<< DRUMMER DREAMS ~ MAIN ~ LONE VOICES HEARD >>
HEADLINE OF THE WEEK
From the Capital Times of Madison, Wisconsin:
Artists Often Have Little or No Health Insurance Coverage
The Times is obviously aiming for a mention in James Taranto’s prestigious “Bottom Stories of the Day”. Recent headlines therefrom:
• “German Makes Amends for 1970 Shoplifting”
• “Anti-War Activists Rush to Hold Protests”
• “Three Pigs Trigger Fire in Rural Serbia”
• “Charles Family Taking to the Game of Hockey”
• “Little-Known Quake Is Remembered”
• “Dodging Traffic a Risky Undertaking”
• “Losing Job Will Make It Hard to Pay Off Mortgages”
• “Democrats Consider Raising Taxes”
• “Canadian Actors Strike Set to Take Effect”
“Magrok Kingston writes at Web Dreary”
Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2007 01 13 at 03:17 AM • permalinkOnce a week we should have a reader-driven ‘Bottom stories of the week’. Heaven knows there’s enough material in the Australia mainstream press.
Posted by walterplinge on 2007 01 13 at 03:34 AM • permalink#2 - Mickey Fine Pharmacy had filed a lawsuit in Santa Monica Superior Court alleging breach of oral contract.
I can go so many sick places with that, my head is spinning.
Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 01 13 at 04:11 AM • permalinkthese are (allegedly) real headlines listed at paco’s (the paco?) funny pages.
my favourites
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
British Left Waffles on Falklands
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 01 13 at 04:19 AM • permalinkI’d like to see:
‘Celebrities talk shit’.
Posted by boxofmatches on 2007 01 13 at 04:38 AM • permalinkLessee… Madison, Wisconsin, home of the University of Wisconsin, the UC Berkeley of the upper midwest. Moonbat Central.
None of those headlines are the least bit surprising.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 13 at 04:45 AM • permalink#10 TRhis NYT headline’s pretty close Narcissistic Celebrities
#2 $100,000 pharmacy bill in less than 2 years?- that’s one sick dude (as if we didn’t know that already)
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 01 13 at 05:19 AM • permalinki previewed that one- perhaps it’s not my friend after all
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 01 13 at 05:26 AM • permalinkOh look:
“Bear Shits In Wood.”
I can never get that saying straight: Should it be “Is a bear Catholic?” or “Does the Pope shit in the woods?”
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 01 13 at 09:52 AM • permalinkActually, I’ve just figured out what this post is all about. It’s a cheap ratings grab by Tim (probably with the assistance of one Paco [of no fixed moral code])! It’s easy: just find a smalltown podunk newspaper or blog, and get them to notice this blog and write something disparaging about it. Then watch the Blairites descend upon the hapless editor/blogger. It happened with Mike Hudson and Michele. All I can say is: “Flee for your life, Capital Times!”
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 01 13 at 10:02 AM • permalinkh/t Lambi-Pooch.
And then, there’s this site. Make sure you take a good look at the url. That’s the funniest of all.
• “Canadian Actors Strike Set to Take Effect”
Entire Law and Order franchise shut down. American television takes large jump to the right…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 01 13 at 12:18 PM • permalink#25 RebeccaH
Thanks for that link
All Paco’s doing then?
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 01 13 at 12:40 PM • permalink#25 RebeccaH
And we all thought he was kidding…
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 13 at 12:59 PM • permalinkHey, AndyCanuck and Wimpy Canadian: what’s up with this?
#31 RebeccaH
So I’ve noticed!
So where is Paco then? While we’re all talking about him?
A VERY GOOD headline tonight in the Sunday Telegraph
I suppose most Aussies from NSW are in bed but this is a great headline - one of the most incompetent morons ever to be voted into NSW Parliament is going
Posted by aussiemagpie on 2007 01 13 at 01:10 PM • permalinkSee what happens Paco, old stick. As soon as ya give these cheeky-beak gals a taste of freedom, right away they want more. Democracy. Prosperity. Credit cards.
What next? Universal suffrage for Godsakes?
Sure, they only make up about 50% of the population, but around the world even the moderates are tearing off their burqas, burning their bras and grabbing greedily at what life might have to offer.
I blame it on too much education and the lack of a firm hand.
``It’s hard for any big plane to survive a plunge into the sea’’ real audio from (US) ABC
``What to do in a crash landing in water’’ real audio from NBCThen there’s runaway Lear Jet anxiety, Bad news for South Dakota real audio from a breathless (US) ABC
And John and Ken wonder about the resulting Payne Stewart memorial week
Exciting local news, sirens! with Doberman pup accompaniment.
