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KAREN LOVED ANIMALS
“Karen loved animals. Unfortunately the cheetahs betrayed her trust.”
“Animal rights group GAIA called for the immediate closure of the zoo, located 55 miles northeast of Brussels, saying it was unsafe for both visitors and the cats.”
I imagine most zoos would be unsafe for morons stupid enough to waltz into the cheetah cage.
Posted by HisHineness on 2007 02 14 at 10:08 AM • permalinkHow is it unsafe for cats? Beyond the benefit of safety, cats apparently enjoy nutritous idiot-meat on occasion.
Posted by AspiringJewrist on 2007 02 14 at 10:11 AM • permalinkKaren sounds like another candidate for the Darwin Award.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 02 14 at 10:15 AM • permalinkStands to reason when your dealing with cheetahs. They are all a bit shifty from inbreedin and such.
But tigers, Tigers will never betray your trust.
You have my word on it.Posted by papertiger on 2007 02 14 at 10:18 AM • permalinkPolice said they ruled out any foul play.
So no indictments to be handed down against any of the cheetahs then?
Posted by Major John on 2007 02 14 at 10:35 AM • permalinkOne of the cats that killed Aerts was named Bongo, whom the woman had adopted under a special program. She paid for Bongo’s food, Libot said.
She should have shelled out a few Euros for some real food. I guess the cheetahs weren’t too enamored of soy burgers and other vegan fare…
Man, what’s with my cruel streak here suddenly?
Posted by Major John on 2007 02 14 at 10:37 AM • permalinkMore proof that modern Greens wouldn’t recognize Nature if it bit them in the ass…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 02 14 at 10:56 AM • permalinkBetrayed her trust? I always trust that wild animals are out to get me.
Posted by tabitharuth on 2007 02 14 at 10:58 AM • permalinkAnyone who places ANY trust in ANY animal except a dog is a fool. Livestock are generally OK, but only an idiot would take risks around (for example) a bull. To have the idea that you can trust wild carnivores is beyond idiocy.
Even dogs are only trustworthy if they consider you part of their family. Strange dogs, or someone else’s dog? Be cautious.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2007 02 14 at 11:05 AM • permalink“So no indictments to be handed down against any of the cheetahs then?”
You’re exactly right, if they are going to have all the rights of a human being, which some animal groups say they should, then they should have all the responsibilities, too. I want to see murder charges filed.
“...it isn’t really a cruel streak. It’s idiot fatigue…”
Ain’t that the truth.
#10 Major John:
You have an illustrative point there. If animals have rights, they also have accountability.
If schools taught this kind of simple logic anymore, we wouldn’t have GAIA, PETA, etc. running around in such states of confusion.
Posted by Rittenhouse on 2007 02 14 at 11:17 AM • permalinkBecause it’s new year here in VN, I wasn’t interested enough to click the link. So I assume it’s about Karen Carpenter.
“Calling occupants of interplanetary space ...
I’m a bit pissed .. but that’s ok on vn nyd ...
Ohh fuck off ....
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 02 14 at 11:21 AM • permalink#11 “Cruel, but fair, Major. Now cut to the next
sketchpost on my mark. Ready…” “The PAC…” “Wait for it! Now…”“The PACO Preventative Anti-Cat Odorizer will distract any and all of the major killer cat species from attacking you and instead go for any of your companions, allowing you time to make an escape. The PACO releases an aroma around you to mimic a fresh spring day, covering all human scents, and also sprays a directed scent of Naive City-Dweller™ and Raw Uncovered Meat™ up to 3 metres away from you and onto your companions or other passersby. While you slowly back away from the cats, the cats investigate the ostensible source of the NCD/RUM™ scent.
PACO: you’ll be glad you left home with PACO when you need scents to overcome no sense. (Void where prohibited by law.)”
Posted by andycanuck on 2007 02 14 at 11:38 AM • permalinkThis was caused by global warming. The cats were pissed because of global warming, and took revenge on the first human they could get their paws on.
Posted by nofixedabode on 2007 02 14 at 12:10 PM • permalinkAh, Flemish cheetahs. That explains it.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 02 14 at 12:14 PM • permalink“One of the cats that killed Aerts was named Bongo…”
I don’t blame the cheetah one bit.
Anyone that starts calling me Bongo is begging for it.
Posted by Dave Surls on 2007 02 14 at 12:33 PM • permalinkI’m glad Brussels sent a team to investigate. The cheetahs might have indigestion.
I don’t trust the Imperial Warren™ when they are in a bad mood, and they are not even on the “kill yo’ a%@ and eat you” scale.
This poor fool watched too many “cute little woodland creature” cartoons.
