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LESS MOORE?
Rumour out of New York: Michael Moore has checked into a $3,800-per-week fat farm in Florida. Nothing online yet.
UPDATE. The New York Post reports:
The portly propagandist is doing a stint at the Pritikin Longevity Center & Spa in Aventura, Fla. — also known as the “fat farm for the rich.” Moore is learning how to cook healthy meals and exercise and attending classes on “life re-education.” The program starts at $3,800 a week and promises enrolees they’ll “learn a new approach to eating,” “never have to diet again,” and can lose up to 12 pounds in the first three weeks. The facility also has “cosmetic/medical treatments, such as intense pulsed light, botox injections, and Restylane.”
A “new approach to eating”? Maybe they’ll teach him to chew.
Can you imagine paying $3800 a week to go eat grass and coconut husks and you sit down to “lunch” thinking things can’t possibly get worse and Michael Moore comes and sits next to you…
Posted by James Hamilton on 2005 08 22 at 11:42 PM • permalinkOMG!!! We’re gonna SINK!!!!
I’ll have to gather my neighbors, grab our shotguns, and make sure he doesn’t step off the plane. We’d be in serious danger :(.
Posted by mamapajamas on 2005 08 23 at 12:04 AM • permalinkImagine how irrational the man is when he’s hungry.
Posted by Matt Moore on 2005 08 23 at 12:43 AM • permalinkSo, when Michael The Moor goes out on his speaking engagements, who’ll support the destitute doughnut shops?!?!?!?!?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 08 23 at 12:48 AM • permalinkRemember the old Boot Hill grave marker?
“Here lies Lester Moore.
Killed by one shot from a .44
No Less. No More.”(Or is it “No Les. No Moore.”)
Posted by Bruce Lagasse on 2005 08 23 at 01:15 AM • permalinkCareful, Dave S.—that porker gets hungry enough, “something white” could be one of his neighbors…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 08 23 at 01:15 AM • permalinkThe fat farm is only paying $3,800 a week for Michael Moore? That’s a fraction of a cent per kilogram! They’ll make a fortune.
Posted by Evil Pundit on 2005 08 23 at 01:22 AM • permalinkI think he needs a few months on Bush’s Crawford Ranch…
“Wassa matter, Mikey boy? Can’t stand the heat?”
Posted by Quentin George on 2005 08 23 at 02:34 AM • permalinkCalm down people! he’s just doing some research on the diet industry for his next mockumentary.
Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 08 23 at 02:36 AM • permalinkOh my God, I just thought of this. What if this is like the fat farm in Orson Scott Card’s short story “Fat Farm?” Are they in the process of cloning a younger, thinner Michael Moore while unspeakable multitudes of fat Mikeys toil in back-breaking manual labor for years to come?
That might sound like a satisfying conclusion, but you have to ask yourself, what if they all escape?
Posted by Matt Moore on 2005 08 23 at 02:41 AM • permalinkManatee jokes… There must be manatee jokes…
Posted by nofixedabode on 2005 08 23 at 02:51 AM • permalinkHasn’t Moore tried this before? He was a fat bastard on the front of Stupid White Men. He looked a lot thinner on the cover of Dude, Where’s My Country? Later, at Cannes, he was as lardy as ever.
Posted by James Waterton on 2005 08 23 at 03:10 AM • permalinkHe may lose the weight but the guy still has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
Posted by Jay Santos on 2005 08 23 at 03:21 AM • permalinkWouldn’t a “fat farm” be a place where they grow fat?
Shouldn’t it be a “fat gulag” or something?
I can’t be the first person to notice this…
Posted by zeppenwolf on 2005 08 23 at 03:43 AM • permalinkPritikin Longevity Center & Spa
Nice to see Mr Moore staying true to his blue collar roots.
Posted by blandwagon on 2005 08 23 at 03:50 AM • permalinkAccording to the Japan Society for Mastication Science and Health Promotion http://rhhardin.home.mindspring.com/japancut.chew.ram dry berries, nuts and fish are good, representing the diet of 2,000 years ago. They make you chew 4,000 times a meal. Today you’re lucky if you get 620 chews a meal. This makes Japanese think they’re still hungry.
Maybe if he stopped inhaling whole sheep.
MM ” Whats for dinner tonight love”?
