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MANHATTANITE SURVIVES MELBOURNE
Roger Franklin, an Australian long-based in New York, returns to his home town—and encounters boorish and violent idiots. At least he didn’t get beaten up; the Werribee rail line can be lively.
A truly terrifying tale of a expat milquetoast in Melbourne. We should all hang our heads in shame. But a milquetoast? Is that a bread and butter pudding, a lacteal crouton or is the man just a pseud?
Posted by Whale Spinor on 2006 05 19 at 09:56 AM • permalinkBarbarians within, barbarians without. “Things fall apart, The center cannot hold”, quoth Yeats. Well, they do, and it can’t, unless people truly care and take action, a la Giuliani in New York, and Bush and Howard in the ME. I think Fukiyama’s “The End of History” will ultimately turn out to be one of the biggest intellectual “bloopers” of all time.
Why is Melbourne different to the rest of the world? It aint. No different to the greater New York that he appears he doesn’t visit, or other metropolises of the world. If his experiences happened, they are no different to those that I have encountered elsewhere in the world. I’ve travelled a bit. Hmmm ...
I’ve found that in America the lowlifes are concentrated it some parts of the cities, where nobody in their right mind goes. In Australia ther’re spread around so you’re much more likely to encounter a few. My solution is concealed carry. Works in the States. That, and a police force that does more than just write trafic tickets. Quite frankly I’ve never encountered a judicial system that does less to discourage crime than Australia. It’s a discrace.
Don’t get me started on Melbourne, I hate the town. And for the five hundred indignant posts to follow defending it’s charm, save it. I’m allowed to hate the goddamn city. Go have a cry if you don’t like it. I know it well enough, and it’s degenerate subculture of public transport pests, ranting schizophrenic out-patients, drunks and creeps. I moved to Sydney and I’m glad.
The beatings by street gangs are a new one though.
I’m just wondering what the word “long-based” means?
“Based for a long time”. It’s a common English construction. Analogous to “well-respected”.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 05 19 at 01:03 PM • permalink“Long-Faced”? Paco, dem’s fightin’ woids! I think.
Posted by Monroe Doctrine on 2006 05 19 at 01:45 PM • permalinkWhy is Melbourne different to the rest of the world? It aint.
The difference is in scale. New York in 1978 is a WHOLE lot different than the New York in 2006, which is apparently different than 2006 Melbourne.
Having grown up in Detroit (where the weak are killed and eaten), each time I visited a large city, I always assumed that it was just as dangerous as Detroit. That was a wrong assumption in my case, since every large American city I’ve visited (besides Newark, NJ), has been a lot nicer than I’d thought.
Sure, they all have their crime problems, but what are the rates? What are the law enforcement rules and response times? What priorities do the local politicians place on safety and crime?
These factors most CERTAINLY make a difference…
TV (Harry)
Posted by Inspector Callahan on 2006 05 19 at 01:45 PM • permalinkan Australian long-based in New York…
Per the article - 25 years in New York. I’d say that was long-based…
TV (Harry)
Posted by Inspector Callahan on 2006 05 19 at 01:47 PM • permalinkAmericans know - and are too delicate to say (and I won’t be specific) - that the crime rate in the US is far, far lower than the numbers indicate if you don’t live in certain key places and aren’t a certain type.
I’m as safe, if not safer, here in the Vermont-NH-Maine area than I would be in most places in Europe.
“Don’t get me started on Melbourne, I hate the town. And for the five hundred indignant posts to follow defending it’s charm, save it. I’m allowed to hate the goddamn city. Go have a cry if you don’t like it. I know it well enough, and it’s degenerate subculture of public transport pests, ranting schizophrenic out-patients, drunks and creeps. I moved to Sydney and I’m glad. “
That sounds like going from the fryingpan into the fire if you ask me. Adelaide may be boring but it’s okay to be bored; less bleeding, anyway.
Guy needs to spend some time in the South Bronx, Flatbush or East New York then see if he thinks New York is safer.
Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2006 05 19 at 02:50 PM • permalink#15: Now, now, Monroe, don’t get your NY Yankees jersey (or is it Mets jersey?) in a knot. All I’m saying is that anybody who spends that much time away from home might wind up kinda homesick no matter how nice his adopted city is. And who would deny that NYC is a great town? Why, the best $25.00 hamburger I ever had was in New York. Of course, I don’t reckon ya’ll got much in the Bar-B-Que department (Western Carolina style, that is), but I suppose being the cultural and literary capital of the U.S. is partial compensation for that.
#20 Like Dave S said, it’s all where you live. Manhattan isn’t the Bronx. America is a land of extremes. Kind of a flat bell curve. Australia is (how should I put this) more in the middle. I can say that my house in Perth, in a very nice part of town, has been broken into twice. My house in Conifer Colorado, which I lived in much longer, never had a problem and I seldom even bothered to lock it and always left the keys in the ignitions of both cars. No Australian would think of doing the same. Of course in America, get caught breaking into a house or stealing a car and you goto jail. In Australia it’s an after school activity.
Paco,
Harrumph! Mets jersey, please. The Yankees are for tourists. So are the $25 hamburgers.
Anyway, if you want to REALLY overspend for a burger, this joint has been serving a 20 oz. Kobe burger for a couple of years. A mere pittance at $42.
Posted by Monroe Doctrine on 2006 05 19 at 03:44 PM • permalinkHmmmm.
Of course, I don’t reckon ya’ll got much in the Bar-B-Que department (Western Carolina style, that is), but I suppose being the cultural and literary capital of the U.S. is partial compensation for that.
Are you kidding? Sure we do.
And with the serving of fresh cole slaw on top of the pulled pork just like how they serve it in Raleigh-Durham.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 19 at 04:47 PM • permalinkAs a long term Melburnian expat (30 years in Montreal) and one who returns frequently (last in April this year for a week), I still find Melbourne to be one of the best cities in the world.
No, I don’t go to Altona, but I never did when I was growing up either. On the other hand, when I was a kid, we were warned never to go into Collingwood or Fitzroy, now my kids live there and they are safe and delightful places.
BTW, what is a laphis face?
31 paco:
Incidentally, Thomas Jefferson said that, “Pulled pork is the highest form of BBQ”.
No he didnt!
I think you are referencing a quote by a guy named Herfred Jefferson that said “burning pigs is the highest form of patriotic dissent”I do seem to recall once seeing a hand written note in a cook book once owned by Thomas Jefferson that said “pre-boiling pork is the highest insult to BBQ”.
In an attempt to be kinda on topic to the original post:
In decent cultures, these things tend to be rather cyclical in nature, like a pendulum effect.
Laws and law enforcement is usually best kept at a lowest necessary level. Scum will grow in amongst the cracks and fractures and will begin to exploit wherever it feels it’s found weakness…that’s what scum does.
The decent folk will tollerate it for as long as they are able, that’s what decent folk do.
Then, once it becomes intolerable, corrective action will be taken and the scum will get culled and shoved back down. Things will be more comfortable for the decent folk again and laws and law enforcement will relax again and the process will start all over again.
Amos, as someone who loves Melbourne, you can relax. I feel the same way about Sydney as you do about Melbourne.
That said, I’m surprised they printed that article. Having lived in various parts of Melbourne for nearly all of my 22 years, the place is nowhere near as safe as it used to be. I won’t take public transport in the day if I can help it, let alone at night. Particularly from the outer suburbs.
Hell, when I was living in the inner suburbs and didn’t have a car, my parents would drive me home after a weekend visit because they didn’t want me catching the train on a sunday evening. That’s going back ten years.
We have dealers operating in the strip mall around the corner (behind the toilet block next to the daycare centre) that nobody bats an eyelid at.
Needless to say I don’t shop there much.
