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ESSENTIAL TURNPIKE FACTS
Ten things everybody should know about the New Jersey Turnpike:
* Governor Alfred E. Driscoll proposed the turnpike 59 years ago
* It featured in Being John Malkovich and The Muppets Take Manhattan
* With overtime, senior toll collectors may earn more than $USD70,000 per year
* It was designed—in the late 1940s, before brakes were invented—for speeds up to 75 mph
* Photography is forbidden on the turnpike
* In the late 1980s, the Turnpike Authority’s boss earned nearly double the state governor’s salary
* It has 12 service areas, one of them named after Vince Lombardi
* Speeding diplomats are banned from the turnpike
* It has its own 200-strong police force
* Proposed landscaping of the turnpike was greeted with scorn.
UPDATE. Jersey girl Kat emails:
As a native who lives and drives the Turnpike, you forgot the most important and memorable aspect of it ...
IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN EGGS.
There. Now that’s all the facts about the Turnpike. Also—please tell people—that’s the major artery from the aiport north and south. But New Jersey has mountains, beaches and farms. NOT JUST INDUSTRIAL WASTE AND POLLUTION.
I actually like industrial waste and pollution, having grown up west of Melbourne down a stretch of industrialised highway that was a New Jersey Turnpike in miniature. It’s been fancied up lately with your so-called “trees” and such, sadly.
UPDATE II. Ed in comments: “The thing to remember while driving in New Jersey is that we’re not deliberately trying to kill you.”
How is it possible that I posted my comment to this post 31 minutes before it was put up.
Have you Ozzies been tinkering with the space time continuum again.
Posted by Quidnunc Savant on 2006 02 18 at 10:52 AM • permalinkWhile I’m at it why is the posted time for Halifax Nova Scotia when I am in Wisconsin. It is only 8:57 a.m. here. I think I’m getting a headache. I’m going back to bed.
Posted by Quidnunc Savant on 2006 02 18 at 10:57 AM • permalinkThere are eleven essential turnpike facts, Tim. You missed the really critical one.
* The New Jersey Turnpike is in New Jersey.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2006 02 18 at 10:59 AM • permalinkKiller trees strike out at motorists on less enlightened highways
A falling tree crushed a passing car in suburban Rochester, killing a 52-year-old woman, and another crashed onto a truck at Saratoga Spa State Park, killing a state worker. In Massachusetts, a tree fell onto a pickup truck in Billerica, killing the driver.
http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/02/18/D8FRJDNG4.htmlADDITIONAL ESSEMTIAL FACTS;
1. Nowhere for a dog to take a piss.
2. Dogs will not eat take-out from rest-stop eateries.
3. The turnpike originally ran through pig farms. The smell remains.
4. New Jersy drivers, especially on the Turnpike and US 78, are not simply discourteous, they are consumed with rage at the very sight of an out of state licence plate.
5.When driving from Exit 13 to Exit 8 on a warm summers day, take your lunch and dinner and don’t plan to get where you’re going.Hmmm.
I live in New Jersey, Exit 100 on the GSP thank you, and most of this is true.
The thing to remember while driving in New Jersey is that we’re not deliberately trying to kill you. It’s just that you’re in our way and you’re not driving fast enough. If your car is more than 6 feet from the car in front of you, then you’re going too damn slow.
Then there’s the left lane. If you’re in the fast lane that means you need to go fast. It does not mean that you can accelerate like an ambling rabbit when the light turns green. It means you need to step on the frigging gas and *go*. If you want to drive like a normal human being then drive in the right hand lane.
Regardless of the posted speed limits do NOT drive less than 70mph in any lane on either the Turnpike or the GSP, Garden State Parkway. If you do I can guarantee you that you’ll end up in a ditch.
And don’t drive courteously either. We don’t go in for that nonsense here and when you do idiot things like that it just confuses the hell out of us. Then what follows is a scene right from the Three Stooges where I go, you go and we run right into each other. So if you’ve got right-of-way, then just hit the gas and go. If someone is in the way then that’s their problem and this is what brakes are for.
And last, but certainly not least, if you’re visiting beautiful smoggy New Jersey please remember that the scenery is nice and isn’t going to go away any time soon so it’ll be there later on. In the meantime stop looking at the damn trees and get the hell out of my damn way right now!
Thank you.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 02 18 at 01:01 PM • permalinkMy first introduction to the U.S was the NJ Turnpike,got off the plane at Newark, met my Aunt who drove us to her home on the Turnpike,
I remember having to hold my nose in a couple of places as we went past some factories making something gross.Posted by Torontosteve on 2006 02 18 at 01:15 PM • permalinkGreat… a post about NJ to bring out all the east coast-centric ego maniacs. 49 other states don’t care what you do. As an added warning - if you cut me off, brake check, pop me the finger, flash your headlights or try to run me off the road - I will mash my 300 pound solid steel (cold rolled) brush bumper into the rear end of your $89,000 750Li BMW.
One brush bumper with winch plate - $400 US.
Tear stained face of a New Jersey BMW driver - priceless.
