<< VOTING VOTED DOWN ~ MAIN ~ DOWN WITH BOJO >>
IT’S WAR!
Texas razed, Ohio under siege ...
(Via apple source Rich Stadnik)
UPDATE, via Dan Lewis: That’s more like it!
And CBS’s web site claimed “Bush Resigns…” when they meant a Bush aide had resigned. It still hadn’t been fixed this afternoon from Friday afternoon.
Posted by andycanuck on 2008 03 03 at 11:59 PM • permalinkBTW, I hope that you’re not related to The New York Tim, Tim, or some will accuse you of self-promotion.
Posted by andycanuck on 2008 03 04 at 12:00 AM • permalinkPresident Bush is attempting to put together a coalition of several Midwestern states before intervening militarily. Wronwright has seized control of Cincinnati and declared southwestern Ohio an independent state (largely on the authority of his Guatemalan field marshal’s uniform). Cindy Sheehan flees Crawford, Texas; believed to be making for the Mexican border disguised as the world’s ugliest piñata. In a related story, the Border Patrol is issuing baseball bats to all of its agents. Obama nearly drowns trying to walk on the Cuyahoga River. Bill Clinton defects to the McCain campaign, decrying Hillary’s bunker mentality (“Shazam! She was handin’ out cyanide pills!”)
Film at eleven.
#6
“Why does her middle name get used but not his?”That’s her maiden name. Her middle name is unpronounceable as it is part of the demon incantation that was used to summon her from hell.
Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2008 03 04 at 12:24 AM • permalinkTwo dogs in the fight. None of them mine.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 03 04 at 12:51 AM • permalinkDang it, where in hell were the human shields’?
Posted by Craig Burden on 2008 03 04 at 01:05 AM • permalinkWake me when the fighting reaches
Little BeirutPortland, OR. Then I’ll watch the tracer rounds and fireballs from the safety of a bunker in the Cascades, drinking bear, and taking bets as to when they march on Olympia.Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 03 04 at 01:11 AM • permalinkAnd I’ll be drinking beer, not bear. Even I have better taste than that.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 03 04 at 01:12 AM • permalink#8 - OK, so it is her maiden name - shouldn’t they use the term nee and put it in brackets? Hillary (nee Rodham) Clinton.
Why do they need to use her maiden name? Is there a bunch of voters who used to know her under her maiden name but wouldn’t recognise her married name?
Is this a Seppo thing or feminista thing or a Defeatocrat thing?
#21 Razor:
Actually, its a Seppo-feminist thing. She went by Hillary Rodham Clinton to keep her feminist credentials the first time they ran for president. I believe she stopped using it after the debacle with her brothers stealing the White House silver. It turns out her birth family is a bigger liability than Bubba. Somehow.#15 TRJS:
If there are tracer rounds in Portland, it means you’ve been conquered by Idaho.#7 Paco:
That ain’t Dallas. Texas would have gone nucular by now. Especially if they had a chance to hit Arkansas.Okay, enough of the US inside jokes.
#20 Doc Alice, I swear I heard him say “Shazam…etc” it as I read paco’s words…
This site can be dangerous. I’m reading paco’s periodic paean to Pan right in the middle of an IBM “webinar”—with folks from Mumbai, Chennai, Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, Sydney and Melbourne asking questions of some very tired sounding Canuck.
I laughed so hard at “Shazam…” that my keyboard fell off my lap, ripped the headset/mike off my noggin on its way to an appointment with my big toe.
I really should know better…
And MikeTheLibrarian at #8, masterful, and it stopped my toe from hurting.
(also, India are 7/240 in the 47th over as I post this)
Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 03 04 at 02:49 AM • permalinkOT. Kevvviiii’s on the box licking his lips like a lizard, bobbing from side to side spruiking his ‘we’ll look after the workers, we’re a government that will take the good with the bad blah blah blah.
It’s worse than my worse dreams’ A career diplomat running a one trillion dollar economy.
More cruelty. He has been followed by Sharron Burrows. The rats are running the lab.
OT - Forget about these panty waisted, nancy boy Democrats. Andrew Symonds has just shoulder charged a pitch invader. Fucking Magnificent! Of course, the limp wristed, nappy wearing, vegemite drillers on ABC Radio find it deplorable. Footage must be posted as soon as available.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2008 03 04 at 04:27 AM • permalinkBlogging may help people feel happier and more satisfied with their friends, according to Melbourne researchers.
