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GUMBALL RALLY

It’s a meeting of the David Hicks fan club.

Posted by Tim B. on 01/04/2008 at 02:55 PM
  1. Great analogy, Tim!

    David Hicks: professionally pimped (co-starring Traceeee Hutchinson).

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 04 at 03:07 PM • permalink

  2. Buy the girl a calendar.

    Touché!

    Posted by JAFA on 2008 01 04 at 03:12 PM • permalink

  3. Like fangirls everywhere, lefties have a unique talent for turning sows’ ears into virtual satin purses.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2008 01 04 at 03:20 PM • permalink

  4. Actually, that was sort of sickening.

    Posted by Redd on 2008 01 04 at 03:36 PM • permalink

  5. “Hicks Pix Nix Stix”, as Variety would say.

    Posted by mojo on 2008 01 04 at 03:49 PM • permalink

  6. Has Penelope got big tits?
    And Leunig?
    And the others?
    Pictorial evidence would be appreciated (for David’s benefit of course).

    Posted by Rafe on 2008 01 04 at 04:07 PM • permalink

  7. Laugh out loud funny—definately one of Tim’s better efforts.

    Posted by Bruce Rheinstein on 2008 01 04 at 04:15 PM • permalink

  8. Strangely I have not heard the Left make any mention of David’s quaint request.

    “Listen, have you got any friends I can f . . . when I get home? They have to be good-looking and I prefer big tits as well.”

    Perhaps they were unable to comply with his wishes as their membership , (in my experience ), tend rather towards the opposite of his target group -  i.e. they are ugly and flat chested .  Unless I have presumed too much and Hicks has a predilection for men, -  in which case the Left probably does have a few members who fit the bill nicely.

    Posted by Wacko on 2008 01 04 at 04:34 PM • permalink

  9. #8 Perhaps a few of the Code Pink crowd would be willing to sacrfice themselves for the cause, so to speak.

    Posted by Bruce Rheinstein on 2008 01 04 at 04:40 PM • permalink

  10. Where is LHO when we really need him?

    Posted by jlc on 2008 01 04 at 04:42 PM • permalink

  11. If only we could get them all in one room… and seal it shut.

    Posted by SwinishCapitalist on 2008 01 04 at 04:46 PM • permalink

  12. The Australian media don’t have anything on the Democrats in the U.S. Congress.

    Liberal Democrats: “Hit me again; I like it.”

    Posted by paco on 2008 01 04 at 05:05 PM • permalink

  13. Ladies with big tits who would love to fk Hicks.

    Posted by Redd on 2008 01 04 at 05:27 PM • permalink

  14. geeze Bruce @ #9 thanks for the tip!

    I’m gonna join up.

    Yes I’m a pot bellied 48 yr old bloke , but I have read before that the best way to look good (in a relative sense) is to surround yourself with those uglier.

    Code Pink here I come !!!

    Wacko = Cinderella by comparison….
    ;)

    Posted by Wacko on 2008 01 04 at 05:27 PM • permalink

  15. #2.
    Buy the girl a calendar.

    Touché!”

    Maybe she could share a calendar with that guy that Tim mentioned earlier who was absolutely certain that the 9/11 attacks occurred after the invasion of Afghanistan.

    (Anybody remember his name or the entry about him?  I looked through the archives but could not locate it.  It was too good a nutcase example to lose track of permanently.  There was even audio.  Thanks for any help.)

    Posted by kcom on 2008 01 04 at 06:08 PM • permalink

  16. Good God. They’re completely immune to evidence. If he’s a racist, sexist, unhygienic, idiotic, murderous, grotesque, illiterate asshole, they’ll just say that the tortures undergone at Gitmo rendered him imbecilic. What does it take? Really!

    Posted by SoberHT on 2008 01 04 at 06:12 PM • permalink

  17. This tickled my funnybone.
    “..Having met him, (it) is very obvious he’s not a confident enough person, he’s not socialised in an easy way,” Penelope told the ABC.

    “He’s just not skilled enough - socially skilled enough . . .”

    Anyone else think of

    this guy?
    “I kill you!!!” probably isnt acceptable dinner party conversation, even among lefties.

