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HOUSE OF CORRECTION
The BBC’s latest means of population bossing:
Joanna, Dan and Andy descend on a household of wasters to assess just how bad they are based on what they see in the house, by ‘interrogating’ them and from the evidence of a waste diary that the family has compiled.
The family then spends up to five days living at ‘the house of correction’ - a purpose built eco-camp of large traditional Mongolian yurts (tents) - where they live without creature comforts and have Joanna and Dan teaching how them to waste as little as possible and how to live off the land.
(Via Murph)
But let me tell you, you Peruvian-hatted puritan apostles of grassy nihilism, the single hottest problem facing the planet is not global warming, but the viciously smug fundamentalist prohibitionists of the green movement. Those wholemealy-mouthed ecologists, who devoutly wish to reduce everyone else’s existence to a self-righteous nose-drip probity that never moves more than four miles from the communal yurt, never eats anything that hasn’t been grown in the communal dung and never thinks anything that isn’t collectively miserabilist, are going to destroy life as we know it faster than an equator of traffic jams, a continent of unlagged lofts and a squadron of circling jumbos.
Here I thought this guy was exagerating when I first read it. Linked from Bolt’s blog originally
Isn’t it about time someone descended on “Joanna, Dan, and Andy” and subjected them to humiliation based on some idiot criteria? I’d watch that.
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 08 30 at 01:50 PM • permalinkJoanna, Dan and Andy descend on [insert “wronwright’s] household of wasters to assess just how bad they are based on what they see in the house, by ‘interrogating’ them and from the evidence of a waste diary that the family has compiled.
wronwright then opens a can of whoop ass, serving it with pages from his waste diary.
Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 30 at 01:50 PM • permalinkWell you must go to ecoconfession.
Now for penances:
For boiling too much water in a kettle, three cold baths…
I read about this show some time ago in The Herald which focused on one of the families, the Buchanans:
Susan Buchanan reclines in the deep, piping-hot bubble bath which is part of her daily ritual and declares, glass of wine in hand, that life could not be more perfect. Downstairs, the day’s fourth load of washing rumbles round the tumble-drier while the kids watch the huge plasma television under the glare of 32 light-bulbs. Husband John sits at his laptop computer. Outside the large four-bedroomed house in Killearn is the fleet of cars that includes Susan’s gas-guzzling Range Rover which is responsible for five tonnes of carbon emissions each year.
Susan, a property developer, is sceptical that changing their lifestyle will have any effect on the planet. “I’m aware that we’re wasting energy,” she admits. “Does it worry me? No. I’ll stop driving my Range Rover when George Bush gets his act together [me: see, it’s all Bush’s fault, but you already knew that] and China stops polluting. To me, there are bigger issues out there than recycling, such as finding a cure for cancer and making sure every child in this country is well fed.”
After their stay in the yurts, however, the Buchanans changed their wicked, wicked ways:
The family moved to Glasgow to be closer to Susan’s work. Now, instead of up to three journeys a day from Killearn to the city, Susan is only a five-minute drive from most of her appointments and even uses public transport for shopping. John no longer commutes to Fife but works from home.
Susan has reduced her washes to one a day and changes bed linen once a week. “I’ve realised you can wear the same clothes a few times and it’s ok,” says Susan. Hand-washing, previously an alien concept, has also become a reality, and Susan has banned Kris from doing single-item wash-and-tumble-dries.
The family now embraces recycling, separating plastic, paper and tins. Susan has extended her environmental conscience to her property-developing business; she uses a company called Junk-It to get rid of building waste in an eco-friendly way. She also makes use of reclaimed materials.
Another targeted family, the Fowlers, spent their time in the “House of Correction” thusly (as reported in the
Telegraph):The experts took one disgusted look at the Fowlers’ wasteful habits and sent them off to the “House of Correction” - which was a camp of carbon neutral yurts in the Welsh valleys. There they lived for four days with no running water or electricity, while mobile phones and game consoles were confiscated on arrival. It was the Priory for energy-bingers.
