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FAST FISK FORMULA

“How fast,” asks Dan Lewis, “is top Fisk speed?”

This is an important scientific question, crucial to the ongoing study of Fiskodynamics. Given Robert Fisk’s mass, angle of approach, and wine consumption, use this formula to calculate his terminal velocity. If he were to be thrown out of a plane or something.

Posted by Tim B. on 07/20/2006 at 12:37 PM

  1. I really feel the term should by “Fiskodynamics”

    Posted by Hucklebuck on 2006 07 20 at 12:46 PM • permalink

  2. #1 Agreed.

    Posted by Tim B. on 2006 07 20 at 12:48 PM • permalink

  3. I condemn your threat of throwing Fisk out of a plane.  With that said, does anyone know when he will be flying again?  I like science experiments.

    Posted by jeff mccabe on 2006 07 20 at 12:56 PM • permalink

  4. #3, Forget it, a Hot Air baboon balloon will only float.

    Posted by stats on 2006 07 20 at 01:05 PM • permalink

  5. #3, Hmmmm. I reconsider. A Hot Air full o’ sh*t might not.

    Posted by stats on 2006 07 20 at 01:06 PM • permalink

  6. The formula posted by T. Blair for a falling object is not correct for Fisk speed as it does not contain the Einsteinian correction (first found by Lorentz) for speeds near that of light. The coward Fisk can obtain such a high speed by blowing gas (developed from the hypocrite- fear generator in his guts)out his rear, much as a high speed rocket does.

    Posted by stats on 2006 07 20 at 01:20 PM • permalink

  7. But surely the special theory of moral relativity should apply?

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 07 20 at 01:42 PM • permalink

  8. African or European?

    Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2006 07 20 at 01:44 PM • permalink

  9. I still like Texas Bob’s answer:

    As fast as he can pump his little fist.

    Posted by R C Dean on 2006 07 20 at 02:09 PM • permalink

  10. Sorry, I was going to comment, but the visual of Robert Fisk being tossed from a plane made me go all warm ‘n tingly, and I forgot what I was going to say.

    Posted by Kim du Toit on 2006 07 20 at 02:46 PM • permalink

  11. The photo behind the “wine consumption” link is priceless; Fisk looks like a carp out of water. In fact, the metaphor of Fisk as carp (Cyprinus carpio)works on more than one level. I note this description from a web site on exotic fish: “Almost universally despised in Australia, carp are not generally sought as a food fish.  There have been a number of attempts with limited success to establish commercial uses for the fish.” For example, as punching bags for annoyed Afghans.

    Posted by paco on 2006 07 20 at 02:53 PM • permalink

  12. Mass, velocity, and angles?  Sounds like Fiskics to me.

    Posted by Achillea on 2006 07 20 at 02:54 PM • permalink

  13. I bet when Fisk was a kid, the other boys in the schoolyard would run past and yank his pants down.  It might explain a few things.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 07 20 at 03:16 PM • permalink

  14. Hmmm.

    So.  Are Fisks a unit of measure yet?

    Posted by memomachine on 2006 07 20 at 03:31 PM • permalink

  15. #13 rebecca: I rather suspect that the other boys would run by and yank his pants up.

    Posted by paco on 2006 07 20 at 03:35 PM • permalink

  16. As Fisk spiraled to Earth from the plane, would he spin clockwise over one hemispere but counterclockwise over the other?

    I’ve read that happens to turds in Australia…

    Posted by JDB on 2006 07 20 at 03:49 PM • permalink

  17. Give me Fisk speed 10 Scotty!

    The ship can’t handle Fisk 10 Captain!

    Dammit Man I said Fisk speed 10!!!!

    Aye aye Captain!

    Posted by Marin Republican on 2006 07 20 at 04:02 PM • permalink

  18. Based on his own reporting I’d say top Fisk speed is a little bit slower than a rock can be thrown by an Afghani.

    Posted by DanG on 2006 07 20 at 04:16 PM • permalink

  19. Paul @ # 8.  I gather you mean sparrow?

    Posted by Stop Continental Drift! on 2006 07 20 at 04:32 PM • permalink

  20. Fisk looks as though he can barely manage to hold himself up.  It must be a terrible burden, being Fisk.

    Posted by saltydog on 2006 07 20 at 04:41 PM • permalink

  21. Is he laden with a coconut?
    European or Middle eastern Fisk?

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2006 07 20 at 07:01 PM • permalink

  22. Frisky’s ‘wine consumption’?  I’m shocked.  Where is his sympathy with Islam?
    ‘Fisk speed’ is defined as ‘always too slow to catch the Truth Bus, but fast enough to get hit by it often.’

