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EMISSIONS STANDARDS MET

Al “No Errors” Gore in that perfectly accurate movie of his:

We can’t sell our cars in China today because we don’t meet the Chinese emissions standards.

The US has been selling cars in China for years. And now:

General Motors Corporation and its Shanghai General Motors joint venture have signed a multi-year agreement, worth more than US$800 million, to export American-built Buick Enclave SUVs and other vehicles and components to China, beginning in 2008. The Enclave is built in Lansing, Michigan ...

The Buick agreement is the second of two China export agreements signed by GM this year; in May, the company signed a deal to export US$700 million worth of Cadillacs and components to China from the U.S.

Let’s hope they continue to meet China’s strict emissions standards.

UPDATE:

Dear Meester Gore,

As chairman of de Nobel Peace Prize Committee, I haff de unpleasant dewty to inform yew dat, because of certain errors and inaccuracies in yur movie, An Inconvenient Truth, ve are havin’ to cancel yur avard. Ve are distressed at de necessity of doin’ dis, but, yumpin’ yimminy, Meester Gore, yew really stepped in de cow pewp dis time, vit all dem mistakes.

Ve hope yew vill take some comfort in de Committee’s decision to gib de avard, instead, tew dat Iranian feller, Ahmadinejad, in token of hiss not yet blowin’ de beyibbers out of de whole goldurn vurld.

However, ve don’t vant yew do go avay mad, so ve are sendin’ yew a consolation prize – a maus pad vit a picture of a reindeer on it.

Ve be seein’ yew sometime, I bet. In de meantime, “Ha det bra!” from yur friends in Norvay.

Sincerely,

Ole Danbolt Mjøs

Posted by Tim B. on 10/16/2007 at 12:27 PM
  1. Looks like all they want are large American carbon munchers.  Go figure.

    I wonder how the Prius is selling in China.

    Posted by Hucbald on 2007 10 16 at 12:41 PM • permalink

  2. We can’t sell our cars in China today because we don’t meet the Chinese emissions standards.

    You people don’t understand.  This statement may be fake, but it’s accurate.  It’s the feeling behind it that matters, not the facts.  In the “progressive” world, China should have tight emissions standards, and we shouldn’t be able to sell our smoke-belching earth-killers there.  What actually happens in the so-called “real” world is irrelevant.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 10 16 at 12:52 PM • permalink

  3. That above was sarcasm, in case Media Watch is, you know, watching.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 10 16 at 12:53 PM • permalink

  4. Very nice RebeccaH… I do wish that you hadn’t told the media watch deciders that you were being sarcastic though. It’s fun to “Light em Up”. Smoke belching earth killers. Heh.

    Posted by greene on 2007 10 16 at 01:11 PM • permalink

  5. Dear Meester Gore:

    As chairman of de Nobel Peace Prize Committee, I haff de unpleasant dewty to inform yew dat, because of certain errors and inaccuracies in yur movie, An Inconvenient Truth, ve are havin’ to cancel yur avard. Ve are distressed at de necessity of doin’ dis, but, yumpin’ yimminy, Meeter Gore, yew really stepped in de cow pewp dis time, vit all dem mistakes.

    Ve hope yew vill take some comfort in de Committee’s decision to gib de avard, instead, tew dat Iranian feller, Ahmadinejad, in token of hiss not yet blowin’ de beyibbers out of de whole goldurn vurld.

    However, ve don’t vant yew do go avay mad, so ve are sendin’ yew a consolation prize – a maus pad vit a picture of a reindeer on it.

    Ve be seein’ yew sometime, I bet. In de meantime, “Ha det bra!” from yur friends in Norvay.

    Sincerely,

    Ole Danbolt Mjøs

    Posted by paco on 2007 10 16 at 01:25 PM • permalink

  6. I’ve worked in China, (land of the brown perma-smog haze), in several different cities North and South: Black molassis-like rivers, packs of blue-cloud-billowing 2-stroke scooters on every city street, suburban industrial zones/towns filled with factory after factory spewing heavy black soot from tall exhaust stacks, highways and byways filled with ka-gillions of large diesel trucks and buses all emitting un-catalysed black nasty crud.  It’s simply mind-blowing how polluted the place is, and it’s getting worse by the day. And yes, lots of 4-cylinder GM cars and mini-vans to be seen there now, burning fuel comparatively cleanly by the looks of it. (Never have I seen a large-engined Cadillac there, they must be for the political elites).

    It’s truly amazing that China got a free pass on Kyoto, as a “developing economy”.  Good thing we didn’t sign the damn thing.