Well?
Posted by stackja1945 on 2008 03 04 at 05:00 AM • permalinkWronwright has seized control of Cincinnati and declared southwestern Ohio an independent state (largely on the authority of his Guatemalan field marshal’s uniform).
And I’m not about to do the same mistake as the Ohio State Buckeyes. I’m leaving the South alone.
I was also leaning towards being a conservative but compassionate ruler. But I said fuck it. I’m the Sun King. Bow down to my magesty.
Posted by wronwright on 2008 03 04 at 06:40 AM • permalink#30 Kae,
I feel that she would damage the United States in ways that would take ages to fix, if they even could be repaired. She’s also a lying, conniving, manipulative harridan who only wants people to think of her as a woman when it suits her purposes, such as when she cries at a difficult question or wants it to look like she’s being picked on. I think hellspawn is about right.Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2008 03 04 at 08:13 AM • permalinkI reckon you’re spot on, Kae—besides, what other possible explanation could there be?
Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 03 04 at 08:18 AM • permalinkI think her marriage with Bill became a marriage of convenience a long time ago for the most part. A divorce would have hurt both of their political ambitions and neither of them could trust the other one not to bring up nasty things during the other’s campaign just to spite them. They both seem big on vindictiveness.
I should also stress that I have no problem with a woman being President. A while back I was supporting Condi Rice. I have a problem with this particular woman being president.
Posted by MikeTheLibrarian on 2008 03 04 at 08:25 AM • permalinkThere was that substance on Monica’s dress….......
Posted by Richard Sharpe on 2008 03 04 at 08:45 AM • permalinkWronwright has seized control of Cincinnati and declared southwestern Ohio an independent state (largely on the authority of his Guatemalan field marshal’s uniform).
Won’t anyone send help? Just send some forces—say, a few rotweillers and a bucket of kittens—down State Route 32, through Seaman.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2008 03 04 at 08:56 AM • permalinkIf there are tracer rounds in Portland, it means you’ve been conquered by Idaho.
Idaho has more sense than that; they’ll wait for the California Dhimmicrats to finish rolling up the I5 corridor up to the Canadian border, thereby conquering their cousins who moved north. Idaho will then move in and attack ‘em on the flank.
And since I live closer to Idaho, I can watch the whole show from the sidelines.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2008 03 04 at 10:23 AM • permalinkI’m flying to Texas in April. And since wronwright is now the Sun King of Southwest Ohio, I’m cooking up an NGO right now to help those poor folks in war-torn Texas. Of course, I’ll need a Hummer. And a luxury suite in the best hotel in Dallas. And a driver. And an expense account.
Wronwright? How’s the Royal Treasury holding up?
Rob Crawford -
down State Route 32, through Seaman
Hah! I’ve outfoxed you Crawford. I have the Amish amassed at Millers Bakery. Their chariots - well, actually, buggies - will overrun your positions.
Posted by wronwright on 2008 03 04 at 11:04 AM • permalinkWronwright I
Grand Panjandrum of Cincinnatti
Sultan of Hamilton County
Shadow of God on the Ohio RiverDear Your Majesty:
Peak Altitude Chair Outlets, Inc., is pleased to confirm your order for one (1) deluxe sedan chair. We think you will find the Papal DeVille to be not only a luxurious, but a long-lasting mode of transportation which will maintain a resale value far above average, in the event of coups, golpes de estados, abdications, or military defeats.
You have selected the “Julius II – Warrior Pope” model, with the salmon-pink silk upholstery, landau roof, gold fringe, gilded frame and bronze carry-poles. The six bearers (all prime physical specimens whose capital sentences have been commuted), have a 30,000-mile/5-year warranty. Air shocks and spring suspension afford the most comfortable ride in the market for the dictator on the go, and you won’t get lost with our patented GPS (the senior bearer is equipped with a AAA road map of the greater Cincinnati area).
Thank you again for your purchase, and we wish you many years of despotic success!
Sincerely,
Frederick J. Fischer, III
Vice President, Sales
Peak Altitude Chair Outlets, Inc.#21 Hillary didn’t use Clinton’s name at all until he ran for president. While he was governor it was always Governor Clinton and his wife, Hillary Rodham.
