find ‘View my stats’; hit link; ‘public stats disabled’. Coward.

    Posted by JAFA on 2008 01 06 at 02:47 PM • permalink

  22. #21
    A little late for Christmas, but maybe we could all pitch in and buy him this perfect gift.

    Posted by Neeniebug on 2008 01 06 at 02:59 PM • permalink

  23. Sinatra: “You’re nobody ‘til somebody mocks you.”

    Rittenhouse: “He who mocks you remains a nobody.”

    Enjoy the traffic, Leg. Things’ll be back to normal soon.

    Posted by Rittenhouse on 2008 01 06 at 03:50 PM • permalink

  24. I’ll bet you’re envious Tim.
    Not even you can write as good as you.
    Not only is the Lefty knuckledragger channeling you, he can actually get it down like you.

    And something else. I just didn’t know that Iguanas were freezing off the trees in Florida.

    Amazing fact. Well done dribbling moonbat!

    Posted by Bonmot on 2008 01 06 at 05:15 PM • permalink

  25. How satisfying, Tim, to become an international Hate Object of the inarticulate left who are incapable of retaliation.
    That’s real power.

    Posted by Barrie on 2008 01 06 at 05:17 PM • permalink

  26. What’s amazing is he apparently does it without drugs.

    I personally find it hard to believe.

    Posted by aaron_ on 2008 01 06 at 06:09 PM • permalink

  27. We should all be Tim for at least a day.

    He could be a tourist attraction of sorts.

    Posted by Thomas on 2008 01 06 at 06:25 PM • permalink

  28. ...It’s also snowing in the California Rockies…

    No, it isn’t.

    There’s no such place, for starters.

    (Just because some Californians have moved to Colorado doesn’t make it part of California. No matter how much the Franchise Tax Board wishes it did.)

    Posted by steveH on 2008 01 06 at 06:32 PM • permalink

  29. The guy lives in Victoria, Afghanistan.  And he’s worried about the direction the country is taking and has great hope that Rudd will do better.

    First, I was unaware that there was a Victoria in Afghanistan.  Out of all the cities, towns and tribal areas named in the coverage of the war, I never heard that particular place named.  I also didn’t know that when your countrymen voted for Rudd, they were voting for the leader of that poor country.

    I was going to leave a really brilliant rejoiner, but I didn’t want to add to his count.

    Posted by saltydog on 2008 01 06 at 06:43 PM • permalink

  30. To write like Blair, first I must think

    The lefty got it almost right…

    Posted by anthony_r on 2008 01 06 at 06:47 PM • permalink

  31. Um, Tim? I’ve heard a rumor that iguanas are freezing themselves off trees in Florida? Oh, wait.

    Um, Andrea? I’ve heard a rumor that iguanas are freezing themselves off trees in Florida?

    I can’t find a link.

    Posted by m on 2008 01 06 at 06:50 PM • permalink

  32. Broken Left Leg Blog?

    That explains why you’re going in circles.

    (I left this there for BLL)

    Posted by kae on 2008 01 06 at 07:03 PM • permalink

  33. #12
    But wouldn’t 10 years or more of continuous smoking of whoopee weed do it, too?

    Posted by kae on 2008 01 06 at 07:05 PM • permalink

  34. Hopefully 1.618 is about to knock on broken legs door and correct him on a few things.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 06 at 07:29 PM • permalink

  35. #8 Gotta be the right one El Cid, because the middle one is missing.

    Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 06 at 07:32 PM • permalink

  36. Whoever the guy imitating 1.6 is, he deserves a severe ass kicking.

    Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 06 at 08:12 PM • permalink

  37. oh that was funny though Ash_.  ps wasn’t me!

    Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

    Posted by peter m on 2008 01 06 at 08:26 PM • permalink

  38. #26,  What’s amazing is he apparently does it without drugs.

    I personally find it hard to believe.

    Yes, aaron, BLLB talks about somebody who broke his leg while on drugs and was unaware of it.  BLLB named his blog Broken Left Leg Blog. 

    Coincidence?  Uh huh.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 01 06 at 08:29 PM • permalink

  39. It worked! A virtually readerless blog managed to get attention for a few miserable seconds!

    Tomorrow, back to listening to the crickets.

