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HUG WARNINGS

Teenager Erica Hei-Yuan Chan, a student at the same private school attended by John Howard fan Stephen Battaglia, writes to the Age:

I wonder whether schoolchildren would flock to [Howard] so readily were he drenched in the blood of those who have died in Iraq. Or covered in the greasiness of the “business deals” in East Timor. Or if his lips and eyes were sewn up.

Erica raises an important subject. How many of us, hug-crazed as we are, would hug people if they were drenched in blood or grease? Or if they’d sewn their eyes shut? Not many, I bet! Before you hug anybody, please check that they are not:

* Only minutes old and covered in bloody birth-slime

* A grizzly bear

* Your elderly patrician boss

* Concealing a suicide bomb

* Coated in atomic sap from hugging nuclear saplings

* The zombie Prime Minister, advancing on you with sewn-up eyes

* Jim Treacher

Posted by Tim B. on 07/29/2006 at 12:54 PM

  1. I for one, fear the Treach. Zombies, not so much.

    Posted by CrankyNeocon on 2006 07 29 at 01:16 PM • permalink

  2. Hey! I’m told I am very huggable. Wait, that should be sweaty, I’m very sweaty.

    For more laffs, please visit me at Blowing Smoke!

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 07 29 at 01:35 PM • permalink

  3. Erica’s teachers must be so proud.

    Posted by David McBryde on 2006 07 29 at 01:54 PM • permalink

  4. I thought Treacher was the Zombie Prime Minister.

    Posted by ushie on 2006 07 29 at 01:58 PM • permalink

  5. Has anyone seen Texas Bob. Looked through a few threads, haven’t seen him.

    Posted by El Cid on 2006 07 29 at 02:11 PM • permalink

  6. #5 El, he’s supposed to be on leave stateside, isn’t he? Probably relaxing in his lazy-boy chair, getting on the outside of a cold brew right about now.

    Posted by paco on 2006 07 29 at 02:19 PM • permalink

  7. I would hug an angry 15 year old school girl, at least if it weren’t for numerous restraining orders and other legal constraints.

    Posted by Ross on 2006 07 29 at 04:35 PM • permalink

  8. Ross — embrace Islam and all things are possible and praiseworthy.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 29 at 04:45 PM • permalink

  9. Confucius say…

    Zombie Prime Minister - NEVER RETIRE!!!!

    bwahahahahaahahahaha

    Posted by der FRED on 2006 07 29 at 05:01 PM • permalink

  10. Hey—- which of you would turn down a hug like this? 

    Fear not—it’s safe for work or home.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 07 29 at 05:27 PM • permalink

  11. 15??  Sweeet!!! The wives of al-Zaquari and Mohammed (feces be upon him)(“FBUH”) were only 13. This mature woman must know what she’s talking about.  Is she a hottie?

    Posted by Son of a Pig and a Monkey on 2006 07 29 at 05:32 PM • permalink

  12. Real JeffS, that isn’t a hug, that’s a conjoined twin.

    Posted by Ross on 2006 07 29 at 06:03 PM • permalink

  13. #10 - he looks impressed :)

    Cindy must be the most saddest pathetic thing, she’s the poster girl for the need for HRT therapy (the before photo)

    Posted by spyder on 2006 07 29 at 06:51 PM • permalink

  14. Erica must be this girl’s (from LGF)
    cousin

    Posted by spyder on 2006 07 29 at 06:55 PM • permalink

  15. They have business deals in East Timor?

    Posted by blogstrop on 2006 07 29 at 07:32 PM • permalink

  16. blogstrop — Yep.  you go to do business, they give you the works.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 29 at 08:36 PM • permalink

  17. Fear not—it’s safe for work or home.

    I thought you said it was work safe?  How could it be work safe if it’s not even life safe?

    Posted by kcom on 2006 07 29 at 09:08 PM • permalink

  18. I can imagine some of the questions for the Age job application:

    1- Would you hug the PM if he was covered in seven inch steel spikes coated in the flesh-eating bacteria and had a lethal circular saw for a mouth?

    2- Do you see the PM as drenched in the blood of the slaughtered innocent or merely their lymph and mucus?

    3- Are you ashamed to be Australian, deeply ashamed to be Australian or smugly proud of yourself and ashamed of your fellow Australians?

    Posted by Amos on 2006 07 29 at 09:56 PM • permalink

  19. erica’s letter doesn’t look like it was written by a 15 year old. more like mummy or daddy did some coaching. and mummy & daddy work in advertising, or for the smage

    Posted by KK on 2006 07 29 at 11:50 PM • permalink

  20. #10 & 17

    I’m with kcom.

    Anyway, I am a cuddle person meself.

    Posted by kae on 2006 07 30 at 12:23 AM • permalink

  21. I would hug Treacher.  And not in a gay way either.  Unless, you know, he was interested.

    Posted by Sortelli on 2006 07 30 at 02:21 AM • permalink

  22. Who ya gonna hug, Beazley,Brown,Nettle, Stott-Despoja this tut tut Brigade always have whinge but no solutions.

    Posted by Howzat on 2006 07 30 at 03:14 AM • permalink

  23. Or if his lips and eyes were sewn up

    But a gimp mask is still OK isn’t it?

    Amos: can I be smugly proud of myself for being deeply ashamed of being Australian?

    Posted by Henry boy on 2006 07 30 at 03:37 AM • permalink

  24. Alright, let’s get stuck into the teenage girl who we disagree with! Yeah!

    Better still, let’s suggest her mum/teacher/some other commie wrote the letter!

    (And KK, your comment looks like it WAS written by a 15 year old.)

    Posted by gson on 2006 07 30 at 05:53 AM • permalink

  25. She needs lessons from (amazingly ABC stori’s) Quao Do who is Vietnamese,raised in the Western suburbs,works and is proud to be Australian.Take that Erica,you smug,middle class,bleeding heart,ungrateful,disloyal little turd.

    Posted by crash on 2006 07 30 at 07:55 AM • permalink

  26. Oops of Vietnamese ethnic origin I SHOULD say.

    Posted by crash on 2006 07 30 at 07:56 AM • permalink

  27. Alright, let’s get stuck into the teenage girl who we disagree with! Yeah!

    Looks like someone needs a hug.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 07 30 at 11:35 AM • permalink

  28. I thought you said it was work safe?  How could it be work safe if it’s not even life safe?

    You have a life at work?  ;-P

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 07 30 at 11:39 AM • permalink

  29. Who ya gonna hug, Beazley,Brown,Nettle, Stott-Despoja this tut tut Brigade always have whinge but no solutions.

    Isn’t the answer obvious?  This is just one more reason that Mark Latham should have been elected PM.  He’s huggability personified. :)

    Posted by kcom on 2006 07 30 at 12:03 PM • permalink

  30. Man, the trolls are sure boring around here lately.

    Posted by ushie on 2006 07 30 at 12:24 PM • permalink

  31. I would hug Treacher.  And not in a gay way either.  Unless, you know, he was interested.

    No way, dude! (E-mail me.)

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2006 07 30 at 05:42 PM • permalink

  32. wonder whether schoolchildren would flock to [Howard] so readily were he drenched in the blood of those who have died in Iraq. Or covered in the greasiness of the “business deals” in East Timor. Or if his lips and eyes were sewn up.

    “It’s ALIVE!”

          —Dr. Margo Kingston-Frankenstein

    Posted by Patricia on 2006 07 30 at 09:09 PM • permalink

  33. Let me see—I’m guessing Stephen and Erica are not an item. Or, not any more.

    Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2006 07 31 at 11:35 PM • permalink

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