<< ANTI-SEMITE OF THE YEAR ~ MAIN ~ HOLOCASUT OFF LIMITS >>

FISH ABUNDANT

Barbra Streisand, environmental forecaster, in 2004:

THEY’RE LYING -
WHILE THE GLOBE IS FRYING -
AND THE FISHES ARE DYING IN THE WORLD.

But the fishes aren’t dying. Ms Streisand lied to us through song:

Red salmon used to return each summer by the thousands or tens of thousands. Now, between the early run just finishing and the late run just beginning, they come by the hundreds of thousands.

There are so many, in fact, that fishery managers sometimes question the ability of anglers to catch enough. Already this year, the early run of fish has exceeded what biologists peg as the maximum spawning goal by some 20,000 fish. This has become the norm.

Our old friend global warming is suspected of playing a hand in this awesome Alaskan enfishenment. Streisand should write a tune in celebration.

Posted by Tim B. on 07/10/2006 at 10:02 AM
  1. Geez, I wish I didn’t enjoy her acting so much. She is so talented and it is a shame that she is such a political wanker. Too bad.

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 07 10 at 10:13 AM • permalink

  2. So, the red salmon was a red herring? Shame on you Babs. This issue has been keeping me awake night for years, and now what have I got to show for it? Puffy eyes and an uncontrollable impulse to yawn all day.

    Remember, Babs :  People. Who scam people. Are the yuckiest people . . . in the world.

    Posted by paco on 2006 07 10 at 10:20 AM • permalink

  3. Horny fishies love warm water.  Makes them think they’re in a Corona commercial.

    Posted by tree hugging sister on 2006 07 10 at 10:28 AM • permalink

  4. Speakin of wankers -Andy Denton interviewing Malcolm McLaren of antedeluvian sex pistols fame…
    Hell he reminds me of Michael Leuoonig..
    who was sitting in that very same chair not long ago.Ghost who walks.

    Posted by crash on 2006 07 10 at 10:34 AM • permalink

  5. Texas Bob — You have officially been in the desert Too Long.  When you start admiring women who look like camels, you’re setting the first boot on the slippery slope…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 10 at 10:47 AM • permalink

  6. Ms Streisand lied to us through song:

    I haven’t trusted songs since I actually tried to pass a Caddy in a Nash Rambler…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 10 at 10:48 AM • permalink

  7. Add salmon spawning to the list, Tim!

    Posted by Jimmy the Dhimmi on 2006 07 10 at 10:52 AM • permalink

  8. Uh oh—this can only mean that the polar bears are not going to be starving and eating each other. Tim, I think you may need to do a followup piece.

    Posted by SoberHT on 2006 07 10 at 11:02 AM • permalink

  9. What the hell does she know, she’s fucking cross eyed and her mouth serves two purposes, no considering Monica, make that, ummmmm, eating, talking, drinking, singing, which I can tolerate as well as nails on a chalk board…AND sucking.

    Posted by El Cid on 2006 07 10 at 11:11 AM • permalink

  10. If global warming is causing the bleaching death of coral, where did all the whitesand beaches come from?

    Posted by aaron_ on 2006 07 10 at 11:21 AM • permalink

  11. In honor of Barbra…(to the tune of “Evergreen”)

    Fish, those lice in Gaia’s hair
    Fish, loving the warming air
    More fish than we ever knew
    More, dear Babs, not few

    Like your nose, or even a Sondheim song,
    All of your rantings have turned out wrong
    Fish, hallibut not “burton”
    Thrive in spite of Chimpymcbushyhitlerstan

    Not sure about the meter on the last line.

    Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 07 10 at 11:28 AM • permalink

  12. Damn, TB, and it’s been cool this week too.  Don’t think it even hit 110 here.

    That wind and sand does wear you out just as much, or more sometimes, though.  You can get a headache just from being outside.

    Posted by aaron_ on 2006 07 10 at 11:33 AM • permalink

  13. richard, in all fairness, Babs was pretty hot as a younger actress.  She still could be an attractive woman now, but her inner ugliness is shining through with the force of afternoon sunshine in the desert.

    Oh, and THS?  Leave it to you to bring sex and beer into the conversation!!!!

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 07 10 at 11:34 AM • permalink

  14. I haven’t trusted songs since I actually tried to pass a Caddy in a Nash Rambler…

    Sounds painful!

    Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 07 10 at 11:41 AM • permalink

  15. DON’T tell me that now
    there are more fishies?!
    DON’T schmear bagels with tails
    of more ickthys!
    DON’T let them throw acid rain
    on my parade!

    Posted by tree hugging sister on 2006 07 10 at 11:41 AM • permalink

  16. Leave it to you to bring sex and beer into the conversation

    Someone has to be brave enough to bring some perspective to this madness.  I only wish there were more of LIKE me

    Posted by tree hugging sister on 2006 07 10 at 11:43 AM • permalink

  17. Our old friend global warming is suspected of playing a hand in this awesome Alaskan enfishenment.

    But… global warming is bad. But… animals thriving is good. So if global warming is making the animals thrive, then global warming is ... but global warming is… uhhhh… I’m so confused…

    Please, drpoll, help me!