    Posted by Hi-Infidelity on 2007 10 16 at 01:48 PM • permalink

  7. Has Gore retracted that lie yet, or is he still going on his belief that if he thinks it’s true, it must be?

    Posted by Ash_ on 2007 10 16 at 01:50 PM • permalink

  8. Comedy freakin’ gold, paco. Comedy freakin’ gold. By jiminy.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2007 10 16 at 01:57 PM • permalink

  9. I just sent Paco’s “letter” out by e-mail.
    We’ll see if he gets famous.
    Or sued.
    Hey, whatever.

    Posted by Merlin on 2007 10 16 at 01:57 PM • permalink

  10. P.S. The “maus pad vit a picture of a reindeer on it” was inspired.
    Laughed so hard I nearly wet my pants.

    Posted by Merlin on 2007 10 16 at 01:59 PM • permalink

  11. paco,

    That was one of your best.  Pure genius.

    Posted by wronwright on 2007 10 16 at 02:04 PM • permalink

  12. Excellent, paco!

    Posted by The_Real_JeffS on 2007 10 16 at 02:14 PM • permalink

  13. Cadillacs and SUVs. Cool.

    Interesting, Hi-Infidelity. China will be a useful laboratory in which the world can observe the real world consequences of unchecked pollution (that’s pollution, not gorebal warmening). There are a number of ways the Chinese can do themselves in. This is but one of them. Why do I have a sudden craving for pickled herring?

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 10 16 at 02:23 PM • permalink

  14. Paco,

    I didn’t know that the Noble Peace Prize Comittee was the origin of Lolcatting.

    I imagine the caption for Al Gore would be -

    “I CAN HAZ PRIZ?”

    Posted by joe bagadonuts on 2007 10 16 at 02:25 PM • permalink

  15. There is one piece of wisdom in AlGore’s movie -

    “What gets us into trouble is not what you don’t know, but what you think you know that just ain’t so.”

    Couldn’t ‘a said it better myself.

    Posted by bobzorunkle on 2007 10 16 at 02:26 PM • permalink

  16. OT, but does involve Sweden:

    Swedish hackers have retaliated against their Turkish counterparts following an attack earlier this month on some 5,000 Swedish websites.

    On Saturday, a group of disgruntled hackers posted a comment to the Flashback web forum linking to a stolen database containing thousands of user names and passwords from Turkish forum Ayyildiz.

    “We have chosen to leak these user details in response to the many recent attacks on Swedish web hosts and websites following the publication of a satirical drawing by Lars Vilks portraying the Muslim prophet Muhammad as a roundabout dog.”

    The group said that Ayyildiz was a forum used by Turkish hackers to brag about their destructive exploits on the internet.

    Having stolen the identities of the Turkish users, Swedish hackers proceeded to post messages on their forum informing them of the successful security breach.

    Ayyildiz was temporarily taken out of service as a result of the attack.

    GEEK FIGHT!

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 10 16 at 02:47 PM • permalink

  17. Listen, I don’t think we should second guess the Norwegians. They are quite advanced: Debate flies over ‘sex play’ in kindergartens

    Posted by Kyda Sylvester on 2007 10 16 at 02:52 PM • permalink

  18. How does Scandinavia celebrate Al Gore’s win? By having a airline price war:

    The timing of the Scandinavian air fare battle is ironic, coming just as the Norwegian Nobel Committee has awarded the Nobel Peace Prize to Al Gore and the UN climate panel for their efforts to wake up the world to the threat of climate change. It’s widely agreed that airline emissions contribute to global warming, and many environmental advocates have urged higher, not lower, air fares to discourage frequent flying.

    Also on airlines, it seems the boss of Ryanair has picked up a term of abuse from Tim:

    We’re doing this [reducing emissions] despite tighter demands being put on us all the time – but it won’t stop the swampies of this world climbing up trees to protest about airlines and airports. They should all get a job and get a f***ing life.

    In short: sod off, swampy!

    Posted by Villeurbanne on 2007 10 16 at 03:16 PM • permalink

  19. Thank you, thank you! Part of the humor is intended to be the “one-accent-fits-all” Scandinavian phonetics, which I’ve used, in the past, for Norwegian, Danish and Swedish.

    Posted by paco on 2007 10 16 at 03:43 PM • permalink

  20. #14 joe bagadonuts,

    I can haz priz?

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 10 16 at 03:45 PM • permalink

  21. Damnit!

    Try again: I can haz priz?

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 10 16 at 03:49 PM • permalink

  22. #17.
    “I don’t want them to masturbate while eating.”

    I think I’m beginning to see why algore got that prize thingie.

    Posted by Gary from Jersey on 2007 10 16 at 03:50 PM • permalink

  23. another brilliant piece of work from the venerable mind of our paco!

    Posted by missred on 2007 10 16 at 04:08 PM • permalink

  24. #5, Paco.

