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LICENCED TO KILL, BUT NOT TO DRIVE
Daniel Craig, the metrosexual James Bond who is scared of guns and gets beaten up by stuntmen, doesn’t know how to drive a manual car:
Filmmakers had transported Bond’s original Aston Martin DB5 to the Bahamas to shoot new movie ‘Casino Royale’.
But the star confessed he didn’t have a license to drive the manual car, which Sean Connery drove when he played the dashing spy.
The 39-year-old reportedly said: “Er… I don’t do gears."
He’s also frightened of boats.
He can’t drive an Aston Martin and he’s scared of guns and boats?
What’s next for Bond in the politically correct age? Certainly there wont be anymore terrorists or criminal masterminds. I bet M sends him to track down renegade cartoonists.
Posted by Art Vandelay on 2006 02 25 at 08:37 AM • permalinkIf only the pretty boys who act these action man roles would not insist on opening their gobs as if they were action men, nobody would point and giggle.
I submit the “Little Red Cup That Saved New Orleans” as evidence, M’Lud, and I rest my case.
Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 02 25 at 09:31 AM • permalinkI’d like to volunteer to be his Aston Martin driving stunt double. Hell, I’d do it for free.
Posted by Bruce Rheinstein on 2006 02 25 at 09:35 AM • permalinkOh, good god.
Bullets have a nasty habit of finding their target and that’s what’s scary about them."
That would have to be one of the dumbest, banal, most self evident utterances ever to pass a man’s lips.Posted by James Waterton on 2006 02 25 at 09:49 AM • permalinkAll that matters is the product he produces on the screen. He’s probably obliged by contract to do the silly PR stunts, and interviews.
Posted by Dean McAskil on 2006 02 25 at 09:54 AM • permalinkHis personal opinions don’t matter, and if asked I suppose he should answer honestly.
Posted by Dean McAskil on 2006 02 25 at 09:55 AM • permalinkGee, thanks for pointing that out, Dean. I could feel an international boycott of the movie gathering momentum, but thankfully you came along and cleared the air.
Posted by James Waterton on 2006 02 25 at 10:19 AM • permalinkI think a lot of actors (and actresses) generally know little more than how to walk across a stage and utter lines someone else wrote.
Frankly, it says a lot about a profession held so high in esteem by the public. Think about it—acting is little more than having some attractive person make us believe that what they are doing is real; modern special effects and computer generated imagery simply adds to the magic. I disconnect my believer whenever I watch a show, but you have to remember that this is friggin’ entertainment. Not the real world.
Who actually thought that Tom Cruise could fly an F18? Or that Angela Joline could fire a pair of pistols so accurately (one would think that with all that jiggling....oh, never mind)? Let’s get real!
I actually used to like Tom Cruise. Until he opened his mouth without a script about Brooke Shields....who was far more intelligent in her response. I still enjoy the old Bond films with Roger Moore.....at least he stayed an actor.
Ultimately, as long as an actor remains an actor, and doesn’t turn into a pretentious ass who does nothing with their lifes beyond performing, but use that to promote themselves as Important People™ (e.g., Alec Baldwin, George Clooney, Barbara Streisand), I don’t worry about it. Actors who do more than act (e.g., Arnold Schwartzenegger) are a different matter.
As for Daniel Craig....well, we’ll see. He might be a wimp off screen, but perhaps he’s a good enough actor to pull it off, eh?
Just so long as he doesn’t tell The World How To Solve All Of It’s Problems.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 02 25 at 10:56 AM • permalinkpolitical correctness gone mad! Didn’t they have a white guy playing an asian in the last one? Why? Because Bond killing an asian person would get everyone in a lot of hot water. So they killed a white guy and everything turned out ok. This time bond will probably go after global warming, in a non-violent, not-boat-and-not-manual-car kind of way.
Do we call this justice? Do we call this civilization?!!
Posted by ZombieXXXXking on 2006 02 25 at 10:58 AM • permalinkHow many blonds does it take to ruin a franchise? Apparently just one.
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 02 25 at 11:37 AM • permalinkThey should get someone like the terminator 2 to play bond, that guy caused a ruckus.
Posted by ZombieXXXXking on 2006 02 25 at 01:20 PM • permalinkHmmm.