    Posted by Dave S. on 2006 07 10 at 11:54 AM • permalink

  18. I haven’t trusted songs since I actually tried to pass a Caddy in a Nash Rambler…

    You probably didn’t use the horn enough.

    Posted by Vexorg on 2006 07 10 at 11:58 AM • permalink

  19. Richard #6!

    Maybe if you learned how to get that puppy out of second gear those telephone poles would look like a picket fence!

    Beep,Beep….Beep,Beep!

    Posted by yojimbo on 2006 07 10 at 12:00 PM • permalink

  20. So if global warming is making the animals thrive, then global warming is ... but global warming is… uhhhh… I’m so confused…

    Oddly enough, Australia held the key to my recent scientific break through.  Lemme ‘splain (and you will see by my nom-de-plume that I am an ‘expert’...):

    How This All Works.

    Posted by tree hugging sister on 2006 07 10 at 12:01 PM • permalink

  21. How does this square with Bernard Bolan’s ``Not Many Fish,’’ not a bad ballad by the way.

    The difference, I’d suggest, is that Bernard Bolan has a sense of humor.

    Posted by rhhardin on 2006 07 10 at 12:09 PM • permalink

  22. #12 aaron_ I think the cool spell IS the problem. At least when its 120 or better its too hot think about ANYTHING.  R&R in 11 days, its all good.

    #5 RM, hell after this long ALL women look good.

    Posted by Texas Bob on 2006 07 10 at 12:09 PM • permalink

  23. T-Bob

    That’s why you need I&I in that R&R!

    Posted by yojimbo on 2006 07 10 at 12:12 PM • permalink

  24. Say, this global wartmening thing is working out pretty good.  More salmon means more grizzly bears.  More grizzly bears in the woods might take care of the Rainbow Family problem.  We could take a lesson from Mother Gaia.  She self-cleans.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 07 10 at 12:21 PM • permalink

  25. Leave it to you to bring sex and beer into the conversation.

    Let me add…...that’s not a bad thing to do.  Unless people fine soldiers like Texas Bob me can only get beer near-beer. 

    You’re just being a tease!

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 07 10 at 01:09 PM • permalink

  26. This is the problem with the enviros.  That the Earth is warming isn’t the sticking point.  Most scientists do thing that the climate is changing.  But it isn’t the warming itself that just scares the bejesus out of them.  It is the change itself that fills them with visions of catastrophe.  This is why they have no solutions other than the bogus carbon credits and such.  It takes work in very specialized fields to have a real solution, if one should be called for.  And that is a huge “if”.  But we are at the beginning of knowledge about the Earth’s climate history. Climatology is still too ignorant to predict anything, much less to begin proposing “solutions”.  It is a case of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing. 

    If global warming turns out to be a boon to man, which is a distinct possibility because of a greater abundance of food from the sea, and a longer growing season, what will these poor folks do?  I guess they can always switch to that magnetic pole changing thingy they say is about to happen - or the first time in human history (because homo sapiens sapiens weren’t around for the last time the poles shifted.

    P.S.  There’s a question for the climatologists:  What happened to the Earth’s climate the last time the magnetic poles shifted?  If I remember correctly, the last time was about 70,000 years or so ago.  Homo Sapien Sapien may not have emerged, but Neanderthals and other species of homo were around then and we have lots of evidence from archaeology about them and their living conditions to give evidence of how hominids survived.  What does the evidence show happened?  Ice age?  End of an Ice Age?

    P.P.S.  I hate liking Barbra’s talent, just as I hate admitting that Jane Fonda is a fine actress.  It is always a disappointment when someone you admire for one thing, turns out to have feet of clay in everything else.

    Posted by saltydog on 2006 07 10 at 01:38 PM • permalink

  27. More like “head of clay”, saltydog.  Otherwise, a fine post.

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 07 10 at 01:52 PM • permalink

  28. #26: What?!? The magnetic pole could change polarity??!? Why wasn’t I informed?!? And more importantly, what can we, as concerned citizens, do about it?

    But most importantly of all, how can Paco Enterprises profit from it? Bwahahahah!!

    Posted by paco on 2006 07 10 at 01:55 PM • permalink

  29. #26 saltydog

    I recall the subject “what happens when the earth’s magnetic field reverses” being covered in this blog before.  Things happen like:

    * North American birds fly north for the winter and freeze to death;

    * Homing pigeons fly backwards;

    * George Bush will be blamed for not signing Kyoto;

    * Shadows caused by the sun lie towards the sun;

    *  Maps of the world get printed with South at the top (many Australian maps already have this enlightened feature);

    * Tornadoes blow out instead of sucking in;

    *  the Left will come up with some cogent arguments to support their view of the world.

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 10 at 02:37 PM • permalink

  30. Paco @ 28

    Sorta sounds like beaucoup hedging chances for the Paco Investment subsidiary(SEC be all over it)of Paco Enterprises.  Offshore may carry whole new meanings but what the heck.

    Posted by yojimbo on 2006 07 10 at 03:15 PM • permalink

  31. #30: Yes, the SEC still takes a sort of hidebound, overly-conservative view of investing, which is why I think the reverse-polarity risk abatement derivatives will probably have to be marketed through Paco Enterprises’ European finance subsidiary, Liechtenstein Investment Euro Solutions (“Sweeping a Pine Branch Back and Forth Across the Audit Trail Since 2005!”).

    Posted by paco on 2006 07 10 at 03:23 PM • permalink

  32. Paco.  I hadn’t thought of that approach.  I thought you would be using the Liberian registered freighter “currently moored” off of the leeward side of the Lesser Antilles gambit.  Brilliant!

    Posted by yojimbo on 2006 07 10 at 04:04 PM • permalink

  33. The magnetic pole could change polarity??!?

    Not only that; the axis switches, too.  Hold onto your bedrails.

    Little wheel spin and spin, the big world whirl around, ‘round.*

    *Apologies to Buffy St. Marie

    Posted by tree hugging sister on 2006 07 10 at 04:59 PM • permalink

  34. #32: Oh, the Liberian freighter is still there; it’s for carrying sacks full of cash down to my hotel in Rio.

    Posted by paco on 2006 07 10 at 05:18 PM • permalink

  35. Paco
    Put your money on Somalia and their new venture. Liechtenstein is so friggin’ small, and weak should something break loose. I mean if Enron pulled one, Liechtenstein surely could. Beside the fact that France could even take them (I think).

    I mean Dick Durbin is scheduling talks for a committee that would investigate why Liechtenstein isn’t more vocal in its condemnation of George Bush and his remote controlled airliners, secret prisons for cultist killers, and spying on the enemy.

    On the other hand Somalia and its Mogadishu Mercantile Trust, Transportation & Islamist Missile L.L.C., it’s the only way to fly.

    Posted by El Cid on 2006 07 10 at 05:22 PM • permalink

  36. Paco — I’ve got just the product to help you with the moving magnetic pole problem.

    Tuneable compasses!

    Now these are usually hard to find, but I have a reliable source of them.  Each compass comes with a turnable bezel, or degree ring, that lets you align the compass to the new north.  100% reliable!  And I can get them for you in quantity for just 50% above the cost of normal compasses…

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 10 at 10:35 PM • permalink

  37. Richard, do those tuneable compasses work in 3D space?  As the poles flip over (not instantaneous, but probably over several years), the north (or south) magnetic pole could wander right beneath you; thus your compass needle will need the freedom to point straight down.

    And can they handle the north and south poles not being in perfect synch (ie directly opposite, due to the earth being an oblate spheroid, not a globe) as they flip over?

    If you are stuck with them I can take them off your hands for, oh, say, 10 cents in the dollar.

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 11 at 12:36 AM • permalink

  38. Hey paco, you ought to add a specially treated bracelet that will keep you oriented ... somehow.  I see on the TV that those kinds of things are real popular.  Even doctors say bracelets work on stuff.

    This product would allow you to reach a different demographic than that tuneable compass thingy.  Double your profits!

    Posted by saltydog on 2006 07 11 at 04:11 AM • permalink

  39. Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you for your most interesting suggestions concerning profit-making opportunities in the new reverse polarity environment. The management of Paco Enterprises will certainly give these thoughts of yours, er, the attention they deserve.

    Posted by paco on 2006 07 11 at 08:03 AM • permalink

  40. I still say people who need people
    are the LUCKIEST peeble in the WOOOORLD.

    Posted by crash on 2006 07 11 at 08:49 AM • permalink

  41. Paco — They can be rotated through both the vertical AND horizontal planes, in LINEAR time no less, to suit the needs of the discerning user (manufacturer’s disclaimer: “Note: if you have fastened our product to your boat or small aircraft extreme caution implementing vertical rotation”)

    I could maybe let these go for $1.10 on the dollar, but hey, these babies will sell themselves; you can do great things with the markup.

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2006 07 11 at 10:17 AM • permalink

  42. #41: Er, yes, yes. What?!? Why, look at the time! Love the concept, love it, but I see I’m late for a directors’ meeting. Just leave your sales brochure with my secretary, there, and we shall most certainly get back to you. Tootle-pip!

    Posted by paco on 2006 07 11 at 11:16 AM • permalink

  43. I foresee that this whole drifting, reversing, compass-confusing new world will be great for men, as they will finally have a reason to not stop and ask for directions.

    Posted by ushie on 2006 07 11 at 11:24 AM • permalink

  44. mmm ... salmon

    Posted by Achillea on 2006 07 11 at 10:22 PM • permalink

  45. Page 1 of 1 pages

Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.

Members:
Login | Register | Member List

Please note: you must use a real email address to register. You will be sent an account activation email. Clicking on the url in the email will automatically activate your account. Until you do so your account will be held in the "pending" list and you won't be able to log in. All accounts that are "pending" for more than one week will be deleted.