Elizabeth
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 02 14 at 12:56 PM • permalink#31
You’re right. They had just come out of watching “An Inconvenient Truth” and they were so pissed off they pounced on the first human within reach of their paws that resembled Al Gore in any way.Posted by ElectronPower on 2007 02 14 at 01:26 PM • permalink#20 Rob:
I trust my goldfish implicitly. Even the Japanese Fighting Fish. Oh well actually that one ate several of the others, ahem
Posted by ThinAndBritish on 2007 02 14 at 01:37 PM • permalink“Karen loved animals. Unfortunately the cheetahs betrayed her trust,” Libot said.
One of the cats that killed Aerts was named Bongo, whom the woman had adopted under a special program. She paid for Bongo’s food, Libot said.
That’s strange. You usually see this happen with prisoners and warden’s wives.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 02 14 at 01:45 PM • permalink* Note to the Department of Environmental Propagana and Re-education: Scratch cheetahs off the list as potential adorable marketing tools to make middle class fools feel guilty about individually killing Mother Gaia, while big name environmentalists jet about the planet, scolding the unwashed masses like Dana Carvey in Church Lady drag. Apparently cheetahs bite.
** Note to unfortunate family member of the latest Darwin Award Winner: Unfaithful boyfriends betray. Bitchy best friends betray. People in self-appointed positions of power have a tendancy to betray, or at least perfect the art of hypocrisy. Cheetahs, on the other hand, tend to do what comes naturally. That being, snatching up the weakest member of the herd and making a nice evening’s snack of said quarry. This is what is known as Survival of the Fittest. You might find it in the not-yet burned or banned schoolbooks that explain thoroughly this new-fangled notion called “Evolution”.
In other words, the poor dear one who purposely snuck her way into the cheetah cages was not “betrayed” by her newfound fluffy feline friends. Rather, she was reminded rather spectacularly that large carnivorous animals tend to like… meat! (The same stuff silly Dr. Doolittle wannabe fantasists are made of.) But hey, thanks for giving her animal rights cohorts a reason to try to close down another public zoo. A Suicide by Sheer Stupidity is as good a reason as any to displace all the animals being kept there and deny the public access to seeing them.
(The same stuff silly Dr. Doolittle wannabe fantasists are made of.)
Sometimes, it appears that their brains are made of tofu.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 02 14 at 03:07 PM • permalinkThis woman betrayed their trust. Really, putting a dumb animal in a situation where we will kill it if it does what is in it’s nature is not responsible.
Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 02 14 at 03:38 PM • permalinkI trust my goldfish implicitly.
Really? I don’t trust any of my fish. They crap everywhere, fight each other for food, and then jump out of the tank.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2007 02 14 at 03:46 PM • permalinkBased on my extensive study of Japanese animation, you don’t want to trust the squids, either…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 02 14 at 04:08 PM • permalinkStories like this warm my heart.
God bless those fuckin’ lil’ cheetas!
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 02 14 at 04:30 PM • permalinkThose dirty rotten Cheetahs!
I’m fond of reminding people that big cats aren’t big pussycats; pussycats are small big cats. Pussycats have their big cat moods, and the only reason people like me and Jeremy Sears (the only time I’ll lump us together, I promise!) are safe to keep the little beggars as pets is precisely because they ARE little.
Remember, Steve Irwin thought he had this wild animal thing figured out.
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 02 14 at 04:57 PM • permalink#36: In my family, we have a term for those: “Disturbing Pet People”, or DPPs. They have no children nor any intention of ever having children, but treat their pets (at least three of them) as if they were their children. Usually there’s other telltale signs of latent hippieism (long haired freakiness, signs of the use of illicit substances) as well. There’s nothing wrong with having pets, but they’re animals, they’re not your children…
“Kimberly loved gravity. Unfortunately, gravity betrayed her trust.”
This is the funniest thing since St. Pancake.
Some folks are just asking for it.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 02 14 at 06:02 PM • permalinkI love the way the Olmense Zoo’s home page features a bunch of cuddly felines.
Well I don’t think you should compare Steve Irwin with this person.
I’m not denigrating Irwin by using the comparison. Just pointing out that he met his demise despite all his superior training and instincts, yet a total novice feels compelled to take risks in that particular arena. Karen quite possibly could have made herself useful by volunteering at the zoo, receiving proper training and making a further contribution towards the cheetahs’ welfare.
Perhaps she saw the South Park episode where Token joined the lions at the zoo…
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 02 14 at 06:57 PM • permalinkA program on Sharks aired over the weekend. An idiot on that program was talking about what sharks “thought” and how he understood how the sharks “thought” - also giving them human-like emotions and so on.
It made a mockery of his scientific qualifications and his studies into forensics of shark attacks.
I found it made him sound quite silly, I was reminded of that idiot in the US and his girlfiend who were partially eaten by the bear. What was his name again? Having seen footage of him “interacting” with the bears it was only a matter of time….I’m fond of reminding people that big cats aren’t big pussycats; pussycats are small big cats. Pussycats have their big cat moods, and the only reason people like me and Jeremy Sears (the only time I’ll lump us together, I promise!) are safe to keep the little beggars as pets is precisely because they ARE little.