Frankly I expected something more Bauer-like in the new Bond. Particularly with the rampant success of “24”. I can’t say that I really know what to think of a Bond that doesn’t like boats, guns, manual stick fast cars. Don’t tell me, he’s also against drinking martinis right?
I think this is a serious mis-cast.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 02 25 at 02:07 PM • permalinkOr how about Chris Walken as an older, more simmeringly sociopathic Bond? I mean, Bond has to be something of a sociopath to use people as he does--he’ll screw or shoot people to get the job done.
AAAHHHH! Just thought of Johnny Depp as Bond. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. (That’s a scream of agony, in case anyone from the UN is reading.)
TRJ I believe that was the F-14
Yep, yojimbo, you’re right, it was the F14; I plead insufficient morning coffee .
OTOH, Tom Cruise couldn’t fly either one. ;-P
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 02 25 at 03:14 PM • permalink"Well, Q, what have for me today?”
“Pay attention for once, OO7! Now here we have something that, frankly, I don’t believe in at all, but you’ve insisted, so here it is; behold the MI-6 Agents’ Neoprene
Bipurpose Agents Grip, or MANBAG for short. Now, just raise this flap; you’ll find storage space for your Evian water bottle. Here, a thermoplastic holder for your yogurt container. Next to that, a upside-down friction holster for your comb, along with 2 spare magazines of Tic-Tac. I have cleverly included an inconspicuous spray dispenser for toning mineral water spray here in the handle, for when you get sweated up. This locator screen will track down the nearest Starbuck’s or smoothie emporium no matter where you may find yourself. And, for emergencies, pull this tab, and a 4’ x 5’ Kevlar shield pops out for you to hide behind; note that it is stenciled; “DON’T HIT ME, I’M A PACIFIST HAEMOPHILIAC!” I think that does it.”#33 Dave S.:
Good show, Rob, old boy. Jolly good.
(pimp hat on) Why thank you! This and much more at http://intergalacticpumice.blogspot.com/ (pimp hat off; tries to hide from Andrea)
"Bullets have a nasty habit of finding their target and that’s what’s scary about them."
That’s rubbish, bullets don’t just find the target. One has to take careful aim. Especially when the target is running and sreaming.
Y’know this stick-shift thing is esepcially pussified considering the vast majority of Brit cars come with manual transmission, not our comfy American automatics. This probably means the little femme doesn’t drive a car at all.
Isn’t this the same guy who got a couple of teeth knocked out by a stunt man when filming a fight scene?
Posted by Steven Den Beste on 2006 02 25 at 06:07 PM • permalinkEric Bana should have been the next Bond.
Posted by Oafish and Infantile on 2006 02 25 at 06:18 PM • permalinkOTOH, Tom Cruise couldn’t fly either one. ;-P
The Real JeffS—Sheeit, Tom Cruise couldn’t see over the edge of the cockpit…
Ushie, Supercat—Come on, bikers can shift a manual transmission with their feet! Bikers! How hard can it be?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 02 25 at 07:11 PM • permalink#23 The only real Bond was Sean Connery. His accent, his charm, his brutality were all believable.
I met Desmond Llewellyn (the original Q actor) during the Great Octopussy vs Never Say Never Again Bond War of ‘83. Asked him who he thought the better Bond was, Moore or Connery.
Llewellyn was a gent and said he couldn’t really offer an opinion himself but noted that Ian Fleming had described Bond as ‘a bit of a bastard’ and suggested Connery’s performance was probably closer in that respect to the 007 envisaged by his creator.
-- Nick
Posted by The Thin Man Returns on 2006 02 25 at 08:03 PM • permalinkNick, I understand that Flemming’s ideal was David Niven instead the “Glasgow lorry driver” look he ascribed to Connery.
And if you want an off-screen match, Sean Connery is known by many as a real bastard, so Flemming got half his wish.
As demonstrated in Connery’s final one, a genuine Bond’s urine is toxic.
#29:
Walken already played a Nazi Mutant named Max Zorin in “A View to a Kill"What’s that expression, “First a lean Pope, then a fat Pope”? Doesn’t the same apply to Bond?
Connery: Fantastic
Lazenby: I wanted to love him but....you know
Moore: Fun
Dalton: Humorless, bland
Brosnan: Nice enough
So I guess that there’s nothing to do but let Daniel Craig get laughed out of the role and wait for MGM to replace him with someone good.
he didn’t have a license in England to drive the manual car
You have to have a separate license to drive a stick shift, as opposed to just an automatic?