    Posted by John A on 2008 01 06 at 09:54 PM • permalink

  40. Typical joiner, oh Crikey hit the nail on the head! So I’ll post a image from their site and act how clever it is while not giving reason to why I agree with the image.

    Posted by Old school on 2008 01 06 at 10:46 PM • permalink

  41. Doesn’t look like anybody tried to “be” Habib. Of course, who but Habib could possibly do Habib?

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 06 at 11:24 PM • permalink

  42. Why is it that, some lefty bloggers lack rudimentary literacy and research skills? More so, why do they have to add little pictures and ‘effects’ to their musings? Is this a ‘keyboard/papermache heads’ type of thing with these people? Or are the ‘keyboard pics’ a new progressives style for future literary communication? Sort of like electronic cave drawings . . .perhaps?

    Posted by BJM on 2008 01 06 at 11:24 PM • permalink

  43. #41 Same as why no one attempts to be your good self, Paco, it just cannot be done.

    Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 06 at 11:30 PM • permalink

  44. #43: Why, thank you, Ash; however, sometimes I get tired of being me, and it would be nice to have a stunt-man fill in from time to time.

    Meanwhile, more tragic news on the global warming front.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 06 at 11:41 PM • permalink

  45. To those Blairites (oh, yuck, that term seems tainted, now) that posted comments at ShortLeftLegBlog: you should be ashamed….does the phrase “shooting fish in a barrel” ring a bell?

    Posted by rinardman on 2008 01 06 at 11:53 PM • permalink

  46. #44 Paco, how could we *sob* let that happen to *sob* Spongebob. Don’t *sob* people *sob* care?


    /cartoon addicted moonbat

    Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 06 at 11:58 PM • permalink

  47. Well, I tried to be like me…but I fear the subliminal message within the parody was lost on this poor, tragic soul.

    Still, one must try, mustn’t one?

    Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 01 07 at 12:31 AM • permalink

  48. rinardman

    you should be ashamed….does the phrase “shooting fish in a barrel” ring a bell?

    Damn, you mean I must by a pole now?

    Posted by El Cid on 2008 01 07 at 12:53 AM • permalink

  49. #45

    shooting fish in a barrel… ?

    DYNAMITING fish in a barrel!

    Posted by kae on 2008 01 07 at 12:58 AM • permalink

  50. Thats funny as

    Posted by Killaette on 2008 01 07 at 01:16 AM • permalink

  51. #48, Yes, yes it does.

    It is customary to employ the services—at a modest stipend to be negotiated over beer, (normally a pilsener, lager or porter)—of any indiviual of Polish descent when engaging of activity of this sort.

    I am surprised you, of all people, were unaware of this time-honoured practice!

    Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 01 07 at 02:01 AM • permalink

  52. Floss…you just made me spit my pilsener, damn you….LOL.

    Posted by El Cid on 2008 01 07 at 02:10 AM • permalink

  53. And now BLL complains about the Blair-alance - gee some people lefties are never satisfied are they?

    —Nora

    Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2008 01 07 at 02:21 AM • permalink

  54. Poor bastard. The best day of his pitiful life is almost over. Tomorrow he must be himself again.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 01 07 at 02:29 AM • permalink

  55. Since he’s a fake Tim Blair, I only gave him a fake cocktail recipe. The good stuff I’ll post here:

    Fruit Tingle
    15mL blue curacao
    30mL vodka
    15mL raspberry syrup (or cherry brandy)
    soda (or lemonade)
    build over ice, top with soda/lemonade

    —Nora

    Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2008 01 07 at 02:30 AM • permalink

  56. #36, i thought that was I.6 having a LOT of fun! I alsmost started hallucinating from that screed! i should have known she wouldn’t be that textually inconsiderate!

    I’m “illiterate”, because a BLL told me so?
    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

    Posted by carpefraise on 2008 01 07 at 03:05 AM • permalink

  57. For those looking for the story about the frozen lizards falling from trees in Florida, here it is. I haven’t seen this myself, but I’ve been indoors most of the week—and this mostly happened in South Florida (I live in Central Florida—there is a difference; for one thing, we have at least one freeze a year, but south of Lake Okeechobee such things are rare events). Anyway, the lizards are not exactly frozen, just sort of stunned by the unusual cold.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2008 01 07 at 03:12 AM • permalink

  58. #36
    Have a pity for the sock-puppet.
    It must be difficult knowing even your mother thinks you’re a front bottom.