Capisce ?Also notable: in exchange for his endorsement in her successful governor’s race, Republican Governor Christine Whitman dedicated the Howard Stern Rest Stop. It was later closed by Democratic Governor McGreevey.
Posted by tim maguire on 2006 02 18 at 02:01 PM • permalinkDogs will not eat take-out from rest-stop eateries.
It’s surprising that the Food and Drug administration never does this simple food safety test.
I am reminded of this review http://www.bigarmwoman.com/archives/000587.html of Kellogs Fruit Loops Cereal With Milk Bar, as sent to Kellogs
not even my dog, who regularly eats fecal matter, would touch the leftover portion of the bar
New Jersey state motto: “Get in the trunk.”
New Jersey state song: “Lo, Armpit of America.”
New Jersey state bird: The garbage diver.
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2006 02 18 at 03:04 PM • permalinkNo photos permitted? This is repression! Come on, Tim, publish them, or has the evil Chimperor cowed you as well?
Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2006 02 18 at 03:05 PM • permalinkAlso, once on the NJ side of the NJ/PA border, I ordered a box of boardwalk fries (made with vinegar and salt) at a rest stop.
I swear to you, they were crafted entirely from congealed fat.
Posted by Aaron - Freewill on 2006 02 18 at 03:05 PM • permalinkThe Turn-pike was my introduction (as a twenty year old Minnesotan) to the East Coast.
First the tolls; I had heard of such things, but not having driven through them before and not having been informed by my employer that they would be encountered, I had to learn the hard way that the auto-change baskets dont take dollar bills, no matter how tightly folded.
Also, bieng from the spacious Mid-West, I was accustomed to large clover leafs and long entrance ramps.
The shape and design of these ramps were the same, but were sized at half-scale of what I was used to, without any attenuation in the speed of traffic-flow.
Im not proud of it, but I was scared for my life during those miles.
After about twenty minutes of this, lost and without any money, paper or otherwise, I got the hell off onto a main drag of sorts in search of my hotel.
Within five minutes of bieng on that road I had been given the finger.
Im happy to say it wasnt for driving too slowly, but instead, for rudely cutting a guy off for my own advantage.
Turns out I was a quick study in East-Coast driving techniques.
And don’t drive courteously either. We don’t go in for that nonsense here and when you do idiot things like that it just confuses the hell out of us. Then what follows is a scene right from the Three Stooges where I go, you go and we run right into each other. So if you’ve got right-of-way, then just hit the gas and go.
We’ve got that problem in Maine. A guy will clearly have the right-of-way, then try to let me go first. To avoid the Stooges crash, I conspicuously place my hands flat on the dashboard and shake my head vigorously. I look like an idiot. Thanks a bunch, Friendly McHelpful.
I swear, my most-used driving phrase is “Fucking go...”
Wow Ed,
I know Jersey drivers aren’t deliberately trying to kill us, they can’t help it, they don’t know how to drive a car properly. My husband and I joke about that everytime we drive through on our way down south. I’ve driven in almost every state in the lower 48 and Jersey drivers are only marginally better than a Naples Florida senior citizen (I was taught to drive by a race car driver back in the 80s). After living in California for years, I was shocked at how bad Jerseyites are…. New York drivers are fine, but once you cross that border it’s another world, but then that applies to just about everything from food to fashion. And tell me, what time of day can you ever go 70 on the turnpike?? I’ve driven it at all different hours and alway sit in traffic.
Stats-
The rest stops may not have edible food, but after sitting in hours of bumper to bumper traffic my dogs will go relieve themselves there..
Ann
Can’t remember if it was the Turnpike or the GSP but there’s a roadway just before a tunnel…six lanes going in suddenly merge into ONE into the tunnel…about 500 feet for all the traffic to merge…only way to do it is to ignore all else about you and act like Luke Skywalker aiming at the thingy on the Deathstar…
Anyone else see the contradiction in those facts?
Posted by Rob Crawford on 2006 02 18 at 04:33 PM • permalinkHmmm.
You know I’m laughing while I read this because it’s all true.
1. The Turnpike, like the GSP, has traffic problems in pulses which are usually timed to coincide with the various job starting times. If you time your driving to avoid the pulses, then you’ve got clear road to drive on.
2. And no left turns either! There are few roads where you’re allowed to do a left turn so keep an eye out for the signs that tell you that there’s no left turn at this intersection.
3. U-turns in New Jersey are usually either right before the intersection or right after the intersection. Or located in a place that has nothing to do with the intersection and no clear connection to it. In some case the U-turn will actually require you to circumnavigate a shopping center before sending you back to the road you just came from.
So don’t mess it up ok?
4. Another thing you don’t want to screw up is that some of our local highways have the exit ramp *after* the on-ramp. In other words you have to pass over the intersection to get off the highways while other drivers are now forced to merge with you in order to get on the highways.
So you’re rapidly decelerating and nudging over to the exit ramp while others are rapidly accelerating and trying to get past you to get on the highway. Route 18 is famous for this.