The pup herself pic.“Lost. Three-legged dog. One ear bitten off. Blind in one eye. No tail. Fixed. Answers to name ‘Lucky.’”
Posted by JorgXMcKie on 2007 01 13 at 04:58 PM • permalinkYeah, I’ve got a few for you:
‘Call for greater certainty on projects’.
‘Business warns Rudd on industry policy.’
‘Jobs market boosts consumers’ outlook.’
#s 43/44
well, if I did links, I’d link to the wood spider and the crack spider on youtube.
But I don’t so I’ll leave to youse to check it out.
VFF
jlc
Posted by Jack from Montreal on 2007 01 13 at 06:12 PM • permalinkSheik labels detractors ‘racist’
a bog standard story for the smh this morning- i wonder why they bothered with the quotation marks?
‘Sheik Alhilali revealed his nickname for Mr Howard was “Mr Me Too”’.- how many smh readers would disagree with that?
“The racists talking. I love Australia, I respect the Australian nationality, Australian society, the land of peace,”- again, the sweet stench of taqqiya in the morning
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 01 13 at 06:15 PM • permalink‘Woman Has Sex, Becomes Pregnant.’
‘Schoolboy Eats Beans, Farts At Dinner Table.’
‘Hollywood Opens Mouth, Produces Drivel.’O/T - is anyone else having internet trouble? for the last 12 hours or so I’ve been unable to connect to anything except this site, Yahoo, and my computer forum which is based in the UK.
Bloody frustrating!Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2007 01 13 at 07:01 PM • permalinkAnyway, Madistan is, in addition to being the state capital, a college town. With the help of inner city Milwaukee, they are able to drag the entire state of Wisconsin to the left. Lots of people there who self-identify as artists because it gives cachet to their worthlessness, and of course they have nothing left for health insurance, since health care can be mooched, once they have paid for their organic free-range tofu.
#54: The internet has been doing strange things, but our cable service has been hinky. I blame sunspots.
Could be, Rebecca, could be. But I suspect that Wronwright’s constant fooling around with the Pmcode has something to do with it; he’s positively addicted to the color feature. I know! I bet he tried to create a plaid, and the Pmcode software blew up, leaving shards of code all over the internet. I’ll start looking for clues.
“Include Your Children When Baking Cookies”, from the link posted by eeniemeenie is pretty darned funny in a black kinda way.
“World to end tomorrow, women and children hardest hit.”
“Prison population rises despite drop in crime rate.”
Okay, the first one is apocryphal (so far), but a variant of the second is a perennial item in the major media in the US. I shichu not, several times a year the NYT or LAT or CNN will discover this alarming factoid and consternate over it no end.
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 01 13 at 09:12 PM • permalink‘Kylie pulls out halfway through UK show’ The ole withdrawal method again. Even funnier in the article.
“Australian pop star Kylie Minogue, who is on a comeback tour after receiving treatment for breast cancer, has pulled out of a British concert due to ill health. Minogue was performing in Manchester, in north-west England, when she stopped and cancelled the rest of the show because of flu. She was diagnosed with cancer in May 2005 and had to suspend the Showgirl tour in Australia but resumed performances in November last year. The 38-year-old had surgery for breast cancer in Melbourne in May 2005, followed by a course of chemotherapy in France.
Her hits include ‘I Should Be So Lucky’ and Can’t Get You Out Of My Head.
Doh.
it’s not a headline it’s a website, and at first i thought it was a joke but this guy’s serious saddam is not dead
and so it begins…
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 01 13 at 09:51 PM • permalink#64 eeniemeenie
That site started up the day after Saddam swung. I’m still pretty sure that’s satire, like The People’s Cube.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 13 at 09:59 PM • permalinkHmmm. Little does Andrea know that I finally hooked up the orbital space station’s globaltron screen with her blender. Well ok, technically I didn’t do it myself, I had the grey aliens do it. I can’t stand the little fuckers, but I must say they know electronics. I can now monitor her activities! Hah, I am so cunning.
Oh god, she’s been polishing that paddle for an hour now. Can you please finish? It’s done woman! What’s next, Lemon Pledge?
My god, look at her armory. Yep, there’s my Zulu spear. paco detective has been so called “looking for it” for 2 months now. $1000 a day. He hasn’t even driven south of Atlanta! I keep calling his office and telling his voluptuous secretary—
(pauses to remember Detective paco’s secretary, large breasts, long legs, hose with a seam in the back, stilleto heels, bites bottom lip, ooowwww)
—it’s in Florida! Specifically Orlando! Tell him to go to Orlando! But every time she just snaps her gum and tells me he knows what he’s doing. Oh sure he does. He knows how to reach early retirement at my expense she means. And all the time he just continues visiting every strip bar and gin joint in every state - except Florida!