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2008 01 04 at 06:20 PM • permalink

  18. What did Lady Penelope expect Hicks to be? A dashing adventurer with a rapier wit who knows just the right wine to have with any meal, someone able to discuss Proust and the football with equal gusto, a man who buys all his clothes on Saville Row, has a Picasso on the wall of his apartment and knows Castro personally? No Penny, Hicks is just another dumb kid who grew up in a rough neighbourhood with a loser dad, got his girlfriend up the duff, held some dead-end jobs before taking off and leaving the poor girl to bring up the kids alone. There are thousands of them out there if only Penny would go further west than Balmain.

    Hicks’ decision to become an anti-Semite isn’t that unusual either. The neo-Nazis are full of kids from his background. Even Hitler was one. Where he does divert from the path is his decision to become a Muslim and start trying to kill people. Doesn’t alter the fact he is the same dipshit he was before he went to war.


    #15 Bryce Courtney I believe.

    Posted by Contrail on 2008 01 04 at 06:35 PM • permalink

  19. Fine work Tim. We here in the U.S. could sure use you on a lot of editorial pages.Wapo, NY times, Atlanta constitution, L.A.times. etc.etc.

    Posted by greene on 2008 01 04 at 06:42 PM • permalink

  20. Sometimes, Tim makes it look easy.

    Actually, given the premise (“lefty journalists are fools; have a look”), it is rather easy.

    Posted by Rittenhouse on 2008 01 04 at 07:00 PM • permalink

  21. #15 Kcom,

    that was the interview with Bryce Courtenay.

    Hope this helps.

    Posted by Pogria on 2008 01 04 at 07:08 PM • permalink

  22. Terrific review Tim.

    Posted by Wand on 2008 01 04 at 07:28 PM • permalink

  23. #15,
    Let us not forget that the Bali nightclub bombing was prescient retaliation for the Australia’s participation Iraq war.

    Posted by Kazinski on 2008 01 04 at 07:31 PM • permalink

  24. #Redd
    Thanks so much- you have restored my confidence
    My aging bod looks very good in comparison to your ‘beauties.

    Posted by Hillyminx on 2008 01 04 at 07:43 PM • permalink

  25. Thanks, Contrail and Pogria, that was exactly it.

    How stupid can you be to get on a national radio program and say something like that?  It certainly would seem to affect your understanding of history if you can’t master the basic concept of “before and after”.

    And Kazinski, obviously the Jemaah Islamiyah has an advanced degree in “before and after” as they were able to helpfully bomb Bali nightclubs in 2002 as retaliation for the invasion of Iraq that occurred in 2003.

    Posted by kcom on 2008 01 04 at 07:46 PM • permalink

  26. Sadly, Dave turned out to be dull. “Having met him, (it) is very obvious he’s not a confident enough person, he’s not socialised in an easy way,” Penelope told the ABC.

    ABC interviewers’ fantasy:

    Yes my darling, may I call you that? I was treated most brutally and suffered for my beliefs at the hands of my tormentors, the US Government, for doing what any other ordinary Australian would do. For daring to express an opinion about the hegemony of the Bush regime I have been both incarcerated and villified. However, with the help of loyal and intelligent Australians such as yourself, I am ready to continue the fight to rid the planet of the polluting nemesis that is G.W. Bush.

    The reality:

    It wuz hard. Hey, you remind me of a girl I saw in Juggz, you have nice tits. Want to go for a hamburger and a root?

    Posted by Nic on 2008 01 04 at 07:50 PM • permalink

  27. Penelope, Traceeee, et al have probably been imagining Dawood as something like this for the last six years.
    No wonder they are disappointed.
    It’s not just social skills that he lacks.

    Posted by Skeeter on 2008 01 04 at 08:44 PM • permalink

  28. Yesterday’s Brisbane Times pic of our hero getting advice from his dad.

    Posted by Skeeter on 2008 01 04 at 08:59 PM • permalink

  29. Hicks is Chance the Gardener with an AK-47.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2008 01 04 at 09:04 PM • permalink

  30. Great column, Tim. I may be a simple man, but nothing pleases me more than seeing stupid lefties put on the record in one big tasty bite for future generations to choke on.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2008 01 04 at 09:06 PM • permalink

  31. Redd - Jeez man, a warning or disclaimer would have been in order.  I did a beer-spit right into the screen.

    SoberHT - good job of capturing the all of the high points of David, I was thinking the same thing, but losing track.

