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“HUMAN INSIDE AN INJURED-CHICKEN COSTUME”
Grand Junction, Colorado, has witnessed the least-successful animal rights demonstration since a group of Brisbane beef liberationists begged police to rescue them:
A human inside an injured-chicken costume, hobbling in protest on the sidewalk Wednesday in front of a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant, didn’t achieve the desired effect, according to many who dined there.
This is a story of many heroes. Standing tall among them is Brad Steig:
Steig, a manager for Halliburton, said he heard about the PETA protest on the radio and decided right then to eat at KFC on Wednesday, the day of the protest.
Not only that, but he bought seven of the biggest buckets of chicken and all the side dishes and used four trips to load them into his Halliburton pickup to treat his co-workers.
“I detest that organization,” Steig said ...
To recap: he loaded seven buckets of fried chicken (and all the side dishes) into a Halliburton pickup during a PETA protest. That’s like at least four of my major life goals accomplished in one day. Grand Junction seems positively crowded with fine folk:
Jim Shults dined at KFC with his wife, Deb, on Wednesday just because of the PETA protest, he said. Shults called his lunch a preemptive strike, he said.
“I’m going to kill chickens before they kill me with bird flu,” said Shults. He called PETA “People Eating Tasty Animals.”
When he heard about the protest, he decided “instantaneously this is where we were going to eat today,” he said.
Deb Shults ate chicken strips, and said, “I’m killing one of their pot pies.”
The city’s children were raised right:
A group of Grand Junction High School students brought their chicken to the curb to eat in front of the costume chicken and the protesters.
Random individuals made their feelings known:
A big man in a big pickup rolled by, growling out his open window, “I eat chicken ... lots of chicken.”
PETA should perhaps study an area’s demographics before organising their next protest:
Residents of Grand Junction gave more campaign money ($34,685) to Bush than to the other people running for President in 2004. Residents gave more to the Republican party than any of the others.
I once explained to a date that I actually agreed that eating meat was probably not healthy but I wouldn’t stop because I liked the idea of killing animals. No second date.
Posted by Pat Patterson on 2006 05 20 at 02:31 PM • permalinkChicken Reel? Paco, what kind of drugs are you on today??? Everybody knows it’s the Chicken Dance! http://www.whydidthechickencrosstheroad.com/the-chicken-dance.htm
(Sorry again, Andrea.)
My one girlfriend actually made us dance this at her wedding.
I give these people a lot of credit. Not even a PETA counter-demonstration could drive me to KFC.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 05 20 at 06:11 PM • permalinkI’m still waiting for Stevo to tell us what “incomponent” means.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 05 20 at 07:15 PM • permalink“Incomponent” means they are missing an important component.
Insert your own component joke here.
Posted by Ed Falkner on 2006 05 20 at 07:23 PM • permalinkThere are more chickens than people. Something needs to be done.
Anyways: PetsOrFood.comCripes. I drove through Grand Junction, Colorado once. Faint memory says I bought some petrol (gas) there; little did I know that only a few blocks away may have been a future shrine to People Eating Tasty Animals.
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 05 20 at 09:18 PM • permalinkPETA wrote a letter to Arafat a few years ago asking him to please refrain from using donkeys while trying to blow up Jews. A truly insane letter.
You cuold admire them for their creativity:
Your Mommy Kills Animals
Your Daddy Kills AnimalsI don’t understand how they are allowed to target children in this way.
Hmmmm.
I’ve got to call my dad tomorrow about this. He lives in Grand Junction, Colorado.
A nice town really and fairly conservative. The airport is rather small and handles puddle-jumpers only. Be forewarned that flying into Grand Junction can be a bit odd for those not used to prop-driven airplanes.
Though it’s not nearly as bad as Aspen, which is frankly insane.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 20 at 11:24 PM • permalinkScenario: PETArd approaches Average Child and thrusts a “Your Daddy Kills Animals” sign in the child’s face. The Average Child responds by turning to his father and exclaiming “Dad, way cool! Can I watch when you do that next time?”
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 05 20 at 11:40 PM • permalinkFrom the article:
KFC and its vendors have been known to scald animals alive “while they’re still fully conscious and able to feel pain,” Rajt said. They also give drugs to the animals to quickly grow big, she said.From the KFC website.
