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MAN LATE FOR CLUB FUNCTION

It’s a major sports drug scandal:

A country cricket team claims players from a rival side fed it drug-laced cupcakes to get an edge in a make-or-break game.

The Nerrena cricket club in Gippsland was playing a vital away game when host team Inverloch served up an afternoon tea of green-speckled cupcakes.

“I thought `gee this is pretty good, they usually feed us crap’,” Nerrena’s Tim Clark said. He ate five cupcakes.

Returning to the field following tea, Nerrena’s game went to pieces. One player took almost 20 minutes to put on his pads. Others broke out in hysterical laughter and fled the field during play to drink water.

Mr Clark was still light-headed after the match as he tried to put a kit bike together for that night’s club fundraiser.

“After a small lie-down, I tried to follow the instructions but I was all over the shop. I was putting the handlebars where the seat was meant to be.”

When he eventually completed the bike, he was four hours late for the club function.

Posted by Tim B. on 03/10/2005 at 11:44 PM

  1. Tea, it’s a menace to civilisation!

    Posted by Evil Pundit on 2005 03 11 at 01:29 AM • permalink

  2. That’s why I always stipulate that, pre-match, whether it’s old timer’s ice hockey or just a kick around soccer match with my kids in the yard, it’s ice cold BOTTLED beer.

    No one gets the edge on me!

    Posted by JDB on 2005 03 11 at 01:29 AM • permalink

  3. Damn - you guys get way better sports drug scandals than we do. I’d pay real money to watch Barry Bonds testifying that his manager gave him steroid-laced cupcakes for afternoon tea :).

    Posted by Sonetka on 2005 03 11 at 03:30 AM • permalink

  4. Tim, that was excellent! I daresay that this is just the tip of the iceberg. I’m actually surprised it only took a few nibbles on some green cupcakes to enjoy the game. I would have expected much stronger stuff to be necessary.

    Posted by taspundit on 2005 03 11 at 07:39 AM • permalink

  5. Y’all could play on astro-turf instead of playing on grass.

    Posted by Carl H on 2005 03 11 at 08:01 AM • permalink

  6. Coffee is the antidote to green drugs.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2005 03 11 at 10:15 AM • permalink

  7. Brownies are much more effective than cupcakes.

    Posted by Some0Seppo on 2005 03 11 at 10:21 AM • permalink

  8. Is Inverloch in the Windies? ;-)

    What a hoot!

    Posted by Marcus Aurelius on 2005 03 11 at 11:08 AM • permalink

  9. rhhardin — Oh, yeah, caffeine and THC… not only did he clean out the fridge, he did it really quickly and just wouldn’t shut up…

    But hey, Yanks can’t mock.  Do you know how much Ricky Williams got paid to play like that?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 03 11 at 12:02 PM • permalink

  10. Brownies are much more effective than cupcakes.

    I dunno, I’d be real careful about those brownies.

    Posted by Crusader on 2005 03 11 at 12:26 PM • permalink

  11. Hahahaha! You expect us to defend Ricky Williams?

    He had hope when he took on that incentive bonus laden contract but quickly disappointed, not because he did not make his incentives but because he is such a goof.

    Posted by Marcus Aurelius on 2005 03 11 at 12:56 PM • permalink

  12. Does Balco ship overseas?

    Posted by Nightfly on 2005 03 11 at 06:27 PM • permalink

  13. I’m allergic to Cannabis Sattiva. Sounds as if so was one of the team, the one who ended up puking his guts out for 3 days in hospital.

    <sarcasm>It would have been really funny if he’d gone into anaphaleptic shock and karked it on the field.</sarcasm>

    Posted by Zoe Brain on 2005 03 12 at 01:30 AM • permalink

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