Melbourne in 2006 is a dim, dim, shadow of its former delight and glory. If it weren’t for family, I’d have moved to the US long ago.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 05 19 at 06:41 PM • permalinkFact is, every few years, the Age does a piece in which one of their flacks, probably as punishment for pissing in the Editor’s pot plant, is actually sent out to ride the rails of Melbourne public transport, and files a piece saying, in essence, “the horror, the horror…exterminate the brutes”. On the other hand, Johnathan Green filed a piece only a few days ago, reporting just how fine’n'dandy travel on Melbourne trains is. I have some sympathy for Amos, and generally avoid off-peak train travel if I can. All those welfare single mothers and de-institutionalised mentally ill have to go somewhere, y’know.
It’s very hard to compare experiences in your home town with adopted ones. You tend to go places in your home town you might not stray into overseas.
I’m not sure what the comparable suburbs are in melbourne but when i lived in sydney the areas around the blacktown and campbelltown malls were notorious for obnoxious and frequently violent kids and gangs. These were probably talked up but there was undoubtedly some problems.
I only strayed into those areas occasionally and usually because of some business within my circle of friends. Can’t imagine an expat American or European ever feeling the need to go to those places.
I have a general rule of thumb. Don’t ride quiet trains and don’t hang around in places where there are few people.
Roger Franklin is the classic liberal who got mugged. I remember his articles from NY being typical Age stuff - generally left-liberal. The he found out the previous tenant in his apartment was a Sudanese UN diplomat who was busted for supporting a terrorist cell. So the fog cleared and he started to see the world as it really it, not what he wanted it to be.
Welcome back Roger.
Posted by Oafish and Infantile on 2006 05 19 at 07:43 PM • permalinkI saw the threat of physical violence twice on Melbourne trains, by pathetic human beings that probably would have shriveled into balls if confronted, nobody did. It was a lesson to me, confront them.
I was harassed by a non-violent but unbelievably irritating mutant’s gallery of fuck-ups, drunks and degenerate weirdoes on a regular basis. That was a lesson to me too, don’t make eye contact in Melbourne on public transport, you’ll get a ‘new friend’ who will sit next to you, leaning in, all the way down St. Kilda road telling you how he needs some money because his colostomy bag is filling up with blood. At at least one point he’ll tell you he needs the money for the tram before remembering he’s already on the tram, which is where he’s talking to you.
Then you’ll say ‘this is my stop’, get off and have to walk thirteen blocks, but you need the exercise anyway, fatty.
Felt bad for Mr. Franklin, but his experience in Melbourne is hardly unique to that city in Australia. Barbarians are abroad in the world. We can try to single out a cause, but there is no single cause. It’s something we, the civilized, must live with until we find a way to educate barbarians to the ways of civilization. Capitulation is not an option.
big cities everywhere have problems like this, & always have had. the romans complained about footpads & insolent gangs of yoof. it hasn’t been smart to walk some london streets at night for some centuries. he’s right about needing more police stopping crime rather than raising revenue from traffic fines. & courts that don’t return determinedly recidivist offenders to the streets. giuliani did good, & there should be more like him
I can say that my house in Perth, in a very nice part of town, has been broken into twice
Hardly surprising - Perth is a high crime city. It isn’t PC to polite to mention who are the main offenders. It’s (sssh) urban aborigines
Posted by walterplinge on 2006 05 19 at 11:27 PM • permalinkA prescription of 9mm aspirin is in order.
Posted by Daniel San on 2006 05 19 at 11:55 PM • permalink- “Roger Franklin, an Australian long-based in New York…”
- I’m just wondering what the word “long-based” means?
- “Based for a long time”. It’s a common English construction. Analogous to “well-respected”.
Judging by the “sounds right” test, I don’t think it is right, and I don’t think it is analogous to “well-respected”. I think it should just be “long based in New York”. “Well-respected” is an adjective, “long-based” isn’t, as far as I can tell. Not being a grammar expert I can’t tell you what it is, but it sounds like a verb to me. I realize it’s off-topic, strictly speaking, but one thing I like about Tim is that he is generally spot on with his grammar, spelling, etc. It makes things easy to read, first of all, and secondly it gives him the leeway to rightfully make fun of Webdiary without leaving himself open to a return salvo.