“This is s***,” declared Roger.
Assignments to show the family the error of their ways included having to fish a month’s worth of rubbish - 24 bin-liners fit to burst - out of a lake and walking across a pile of burning coals to symbolise the fossil fuel energy used by their computers, TVs, etc. They watched a pig being killed in a local abattoir and later ate it for their supper - a lesson in food miles and how to avoid them. They also used their own nitrate-rich urine as fertiliser for vegetables that they later ate.
The Fowlers weren’t quite as receptive to their re-education as the Buchanans, however:
By the end of their eco-break, the Fowlers were a little more receptive to the idea of planet hugging. Katya promised that she would “turn the lights off” at home and Roger was talking about downsizing permanently. But had they just been swept up in the moment? On returning home, they discovered that their house had been “made over” by the eco-experts. An “eco-mower” sheep grazed in the garden. Ugly recycling tubes led from a second-storey window to the drive, where a new, impracticably small, electric car was parked. Inside, a pedal-powered washing machine had been installed that only worked with cold water. It was meant to “make them think twice about using the washing machine”. They thought about it once and then chucked it out of the window. Outside, a “game zone” shed was powered by an unsightly wind turbine that only had sufficient power for one light bulb. It was soon abandoned.
“They turned the house into a bloody circus,” laughs Roger. “Everything they did was a joke.” However, the family have decided to take their new commitments seriously.
“It’s pointless doing gimmicks,” says Nicola. “We wanted to see what we could change on an ongoing, long-term basis.”
My only question is, why can’t we get quality programming like this in the States?
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 08 30 at 02:50 PM • permalinkThe Beeb is presenting this as entertainment? Brings to mind the old Fred Allen quote: “The BBC starts at 6:30 in the morning with a lecture on how to stuff a field mouse and just builds from there.”
And Ernie, no way would I convict you. If this trio of self-righteous assholes were to drop in on me I’d do the same thing.
From the article:
Joanna, Dan and Andy descend on a household of wasters to assess just how bad they are based on what they see in the house, by ‘interrogating’ them and from the evidence of a waste diary that the family has compiled.
“NO ONE EXPECTS THE GAIAN INQUISITION!”
Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 08 30 at 03:23 PM • permalinkI’m with ErnieG. I would introduce them to Messrs. Smith, Wesson and Remington. See how much carbon and/or methane comes out of their butts as they run with lead projectiles and shot whizzing around their ears.
Elizabeth
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 08 30 at 03:39 PM • permalinkUsually after spending a night in a yurt I wake up wanting to lead a horde across the Central Asian steppes and put the population to the sword—not recycle toilet paper and drive a hybrid car.
Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2007 08 30 at 04:26 PM • permalinkDoesn’t the ABC have some similar home invasive crap - Carbon Cops or some such?
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 08 30 at 04:28 PM • permalinkWhat a fantastic way to garner support for the movement.
Go into people’s houses, interrogate the hell out of the occupants about their evil sins and relocate them to a mud hut to live, virtually implying that that should be the way they “should” exist on this earth.
Unless you’re a pot smoking basket weaver you’re going to come home from your “house of correction” and toddle off to a polling place and vote right wing for the rest of your life.Posted by Hank Reardon on 2007 08 30 at 05:24 PM • permalink#24
Why am I not surprised they dont go into the homes of the likes of al’gore, bongo, leornardo di vincio, lord edward kennedy, john edwards etc etc
Celebrity is never having to say ... anything coherent or consistent.
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 08 30 at 06:20 PM • permalinkShows like this are what you get in a nation with taxpayer-financed television and no gun rights.
Posted by WingDynasty on 2007 08 30 at 06:23 PM • permalinkThey watched a pig being killed in a local abattoir and later ate it for their supper - a lesson in food miles and how to avoid them.
