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ENVIRONMENTALISTS PLAN OWN EXTINCTION
Treehugger.com reports:
Nothing’s quite worse than meeting some really promising guy or girl and then realizing that he or she is an Escalade-driving, non-recycling, Earth f—-er-upper. What are you going to do? Try to reform them? Sleep with them anyway and try to ignore their unconscious ways? Forget it. Go for the green lover. Farmers markets, your local Green Drinks, and a host of match-making sites can be great places to find that special tree hugger to hug.
Be careful, though, lest breeding occur:
The biggest ecological impact resulting from sex is a baby. Human population is arguably the most threatening force on Earth, and with human population expected to reach 8.3 billion by 2030, reproducing is perhaps the largest impact any of us have.
Disputes over this may lead to cheating. Philandering tree-huggers should refer to cheatneutral for all their cheat-offset needs.
(Via Randy V.)
Well, I’m going out on a limb here but you would think that treehuggers would be eager to plant their sapling. Do a little rooting. Spread their seed as it were.
I’m leafing now.Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 02 15 at 12:15 PM • permalinkIf you really love trees, stay away from bushes. If that is an unacceptable sacrifice, heed a bumpersticker from the Kerry presidential campaign: “Lick Bush in 2004.”
Posted by Mystery Meat on 2007 02 15 at 12:36 PM • permalinkI don’t think those cheatneutral people are on the level. I insist on genuine Pious Adulterer Cheat Offsets.
Posted by Paul Zrimsek on 2007 02 15 at 01:26 PM • permalink#2 and #4 are barking up the wrong tree and branching into something they know nothing about. Leave it alone.
Posted by tree hugging sister on 2007 02 15 at 02:07 PM • permalinkLike most leftist sites, I expect Treehugger.com to splinter into bickering factions in the near future. But I haven’t read their board to find out what their specific plank is yet.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 02 15 at 02:14 PM • permalinkI do pine for the good old days of peace and love, though.
Posted by Mr. Bingley on 2007 02 15 at 02:14 PM • permalinkI am heartily in favor of the swampies not reproducing….
Posted by Major John on 2007 02 15 at 02:46 PM • permalinkFor the first time, I absolutely agree with the Treehuggers statement. The world would be a better place if they all stopped breeding.
What does it say about a person who considers procreation evil? Do they consider procreation among any other animals to be evil?
My own new crusade to end global warming is this: That the advocates of the fantasy of a stable environment decrease CO2 emissions by simply not breathing. Evil is evil, after all, and if a new human life is evil by virtue of its existence, how much more evil is an already existing human life. I demand consistency from these people.
#12, THS
Actually, I know quite a bit about the art of the pun.
The first rule of punning is to groan at the other guy’s pun.
The second rule of punning is to steal and use it as soon as possible.
Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 02 15 at 03:11 PM • permalinkNothing’s quite worse than meeting some really promising guy or girl and then realizing that he or she is an Escalade-driving, non-recycling, Earth f—-er-upper. What are you going to do? Try to reform them? Sleep with them anyway and try to ignore their unconscious ways? Forget it. Go for the green lover. Farmers markets, your local Green Drinks, and a host of match-making sites can be great places to find that special tree hugger to hug.
Oh, come now. Even Greenies don’t want to date losers like Greenies.
Earth f—-er-upper
Hey, I like that term! It flows much better than Gaia rapist.
As for Greenies breeding only with Greenies….I guess they don’t understand the genetic necessity of branching.
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 02 15 at 03:50 PM • permalinkAs for Greenies breeding only with Greenies….I guess they don’t understand the genetic necessity of branching out.
Oy! PIMF PIMF PIMF PIMF PIMF PIMF!!!
Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 02 15 at 03:51 PM • permalinkBy the way, the glaciers are coming! An Inconvenient Truth was released nationwide on DVD today…
Posted by richard mcenroe on 2007 02 15 at 03:56 PM • permalinkFortunately my wife and I never listened to Enviro-Fascist bullshit about limiting ourselves to one child (for Gaia’s sake, of course!), otherwise we’d be childless today. Because even in this day and age, child mortality still occurs. Thankfully, we still have 2 healthy teenagers, thus we did our part for replacing the population. It’s hardly rocket science: Healthy populations grow; unhealthy ones shrink.
Posted by AlburyShifton on 2007 02 15 at 05:00 PM • permalinkI stick to what I know, Gary and joe needs to respect his alders. Nothing worse than an aspen your bag o’ nuts and I could care less about being poplar.
Posted by tree hugging sister on 2007 02 15 at 05:15 PM • permalinkOh, this is fantastic! If enough Greenies take the hint from this website, they’ll marry each other and not reproduce. In forty years, we could be seeing the end of obnoxious environmental activism as we know it.
My mom and dad had five children, and we’re all growing up solidly Republican. From what I’ve seen, the crazier someone is, the less they reproduce. We could wind up outnumbering the moonbats and greenies ten to one.
Party time!
Posted by Tungsten Monk on 2007 02 15 at 05:32 PM • permalinkWhat was the link between living in the west and low child birth rates??
Propaganda from the cradle to the grave on how evil you are for existing and consuming. Good news if the gene is self limiting.
Wood-nt it be good.Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 02 15 at 06:03 PM • permalinkPropaganda from the cradle to the grave on how evil you are for existing and consuming
It’s all the old hellfire and brimstone stuff reborn. When I was a kid we had Christian crazies on city streets with ‘The End of the World is Nigh’ placards. Now it’s climate change crazies with placards of head-tilting polar bears.
me, I just feel blessed each day to be alive and free upon the earth.
Halleluyah, brother. Amen.
Ah, the pretty girl at treehugger.com has fallen pregnant to a flash guy with a BMW and a meat wholesaling business. Treehugger should have made his move earlier instead of trying to win her with his green dreams. Telling her about the plan to live in the rainforest canopy eating nothing but nuts and berries and yams grown in his own faeces was just the first mistake. But once she got her bare ass on those smooth leather BMW seats, she was lost to the cause.
Turning to green porn is not going to help treehugger forget. By the way, stainless steel sex toys require the mining of iron ore, chromium and coal and a huge among of energy.
Hmmmm.
she is an Escalade-driving, non-recycling, Earth f—-er-upper.
Best part of having one in your little black book is that she’s never deterred by inclement weather when given a booty call.
Posted by memomachine on 2007 02 15 at 08:46 PM • permalinkMight I suggest a different product choice for the busy enviro-wanker, #36? How about the Pine Anti-Carbon Orgasmatron™? Available in men’s and women’s models. No slivers in these babies, guaranteed. Another fine PACO product because at PACO, we know how to get Gaia off.
Posted by andycanuck on 2007 02 16 at 12:31 AM • permalinkI would just like to state to all lovely young (and even reasonably hot 40-ish) Escalade- driving females that Shaky is still open for business, I don’t care about your unconscious ways. (Just buy your own gas).
Posted by Shaky Barnes on 2007 02 16 at 12:33 AM • permalink
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Um, yeah. Celibacy is such a great way to attract followers. Look at how successful the Shakers are today. And not to mention the oversupply of Catholic priests.
Though I must say, I do hope the treehuggers commit to celibacy, or at least don’t breed. It’ll save some children from growing up in a warped (home) environment.