    Posted by Barrie on 2006 07 20 at 07:05 PM • permalink

  23. #14 Ed: Are Fisks a unit of measure yet?

    Yes. A Fisk is a measure of the amount of contradiction found in an interview or article.
    One Fisk = 6.35 contradictions.

    Fisk’s latest fat book is being carefully studied, and this figure may need revising upwards.

    Posted by Barrie on 2006 07 20 at 07:15 PM • permalink

  24. “How fast,” asks Dan Lewis, “is top Fisk speed?”

    Finally…. The obscure recognition I deserve.

    Posted by Dan Lewis on 2006 07 20 at 07:50 PM • permalink

  25. Shouldnt he jump from the plane?  You know, to solve global warming?
    World Jump Day

    Posted by jeff mccabe on 2006 07 20 at 08:47 PM • permalink

  26. But I would still condemn it.  <tilt>

    Posted by jeff mccabe on 2006 07 20 at 08:48 PM • permalink

  27. This blog is powered by clean, green, nuclear Fiskin’.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2006 07 20 at 09:12 PM • permalink

  28. If Fisk falls from a plane and lands in the woods and there is no one to hear him land, will he still be wrong?
    I condemn the needless death of the trees he lands on though.

    Posted by jeff mccabe on 2006 07 20 at 09:32 PM • permalink

  29. If Fisk falls from a plane and lands in the woods and there is no one to hear him land, will he still be wrong?

    Who knows, but it’ll be the biggest impression he has made all his life.

    Posted by PW on 2006 07 20 at 10:27 PM • permalink

  30. #14 & #23
    Are Fisks a unit of measure yet?
    I thought that it was a measure of the number of inaccurate statements by column inch. Or is that an old Imperial measure?

    Posted by andycanuck on 2006 07 20 at 10:56 PM • permalink

  31. Hmmm, a gas-filled satin bag might even float.

    Until punctured.

    Posted by Olrence on 2006 07 20 at 11:11 PM • permalink

  32. #6, Perhaps the heat generated in such a powerful reaction could help to explain the redness of Fisk’s head in the vino photo.

    Or he is just a booze hound.  As a (in)famous Journo, he prolly doesnt pay for too many of them…

    Posted by The_Wizard_of_WOZ on 2006 07 20 at 11:47 PM • permalink

  33. Until punctured.

    Then it would fly around erratically making that funny noise balloons make as they deflate.

    Posted by Achillea on 2006 07 20 at 11:47 PM • permalink

  34. Bottles of wine I mean

    Posted by The_Wizard_of_WOZ on 2006 07 20 at 11:48 PM • permalink

  35. Re #8 & 19: reference should be to the flight velocity of a swallow, not a sparrow.  I fart in your general direction.

    Posted by Hucklebuck on 2006 07 21 at 11:36 AM • permalink

  36. Re: terminal velocity equation.  Must be amended, where F = D - W (Force = Drag - Weight) since we’re dealing with Fisk it’s calculated as F = TD - W (Force = Total Drag - Weight) When Fisk being such a total drag is included in the formula, the terminal velocity doesn’t change, but the experiment becomes a lot more understandable to the layman.  Now we GET it.

    Posted by Carl H on 2006 07 21 at 02:01 PM • permalink

  37. All of this is really moot if you attach a rocket to Fisk’s ass and point him downward.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2006 07 21 at 05:02 PM • permalink

  38. Thanks, guys, I’m crying here and my stomach hurts. I’ve not had such a bellylaugh all week!

    Achillea (33) I have the worst images in mind, now.

    Posted by Nilknarf Arbed on 2006 07 21 at 09:16 PM • permalink

  39. You’ll note that Fisk doesn’t so much fly as plummet.

    Posted by andycanuck on 2006 07 21 at 11:57 PM • permalink

  40. Well, as a man who’s name I forgot once said “In theory, there’s no difference between theory and practice, in practice there is.”

    So, to settle this once and for all, it does seem as if a practical application experiment is called for.

    Posted by Grimmy on 2006 07 23 at 07:58 PM • permalink

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