Non gender/disabillity/racialy/ religion ect. specific spouse “Lamb babycakes”
MM “How many lambs”?Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2005 08 23 at 05:18 AM • permalinkWhat you people don’t realize is that in Michael Moore’s world, he shouldn’t have had to pay that $3,800 for fat reduction. After all, there are numerous countries in Europe where this would all be free.
And a single woman with two children, making $10 an hour, should subsidize his fat reduction treatment by paying 60% of her salary in taxes.
WHAT??? That’s only fair, right? (I mean to a lefty it is.)
Posted by David Crawford on 2005 08 23 at 05:23 AM • permalinkYou big meanies!
You criticise Moore even when he’s trying to make the world a better place..
I mean, this is awfully <b>big</b of him.
Heh heh.
Posted by Quentin George on 2005 08 23 at 05:27 AM • permalinkThat’s so funny. Aventura is a tony, impossible-to-afford district of condo canyons and canals in North Miami Beach. I used to go to the Aventura Mall and hang out. I’m so glad I don’t live in Miami any more.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 08 23 at 06:46 AM • permalinkSorry, Nic, I’ll make sure Tim vets every story with you before he posts.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2005 08 23 at 09:16 AM • permalinkWhy is this news?
Guess Moore is listening to the VRWC after all, Nic.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 08 23 at 09:20 AM • permalinkPS: Nice try at being obtuse. You taking lessons from bongoman?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 08 23 at 09:21 AM • permalinkMichael Moore injected with expression-deadening botox…
Weebles Wobble But They Don’t Fall Down!
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 08 23 at 10:16 AM • permalinkNewsflash:Michael Moore loses one German’s worth of weight, keeps same brain. Result…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 08 23 at 10:22 AM • permalinkUm… didn’t Dr. Pritkin die?
He committed suicide at the age of 69, after a long battle with leukemia. I doubt his programme was to blame, it seems like a fairly sensible low fat, high fiber diet combined with moderate exercise. I don’t think it sounds like the kind of thing you would need to spend $3,800-per-week to do, though…
My former boss used to go to Pritiken. Came back looking sharp in his handmade suits, and made sure all knew he made his own salad dressing at restaurants (dijon mustard and vinagar). Then the first crisis would pop up, and suddenly one pound bags of Fanny May candy would appear on his desk…..Next year, back to Pritiken.
It’s something rich people do.
PW, you’re on to something. Moore’s next film will be called “Thinhead.” It will be an expose of fat gulags and how they rip people off and are run by a cabal of jewocons who want to destroy the “naturally ample” people and create goon squads of underweight people who all look like Paul Wolfowitz and Ann Coulter.
Depriving Michael Moore his daily dose of dozens of doughnuts surely must count as torture somewhere.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 08 23 at 12:38 PM • permalinkInsulting something physical about Michael Moore that is difficult to change is such a waste of time when his odious politics are far more worthwhile a target and are easy for him to change.
To me this just looks silly.
Attack MM for his hatred of other peoples success and freedoms not his uglyness.
I reserve the right to point and laugh and childlishly make fun of anyone I please, Rob. Not everything has to be a serious discussion of politics, sometimes we can just have fun. Mean fun if we feel like it.
Posted by Matt Moore on 2005 08 23 at 01:10 PM • permalinkRob, I agree with your statement in principle. However, there is a subtext to bashing the Pie Hoover which is that his “arguments”, or “patriotic dissent” as they are sometimes laughably known, have been resoundingly and prolifically rebutted so that there is no other worthwhile Michael Moore-related target other than his physical being. Conversely, one could argue that the subtext of his opponent’s crude physical humor is that the Burrito Shoveler’s “arguments”, also known as “enemy propaganda”, are unworthy of engagement and that making crude jokes about the Malimar Magnet’s physique makes the point in a subtle way. Er, subtle in a crude, grade school kind of way, that is. It also leaves you feeling cleaner than if you had rebutted the vile filth otherwise known as “Michael Moore’s spewage.”