“A lesson in food miles,” my fat ass. I’ll bet it’s more like “a lesson in where your filthy, disgusting MEAT comes from, you carnivorous, animal-murdering bastards!”
Maybe Ted Nugent should host these clods at his spread for a couple of weeks. I’m sure he could show the hippies a thing or two about living off the land.
Posted by Blue State Sil on 2007 08 30 at 06:26 PM • permalinkThere’s something sinister about this - that you can send a family off to a “re-education camp” and that that can be seen in a positive light.
Do you think we’ll see more of these concepts from the horrid past (and Cuban present) getting dusted off and spun as being a good thing?
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 08 30 at 06:27 PM • permalinkI would introduce them to Messrs. Smith, Wesson and Remington.
Elizabeth, let us not forget Professor Mossberg, Colonel Colt, and Doctor Glock as well. That would be a fine reception committee for any eco-nazis trying to “interrogate” me.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 08 30 at 06:31 PM • permalinkScene from the yurt:
Joanna: What are you two doing under that hemp blanket?
Mum & Dad: Nothing, nothing ...
Joanna: You know we can’t risk spawning more eco-destroyers, can we?
Dad: {emerges sheepishly}... But we’ve been here a week… and it quite romantic with the yurt and all, and the high protein lentils… you know how it is.
Joanna: Yes, yes, but you must learn to do it on your own. Just watch Andy over there. He’s at it all the time.
Dan [enters stage left left]... Oh Andy why can’t you ever wait for me.
I for one could go for that if I was allowed to nap all day…naps, glorious naps.
No work, no toil, no worries or stress.
Live in a Yurt, paid for by the state, fed by state, lulled to sleep by the state.
Wonderful, beautiful naps…all day long.
How many of these ganola eco-hippies would need to engage in productive work for me to be able to nap in a Yert all day?
Joana, Dan and Andy can figure out how much energy I waste re-cementing the basement floor after I drop them in the foundation… what sort of serf would put up with this sort of intrusion?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 08 30 at 08:06 PM • permalinkI fixed your link, 1.618. I won’t fix the next one, I’ll just remove it. A lot of people read this site at low resolutions and long urls screw up the way the page looks. It’s not fair to the other readers.
This note goes for the rest of you as well. I have a lesson on how to make links in the FAQ. I no longer have a job, so I will be home for a while, watching you! [stern glare]
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 08 30 at 08:06 PM • permalink#39 Andrea -
... so I will be home for a while, watching you! [stern glare]
Owwww. How bout turning down the setting. Geesh.Posted by wronwright on 2007 08 30 at 08:54 PM • permalink#40 Hanyu, perhaps you’re talking about the part of Mongolia that’s been thoroughly raped by the Han Chinese? Ulaan Bataar, in the part of Mongolia that was only lightly raped by the USSR, has whole suburbs of gers.
Posted by flying pigs over mecca on 2007 08 30 at 09:43 PM • permalinkCORRECTION OF HOUSE!
Sorry, Tim, but the traditional Mongolian tent is calles a “GER”. “Yurt” is a Russian term.
A ger house is actually quite cosy. These days, most of the nomads have solar panels to power the TV, etc
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 30 at 10:20 PM • permalink#44 Radius, you beat me to it!
Having been to Mongolia 7 times in the last 5 years, I would say that over half the popolation of the country lives in ger houses.
In the cities, where they don’t have access to animal dung, they burn coal. In winter, UB is one of the most polluted cities on earth.
If we take away their coal, they will freeze to death, thereby killing 2 birds with one stone.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 30 at 10:25 PM • permalinkI loooove yurts. With a shower, a firm couch and a good view, what’s not to enjoy?
Posted by carpefraise on 2007 08 30 at 10:56 PM • permalinkEverytime I hear yurt, my mind says “yeast infection”.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 08 30 at 10:59 PM • permalink#46
Coaled Coaled Change? ... per Garrett and the ‘OilsThe Puritans of Modern Britain.
