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GLOBAL WARMING TAKES A HOLIDAY
Hours after the hammering of New Orleans by Hurricane Katrina, insane author Ross Gelbspan wrote this for the Boston Globe:
The hurricane that struck Louisiana yesterday was nicknamed Katrina by the National Weather Service. Its real name is global warming.
Read on; Gelbspan believes everything is caused by global warming, from two-foot snowfalls in LA to nuclear shutdowns in Scandinavia. Steal his Prius and within seconds Gelbspan would conjure a climate-related cause. But how to explain recent hurricane data?
With cataclysmic predictions that hurricanes would swarm from the tropics like termites, no one thought 2006 would be the most tranquil season in a decade.
Barring a last-second surprise from the tropics, the season will end Thursday with nine named storms, and only five of those hurricanes. This year is the first season since 1997 that only one storm nudged its way into the Gulf of Mexico.
Somewhere—possibly in front of a mirror—James Wolcott is crying. More from Gelbspan:
As a Bostonian, I am afraid that the coming winter will—like last winter—be unusually short and devastatingly severe.
In fact, Boston’s 2005-6 winter was exceptionally gentle, recording only a fifth of the previous winter’s snow. I blame global milding.
Global cooling, gloal warming, global changing, and now global milding. What’s a person to do?!?!?!?!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 11 27 at 10:26 AM • permalinkGlobal cooling, gloal warming, global changing, and now global milding. What’s a person to do?!?!?!?!
Chill.
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 11 27 at 10:27 AM • permalink“Devastatingly severe”?! I’ve lived in Boston for ten years, including last winter. He’s insane.
“Devastating” has become one of those loud, empty words — like “greed”, “unprecedented”, and “Christianist” — which signify nothing but that the speaker has nothing meaningful to say.
Posted by Don't Bogart that Midget, Comrade! on 2006 11 27 at 10:59 AM • permalinkAs a Bostonian, I am afraid that the coming winter will—like last winter—be unusually short and devastatingly severe.
Well, I live one hour north of Boston, and I can tell you that last winter was a joy. Barely snowed. If that’s global warming, bring it on. Especially since the winter before that sucked - I lost count of how many times I had to shovel my driveway in the dark of night, and we had a stretch of shiny-yellow-alloy simian-gonad-removing subzero temps that made me want to shove an icicle in my eyesocket.
I think this tool might be referring to a storm or two the chowderheads enjoyed - as if Boston is a stranger to the occasional northeaster.
Urgent Product Recall: Paco Industries’ Japanese based, wholly-owned research and technology subsidiary, Pacific Adiabatic Cooling Orography Ltd, has issued an urgent recall of all weather machines manufactured prior to 2006 that may include the Variable Tropical Storm Intensity feature.
Synopsis: International users have reported unpredictable anomalies occurring in regional and national weather patterns, leading to measurable climatic change at the global level. This fault is reported to occur during adjustment of the patented Tropical Low Pressure Cell Attenuation system.
Current Advisory Notice: Users in the Northern Hemisphere may be unsure of the meaning of “anti-cyclone”, printed in large metallic letters immediately under the dial in the center of the panel face. This has resulted in the selection of excessively high or low input values. Defective units may be returned to your nearest friendly Zionist Crusader Arms Dealer for a full, Paco Industries 100% satisfaction guaranteed replacement model.
Hurry, only two left.
*Jabs elbow* That one’s mine wronwright!
You mean you don’t use Dewey, Cheatham and Howe? Boston area readers should know that firm.
Posted by nobody important on 2006 11 27 at 12:23 PM • permalinkI think we should refer to it as Snowball Warming. That is the more it snows; the more it’s proof of warming.
yojimbo, not sure I understand.
Posted by nobody important on 2006 11 27 at 04:57 PM • permalinkFinally! The explanation I’ve been looking for; as to why no hurricanes this year!
