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ABC News reports:

Former White House counter-terrorism official Richard Clarke, now an ABC News consultant, will be portrayed by Sean Penn in the Sony film of Clarke’s “Against All Enemies."

In other US political/media craziness, CBS is republishing suckworthy pro-Kerry pieces from The Nation.

Posted by Tim B. on 05/18/2006 at 10:13 AM
  1. I want to play Tim Blair in the sequel!

    Posted by Bill Spencer on 2006 05 18 at 10:20 AM • permalink

  2. But who’ll play Sean Penn???

    Posted by rick mcginnis on 2006 05 18 at 10:22 AM • permalink

  3. #2:  Maybe they can get that same little guy who played “Chucky” in all of those Child’s Play films?

    Posted by Bill Spencer on 2006 05 18 at 10:28 AM • permalink

  4. Other casting decisions include:

    Snoop Doggy Dog as Colin Powell
    Robert Redford as Bill Clinton
    Peewee Herman as George Bush (41 and W.)

    Hollywood rumors indicate that the coveted role of Hilary Clinton is being sought by Barbra Streisand, Rosie O’Donnell, Cameron Diaz and Queen Latifa

    Posted by Blue Hen on 2006 05 18 at 10:36 AM • permalink

  5. Speaking of suckworthy pieces, AP’s Ron Fournier commits a true act of journalistic fellatio on Al Gore today too.

    Posted by Latino on 2006 05 18 at 10:56 AM • permalink

  6. Will it include Clarke okaying all of Osama’s relatives being allowed to fly out of the US while the general flight ban was still on? Boy, maybe it will have a “dramatised” meeting between Clarke and Michael Moore about Clarke’s abetting OBL’s family members “mysteriously” and “suspiciously” being let out of the country.

    Posted by andycanuck on 2006 05 18 at 11:02 AM • permalink

  7. I never knew Richard Clarke had an affinity for red plastic cups.  No wonder he and Sean are so close.

    Especially since Sean has the lead in “All The King’s Men”, which is all about a crooked Louisiana politician. 

    Maybe Sean is trying to send a message?  Like, “I’m insane!”?

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 05 18 at 11:11 AM • permalink

  8. I didn’t know Richard Clarke wore a soul patch.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 05 18 at 11:54 AM • permalink

  9. #6 “Will it include Clarke okaying all of Osama’s relatives being allowed to fly out of the US while the general flight ban was still on?”

    Of course not.  If confronted with this omission the actors will blame the director, who will then blame the producer, who then blame the studio, who then blame the film editor.  The film will present Wilson’s version as the honest-to-God truth and Wilson as a sincere, unselfish patriot and any and all distracters as agents or dupes of the ChimperBu$hHitler war whores.  In other words, Hollywood will consider the film objective and unbiased.

    Posted by Mark Razak on 2006 05 18 at 12:05 PM • permalink

  10. Lessee, Sean Penn to portray intrepid counter-terror master Dick Clarke; Susan Sarandon to play Mother Sheehan, Madonna of the Ditch; Sharon Stone to star in the Hillary Clinton biopic, How I Traded my Dignity for Fame, Wealth and Power and Parlayed my Lyin’, Cheatin’ Husband’s Affair with a White House Intern into a Grab at the Brass Ring; bidding war begins for the rights to The Valerie Plame Story as stars vie for the coveted roles of SuperSecret Agent Gal Val and her dashing Ambassador-cum-Special CIA Envoy-cum-media whore consort; release dates to coincide with the 2008 US presidential election campaign.

    We ask for serious films that address a serious issue and what do we get from Hollywood? More left wing agitprop. Moviegoers become even more alienated as Hollywood digs its hole even deeper. Good plan. Wonder who thought it up.

    BTW, United 93, not a Hollywood film, is not. to. be. missed. An absolute must see.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 05 18 at 12:46 PM • permalink

  11. "You get kicked on your ass, you get knocked flat, you dust yourself off and say, ‘OK. What did I learn from that?’ “

    No cadaverous, spade-faced flip-flopping liberals need apply?

    Better not dump Teresa just yet?

    Look both ways before crossing a busy street?

    Posted by paco on 2006 05 18 at 12:50 PM • permalink

  12. #10, Kyda, saw United 93 over the weekend.  Left the theater with an audience of weeping people.  This is off-topic, but I must review one small part of it:

    Most of the critics who reviewed the film made much of the scene cutting back and forth between praying passenders and praying jihadis, as if to highlight our common humanity.  What they don’t mention is that the passengers are praying to live, or praying for their families, or simply making their final act of contrition.  The jihadis, on the other hand, are standing over the bodies of the people they murdered, praying with bloody hands for the ability to complete their mission to murder still more people.  To me, that scene above all illustrated the reason why we’re engaged in a War on Terror.