Ok, thank goodness, she’s done with the paddle. She’s picking up, what? Hey, that’s a truncheon. Man, I must say, it does seem to resemble my trusty truncheon. But I know it’s not. This baby hasn’t left my side for years.
(looks at lettering on handle of truncheon. Particularly Aggressive Counterfeit Ordnance.)
Hey, how did that get on my truncheon?
Posted by wronwright on 2007 01 13 at 10:02 PM • permalinkTips for Proper English:
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. Remember to never split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren’t necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
(and there’s a lot more where this came from)Hey, how did that get on my truncheon?
Overconfidence, wronwright, overconfidence.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 13 at 10:39 PM • permalinkI think I am going to have to buy another cabinet. I can’t stand the way all the weapons I’ve… given a proper home to look all crowded like that. Something with those little lights in the shelves, velvet padding… Yeah.
Posted by Andrea Harris, Administrator on 2007 01 13 at 10:43 PM • permalink#65 spiny norman- satire you say- well maybe- just a little too subtle for me then or maybe something’s been lost in translation.
You can’t compare it to the brilliance of the people’s cube- flat fatima still has me laughing out loud. every time i see footage from the middle east i expect her to turn up
Posted by eeniemeenie on 2007 01 13 at 11:11 PM • permalink#70 eeniemeenie
I’m not entirely convinced it’s satire, that is just my gut reaction—because it was up so soon after the execution. It’s a little too clumsy to tell… the fractured English might be part of the joke, too.
BTW, my sincere apologies to the excellent People’s Cube: they were the first satire site of that kind I thought of.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 13 at 11:17 PM • permalinkGoogle Earth a Tool for Terrorists
I’d love to think that was a gag - it isn’t - from The Age: Terrorists attacking British bases in Basra are using aerial footage displayed by the Google Earth website to pinpoint their attacks, say intelligence sources.
Well, “DOH”, as Homer would say.
And which Einstein couldn’t see this coming from 100 miles away? So bloody obvious. So predictable. When are the bloody stupid West going to wake up?A new, and even more graphic Saddam execution video has turned up.
As they say, viewer discretion is advised.
Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 01 14 at 12:46 AM • permalink#67 - You’re right, you shouldn’t generalize. Everybody generalizes too much.
And you shouldn’t exaggerate, either. That’s what gets everybody killed.
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 01 14 at 02:44 AM • permalinkI’m very sorry for the family, this happened today:
Teenager bitten by venomous snake dies
By 7NewsPosted by boxofmatches on 2007 01 14 at 05:07 AM • permalinkArtists often have little or no talent.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 01 14 at 03:51 PM • permalink#33, I heard this story when I was in Oz. Look, it says “The Canadian Security Intelligence Service said it knew nothing..’ and if that isn’t plausible deniability, what is?
On a serious note, no matter who did it, I suspect rather than a direct spy attempt, it was an experiment to test out US counter-espionage detection technology and the technology itself, which could be developed to activey collect data.
Posted by Wimpy Canadian on 2007 01 14 at 04:07 PM • permalinkSaw one in the local alternative weekly here in San Diego:
CPS victimizes family.
Now ordinarily the alt weeklies here in the US are staffed by hysterical slackers convinced we’re living in a fascist state because their lattes, weed, and piercings aren’t federally subsidized.
However, every metropolitan area in the US has a variant of this story going at any given time. What usually happens is Junior is overheard commenting “My Dad beats me up every morning.”
In three nanoseconds Dad is in jail, Mom is in protective custody in a women’s shelter because the neighborhood watch has shown up at their house with torches and pitchforks, and Junior is being aggressively questioned by investigators asking leading questions concerning satanic rites and anal probing with power tools.
Eventually, about three years later it comes out that what Junior meant was when his alarm clock rings at 6:45 every morning, Dad’s already been up for at least a half hour.
By then, of course, Dad’s long since lost his job and even though charges are dismissed, he still is listed on the Internet as a suspected sex predator and wears an ankle tracker, Mom’s an alcoholic living in the shelter still, and Junior is selling crack down behind the bus station. Oh, and since child predators are the lowest form of life in US prisons, Dad has to wear Depends and instead of farting, just makes a kind of huffing sound when passing gas.
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 01 14 at 07:21 PM • permalink
Page 1 of 1 pages
Members:
Login | Register
| Member List
I would have thought that all of those government grants could pay for a bit of coverage.