AlburyShifton, your post reminded me of an Arlo and Janis comic strip I saw a while back. Arlo was feeding the cat, and after three panels of cuddly cuteness, in the last panel Arlo sits back and says, “You know, if you were half my size, you would kill me and eat me.”Won’t somebody think of the poor cheetah? It’s been coughing up Flem all day.
Had another friend who loved animals. At least he had the good sense to de-claw and muzzle them. Still ruined his marriage.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 02 14 at 08:26 PM • permalinkHad an incident not far from where I live last year (I think, might have been two years).
High school senior wanting a “cool” senior photo goes to big cat sancuary (which I, for one, didn’t even know we had in this part of the country!) and talks someone more or less in charge to let her have her pic taken with a bengal tiger.
She died.
Of course law suits were filed, etc, etc. I don’t know the outcome, I’m not sure if the ‘outcome’ has even happened yet.
Just one ignorant teenager dead because an even more ignorant employee of said sancuary allowed a stupid photo op.
#67
Sorry.
Like the idiots over here who attract dingos to areas by feeding them and then get het up about dingos killing 9 year old children.
They. Are. Wild. Animals. Hunters. Carnivores. Scavengers. Dangerous.Much as I love my two dogs, they are dogs, and I trust them with me (I’m the boss), but NOT with anyone else.
...and the only known true photo of a bear and a honey coated child:
A two-month-old bear cub was found during a forest fire in May 1950 in New Mexico. The game warden flew the cub to Santa Fe, where a vet nursed him; a photographer, dabbing honey on the chin of the warden’s daughter, got a picture that captured America’s heart: the cub licking her face. The bear went on to take up residence in Washington’s National Zoo.
Even game wardens can be idiots.
# 56 Dminor -
Prisoners adopt wardens’ wives under special programs and buy their food?
Well, ok, it’s not an exact analogy. I mean the prisoners aren’t covered in spots and able to run 70 mph.
But one often reads about wardens’ wives who take an interest in handsome prisoners, at first trying to help them, improving their living situation, etc. They develop a trust in the prisoners that turn into love. Then wanton sex. At which point a given prisoner misuses this love to get the warden’s wife to help him escape.
Both always seem to get caught.
Now that I think about it, that was also part of the plot of “Gladiator”. Except that the hero in Gladiator didn’t get to bang the girl. Except that she wanted it, I’m sure. But he was Roman you see, and his mind was focused on wanting to kill Joaquin Phoenix, possibly because of the latter’s hair lip. Which goes to show what happens when you cast an Australian to play a gladiator. They’d rather skip the pussy to kill some guy because of a birth deformity. If that was an American he’d place his priorities correctly and screw the chick. To hell with hair lips. In fact the girl could have a hair lip, lisping his name a thousand times and it wouldn’t matter a smidgen. “Thamarcus, Thamarcus, thuck me, thuck me thard!” Nah, he’d still focus on that pussy.
But I don’t think there were any cheetahs in Gladiator either so it’s not an exact analogy either.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 02 15 at 01:08 AM • permalinkYou’re exactly right, if they are going to have all the rights of a human being, which some animal groups say they should, then they should have all the responsibilities, too.
Bear in mind that we’re talking about lefties here. The concept of rights coming with responsibilities is completely incomprehensible to their thinking (such as it is).
#76 - BEST. GLADIATOR. SYNOPSIS. EVER.
You’re writings been quite blue since Paco departed.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 02 15 at 01:38 AM • permalinkThe thing I’d like to know is, does Moonbat actually taste any different?
Add enough ketchup, and they taste like chicken.
Or so I hear! ;-P
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 02 15 at 02:32 AM • permalinkJUST RELEASED!
The Transcript of Karen’s Last Words:
Karen: Nice spots, Fuckhead!
Bongo: Whatever
Karen: Why would you wear that? What do you mean by it?
Bongo: African pride, Man
Karen: Go and die!
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 02 15 at 05:48 AM • permalinkThanks Infidel Tiger. I haven’t been blue, just anxious having to safeguard the Tardis 24/7. I just know whatever paco has up his sleeve involves absconding with the Tardis. It happened once with Stoop Davy Dave, it ain’t happening again.
kae, no, I haven’t read the bio of Joaquin Phoenix. Nor George Clooney. Nor Brad Pitt. As a rule I don’t read the bios of guys. Now Scarlett Johannsen is another thing altogether. Yowzaa.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 02 15 at 05:55 AM • permalinkObviously not a case of fast food but a case of food not be fast enough.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 02 15 at 11:32 AM • permalinkYou can trust animals, but first they have to get to know you. And know you has the leader in the arrangement.
Dogs have pack leaders, cats have mothers.
Posted by mythusmage on 2007 02 16 at 03:28 AM • permalink
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Probably because they are animals, and she either violated their turf or looked like food.
Animals are notoriously untrustworthy in those conditions.