Posted by tabitharuth on 2008 03 04 at 11:53 AM • permalinkHah! I’ve outfoxed you Crawford. I have the Amish amassed at Millers Bakery. Their chariots - well, actually, buggies - will overrun your positions.
Ah, but hordes of rednecks are waiting in Hamiltucky, Pennsiltucky, and Kentucky itself! Indiana’s supplying their gambling boats to shuttle troops across the river, and some of the more colorful folks will be fielding units of fighting dogs and roosters.
We’re even in negotiations with some hippies from Yellow Springs.
YOUR REIGN OF TERROR WILL NOT STAND!!!
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2008 03 04 at 12:49 PM • permalinkWhy do they need to use her maiden name? Is there a bunch of voters who used to know her under her maiden name but wouldn’t recognise her married name?
One word, Razor…Florida
Posted by Deborah Leigh on 2008 03 04 at 01:23 PM • permalinkbrettj—How can you tell if Arkansas’s been nuked? The six-toed ‘cousins?’, the tumbled wreckage of the housing?
They call that a weekday down there…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2008 03 04 at 01:59 PM • permalinkHah Crawford! This isn’t the same type of debacle as when I worked to make sure the Ohio State Buckeyes would win the 2007 college football championship. And when that didn’t happen, I guaranteed the 2007 college basketball championship. And, well, then the 2008 college football championship. I can’t show my face in Columbus anymore.
This time I have time on my side. Specifically, the dates. Do you know what Saturday was? The first of the month. The welfare checks came out. The men are drinking in the bars and gambling at the dog fights and the gals are shopping at the clothing consignment shops. You have no soldiers.
Posted by wronwright on 2008 03 04 at 02:21 PM • permalinkEarlier today, here in Chicago, the air raid sirens went off. Is Wronwright striking out at his Midwestern neighbors?
Over the bodies of thousands of Hoosiers, apparently.
This time I have time on my side. Specifically, the dates. Do you know what Saturday was? The first of the month. The welfare checks came out. The men are drinking in the bars and gambling at the dog fights and the gals are shopping at the clothing consignment shops. You have no soldiers.
I told them all it was a quadruple leap year, and that the first of the month wasn’t for another two weeks.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2008 03 04 at 03:34 PM • permalinkA future history???
Wronwright I (aka “Wronwright the Recumbent”), whose life was spared for services to “The Cause” but reduced to ruling the tiny suzerainity of Cincinnati, will eventually meet his nemesis, one David Crockett La Cruz, an actor, fortune seeker and adventurer from the long isolated orbital technocratic democracies of Circumluna and the Bubbles Congeries.
La Cruz will land in what he believes to be Canada to reclaim family mining interests only to discover that Canada is now North Texas and what is left of civilization in North America is ruled by primitive, backslapping, bigger than life anti-intellectual “good ole boys” convinced of their own moral superiority.
The giant hormone-boosted Anglo-Saxon inhabitants who rule a diminutive Mexican underclass, the original Texas, or Texas, will be found to have actually secretly ruled the pre-nuclear war United States since 1845.
“Of it was never given out to the general public in the states, who never had no brains or guts nohow and flustered easy, that this assumption of leadership was annexation—but it was always known to the speaker of the House and the senators who counted in Washington that secretest treaty Texas was boss…With the coming of the kleptocrat, Wronwright the Profligate, unlikely Mid-Western instigator (with the aid of the P.A.C.O. Consortium) of the Third World War and the atomization of Washington, New York, San Francisco, and so forth, secrecy became unnecessary…”
Texas will escape the nuclear destruction of the rest of the United States because of the foresight of Lyndon the First. An emormous bunker once known as the Houston Carlsbad Caverns-Denver-Kansas City-Little Rock Pentagram and now referred to simply as the Texas Bunker will save the heartland during a war that will destroy both American coasts, Europe, Russia, China, and Africa. Texas will then conquer the rest of the continent, although Hawaii and Cuba will remain stubbornly “unconquered.”
(respects to Fritz Leiber, “A Spectre is Haunting Texas”, pub. Gollancz, 1969)
Over to you, paco…Posted by MentalFloss on 2008 03 04 at 06:38 PM • permalink
Page 1 of 1 pages
Members:
Login | Register
| Member List
Haha great find!