5. So you’re in New Jersey and want to know how to find a beach? Drive east until you come to the Atlantic Ocean and then stop.
6. Most beaches in the world are free. This is New Jersey so you’ll be paying $50.
It’s a funny state. Which is why I personally call it The State of Taxation.
Posted by memomachine on 2006 02 18 at 04:53 PM • permalinkAlso of note: All toll bridges charge toll for only one direction. As you exit New Jersey. Because no one would pay to get into New Jersey!
Posted by nofixedabode on 2006 02 18 at 05:12 PM • permalinkJersey Girl Kat e_mails:“As a native who lives and drives the Turnpike, you forgot the most important and memorable aspect of it ... IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN EGGS.”
Crikey, I’m used to being ignored, but this is too much. If Kat (and #11 as well)had paid attention to my #9, she would have learned the source of the smell, pig dung so massive that the earth has not yet been able absorb it, and this after 50 years.
#21 AnnNY, you are absolutely right, although there is no place for dogs to relieve themselves, they will do so anyway, just as the rest of us must. They are fortunate in that they are not obliged by the law to use what are laughingly (?) called “rest-rooms” located athwart the “eating” places.#22 Ushie. Your
...six lanes going in suddenly merge into ONE into the tunnel…about 500 feet for all the traffic to merge…only way to do it is to ignore all else about you and act like Luke Skywalker aiming at the thingy on the Deathstar…
gives very good advice.
Most people wrongly slow down when they approach a merge situation but the laws of physics require that you should speed up. This is the only way the velocity of a fluid can be maintained when it is passed through a venturi.
Example: Two lanes travelling at 30 mph need to increase speed to 60 mph as they pass through the single lane section. Six-into-one situations require adequate performance margins and precise driving skills if flow is to be maintained.Ex-New Jersey here. What Ed says is true: don’t extend courtsey, don’t expect it. My first time back after living several years in So California, I was driving down busy, crowded Rt. 22 and needed to change lanes. So, just like any normal Californian, I used my blinker to signal my intention and looked back expectantly at the woman behind me. As soon I saw her sneer of pure contempt and aggressive driving posture, it all came rushing back. So I turned off my blinker, waited maybe 30 seconds and then cut her off. Made us both happy—despite being pissed as hell (or maybe because of it?), she was happy because the accepted rules of the road were being followed; I because I had my lane and because, well, let’s face it, aggressive behavior feels good.
First time I took my southern California freeway born and bred best friend through a major Turnpike toll plaza, she freaked. Then we stopped at Lombardi.
Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2006 02 18 at 07:07 PM • permalinkAh, my beloved NJ finally gets the attention and recognition she deserves!
Really, the best part is between exits 13 and 16W, where you get containers ships, airplanes, chemical-laden railcars, the Linden Co-Gen Plant and Bayonne Barrel Corp.‘s storage area, which has been known to spontaneously combust.
It’s a bee-youtiful thing.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2006 02 18 at 07:54 PM • permalinkNew Jersey Turnpike—probably the second worst place I’ve ever driven. There is only one rule: there are no rules. Every man and woman for themselves. I’ll be driving 70 mph in line 3 of 6 or 8 lanes and then as I approach the toll booths, the lanes disappear. I don’t mean the lanes converge into fewer lanes, the lines disappear. Where did the lines go? It’s
panic enducingnuts!The only place that possibly has worst drivers is: Columbus, Ohio. If they see a space just big enough to shoe horn a Cooper Mini in, they merge over. No turn signal, no warning. Don’t matter if they’re driving a Hummer. They merge over.
Posted by wronwright on 2006 02 18 at 09:04 PM • permalink#34) Depends on your route: Turnpike & tunnel toll or turnpile & GW bridge toll. That’s two, either way.
Posted by nofixedabode on 2006 02 19 at 01:14 AM • permalinkI’m down at 82 at the GSP. I take it each day to work. I jump on the Turnpike if the GSP is too packed (and that’s saying something). I’m a bit surprised by the low maximum speeds quoted here….
There are only two possible speeds…85 and stopped. Anyone driving between those speeds is from out-of-state. The trick is to get up to 85 as quickly as possible, and get down to zero by locking up the brakes…
US taxi drivers are highly skilled in he ability to locate the highest possible number of toll booths in a given distance, but only with paying customers on board.
They also have the ability to drive the entire breadth of the USA without once paying a toll, however are forbidden from doing this when a passenger is in the cab.Posted by Pedro the Ignorant on 2006 02 19 at 01:55 AM • permalinkIt was designed—in the late 1940s, before brakes were invented….
Um. Did I miss something or did you?
Cars came with brakes from day one.
Perhaps you’re thinking of disc brakes, which can burn off more speed more efficiently than drums. They weren’t offered on American cars until the 1970s.
Posted by Rittenhouse on 2006 02 19 at 08:25 AM • permalinkI think Tim’s being funny about the brakes.
Is he allowed to do that?
Posted by Stoop Davy Dave on 2006 02 19 at 07:31 PM • permalink
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I have tried to speed in a Dodge Diplomat , it’s damn hard.