Stunning
Our suppliers’ stunning equipment should be maintained to confirm that birds are insensible prior to slaughter, and the time between stunning and slaughter should be limited to minimize any likelihood that a bird may regain consciousness prior to slaughter.
...
Raising: Consistent with federal law, it is KFC’s policy that its suppliers must not use hormones or steroids for any purpose, including to promote growth in their chickensSomeone’s lying. My guess is it’s the PETA people.
The Pets Or Food site broke me up.
As for the PETARD effort about Mummy and Daddy killing lots of animals. Care factor?
I just put Magilla to bed and tonight’s song was the Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly. There was much hilarity at the Old Lady swallowing a horse and dropping dead, with the comment that eating lots of animals can make you drop dead.
My response was that there is nothing wrong with eating lots of animals - just don’t do it all at once. (She’s a bit young for Mr. Creosote, but I reckon another year or two will sort that one out.)
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 05 21 at 06:15 AM • permalinkThe Pets Or Food site is bullshit.
No budgie steaks?
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 05 21 at 09:13 AM • permalink“Well, ya know, Bubba, if’n that big ole chicken out front is injured, the only decent thang to do is cut off its head and cook it to put it out of its misery…Go tell Jimmy Joe Jack Bob ta fahr up his chainsaw.”
Of course, that’s the customers. The staff are saying ‘¿Que? Voy el pollo grande muy stupido…’
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 21 at 12:06 PM • permalinkHmmm.
My aunt used to raise her own chickens. She had this funnel thing with a slot near the bottom. She’d shove the chicken head first into the funnel, and then cut the chicken’s throat using the slot.
PETA would probably want to crucify her if they saw her doing that.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 05 21 at 01:36 PM • permalinkHa! My parents live in GJ, I will have to send this to them
Posted by beautifulatrocities on 2006 05 21 at 02:38 PM • permalink#37: 12—Paco, do you swing your watch chain in a circle when dancing the Chicken Reel?
Not any more. The last time I did, I was too close to the band and my watch chain got caught on the spit valve of the slide trombone, not only turning what was supposed to be an intricate bit of syncopation into a coda, but causing a shower of saliva that ruined the pheasant feather on my gator fedora.
And don’t be embarrassed to write in and Ask PETA.
I recently hit a young fawn with my new Hummer. The splatter of technicolor gore across my hood and windshield was amazing! I immediately stopped to call my Hummer Dealer to find out if deer spleen stains. Problem was, I couldn’t hear the guy on the phone over the agonized mewling of the mangled fawn. Do you have any idea?
I miss out on all the fun. :-(
Not that I normally eat at KFC (or any other fast-food joint) anyway, but I’d be willing to make a special trip in a case like this - and eat the chicken right in front of the petaidiot.
PETA is headquartered in Norfolk; wonder why they haven’t tried this crap up here in Richmond? I could use some fun.
Think maybe they know us too well? ;-p
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2006 05 21 at 05:04 PM • permalink#35 SCD. Not enough meat on a budgie for a steak, although I reckon you could make up a nice stew with a few of them.
Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 05 21 at 05:08 PM • permalink“Police had to break up an animal rights protest yesterday when schoolchildren in Aberdeen pelted activists with cartons of milk. Sean Gifford of PETA & an unidentified man in a cow-suit had planned a peaceful protest at the gates of the Grammar School to let pupils know about the claimed hazards in milk.
About 100 children, shouting milk for the masses and carrying banners, surrounded Mr Gifford and his “cow” partner & drenched them both in milk for about 10 minutes.
Pupil Adam Smith: “This is a stupid idea. I certainly won’t stop drinking milk just because a man has dressed up as a cow outside my school.”
Posted by beautifulatrocities on 2006 05 21 at 08:12 PM • permalinkHey paco, is your screen name a contraction of Pachuco?
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2006 05 21 at 08:48 PM • permalink#48: No, but I see how you could get that idea. Incidentally, I was just kidding around about the zoot suit, but you can apparently still buy the things.
Had some very nice chicken’s feet yesterday at yum cha. They were marinated in about a million mysterious Chinese spices and they were delicious.
I love all that stuff.
And PETA people are insane. Go into the desert, fools, and try to live on sand. Or rocks. I hear they’re in two minds about even eating actual plantlife.
“I’m killing one of their pot pies.”