    It should be mandatory viewing in every mosque in the West.  Don’t miss it, and forgive me for the departure from topic.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 05 18 at 01:02 PM • permalink

  13. In re: Sean’s movie, this cinematic abortion seems likely to unseat “Plan 9 From Outer Space” as the worst movie of all time, without even having the minor virtue of that film’s great campy, unintended comic appeal.

    Posted by paco on 2006 05 18 at 01:04 PM • permalink

  14. So Sony is responsible for this film, eh? First they stop making CLIÉs shortly after I buy one (which has since broken). Then they install illegal rootkit spyware on your computer if you play one of their music CDs. Now they’re producing a movie based on Clarke’s paranoid delusions.

    Note to self: Before buying anything, check for Sony logos. If you see one, put the item back on the shelf.

    Posted by sundog on 2006 05 18 at 01:43 PM • permalink

  15. The only thing I would pay to see Sean Penn in, is a casket. Same for Richard Clarke.

    For Clarke, his theatrics in hearings, didn’t equate to what he should have been doing when his ass AND THE COUNTRIES was on the line, when it counted, during the Clinton administration.

    Clarke shouldn’t be writing books, he should be reading them at SuperMax, in a cell, next to Moussaoui.

    Posted by El Cid on 2006 05 18 at 02:12 PM • permalink

  16. Wow, there must be unsuspected potential wealth in the self-serving memoirs of discredited politicians.  I think I will try to acquire the film rights to the immortal Twenty Years of Congress by James G. Blaine.  Both volumes.

    Posted by Mitch on 2006 05 18 at 02:50 PM • permalink

  17. Kyda and Rebecca, o/t though United 93 might be, I totally concur.  It is a must. see. movie.

    Posted by Achillea on 2006 05 18 at 03:37 PM • permalink

  18. You rate “Plan 9 From Outer Space” over, er, under “Day of the Triffids”!  How dare you.  Just how dare you.

    Posted by yojimbo on 2006 05 18 at 04:00 PM • permalink

  19. And what about Manos: The Hands of Fate - a movie so bad that the MST3K crew was moved to apologize for subjecting their audience to it?

    Posted by trexkilla on 2006 05 18 at 04:25 PM • permalink

  20. Manos, the Hands of Fate I’m not familiar with, but I’ve seen Day of the Triffids, or as much of it as I good take, and it’s just not in the same class as Plan 9 when it comes to appalling acting, idiotic story line, and atrocious special effects. C’mon, yojimbo! Two paper plates glued together and waggling on a wire were supposed to represent a space ship. The space aliens’ “plan” was to resurrect the dead. Bela Lugosi took his old cape out of mothballs and hammed it up for several scenes but died before the movie was finished, so, if I recall correctly, the director’s wife’s hairdresser was drafted to play the role, and he was a foot taller than Lugosi. And how could you forget those silly satin shirts the aliens wore? The only thing worse in space wear is those stupid pajama-tops the guys in the original Star Trek wore. Although I’ll grant you, Day of the Triffids is pretty awful. Hey, Aussies: what are your worst films?

    Posted by paco on 2006 05 18 at 04:38 PM • permalink

  21. good=could. Dang, mie spilling iz gettting bad.

    Posted by paco on 2006 05 18 at 04:39 PM • permalink

  22. Well, you know, Manos…

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 05 18 at 06:21 PM • permalink

  23. Hey!  I liked Day of the Triffids!  Alien plant invaders defeated by sea water and ice cream truck music?  What’s not to like?

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 05 18 at 07:50 PM • permalink

  24. I liked Day of the Triffids too, Rebecca. Ed Wood films are about as bad as they get (ever see Glen or Glenda?), but Ed Wood was great. A kind, gentle man was Ed Wood.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 05 18 at 08:07 PM • permalink

  25. I think it’s just mean to portray Richard Clarke as a semi retarted clown like Penn. But more to the point which actress will play Condaleeza Roce as she gasps open mouthed as Massa Clarke tells her about Al Qaeda for the first time? I’m thinking Susan Sarandon could black up for the role.

    Posted by Ross on 2006 05 18 at 08:43 PM • permalink

  26. Paco—Plan 9?  Be fair.  The evil alien scientist’s “Your stupid brains! Stupid! Stupid!” rant could have come from any modern lefty blog.  Ed was ahead of his time in so many ways.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 18 at 08:55 PM • permalink

  27. And the role of Hillary will be played by Sally Strothers…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 18 at 09:28 PM • permalink

  28. #22: Hey, was that a shot?

    Posted by paco on 2006 05 18 at 09:43 PM • permalink

  29. #16

    Blaine, Blaine,
    James G. Blaine,
    Continental liar from the state of Maine!

    Posted by steveH on 2006 05 18 at 09:56 PM • permalink

  30. Paco: strong enough for a Manos, but made for a womanos!

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 05 18 at 10:10 PM • permalink

  31. Is that a sweater that you’re wearing, Kyda? And what was wrong with the original Trek’s uniforms? Just make certain you don’t wear a red one if you want to survive the episode. Look out behind you! A paper-mache rock!