All the following freak weather conditions undoubtedly due to Global Warming:
So what happened? Lots.Storms were starved for fuel after ingesting masses of dry Saharan dust and air over the Atlantic Ocean. Scientists say the storm-snuffing dust was more abundant than usual this year.
Yep, blame Glowball Worming.
In the season’s peak, storms were curving right like errant field goals. High pressure that normally hunkers near Bermuda shifted far eastward, and five storms rode the clockwise winds away from Florida.
See, Globull Wurming. Again.
Finally, a rapidly growing El Nino, a warming of water over the tropical Pacific Ocean, shifted winds high in the atmosphere southward. The winds left developing storms disheveled and unable to become organized.
First time that’s ever happened…blame Globule Whining.
Gaia laughs!
Slightly OT, but did you know that there is a ‘Land and Environment Court’ in NSW? I sure didn’t, until today, when it emerges that some Green dweeb has managed to get a ruling that you now need to file a ‘greenhouse’ impact assessment before you open a coal mine. It can only be a matter of days before we see the Astrology Court of NSW ruling that new coal mines require an auspicious horoscope before proceeding.
Snow in LA?
Sydney Airport is exactly the same distance from the Equator as LAX. Thanks to Gaia, PBUH, the chances of snow in either place are not on my list of worries.
However, while Gorebaby was visiting this month (November is early summer in Queensland), an Antarctic outburst caused sea level snow in Victoria and snow at higher levels north of Brisbane. This sort of anomaly can have devastating consequences.
Paco, I think an urgent investigation into how Gore acquired one of your Adiabatic Coolers (#7) is overdue.Global warmening…what a catastrophe! During the past 2 months, every time the thermometer has tipped 30 degrees here in Newcastle, the following three days have not tipped 20. Today is supposed to be 35, still only 25 at 11.40am. Southerly on the way. Forecast maximum for tomorrow is 23. We’re three days away from the official start of summer. A person can’t get a decent suntan thanks to GW…um, sorry, I believe it’s now officially termed “climate variation.”
cuckoo : Sounds like it’s time to buy a generator to me, before the lack of new power plants leads to widespread blackouts. They had some good models over at Bunnings last time I was there.
I’m sure when we shut down coal power plants and all switch to gasolene/diesel generators, the environment will get a LOT better!
Devastating hurricanes one year, no significant storms the next. The Weather Control Project is coming along nicely. Karl will be so pleased.
They want asymmetrical warfare, we’ll give them asymmetrical warfare. Heh.
Posted by Michael Lonie on 2006 11 28 at 12:08 AM • permalinkUrgent Product Recall: Paco Industries’ Japanese based, wholly-owned research and technology subsidiary, Pacific Adiabatic Cooling Orography Ltd, has issued an urgent recall of all weather machines manufactured prior to 2006 that may include the Variable Tropical Storm Intensity feature.
#7 Paco! It’s even worse than you suggest. Trying to cover-up that little, wintry side effect of the Pacific ACO machine, are we?And the Canadian Prairie Provinces are in a real deep freeze too.
The Great Lakes machine better not screw-up, too, Paco, or the commenters here from Ontario and Upstate NY will come looking for you; and the shovels won’t be for digging snow.
Posted by andycanuck on 2006 11 28 at 12:49 AM • permalinkHmmm
“..twofoot snowfalls in LA..”LA must be short for Labrador or sumthin’ because in my part of seven decades in LA I only saw one “snowfall”.
Yes, but it got on both your feet, didn’t it?
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 11 28 at 09:35 PM • permalink
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From Gelbspan’s article: “To allow the climate to stabilize requires humanity to cut its use of coal and oil by 70 percent. That, of course, threatens the survival of one of the largest commercial enterprises in history.”
You mean, eating hot food? Gelbal Warmspanning is another Chicken Little. Wolcott, of course, is a fowl of substantially larger dimensions, who, if he’s viewed at all, is best viewed by himself in front of a mirror.