    Posted by bill w on 2008 01 04 at 09:10 PM • permalink

  32. Sorry, bill, for the lack of a warning. My favorite is the lady with what I guess you would call a goatee.

    Hillyminx: Not my beauties. Since they are always out there - naked and ugly, where’s the shock value? Or, do they just try to scare the incoming freshman every year?

    Anyway, I’m sure they would consider it an honor and a privilege to do Hicksy.

    Posted by Redd on 2008 01 04 at 09:39 PM • permalink

  33. Nice work Tim !

    Posted by rickw on 2008 01 04 at 09:58 PM • permalink

  34. Another article to write home about Tim, thanks!

    Posted by Ash_ on 2008 01 04 at 10:16 PM • permalink

  35. Australia’s father and son ‘non entity celebrity Bogans’ are probably enjoying the attention afforded to them by the Fairfax media ‘Pravda Club.’ What an embarrassing outfit. To think they own the publication where I did my apprenticeship so many years ago. Since now they control Southern Cross Radio, you can pick out the subtle editorial changes creeping in. A tad more ‘collective group think’ provided you are the correct group of course. For example, on one station, the talk back host had a ‘ladies day,’ another said the Bali bombers should be spared. Then of course the Mohameed Dawood release was riddled with the usual lefty ‘love-in’ diatribe. Really no hard hitting news, more like The Age newspaper, coming through over the radio waves. Back to FM for me.

    Posted by BJM on 2008 01 04 at 10:31 PM • permalink

  36. Great Article, Tim! But # 13 - Yeeeecccchhh!!!

    Posted by McAnzac on 2008 01 04 at 10:39 PM • permalink

  37. Another disappointed Hicksy pimp, with one reader looking for some attention…

    I hope you become the center of conservative scorn on Tim Blair’s site for saying Hicks was hot.

    That she should be so lucky.

    Posted by JAFA on 2008 01 05 at 02:02 AM • permalink

  38. Hicks has made the lefty press his bitch.

    Posted by Hanyu on 2008 01 05 at 02:16 AM • permalink

  39. #28 - oh look!  Matching loser tatt’s on each arm.

    Posted by mr creosote on 2008 01 05 at 02:33 AM • permalink

  40. I don’t see why some people have said the creep is harmless. He clearly appears angry and hostile and seems to have a well organised suppport network led by his chippy and belligerent old man: In short, a prime candidate for another terrorist/nutjob stunt. The whole family needs close surveilance, at least until apologies and shit-eating grins are forthcoming.

    Posted by Big Jim on 2008 01 05 at 04:33 AM • permalink

  41. THE AGE’s Martin Flanagan: “David Hicks will become one of the ghosts to be heard when we sing Australia’s national lullaby, Waltzing Matilda.” That’s the sort of thing a, you know, fan might write.

    Now this little paean is very interesting. This may well be apocryphal, but apparently “Waltzing Matilda” describes what outback swaggies used to do to their rolled-up swags in (presumably) the dead of night, with no witnesses.

    This assuming their catamites (yep, swaggies apparently had ‘em!) were on a well-earned holiday.

    There is no mention as to whether any of the “Matildas” were folded in such a way as to counterfeit “big tits”.

    If this is the sort of ghost Flanagan wishes Hicks to be, then the young man may wish to have a strong word with him.

    Posted by carpefraise on 2008 01 05 at 04:41 AM • permalink

  42. Swagman’s catamites were known as bimbos - one of the earlier uses of the term.

    No dates on hand, sorry.

    Posted by carpefraise on 2008 01 05 at 04:42 AM • permalink

  43. oops - that’s “swagmen’s..”

    Posted by carpefraise on 2008 01 05 at 04:43 AM • permalink

  44. #38, beg to differ. The lefty press rolled over, salivating, begged for and got the position. I don’t think Hicks had to lift a solitary finger.

    Posted by carpefraise on 2008 01 05 at 04:45 AM • permalink

  45. Oh come on! There just as many fans of Hicks on the right! I can name…..well…... I’ll get back to you.

    Posted by Penguin on 2008 01 05 at 07:12 AM • permalink

  46. Considering the appearance of Hicks’ female supporters, maybe “Gum Job Rally” would have been a more-appropriate headline.

    Posted by andycanuck on 2008 01 05 at 11:22 AM • permalink

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