(Or perhaps it’s some New York slang. “Yeah, I was in a bar in New York the other night and I got completely long-based.” “Wow, I wish I could have been there.”)
There’s a problem, in Sydney and in Melbourne, and probably elsewhere too.
Can we hire Guiliani? Or someone who will use the same policies?
Canberra’s relatively safe, except for the burglary and car theft problems. Oh yes, and after getting the Official Safety Lecture backed up by statistics, I make sure that I stick to the well-lighted parts of the ANU when coming home after dark.
They’d have to be pretty desperate to attack me if they got a good look, but in the dark they may not be able to see so well. People like me get killed under those circumstances.
Hmmm.
#26: In New York?!? C’mon. Are you sure it isn’t covered up in a fancy frenchified sauce and served with some revolting vegetable like grilled artichokes or something, maybe a side order of au gratin potatos? Is it the real thing? If so, then I profess myself amazed.
Not even in New York. In ***NEW JERSEY***!
And I know because I lived for about a year and half in Raleigh-Durham and ate pulled pork sandwiches from a place off of 85 & 56. In Creedmor I think. Trying to remember the exact name of the place. Right next to a hotel. Man it’s been awhile.
Love North Carolina and it’s pulled pork. But youse guys don’t know diddly bout pizza!
:)
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 20 at 01:15 AM • permalinkHmmm.
Oh hey now I found it.
Bob’s Barbecue
1589 Nc Highway 56, Creedmoor, NC 27522Right next to the Holiday Inn Express. Nice place, kinda basic but the food is good.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 20 at 01:20 AM • permalinkI was harassed by a non-violent but unbelievably irritating mutant’s gallery of fuck-ups, drunks and degenerate weirdoes on a regular basis.
Hmm, sounds like where I work…
I lived in Sant Al-bans (St Albans) for three years in the early 90s. I would never catch public transport at night, and only caught it in the day for a short time before I decided that I preferred to take my car into the city and pay for parking (I worked in Russell St Telephone Exchange). The suburb wasn’t so bad, although it had a bad reputation (but there were a lot of old blokes in the shopping area sitting around in outdoor cafes drinking coffee and smoking, no visible means of support!). The street we lived in had two Aussies in it (me and husblonde). All the neighbours were good, hard working people from everywhere, except for one whose kid was seen rummaging through our letterbox one afternoon by my husblonde. He confronted the kid’s mother who denied that he did it (he said he didn’t). Later the husblonde confronted the father, the kid confessed and his dad knocked him into next week in front of the husblonde. Didn’t have any trouble with that kid again.
I recall that I was left stranded at Broadmeadows rail station by husblonde (then fiance) after returning by bus from Sydney. The bus was 20 minutes late and he decided that the RAAF needed him at St Kilda more than he needed to take me home after an all night bus trip. Bastard. Maybe I should have called it all off then instead of nine years later… anyway, I survived Broady! (I caught a taxi home!)
I hated Melbourne. Husbland (a typo, but I’ll leave it as that’s more like it!)used to say we had to see everything there while we were posted there so that we’d never have to go back. One day we went up to the mountains. It got foggy before we got there so we went home after a devonshire tea. Never did see the mountains. We did see Philip Island Fair Penguin Parade… it was bloody freezing and we were sat in a concrete grandstand watching a few penguins coming ashore, I swear the sleet was blowing in from the Antarctic!
Ok, finally, I must admit that I did love Melbourne in the spring. It was beautiful to see everything come to life. (but I must admit I was in love, so part of my brain had obviously atrophied)
Hmmmm.
Well if Rudi Guiliani doesn’t run for President in 2008, maybe you guys want to borrow him for a few years?
uhhhh. We don’t need a trade on this. Ok?
We got enough lefty nutcases without you guys foisting one of yours onto us. :)
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 20 at 12:38 PM • permalinkItalics and bolding problem fixed once and for all.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 05 20 at 08:01 PM • permalinkCruella Triumphica
Italics and bolding problem fixed once and for all.
This weekend I mowed my yard and cleaned up my kitchen “once and for all.”
Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 05 22 at 03:45 PM • permalink
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