Now THAT is funny.
Oh, sure—you guys are too, but…
...that particular quote kills the cake.
Speaking of killing, (and incidentally, of the Anglosphere), I think I’m going to kill a couple “sausage rolls” tonight.
For you, (us), Americans, that’s a weird British thing you can get at a bar, (pub), which is a little sausage with bready stuff around it… and you put on that mustard that makes your nose hurt.
Mmmmmmm.
Posted by zeppenwolf on 2006 05 21 at 11:30 PM • permalinkMilk and meat companies should organise more protests against the protestors.
There is nothing more funny than someone being slapped across the face with a piece of steak, ‘cept if that person is some dickhead from PETA.
The only reason these groups are so bold is because they get away with it. People need to stick it too them.
Posted by The (WHMECDM) President on 2006 05 22 at 01:28 AM • permalink#55- Don’t knock it- all those hormones are causing men to grow breasts. It’s getting so you don’t have to go out on a Friday night for anything these days. Modern science is making life so convenient.
(All we need is a self-replicating beer plant, and a genetically modifed cow with octopus dna that cooks itself then loads the dishwasher. Bliss).
#56- don’t know about ruining a nice big sirloin by whacking a filthy hippy across their puss with same (but a t-bone could hook on one of their piercings, and tear a chunk out of their pointy heads so it has some merit), but I think it’d be rather a wheeze to mash a mullet in the mush of a meat-maligning moonbat.
Beat-a PETA with some meat-a, it’s so neat-a you’ll tap your feet-a!
Don’t worry Habib - I am working on something very similar. Keep an eye on here later this week for more news. May even
stealborrow your beata peta with some meata as a headline. Acknowledged of course.Posted by The (WHMECDM) President on 2006 05 22 at 03:03 AM • permalink#42, RebeccaH,
Oh, I remember the first time I saw my grandmother swing a chicken around and snap its neck! It blew me away. She put it in boiling water to assist in help her get the feathers out, too. That must be what they are alluding to when they talk about scalding the chickens. Biting into a tip of a feather when eating a nice piece of fried chicken is somethink almost unheard of today.
#55, #57 - chickens haven’t been injected with growth hormones in the West (can’t speak for other parts of the world) since the 70s.
Posted by James Waterton on 2006 05 22 at 05:04 AM • permalinkWhy I’m guessing that person in the plastic injured chicken get up felt as embarrassed as tonite’s SBS newsreader in her lolly pink Wilma Flintstone creation.Brave little gal though she sat through it all with a pasted on broad smile through gritted teeth and clenched jaw.
The fashionista would have been so proud..No, but I see how you could get that idea. Incidentally, I was just kidding around about the zoot suit, but you can apparently still buy the things.
Honest, I have always wanted a zoot suit.
All we need is a self-replicating beer plant, and a genetically modifed cow with octopus dna that cooks itself then loads the dishwasher. Bliss
Thanks for that. Now my co-workers think I’ve lost it - I CANNOT stop laughing.
Posted by Major John on 2006 05 22 at 09:17 AM • permalink56- don’t know about ruining a nice big sirloin by whacking a filthy hippy across their puss with same (but a t-bone could hook on one of their piercings, and tear a chunk out of their pointy heads so it has some merit), but I think it’d be rather a wheeze to mash a mullet in the mush of a meat-maligning moonbat.
I recommend a leg of lamb. Better control and leverage.
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 22 at 08:12 PM • permalinkPrince has been voted sexiest vegetarian in a poll conducted by PETA. He regards the life of a lamb as no less important than the life of a human.
Vegetarian? He could equally be a cannibal.
To recap: he loaded seven buckets of fried chicken (and all the side dishes) into a Halliburton pickup during a PETA protest. That’s like at least four of my major life goals accomplished in one day.
Sounds to me like it’s up there on the top ten list of “ultimate right-wing fantasies”.
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2006 05 23 at 04:42 AM • permalinkTo recap: he loaded seven buckets of fried chicken (and all the side dishes) into a Halliburton pickup during a PETA protest. That’s like at least four of my major life goals accomplished in one day.
...and then driving through a feminist rally to Hooter’s….
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 05 24 at 01:13 AM • permalink
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KFC, yum. With a dollop of Red Devil.
Dang. I was craving a sandwich, but now…