    Uf da!

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 10 16 at 04:58 PM • permalink

  25. #17, Kyda, I’ve always heard about the Scandinavians’ relaxed attitude toward sex, but honestly, I think they’ve gone off the skids this time.

    Posted by RebeccaH on 2007 10 16 at 04:59 PM • permalink

  26. A moose vonce bit my sister yu know. Reely!

    Posted by Dave in Chicago on 2007 10 16 at 05:04 PM • permalink

  27. Speaking of cars:

    http://www.wired.com/cars/coolwheels/magazine/15-11/ff_cannonballrun

    A rich guy attempts to break the US transcontinental driving speed record of 30-some hours, NY to LA. The movie “Renvezvous” makes an appearance.

    What’s the Australian cross-country driving record?

    Posted by Ernst Blofeld on 2007 10 16 at 05:08 PM • permalink

  28. Thanks paco, I needed that.

    Posted by Zardoz on 2007 10 16 at 05:12 PM • permalink

  29. I’ll make this comment here, though technically it belongs more on the Theology of Water Management thread. Please forgive.

    Those dudes over at Real Climate had me going when I first delved into the climate change debate, but every time I read it these days, it’s easier and easier to dismiss their waffling. This latest defence of An Inconvenient Truth is their most weaseling effort yet. I was going to go through each point, but Tim’s link does it beautifully. The reasons why they are all bona-fide errors is self-evident to anyone who reads it. It’s fun to watch Real climate wriggle with this one, desensitised as I am to the disturbing fact that the authors are supposed to be real Climate Scientists, you know, objective and all that. Then again, if they were to concede the gross inaccuracies and exaggerations in the film, and stuck to points more difficult for skeptics to refute, there wouldn’t be much left, would there? Certainly not enough to scare the population into abandoning modern industrialisation.

    Oh, and who else guessed the Update was a paco comment even before linking to it? Yah, very goot!

    Posted by Dminor on 2007 10 16 at 05:21 PM • permalink

  30. Volkswagen used to export Jettas from their plant in South Africa to China. This was in 1993/4. These were an older model, not the one they were making for the local market at that time. These VW’s were technically inferior to new models and as South Africa did not have all the emission controls they would not have been accepted in Europe or the USA. The Chinese were very happy with them apparently.
    I think the number per year was about 16,000. They were very cheap.

    Posted by Hoges on 2007 10 16 at 05:33 PM • permalink

  31. If I weren’t afraid of being shot by a bodyguard, I’d print a copy of paco’s, excuse me, the Nobel Committee’s letter to big Al, drive over and tack it to his front door.

    Posted by Jon J on 2007 10 16 at 05:45 PM • permalink

  32. #5
    Jimminny, dot’s a gud akshent, Paco.

    Posted by kae on 2007 10 16 at 05:59 PM • permalink

  33. #5 I doffs me hat, paco

    Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 10 16 at 06:25 PM • permalink

  34. Well done, Canadians.

    Posted by Margos Maid on 2007 10 16 at 06:49 PM • permalink

  35. 6.  Hi-Infidelity

    I linked in another post that the EU brought nearlt 2 billion dollars worth of carbon ofsets from China in 2006.
    So thats actually the evil Westerners smog you are seeing.
    No, dont thank me, the inner workings of a scam carbon based economy acn be a little difficult at first.

    Posted by thefrollickingmole on 2007 10 16 at 07:13 PM • permalink

  36. #32 kae,

    Jimminny, dot’s a gud akshent, Paco.

    Heh-heh.

    Hey paco, do you have relatives in Minnesota? That was pretty convincing.

    Posted by Spiny Norman on 2007 10 16 at 07:35 PM • permalink

  37. Paco I could almost smell the reindeer shit on his shoes.

    Posted by Penguin on 2007 10 16 at 08:25 PM • permalink

  38. I’m beginning to suspect that “paco” might be a nom de plume for James Lileks.  I discount Garrison Keillor because, while he has the accent spot on, Keillor would never ever be disrespectful of Saint Al.

    Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 10 16 at 11:02 PM • permalink

  39. #27 - A mate and I drove the 3,900km from Canberra to Perth in December 1974 in a Toyota Celica, non-stop except for fuel, in 34 and a half hours. 

    At that time the last 250 miles (400km) before you reached the WA border was a diabolical dirt track with a gazillion pot holes and endless corrugations.  Either side of the track was littered with ancient car wrecks and thousands of blown tyres.  Overtaking trucks was pure russian roulette - you had to drive blind through a thick dust plume for half a kilometre before you could get past.  That trip was the only time I’ve driven a car in top gear (5th) with the tacho well into the redline.