Come to think of it, even Oliver Cromwell might balk at such intrusive busybodies. John Knox wouldn’t though. Are these clowns Scots?
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2007 08 31 at 01:47 AM • permalinkThey have this so wrong. What’s the most carbon-neutral country on the planet? Why, North Korea!
Let’s see how long Joanna, Dan and Andy last in the Worker’s Paradise(tm), as they experience tasty bark soup and the joys of corvee labor.
Then there’s the absolute lack of electricity. Ahh, paradise indeed, as they learn from the locals how to reduce their food miles to zero.
Posted by Tommy Shanks on 2007 08 31 at 02:36 AM • permalink#48 Dr Alice.
I was going there for work and never had much time for tourism. It is a huge country with limited tourism infrastructure outside of UB, but there are many organized tours.
Most of the country is high steppes or desert but there are spectacular mountains to north and far west. Well worth a visit.
If you make it to Taishir (~1000 km west of UB, you will see a huge reservoir just starting to fill.
Bayangol hotel is best place to stay in UB.
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 08 31 at 04:23 AM • permalinkAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
I read the A.A Gill article and now realise that there is no point in ever going back to London - the Texas Lone Star in Gloucester Road
has closed and been replaced by a crappy Chinese restaurant?Where would I eat ribs and get drunk now?
Posted by mr creosote on 2007 08 31 at 05:10 AM • permalinkI’d waste them.
What they all seem to overlook, is that the people they are scrutinizing paid for it, it’s their energy, they can do what they fucking want with it. That’s the really magic thing about ownership.
Posted by ooh honey honey on 2007 08 31 at 06:42 AM • permalinkVolunteering for re-education. Now that’s progressive! Onward to victory my green brothers!
Posted by dean martin on 2007 08 31 at 08:50 AM • permalink30: I agree, but Professor Mossberg was retained by the ex in the divorce. A pity, I loved it, a 500 with a pistol grip.
However, I believe that when those ecofreaks hear Mr. Remington speak (chambering a round), they would take notice. And beat feet.
Elizabeth
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 08 31 at 09:56 AM • permalinkAndrea wrote:
[stern glare]
AIEEEEEEEEE!!! IT BURRRRNNNNNNNNSSS!!!
Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 08 31 at 09:57 AM • permalinkI’m sure John Moses Browning would not want to be left out of the introductions.
Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 08 31 at 10:02 AM • permalink#18 Elizabeth - You go, girl! Drive ‘em towards my house and I’ll introduce them to Messrs. Smith and Wesson on the flip side. :-D
Loons, the lot of them (including the idiots who agreed to subject themselves to this crap).
Posted by Barbara Skolaut on 2007 08 31 at 11:13 AM • permalinkOh heck, I’d really like to introduce them to Mr Strohl, even if that’s from a science fiction webcomic.
<<OMMMINOUS HUMMMMM>>
Posted by Patrick Chester on 2007 08 31 at 12:02 PM • permalink68: No problem, I’ll bring the spirits and the (sadly depleted) Imperial Warren™ and we’ll have a hunt.
“Hunt the EcoFreak.” Has a right nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
Elizabeth
Imperial KeeperPosted by Elizabeth Imperial Keeper on 2007 08 31 at 12:52 PM • permalinkMr. Creosote… the Texas Lone Star closed?! Aw, dammit!
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 08 31 at 02:44 PM • permalinkI met a guy once from Montreal who used to I guess if we all melted down our tractors and made hand tools, we could all enjoy the “great leap backwards” that these watermelons have in mind. I am sure the resulting mass starvation would surprise the lefties as much as it did after the “great leap forward”.
JoAnna, Dan, And Andy. 3 grinning baboons who mindlessly promote conformity to a slave mindset…Damn I’m no good with words! Somebody help me out, who is more worthy of contempt, the Pol Pots or those idiots who pave their way?
Posted by dean martin on 2007 09 01 at 04:11 AM • permalink
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mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa