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EXSPLOIDED

The launch of Sploid has generated more press than the Pope’s pregnancy and the death of Britney Spears combined. Google is on to their wicked scam; enter “sploid” and this turns up:

Did you mean: exploit

I hope the monster thing makes Ken Layne rich, mainly because he owes me several thousand dollars in election bets and hush money. So here’s a Sploid News Tip about that absurd Sarandon woman, currently in Australia:

We hear the Oscar-winning US actor had an amusing run-in with a shop assistant at an Armadale health food store.

Eye reader Michele said she saw Sarandon, hiding behind a hat and dark sunnies, pointing at objects in the store while her lackey dutifully gathered the products up.

Sarandon then asked the shop assistant if a particular little cake would make her put on weight, to which the staffer apparently replied:

“If something this small makes you put on weight, then you’ve got problems.”

Anyway, after the lackey went a bit twittery from the blunt response, Sarandon threw caution to the wind and bought the cake.

Suggested Sploid headline: SARANDON SLAVE SUFFERS SHOP SHOCK! Or maybe LARD-SHY LIBERAL’S LACKEY LOSER IN CAKE WEIGHT DEBATE! Whatever; I’m tired.

Posted by Tim B. on 04/14/2005 at 07:24 AM
  1. Weren’t Sploids those eating utensils that tried to do eveything, and ended up on the scrapheap?

    Posted by blogstrop on 2005 04 14 at 08:39 AM • permalink

  2. Has she moved down under?  Dare we (in the US) hope?

    Posted by blerp on 2005 04 14 at 08:56 AM • permalink

  3. You have shops in Australia?

    Posted by rhhardin on 2005 04 14 at 09:09 AM • permalink

  4. Sarandon is living across the road from me. In Jimmy Hird’s house. If you bring eggs, we can ‘throw’ a party.

    Posted by Tony.T on 2005 04 14 at 09:31 AM • permalink

  5. Snack Snares Sarandon: Snarks Shopgirl.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2005 04 14 at 09:32 AM • permalink

  6. Susan desperately seeking sustenance…

    Posted by crash on 2005 04 14 at 09:43 AM • permalink

  7. The Hunger.

    Posted by Tony.T on 2005 04 14 at 09:57 AM • permalink

  8. “Go ahead and eat the cake, Susan. Hope you get the part on Kristie Alley’s show.”

    Posted by ErnieG on 2005 04 14 at 09:58 AM • permalink

  9. Eye reader?  What is an eye reader?

    Dang it, where’s my Aussie/American dictionary?

    Posted by wronwright on 2005 04 14 at 10:09 AM • permalink

  10. Anxious American Actress Absorbs Australian Appetizer

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 04 14 at 10:21 AM • permalink

  11. That’s Sploid’s revolutionary internet strategy?  Aging American actresses?

    Posted by richard mcenroe on 2005 04 14 at 11:07 AM • permalink

  12. If she’d had lunch at the KFC in Armidale like I did before I went to the bush dance by the Showgrounds when I visited in ‘97, she wouldn’t have these problems. Nice pub, too; they let me hang out until last orders and the 2 AM coach to Sydney, with Neville Oliver’s live test commentary from England to keep me company. Never saw so many stars in the sky as over Armidale.

    Posted by chinesearithmetic on 2005 04 14 at 11:42 AM • permalink

  13. Update thanks to richard mcenroe:

    Aging American Actress Absorbs Australian Appetizer

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 04 14 at 11:59 AM • permalink

  14. Ummm, wouldn’t that be

    Ancient American Actress Absorbs Australian Appetizer

    Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2005 04 14 at 12:12 PM • permalink

  15. The lackey shoppers have it easy.  It’s the palanquin bearers who do all the work.  When Susan eats cake, they know about it.

    Posted by Mystery Meat on 2005 04 14 at 12:23 PM • permalink

  16. Re: #14:  the winnah!

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2005 04 14 at 01:03 PM • permalink

  17. “IRRESISTIBLE” ICE QUEEN EYES ICING

    Posted by Jim Treacher on 2005 04 14 at 03:26 PM • permalink

  18. Aggravating American Agitatrix Absorbs Austrailian Appetizer:  Regurgitates Rehashed Radical Ridiculousness.

    Posted by Nightfly on 2005 04 14 at 03:45 PM • permalink

  19. wronwright, that would be one who reads “The Eye”!

    Posted by cal on 2005 04 14 at 09:07 PM • permalink

  20. She did have nice fun bags back in her day, though.

    Posted by Razor on 2005 04 14 at 10:29 PM • permalink

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