I think if a man writes a book entitled, “Stupid White Men,” then we can attack him for pretty much anything. That is a racist title, it’s insulting and demeaning to people who cannot change the color of their skin. He’s the David Duke of the left. Furthermore, he attacks his own race, which is a sign of self-hatred and a lack of personal identity. To do that shows how desperate he is to be loved, but by whom? Blacks? Black people see hating your own race as race treason. It’s a sign of weakness and poverty of the spirit. Moore’s desperation to be loved is truly pitiful. That would be a mean thing to attack, not his fatness. He can change his fatness in a matter of months, but it would take years - and that’s only if he were willing - to change his weak character and childish personality.
Rob, Michael The Moor has done things that open him up to ridcule. Like calling the terrorists in Iraq “Minutemen”. That alone insults every soldier, sailor, airman, or marine that ever served. He’d have to donate his fortune to war orphans in Iraq and Afghanistn, join a monastery, and swear a vow of silence, celibacy, and good deeds for the rest of his life before I would consider not referring to him as a big, fat, stupid white man.
Having said that….
“The clinic” is a dystopian neocon construct where hot right wing fembots force feed pork burrito’s and yoo-hoo choco milk to male clients.
Works for me. Where do I sign up?
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 08 23 at 02:11 PM • permalinkWhy is this news?
Well, Nic, for one thing, this isn’t a news site. It’s a blog. It’s for posting things that Tim finds interesting or amusing and feels his readers would, too.
For another, it really is news. You see, it’s newsworthy when an individual who positions himself as a “regular guy” fighting for the “common man” against the depradations of the “greedy rich elites” shows himself, time after time and act after act, of being a wealthy hyper-elitist. Tony Manhattan digs, uber-elite private school for the kid, abusing the help, going to a mega-expensive coddle-spa… these are all paradoxes to his cynically-crafted public persona. Hence, news.
But again, this is a blog, so it doesn’t have to be.
Everyone knows that the people won’t elect a fat CinC. It’s quite obvious what’s going on. Moore is gunna slim down and try to run for president!
Posted by James Waterton on 2005 08 23 at 02:53 PM • permalinkI thought whaling was illegal of the coast of Florida…
This “farming” business is all about the oil.
Damn that Bush, HalliEnron Rove-Cheneyian kabal…they’ve tricked the man into enlisting in “their” energy grab-and HE’S paying for it!
Damn Rove the uber-wonder!
Posted by madawaskan on 2005 08 23 at 03:36 PM • permalinkFurthermore, he attacks his own race, which is a sign of self-hatred and a lack of personal identity. To do that shows how desperate he is to be loved, but by whom?
FWIW, I think the leftspeak antonym to “stupid white men” is “smart people of indeterminate gender and no particular colour”.
More seriously though, I have little doubt that there are lefties who’d be transparent if they could. (Although I’m sure there’s an interest group that would have problems with that, too.) Moore isn’t one of them - he’s just the one that serves their need for self-flagellation, and makes lots of money in the process.
Rob—Saul Alinsky says we must personalize the opposition. Who am I to argue?
And Moore makes it easy to personalize A WHOLE LOT of the opposition in one go…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 08 23 at 07:51 PM • permalinkThis thread is great! I love to sit around and chew the fat…
Posted by Lucky Nutsacks on 2005 08 23 at 10:24 PM • permalinkDeo (#80) I really didn’t need that image.
As for losing 12lbs in 3 weeks, big whoop. I lost 2.5kgs in 3 weeks, and it didn’t cost me anything. Dunno how I did it, though, and the quack is having conniptions, but I’m feeling and looking great.
Must be the chocolate and plonk.
And bye the bye, this thread has me in stitches. ROFLMAO!
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2005 08 24 at 07:45 AM • permalinkI’m torn. Part of me wants to agree that we shouldn’t make fun of someone who is trying to confront a self-inflicted health issue, and part of me wants to see the US Army Corps of Engineers confuse Michael Moore with a dead whale, and blow him up to dispose of him.
I guess I should try to think of this as a win/win situation.
Posted by John Nowak on 2005 08 24 at 10:32 AM • permalinkIt is a testament to the readers of Tim’s blog that this topic has prompted 75 responses.
Damn us for having fun.
OK, guys, let’s pick some weighty issue in the world and post a bunch of stuff blaming someone for it and talking about how someone else has to do something! or stop! doing something. Oh, and talk about how it makes us feel. Y’know, scared or worried or sad or angry or pissed off! or dyspeptic or tingly or crunchy…
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Oh, you can get Michael Moore-grade fat for way less than $3800…