My driver’s license (Virginia, USA) lets me drive any car or pickup truck. If I don’t know how to drive a particular car or truck, that’s my problem. Drive it badly and crash, it’s now my problem AND the court’s.
(I would need a separate licence to drive a large truck - such as a delivery truck or 18-wheeler - or a motorcycle.)
I can drive a stick too - learned it in high school. It’s kinda sad to realize that I - a female pushing 60 - can do something normal that James Bond can’t do. :-(
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2006 02 25 at 09:33 PM • permalinkYou have to have a separate license to drive a stick shift, as opposed to just an automatic?
If you take your driving test in an automatic, you can only drive an automatic. As a result, almost everyone in the UK takes their test in a stick-shift car. Most people who take their tests in an automatic have some sort of disability or infirmity, which contributes to a stigma against automatic transmissions, which keeps them relatively expensive (although they are becoming more popular, and therefore cheaper, here).
I thought they were dying his hair black, Kyda. Aren’t they? Oh lord, please dye his hair black....
Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2006 02 26 at 01:41 AM • permalink"Nor does the 37-year-old share Bond’s love of Martinis shaken and stirred.”
“I love a Martini straight up. I don’t think anybody makes a Martini stirred any more,” he said.
For crying out loud! Bond did NOT like his martini stirred. The classic line was, “Shaken, not stirred.” How can this fop play the character when he flunks out on basic Bondisms? What’s next, “My name is Bond.........Elroy Bond”?
Alas, I never really learned to drive a stick, either. On the other hand, if I were offered the role of James Bond, and/or given the chance to drive Bond’s signature Aston Martin DB5...I’d damned well learn how, even if I had to buy a car with a manual-shift transmission to do it. What kind of man - or woman, for that matter - would pass up the chance to spend a few days at the racetrack playing with a fast car?
This is the problem with Daniel Craig as Bond in a nutshell. Never mind Craig’s accidentally taking a shot to the face during a fight scene and losing a couple of teeth; that could happen to anybody in the role. It’s the other off-the-wall, pussified crap he’s been spouting about guns and fast cars and violence that make him totally unsuited for the role. For crying out loud, EVERYBODY knows Bond is a fantasy; why bother harping on it? Especially when it’s YOUR JOB to act out the fantasy, Danny boy?
Given the chance, I’d tell Craig to cowboy up, but I suspect he’d take it the wrong way. Craig probably can’t ride a horse, either...and besides, there’s all that sweat and dust involved with the cowboy life. Not to mention guns. And we can’t have that, can we?
And I agree with Rebecca: as far as the limping-along Bond franchise is concerned, it’s time to “give it up for Jack Bauer.” At least Kiefer Sutherland, unlike Daniel Craig, knows how to act like a man.
Also, from what I’ve seen of the new “Bond,”, Kim Bauer could kick Daniel Craig’s ass, never mind Jack.
I can’t wait for the new theme song:
“Nobody ponces better...”
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 02 26 at 12:14 PM • permalinkGiven the chance, I’d tell Craig to cowboy up, but I suspect he’d take it the wrong way.
Daily Variety (LA) — “MGM to invest in sheep futures...”
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 02 26 at 12:16 PM • permalinkMake mine a mineral water, please, shaken so it is not too fizzy - oh and with one of those umbrellas if you don’t mind.
(Bring back Lazenby!)
Posted by Margos Maid on 2006 02 26 at 04:34 PM • permalinkForget Jackman or Bana (although either wouldve been better than this guy), how did Chopper Read get overlooked for the role ?
Posted by Rachel Corrie's Flatmate on 2006 02 26 at 07:49 PM • permalinkI stopped caring who plays the lead after that scene (forget which epic) where he and the babe escape by schussing down the Carpathians in a cello case, Bond steering in G flat.
And I own signed first editions of the original six Fleming books (my Grandfather was I.F.’s bridge partner for a while before he moved to Jamaica).
The whole franchise went downhill after From Russia With Love.
Posted by MentalFloss on 2006 02 27 at 01:52 AM • permalink
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Firing a gun also left Roger Moore shaken and stirred according to “The World’s Worsts” by Les Krantz & Sue Sveum.