    We changed drivers without stopping the car.  We set a new College record.  Not bad for a 1600cc engine.

    Posted by Ubique on 2007 10 16 at 11:13 PM • permalink

  40. A poll by the CBC in 2004 placed Suzuki as the fifth “Greatest Canadian,” the highest ranking for a living candidate, behind such figures as Tommy Douglas, the father of Canada’s system of public health care, and Pierre Trudeau, the youthful prime minister who captivated the country in the 1970s.

    That’s just about the most damning evidence of Canada’s decline as a serious nation you’ll ever see.

    Posted by Dave S. on 2007 10 16 at 11:14 PM • permalink

  41. #39 - That is an exceptional time for that trip. The road may be all sealed, flat and built for doing 200kmh+ on now, but with a Jonny Walloper every 10 clicks you’d be lucky to get there in under 40 these days.

    p.s - It’s an exceptional stretch of road for testing how far you have the can drive with your eyes closed. Usually until the guide posts pierce the radiator.

    Posted by Infidel Tiger on 2007 10 16 at 11:53 PM • permalink

  42. #41 - you’re not wrong: the Eyre Highway in WA contains the longest perfectly straight stretch of road anywhere on the planet.  It’s 145 kilometres of dead straight road between Balladonia and Caiguna. 

    Driving back from Perth one year, in the middle of the night my mate was so mesmerised by this straight that at the end of it he failed to negotiate the gentle bend, and we went scrub-bashing.  Apart from a good shaking up, we and the veedub emerged unscathed.

    Posted by Ubique on 2007 10 17 at 03:40 AM • permalink

  43. Bravo, Paco, the accent sounds like my family about 2 generations back on my mother’s side. Comedy genius…

    Posted by KC on 2007 10 17 at 09:53 AM • permalink

  44. I’ve mentioned the Norwegian exchange officers I sailed with before (and it’s with some shock that I realize it was 20 years ago now).

    My practice while underway was to get all my division officers and CPOs together in the evening and go over the shedule, coming events, and so on to make sure we all had up to date info.  During one such meeting a goofy fancy struck me (and seriously I cannot recall what prompted it) and I responded to one comment with “GaHERD geHEEND ferdy gerdy derd!” spoken through the top of the palette in authentic Jim Henson style.

    Both Norwegians laughed and one exclaimed “That’s the Swedish chef from the Muppet Show!” (he of course said “Sveedish” and Moo-pet”).  I was astounded and asked “You guys watch the Muppet Show?”

    “Oh yeah, we watch it all the time in Norway.  It’s very funny!”  So I asked if they watched it in English or if it were dubbed into Norwegian, and they said “Oh, no, we watch it in English.  It wouldn’t be funny in Norwegian.”

    Posted by Steve Skubinna on 2007 10 17 at 11:05 AM • permalink

  45. Swedish Chef was the best part of the Muppet Show. The old guys in the balcony had some of the best insults ever, though I don’t seem to have any stored in my brain today…‘ferdy gerdy derd!’

    Posted by KC on 2007 10 17 at 11:49 AM • permalink

  46. #44 Steve: I’d have given twenty bucks to have been there when you did that. LOL!

    Posted by paco on 2007 10 17 at 01:51 PM • permalink

  47. The Hecklers on the Muppets were Waldorf and Sattler.

    Posted by kae on 2007 10 17 at 05:39 PM • permalink

  48. “What gets us into trouble is not what you don’t know, but what you think you know that just ain’t so.”

    I think Mark Twain said that before Al Gore did.

    Posted by Sonetka's Mom on 2007 10 17 at 06:51 PM • permalink

  49. We can’t sell our cars in China today because we don’t meet the Chinese emissions standards.

    American cars don’t put out enough pollution.  Detroit better hurry up and figure out how to make cars that spew out more smoggy particulate so they can sell them in China or they’ll lose the market!

    Posted by Teresa on 2007 10 17 at 10:53 PM • permalink

  50. As a Norwegian I must admit I’m impressed by the Scandinavian accent here - pretty accurate. Add the swedish chef in Muppet Show and you will have our government..

    BTW - how is the political asylum situation in Australia?

    Posted by VamPus on 2007 10 18 at 09:13 AM • permalink

  51. Don’t forget Dr Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker. After Swedish Chef and Waldorf and Sattler, Beaker was hysterical.

    Couldn’t understand a word he said, but his absolutely deranged fear was never hard to work out.

    He had good reason for his fear. hehehe

    Posted by Pogria on 2007 10 18 at 06:59 PM • permalink

  52. How can you tell a Nowegian extrovert?

    He looks at your shoes when he talks.

    Posted by moptop on 2007 10 18 at 09:30 PM • permalink

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