    Posted by lotocoti on 2008 01 07 at 03:25 AM • permalink

  59. It started out OK but then it got kind of boring.

    Posted by wreckage on 2008 01 07 at 05:17 AM • permalink

  60. How can anyone think like Blair when he is actually a computer generated composite of conservative satirists constructed by the the Dark Lord Rove?

    Posted by Penguin on 2008 01 07 at 05:25 AM • permalink

  61. Well as much as Id like to parody leftists its bloody hard to beat their own crap such as this.

    The Muslim world, a large sector of poor humanity is already on the march against imperialism, its imposed oil wars, military occupations and economic domination and environmental and wealth pillaging. Many of these Muslim peoples believe that a democratic Allah himself is on the march too.

    That would be democratic in the same way its DRPC and stuff wouldnt it.

    Crap like this
    “..Only a minority can ever get rich under capitalism because the system itself is based on taking wealth not giving..”

    How can anyone parody this?

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 01 07 at 05:29 AM • permalink

  62. #61 more to the point why would anyone bother?

    Posted by Killaette on 2008 01 07 at 05:53 AM • permalink

  63. # 61 Parody. So my brother with a freakish genetic predisposition to shaping wood finally gives in the farm because of his bad back. Doesn’t own much but with his horticultural degree and a wife who knows how to save they have kept their noses above water. Now he has to do the wood thing to make a buck and well he does it. Very well in fact, so much so that he struggles to fill orders such is the demand. But with local opposition keeping the prices ‘honest’ he says my work is better than the others and ups the ante. More work follows and so on. The web page order form is blocked out for 18 months. Now business students could suggest a multitude of ways that he could grow the business and become even more wealthy, but he is happy doing what he is doing now.

    Why’s this a parody on free enterprise?

    If my dope smoking, labor voting brother with his greener than green wife can elicit such success without a government moron getting in the way at any level, then we all deserve such freedom to make a buck.

    Posted by mehaul on 2008 01 07 at 06:01 AM • permalink

  64. “To write like Blair, first I must think like Blair.”

    There. That makes more sense.

    Posted by Hanyu on 2008 01 07 at 06:10 AM • permalink

  65. The lefties MUST have invisible, intelligent blogs! How can we be sure? Because we can’t see them! Therefore they must exist!)
    Meanwhile, back in the real world:
    The SMH (Saturday) managed to dish out lots of misguided theses. Marr went on, and on, and on, and on about Fred Nile, who is really bad for being an elected Christian. Fred’s other disqualification, Marr argued, was the small size of his, er ... mandate?
    Perhaps Marr could explain how Bob Brown gets so much adoring and uncritical National coverage from the media when Brown is in the Senate from Tasmania! Never seen anyone criticise him for having stuff-all in the way of votes.
    In the Business Section Michael Evans went on, and on, and on, and on with the Mr Creosote comparison - his theory being that our economy was full to bursting. Having lived through the media’s scary Asian Economic Meltdown and the Millenium Bug-Monster, I am cautious when confronted with “imminent disaster” news stories. There may be a downturn coming - today’s stockmarket certainly panicked. It’s what they do. Downturns come around periodically. The Mr. Creosote analogy wears thin pretty fast – Evans couldn’t let it go, though. He must have been so proud of it.

    Posted by blogstrop on 2008 01 07 at 06:14 AM • permalink

  66. 56. Was funny, but I don’t think 1.6 would swear like that even for a laugh.

    Posted by aaron_ on 2008 01 07 at 06:20 AM • permalink

  67. ...smartarse lefty trolls


    Is that an oxymoron?

    Posted by Irobot on 2008 01 07 at 06:40 AM • permalink

  68. It’s not my best but still, I hope someone over there tries to imitate my illiterate redneckery. You know, just to show how it’s done…

    Appeal to BLL Blog Readers:
    Before You Hurt Yourselves,
    Please Stop the Madness!