    Posted by andycanuck on 2006 05 18 at 10:52 PM • permalink

  32. I’m glad to hear it about “93”.  As pointed out, it isn’t a hollywood movie, thank our lucky stars, providence, the movie fairies, and the gods (take your pick).

    Mainstream hollywood doesn’t want us to see anything about 9-11; that would just remind people of the approximate cause of the war, and would mess up the lines about it all being the fault of evil American foreign policy/evil Buschenyburton/evil big business.  Neither must we see anthing against the UN <kof biggest financial scam in the history of the world kof>, and how their actions made war inevitable (and still so labors).  And, especially, we must not see anything positive about the military, any individual heroic act by anyone in the military, or any act of heroism by an Iraqi who isn’t a member of the “insurgents” or “foreign fighters”.

    But they aren’t on the other side.  They just be descending, or whatever that word is.

    Posted by saltydog on 2006 05 18 at 10:52 PM • permalink

  33. Damn, please make that “proximate”, not “approximate”.  I saw that in preview and I still didn’t correct it. 

    Sorry for the interuption.

    Posted by saltydog on 2006 05 18 at 10:56 PM • permalink

  34. #26: I hadn’t really thought of Plan 9 as a model for lefty blog dialogue (blogalogue?), but, mmm’y-e-e-s, I see it now. I remember that scene, incidentally, and the ridiculous, somewhat,er, fey fellow who delivered the line. I also recall a scene where the cops are investigating a murder, I believe, or maybe standing over the corpse of one of the bad guys, whatever, and the detective has his gun in his hand, and reaches up and scratches his temple with the barrel (gun safety tip #1: don’t ever point a gun at your own head).

    #30: Haw! Why don’t you comment more often?

    Posted by paco on 2006 05 18 at 10:58 PM • permalink

  35. Andycanuck--Does #31 belong in this thread? If not, I’m very confused.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 05 19 at 12:16 AM • permalink

  36. I’ll see your paper plates and raise you with a Buster Crabbe “Flash Gordon”.  Cardboard cutout over a flare hanging on a wire equals “rocketship”. 

    My absolute favorite in this,er,ah, category would have to be “I Married a Teenage Monster from Outerspace"-no, really! Saw it on a twin bill with “The Blob”.

    Posted by yojimbo on 2006 05 19 at 12:17 AM • permalink

  37. Of course you’re confused.  You liked Day of the Triffids AND you might move to Las Cruces!  Heh!

    Posted by yojimbo on 2006 05 19 at 12:31 AM • permalink

  38. Are you referring to the original Blob? The one that featured Steve McQueen’s most fully realized, nuanced performance??

    When one of his cable channels ran a Flash Gordon marathon, my brother-in-law taped them for his grandkids. They absolutely love them. Last time he was here with kids, I watched a couple of episodes with them and I have to agree, they’re great.

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 05 19 at 01:45 AM • permalink

  39. There was another movie I saw when I was young - used to play on late Friday night’s “Shock Theatre” from time to time - that is probably worse than all the rest put together. I think it featured a voice-over narrative for most of the movie (probably the “actors” couldn’t do dialogue), and the monster looked like two guys walking around under a large shag carpet. I believe the main draw was the view of luscious feminine legs disappearing into the monster’s maw. Can’t remember the name of the thing, but I think it came out in the late 50’s. Most likely it was originally just something that a drive-in theatre would show while the “viewers” were otherwise occupied.

    Posted by paco on 2006 05 19 at 09:04 AM • permalink

  40. I’ll see your Plan 9 and raise you Exterminator City, which is IMNSHO, the absolute worst movie ever made.

    Posted by Achillea on 2006 05 19 at 09:44 AM • permalink

  41. Kyda.

    Yes, that’s the one.  A number of stars made their debuts about that same time.
    Steve McQueen in The Blob
    Michael Landon in Teenage Werewolf
    James Arness in The Thing
    Let us not forget one of the better parodies of a genre in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

    All kidding aside, the Flash Gordon movies had some fairly good production value going for them.  Campy rocketships aside, the interior scenes are somewhat reminiscent of Metropolis.

    Posted by yojimbo on 2006 05 19 at 11:12 AM • permalink

  42. 41 Yoj

    the Flash Gordon movies had some fairly good production value going for them.

    Charles Middleton is what they had going for them.  A super-villain’s super-villain!  A mentor and role model for R.W. Death Beasts everywhere!

    Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 05 19 at 04:03 PM • permalink

  43. Ming! Ming! Ming!  You magnificent, merciless beast(due credit to Rudyard)!

    No wonder he seemed to be such a kindred spirit.  Mingbots of the world unite!  lol!

    Posted by yojimbo on 2006 05 19 at 05:51 PM • permalink

  44. Paco—The Creeping Terror.  There is a HUGE fanbase online for that picture.  I won’t even discuss the porn here.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 19 at 08:21 PM • permalink

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