    You Broken Left Leggers all share
    A passion to mimic Tim Blair;
    But though you may sprain
    Each Broken Left brain,
    You don’t seem to get anywhere.

    Your pitiful rate of success
    Is probably due, more or less,
    To lack of IQ,
    So if I were you,
    I’d save myself further distress.

    Posted by lyle on 2008 01 07 at 08:00 AM • permalink

  69. #68 - Lyle, you should hit the refesh button.

    Posted by mr creosote on 2008 01 07 at 08:14 AM • permalink

  70. Over at BLL I mean.  Some suckhole has been writing terrible limericks.

    Posted by mr creosote on 2008 01 07 at 08:14 AM • permalink

  71. Lyle,

    we are truly blessed to have you with us.

    I knew you’d see my comment at the broken leg as a mere coincidence of timing being straight after yours.

    Posted by Pogria on 2008 01 07 at 08:15 AM • permalink

  72. Pogria,

    I laughed when I saw that the lefty had to look up ‘turgid’ after he used it. Whatever a critic might say of my writing, that’s an adjective that doesn’t apply.

    Posted by lyle on 2008 01 07 at 08:29 AM • permalink

  73. It would seem from the comments over at BLL that they spend a great deal more time reading us than we spend reading them.
    I wonder what it is about us that they find so attractive.

    Posted by Skeeter on 2008 01 07 at 08:34 AM • permalink

  74. #72 Lyle,

    I knew you’d see it the right way. I had better words in mind but, thought it better to stick with no more than two syllables. Didn’t want to show off! ;)

    Posted by Pogria on 2008 01 07 at 08:40 AM • permalink

  75. #73 Skeeter,

    our looks of course!

    Tim will be publishing a calendar of Blair’s Bodacious Babes next year!!

    Posted by Pogria on 2008 01 07 at 08:41 AM • permalink

  76. #74 Pogria,

    You set the bar too high. Next time, try one syllable.

    Posted by lyle on 2008 01 07 at 08:49 AM • permalink

  77. Anyway, the lizards are not exactly frozen, just sort of stunned by the unusual cold.

    Much as Cincinnatians are falling over today, stunned by today’s weather. The prediction is we’ll hit 70F. Last Thursday night, it was 12F.

    Posted by Rob Crawford on 2008 01 07 at 09:23 AM • permalink

  78. Rob, your comment touched me deeply.

    Please Contribute Generously to
    Save the Stiff Lizard Foundation

    Please donate to our little fund
    For lizards, unfrozen yet stunned.
    We’ll fly to Key West
    And each try our best
    To bring a reptile to be sunned.

    Posted by lyle on 2008 01 07 at 10:06 AM • permalink

  79. I wonder what it is about us that they find so attractive

    Methinks that it’s like a moth to flames, Skeeter.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 01 07 at 10:16 AM • permalink

  80. Save the Stiff Lizard Foundation
    Pledges to Rescue Snakes, Too!

    And who doesn’t love a good snake?
    For one thousand dollars, we’ll take
    A serpent somewhere
    They have warmer air;
    And let it squirm free by mistake.

    Posted by lyle on 2008 01 07 at 11:02 AM • permalink

  81. Greens-keeper at the Sydney CC?

    Posted by mojo on 2008 01 07 at 01:35 PM • permalink

  82. #41:  I believe, good Paco, that if anyone tried to imitate Habib, Habib would find them. 

    And hurt them. 

    Which would be quite entertaining, wouldn’t it? 

    Elizabeth
    Imperial Keeper

    Posted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2008 01 07 at 01:45 PM • permalink

  83. Please Contribute Generously to
    Save the Stiff Lizard Foundation

    [JULIA CHILDS VOICE] Save the lizard! [/JULIA CHILDS VOICE]

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2008 01 07 at 03:40 PM • permalink

  84. #82: Oh, yes, Elizabeth. It would, indeed.

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 07 at 03:41 PM • permalink

  85. Well I thought the send-up of MentalFloss was very clever.

    Now I realise why.

    Posted by Henry boy on 2008 01 07 at 05:14 PM • permalink

  86. #66 aaron,

    1.6 doesn’t need to swear to get laughs.

    Posted by mythusmage on 2008 01 08 at 10:50 PM • permalink

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